Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Should I make contact?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Pakenham
    Posts
    46

    Default Should I make contact?

    Im having a hard time trying to decide weather i should contect my ex's mother who i have just found on facebook.



    Heres abit about my situation-
    My ex has denyed my son since day one even after being in a long term relationship, his mother belived him and respected his wishes not to talk to me during my pregnancy, we seen each other weekly at a dog club but she just ignored me, after bubs was born she spoke to me for awhile but then stopped as i went though a messy time with her son dragging him though courts for a DNA test and child support, mths later it did come back that yes, her son is my sons daddy. I havent seen her since the DNA results as i left the dog club due to feeling so sad that she would ingore a innocent baby. Now im thinking should i make contect again to try and get some sort of relationship going? for my sons sake or just let things go?

    wat would i even say to her?

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    S.E. Melbourne
    Posts
    802

    Default

    What a tough situation. Maybe contact her and let her know that it would be nice for your ds to know his grandma and see what she says? At least give her a chance to respond - she may be feeling terrible after finding out her son is your ds's daddy, but after ignoring you for some time, she may be feeling too ashamed to initiate anything (and may be secretly hoping you will contact her)

    If it doesn't work out, it's okay, I mean it's sad, but more so for you...your ds won't know any different and he has a wonderful loving mummy!

    GL

  3. #3

    Default

    Hmmm...that's a tough one.

    I can imagine you wanting your son to have a relationship with his paternal family, that would be important to most people. And maybe deep down she really would like the opportunity to acknowledge the relationship and get to know her grandson.

    BUT (and this is coming from my perspective as a family lawyer), I would be worried for you that you're making things difficult for yourself. On the one hand, she might decide to have nothing to do with you or your son - that would be sad and disappointing, but at least you tried. On the other hand, she might decide that she does want a relationship with him - and this might be positive, or it might not. I've seen a lot of cases where the paternal grandmother decides that she has 'rights' over the child and starts demanding things from the mother (you). And even though you bend over backwards to allow her into your son's life, she won't ever thank you for it. She might be primed to see you as the enemy, especially if her son has anything to do with it. I guess what I'm saying is that if she does want a relationship with your son, it doesn't mean she's going to be particularly nice to you. In fact, she might be really nasty to you. She certainly won't ever be appreciative that you brought this beautiful little boy into the world - she'll only see her relationship with him as important.

    I hope I haven't upset you, and I have that if you do decide to make contact that it's positive for all of you. Remember - if she keeps kidding herself that your little boy is not her grandson, (and I reckon she knows the truth deep down) you can hardly be blamed for her not wanting to be a part of his life. That's her loss.

    Good luck.

  4. #4

    Default

    Hun, it's my guess that: 1) She probably knows about the DNA test outcome (so is aware she has a GS); and 2) She can use a phonebook and find you herself if she wanted to.

    Assuming those two things are true, I think you can let yourself off the hook. Should you hear from her now or in the future, then you can decide how much involvement she should have in her GS's life. I wouldn't contact her, it's not like you've moved to another country and are in hiding. Let her find you and make the effort if she's interested. Save yourself the heartache of probably being rejected or having to work to encourage her involvement. Your DS would rather one happy Mummy than an unhappy Mummy and a clearly manipulative Grandma.

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Pakenham
    Posts
    46

    Default

    Thank you all for the replys, its really good to hear others thoughts and wat they would do.

    Persephone, dont worry u didnt upset me, u advice was great, a very different insight, i do stress about one day my ex or his mother wanting to take my son for vists or ova night stays, i no i couldnt cope with having my baby gone, ive never left him and im sure DS being taken from me would have a bad effect on him. Its all so diffcult, theres postivies and negitives like you said.

    Jennifer13- Very true! she could find me easy.

    mum1984- FB is searceable

    HollyM- Ur advice was very helpful.

    Once again thanks ladies, i have now decided not to contect her, ive tried and tried to get both her and my ex involved in my sons life but i guess they will never want too, there moving on and i have to someway do the same, its just so hard when u have this beauitful little innocent baby who will one day relise his missing something, he also looks so much like his daddy, u cant just shut out things like that.

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    S.E. Melbourne
    Posts
    802

    Default

    Good decision! You're right - she can make the effort if she wanted to. Fwiw I don't know my dad's parents and didn't meet my dad until I was about 15. He left when I was 2. I don't feel hurt by it. I know my mum must have but the point is, your ds will be fine

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •