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Thread: Scared

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Newcastle, NSW, Australia
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    94

    Default Scared

    Well it's been a few months now since I've posted. I'm hoping that things are starting to move forward. My ex was living in the house we owned and after much convincing he's agreed to let me tak it over... I'm waiting for him to move out and doing everything I can to prod things along. I emailed him a whole list of rentals in an area which he was looking into moving into. This is the one who was not really my sons father but my son grew up with and had been there since I was pregnant. Initially I'd been quite scared to leave my son with him because he'd get drunk, sometimes verbally, physically definately emotionally abusive. He stopped drinking for a while and it was great he was civil and easy to get along with then. He actually started to show some sort of excitement when I dropped my son off. The other week he decided to start drinking again. I put my son in the car and I came back in and let it rip. He's all like "what do u care" and giving me all these excuses like about how he hates his job and how my son isnt his and all this rubbish. I said to him he shouldnt be drinking when he's looking after a 2 year old and reminded him of the fact he's living in my house. He said that he'll be out in 2 weeks... his car (which is in pieces in the garage) and everything but again he's back on the computer not moving. Although now he's trying to be nice again and doing my washing, dropped some stuff off at the tip for me... even took my son with him and gave him lunch looked after him for a bit longer. IT just does my head in!!.
    Anyhow enough of my rant... my purpose of posting was basically around the fact that I'm terrified of whats ahead like how I'll manage financially and emotionally with my son (it's been tought we're going through the 2's at present). The whole prospect of dating again kind of terrifies me. I had a guy who seems really nice ask me out for coffee but I just made excuses and said I have a full on schedule (which is ind of true) but there is a guy who I do kind of like who is an old friend he was really nice to me especially the other day. He said that he admires the way that I've moved on so fearlessly and that he knows that its been tough and that I would have kicked my ex on his ass a long time ago but I was trying to be strong for Lachlan. He totally said what I needed to hear and what I wanted someone to say. I've been getting a bit peeved off with some of my friends because they run to me at the drop of the hat with silly little things but with everything I've gone through it feels like theyve been no where. I even tried to reach out to them and told them that I knew it was going to be tough and I shouldnt try and do it on my own. I've had like 1 or 2 emails and that was it.
    Sorry for my pointless banter... but can anyone sympathise? like was it hard for u to get back out there and how do u keep going? how do u manage financially.etc and how have your kids adjusted to it all?
    Mel


  2. #2

    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Lalor, VIC
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    5,051

    Default

    Sorry I can't help

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    In the mad house at loopy land
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    Default

    Hi Mellybubz. First off well done for making such a hard choice in the first place

    I have done all that to. It takes time but if you stick to the main things the rest falls into place. Money wise it is a bit more difficult on your own but it can be done. First place to start i would suggest that for one week you write down every cent you spend and on what eg food $50 Mags $6 ect that way you get an idea of whats going where and the things that you really dont need to be wasting money on. The other thing that helped me was to get old bills and see what the aveg for each was i would then work out how much it was per week and i would set aside that amount each week so when the bills come in the moneys already there.

    As for the dating.....i found that i wanted to have some just me time i spent time just getting to know me again enjoying my friends and my kids.Then when i was ready i made sure to take it slow know what you want and what you wont put up with.

    As for your lil one the 2s can be iffy just set your rules and make sure there known there will be moments but you will get there

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Funky Town, Vic
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    7,070

    Default

    Wondering how you were going. BBL when kids are asleep xoxo

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Newcastle, NSW, Australia
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    94

    Default

    thank u so much. It very much feels like alone time is needed.
    I have been through my budget... it looks like its in the minuses so I'm trying tojuggle some things
    Thanks heaps again
    Mel

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Apr 2010
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    In the mad house at loopy land
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    Default

    Your welcome hun. I remember how scared i was to start with too.It can be daunting huh

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Cloud nine :D
    Posts
    6,309

    Default

    One step at a time... Hugs!
    Get a noice support group around you - Friends / family... Hugs...

    (sorry I'm not very helpful)

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    On the beautiful Gold Coast!
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    1,930

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    I'm not very helpful but I am going through a similar experience. I understand how lonely it can be at times. My divorce came through last week so I have been on my own for over a year (16 months seperated but only 11 months since I moved out on my own with my kids). My ex met someone straight away & hasnt experienced being alone, I have met a couple of nice men but unfortunately still dont feel ready to let another man in.

    Financially it is tough but as posted above it is managable. It saves a bit of money if you buy home brand when possible (eg I buy home brand milk, sugar, flour, bread etc as I find they taste the same, but I still buy some things branded like coffee as I prefer the taste, that is my luxury item). If you're happy to work you will also get assistance with child care fee's which will bring in some extra $$ for you.

    Kids adapt pretty well, at least my 2 have. At first it was a little confusing for my DD as to why we weren't living with daddy but thats because my ex would cry to her saying "mummy doesnt love daddy anymore & is taking you away" etc I put a stop to that as he was messing with her mind for his own good, since that stopped she has been fine & just accepted it.

    It does get hard sometimes with tantrums etc when you dont have someone else there to palm the kids off to when it all gets too much but you get through. If it feels like its getting too much I often just walk away, maybe sit in my bedroom for a few minutes for a break & to calm down.

    Have you got friends & family around? I think its very important to have a good support network around you if possible.

    Wishing you all the best & well done for following through & leaving an unhealthy relationship... I know how hard it is to actually follow through & stick to it

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Newcastle, NSW, Australia
    Posts
    94

    Default

    Sure you guys are very helpful . Are u a Nurse Mummenurse? I am!.
    Breeze Thanks for the tip Have you tried Aldi shopping at all?
    I find it great... I cut my food bills from about $300 per fortnight down to $100 per fortnight...
    everything is a lot cheaper there!!.

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    On the beautiful Gold Coast!
    Posts
    1,930

    Default

    Yes I have but my closest Aldi is about 30 mis drive away where as I have a woolies & coles at the bottom of my hill (about 5 mins). The aldi nappies are great, although my son wears cloth (another money saver!)

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