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Thread: is this rude or am I just oversensitive?

  1. #1

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    Default is this rude or am I just oversensitive?

    DS had his 4th birthday party on Saturday. I would just like to say that I also had not gotten any sleep since 7am Friday (due to making the cake, cleaning etc, that I didn't have time to do earlier because I've been on Prac for Uni lately and it didn't leave much time for anything other than Prac and looking after DS) so maybe that affected me and made me feel more sensitive to xDP's remarks.

    XDP hasn't seen DS since last December so it was nice that he was able to come up for DS's birthday party. And to be honest I kind of organised to have a party after he said he was coming up because I didn't want to be in a situation where I had to talk to him without anyone around, since I didn't want to have the possibility of me saying something stupid if I get upset.
    Now, XDP arrives, comes inside and asks DS if he wants to see his new car. This coming from the guy who pays $28 a month in CS, and has even missed some months although why he hasn't paid is beyond me. He then came back in and started talking to my Mum about his work, that he had his own business, but had to merge it with another company and it has made $70,000 in profit over the last year or something. Mum just said "Well, that must be nice for you, but how will that effect your child support payments?" hah I could have laughed, but I didn't want to upset him, so I just smiled to myself. He then started talking to me about how expensive the present was that he got DS, I told him DS wanted a transformer toy, but it wouldn't matter which one as long as it was Bumblebee. And said he would have bought him more but didn't want to "out do anyone." So I told DS to show him the bike I got him and get his daddy to help him ride it.
    He then spent the rest of the time just basically saying so many little things that just seemed a bit inconsiderate:
    • telling everyone about how well his business is doing,
    • bringing in his new laptop to show me something,

    • saying that he can't see how me and my friend (who is also a single mother and doing university) can study and look after our children,
    • telling DS that he got him the "best present" and that he loves DS the most,
    • talking about how his GF is at Erina Fair (a large shopping complex) and he gave her his credit card which was probably a bad idea as she may be maxing it out,

    • he even whined that he'd have to work the next two weekends because he took this one off to see DS.




    Now I'm happy for him that his business is doing so well, and it's not really about the amount of money he pays in CS, it's more the principle of it all, if he's earning so much and doing so well he should be sharing some of that wealth and good fortune with DS. And I don't think it's best time to be talking about that type of stuff at DS's birthday party, I mean DS didn't notice and he had a great time, but I didn't want to hear about it, and neither did anyone else. But then again I hadn't gotten much sleep lately so I may just be being a sook.

    Although it was kind of funny, after he'd been there for a few minutes, I stood looking at him and listening to him ramble on about himself and I thought, "How did I ever date this man, and manage to have a child with him? How did I not see this all before?" and I had to laugh at that, for some reason it seemed amusing to me.

  2. #2

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    I've not had any experience in this area but still a number of things seem pretty rude and inappropriate to me. Talking about himself all the time at his DS's birthday party, telling eveyone how well off he is (and yet DS get's hardly anything). I think it's disgusting that he would tell your DS that he loves him the most and got him the best prezzie or complain about how he has to work more to take a weekend off to be with his son, it should be worth it to him to do a little extra work so he can see his son, especially when he hasn't seen him in so long.
    IMO he needs a big kick up the bum.
    Big I don't think your being a sook at all. I'd be absolutely furious that he spent the whole time talking about himself and complaining when the day is supposed to be about his son.

  3. #3

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    HAHAHAHAHAHA!
    Sounds like he made a right TWAT of himself!

    Next time have a few wines so you have the guts to point out how ABSENT he is...

  4. #4

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    im gobsmacked huni.
    he is a total $h!t.
    im so angry for you and he reminds me of my real dad. the only thing i will say is my real dad hasn't even got me a birthday card for the last 10 years and no message either.
    i understand how frustrating it is mel but he can't buy the love of his son and believe me as your ds gets older he will see for himself what his dad is truly like.
    you are a fantastic mummy and be proud of yourself xxxxxx

  5. #5

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    Is it worthwhile contacting CS and telling them all these things he's told you and see if they'll review the case?

    DH pays over $450 each fortnight for 2 x DSD, so I can't fathom how someone who is obviously doing so well financially is only paying $28!!

  6. #6

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    Awww Mel He sounds like he was a nervous nelly spruiking off at the mouth to cover his insecurities.

    As for what he said: totally inappropriate and twatfull! It is horrible when they talk like that & you're doing it tough as a single Mama.

    I'm sorry you had to put up with that rubbish on DS birthday - but I actually think he made himself look very foolish & you didn't have to do a thing!

  7. #7

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    Hmmmm he does sdound like a bit of a you know what!

    And yes I think it was rude talking like that, you should get onto csa, I know you aren't concerned about the amount he pays but your ds is entitled to it, what a scoundrel sometimes paying $28 a month and boasting how well he considers himself to be doing!

    By the way I think you are amazing studying and being a single mum and I have no doubt your ds is very well looked after, and good job keeping your cool like that! I don't even know the guy and I feel like giving him a piece of my mind haha!

  8. #8

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    hi melly,

    i've never been in your situation however it sounds to me like he's all talk. No one actually says that stuff when it's true lol. I'd report him to have his payments checked tho. To me, his behaviour sounds like someone who was insecure about looking 'ordinary' or a 'failure' in front of you and your family. I'd suggest that if some of that is not an outright lie, it's probably an exaggeration of his actual achievements.

    and nope, don't think you are being a sook. whether its true or not, comments like that are incredibly insensitive. Glad you could look at him with good humoured disdain.

    hpe your little one had a fabulous day!

  9. #9

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    Thank you ladies, it's good to know it wasn't me just being a bit of a sook.. I haven't been coping lately, I have to redo my prac because I wasn't confident enough to pass it and it seems like everything is just stressing me out lately..

    I must say, Mum actually walked up to me while he was there and mumbled to me, "I'll kill him, I'll bloody well kill him!"
    I know when I was with him he had a tendency to exaggerate things, so I'm not sure how much of it is boasting or some kind of fantasy world he lives in. I thought CS would have been updated when he completed his tax return, unless he's rorting the system some how. I guess I'll just wait and see what happens. Mum suggested reporting him to the tax office if CSA seem to think he's earning so little and he says he's earning a lot more than that. Mum is even thinking about writing him a letter asking him if he realised just how rude he was being. I think he is a very insecure person underneath it all, which is sad.

    Lulu, he did mention something about how he and his father feel like they are intruding whenever they visit which is why they don't do it often. I felt like saying, "well if you both weren't such inconsiderate twats you wouldn't be intruding." but I just shrugged and walked off. I was a bit short with him, but I did say I had been up for a long time so wasn't feeling overly talkative.

    But I guess the main thing is, DS got to see his dad, he got to prove to his best friend that he does have a dad (his friend always says DS doesn't have a father which upsets DS a bit - how cruel 3 year olds can be sometimes ha) and he had a great day. And at least it wasn't as bad as I kept imagining that it would be, but still, could have done without the boastfulness!

  10. #10

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    How did you not plant his face into DS birthday cake????

    get him were it hurts..$$$$$$. If he cant show your son the respect by not flapping his mouth and big noting himself, then use the information he's given you to get even.

    Let's see who get's the best present then doesnt he understand being a father is about loving your child everyday....not once a year

  11. #11

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    Mel, you showed an awesome amount of maturity and self-control (especially in view of the lack of sleep).

    Your DS may have a twat and mostly-absent father, but he's done very well with his mature and even-headed Mama!!

    Good on you for moving on and looking at this objectively.

  12. #12

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    heheheh ... I had the same thought about my ex ... what did I see in him? 12 months after I walked out, he was in debt again and borrowing from his parents. He just never grew up.

    I'd be getting onto CSA about his income - their formula is crappy enough as it is without fathers fudging their income to avoid payments.

    What are you studying with pracs ? I finished a teaching degree this year and had two lots of pracs and didn't have a good experience on my last one, but I wasn't going back for another one

  13. #13

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    maz, I would have, but I'd made DS a Go Diego Go cake, in the shape of Diego's head, which I thought was looking pretty awesome and didn't want him ruining that too!

    Thank you Jennifer13, not often people tell me I've acted with maturity and self control

    barbie-up, I'm doing an Early Childhood Teaching degree. So I had been doing 3 weeks prac at a preschool, had just finished the Friday before the party. But I didn't pass because despite my book work being "excellant" I wasn't confident enough for them, so I have to do it again next year I also had to make up my 2nd year prac this year because of DS breaking his leg last year just before I was supposed to start it. So I'm a bit over prac and uni at the moment.

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