Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Non Violent Toys...

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    A Nestle Free Zone... What about YOU?
    Posts
    5,374

    Default Non Violent Toys...

    In case you hadn't realised I am really into non violent living.
    I don't believe guns or other weapons are okay for my children (or any children... to play with. I don't believe "pretending" to shoot another child is okay role play.
    My children go to a school that supports this ethos - guns, or other weapons (or vioence in communication and play) in play are not acceptable and it is explained kindly and compassionately why not.

    Basically I believe that there is enough killing, maiming and harm that happens in real life without encouraging it in play.

    My ex husband has always supported that - we all know he has mental health issues and he is quite motivated by anger and turmoil at the moment.

    However, he has now introduced toy guns to my son. My son, who has always been told that pretending to shoot someone is not okay - that we don't have guns or weapons in our home. He goes to a school who doesbn't support this.



    He came home from his fathers on the weekend confused about Dad's interest in guns now... He bought me a gun Mum and showed me how to fire it... It isn't a "real" gun - yes, there was a fleeting moment when I thought he meant a real one!!!
    But, Mum it was fun & it also felt wrong...

    What do I do... I didn't handle it well - I actually said: "this is part of Dad's thing at the moment - but guns are not okay and it shows he is in a bad place that he bought it for you"... Maybe I said too much but I tell you what it infuriates me. I know he is only doing it to **** me off. It worked!

    How would you handle this?

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Funky Town, Vic
    Posts
    7,070

    Default

    I really want to kick that guy in the balls.....

    Anyhoo I think you handled it really well, and you can see your boy has his own questions about the sudden interest.

    I wonder what the next thing he will do - NEVER let on this annoys you btw.

    Having said that, I'm not really into guns either - but I have had a go with a few handguns at a firing range on holiday once. I was rather surprised how fun target shooting is - I'm a CRACK shot - who wouldda thunk?

  3. #3

    Default

    your XH is behaving like a child so I would look to child-wrangling techniques for a solution. Since you can't give him a time out or confiscate his toys I think that the best policy might be to ignore negative/attention seeking behaviour. If I pretend not to notice when my pre-schooler is being feral to get attention he usually stops after a while, maybe yours will too.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    A Nestle Free Zone... What about YOU?
    Posts
    5,374

    Default

    Thanks beautiful Women...

    I am sitting here weeping tears of frustration. It is so confusing for him he loves his Dad and of course trusts him. Daddy is saying:"mum is a tree hugging hippy she doesn't know what she's talking about"... Guns are good - otherwise the bad guys would get us all. Pluck Pluck Pluck Pluck...

    I know I can't let on it's bugging me but it was so hard not to blast his socks off...

    Kick in the nether regions would feel oh oh oh so sweet right now... However, I then remind myself to harm no one... But Man - this is a test of my strength..

    Bron you are right. Praise and ignore.... It's just my baby Boy we are talking about and I wannna yell loudly!!!!!

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    8,986

    Default

    My inlaws bought DS toy guns, when I voiced my concern i was told....'If they don't play with toy guns as kids they will turn out to be murderers'

    I don't like them and have never allowed them in my house.

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    7,260

    Default

    ooh wow, I can understand why your son was so confused...and that is not ok.

    I would think it must be time for a sit down withn you ex husband. Tell his behaviour is unacceptable adn ask him why he has changed his attitude when you were both onthe same page for so long.

    If you haven't done it already I would explain to your son that guns are still not ok, despite it being given him by his dad, are not allowed in your house and thow it in the bin. Explain to him that he has the right to say no to his father next time he asks him to do something he knows is wrong, that if he isn't comfortable with something he has the right to say no to his dad.

    Reinforce why guns are bad and that he has a choice to do something wrong or stick to his and his family's values...make it about him and his decisions rather than bad mouthing his dad.

    Good luck it sounds like a very tricky situation

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Funky Town, Vic
    Posts
    7,070

    Default

    You can still confirm to your boy that yes you ARE a tree-hugging hippy, but it doesn't mean you don't know anything.

    Reminds me of my poor sds - he was about 8 when he seemed upset about something his mum said. "mum says you are a witch" - Really? I say......"well you know that its true though don't you?" Big wide eyes - "well don't I fix you when you aren't well, didn't we make those nightmares go away, didn't I teach you how to dream?" Nods. So mummy was right, I've got all sorts of tricks up my sleeve don't I? Nods. "Now pass me that broomstick please, I have to get to the shops" sds cracks up and skips away...

    NOW - if ds ends up liking the hitting target side of things (which I am sure is the only thing he might get out of it), you can always introduce him to Archery - which is purely about skill and imho a rather "noble" type of sport....

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    A Nestle Free Zone... What about YOU?
    Posts
    5,374

    Default

    Thanks Lulu...

    I've got the witch thing too... *sigh*... I have said very similar to what you have - so I hear you there. I did affirm the hippy thing and of course DS meditates before bed every night and surrounds himself in white light when he is scared. His favourite collection are his crystals..

    It really is about me dealing with the anger at his way of trying to get at me... I will deal...

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Funky Town, Vic
    Posts
    7,070

    Default

    If you expect it, it won't hurt so much. On some level you must have known it was going to play out like this though since you have known him so long

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    A Nestle Free Zone... What about YOU?
    Posts
    5,374

    Default

    I don't expect it though. I really didn't think he would sell his soul so easily... However, there was a part of me that isn't surpised also...

  11. #11

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    soon to be somewhere exotic
    Posts
    1,550

    Default

    go outside, somewhere where you won't be disturbed and SCREAM REALLY LOUD!!! just let all the frustrations out.

    I believe in the harm none as well but with a slight difference - my ethos is "harm no innocents".

    Hugs babe & cya on Friday night ... will give you a HUGE hug when I see you!

  12. #12

    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Limestone Coast, SA
    Posts
    2,671

    Default

    sorry to hear your X is being such a childish, selfish ****! I wanna kick in the knackers for you!!!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •