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Thread: Single dad unsure about more kids ?

  1. #1

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    Lightbulb Single dad unsure about more kids ?

    Hi,

    I just joined the forum after coming across it. I'm a single father to my son who turns 3 in a couple of weeks. It?s just been me and him since his mother and I separated when he was 2 weeks old. I have been the sole carer of him since then. She doesn't play any role in his life, we haven't seen her in 2 years. I know a bit of a strange situation. But my son and I are both happy and I wouldn't change a thing.

    Being a single parent has its ups and downs, but it all worth it in the end. But lately I find myself thinking about the future and wondering about having more kids or not. I have always wanted more than 1 child. But after my last experience, it has left me a little scared about the whole idea of trusting someone enough to have a child with them. As i don?t want to have another child then have a failed relationship. If I knew we would last and be happy, I would love to have another child.

    As I said my son is about to turn 3. I never really wanted a large age gap in between my kids. So I'm starting to think that even though I want more kids it may be off the cards for me. As if I were to have another child, for starters I would need to meet someone (obviously), then have a strong enough relationship and be sure that it was the right person to have children with again. So this could be no sooner than at least 2-3 years down the track. By that stage my son would be coming up to being 7 by the time the next child would be born. Which I think is a rather large gap in between kids.

    But I suppose this doesn't really matter as I'm only turning 22 this year. So my age isn't going to be a factor. Just don't want to make my situation even more complicated, by risking having more kids, sadly by seeing how many relationships actually last these days. But then again, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Plus I keep finding myself so clucky when I see newborns in the super market.



    So was just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation before and how things turned out for them. Or if you have any advice? Well thanks for reading

    David

  2. #2

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    Hi there David,

    I am thankful that I am not a single father - we have three children. But I just wanted to pop my head in as another guy and say hi, and welcome to the forums, and also to mention how nice it is to see a 22 year old guy as down to earth as you. Especially to be coping as a single father of a three year old. Good on you.

    :Welcome: to BellyBelly.

  3. #3

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    Mate,

    Good on ya for giving a child what they deserve for starters under pretty demanding circumstances.

    You're only 22, with such a world ahead of you and the chance to meet the next person to sweep you off your feet. I'm clearly not aware of you previous relationship, but you will know when the time is right with the partner you are right for.

    I'd say in my humble observation, don't let the age gap in children deter you, with some more time ahead of you, think much you'll have learnt as a dad! A big brother and sister might be a wonderful blessing.

    There are enough opinions here to draw enough to get you going but get uot there and learn...single fathers are so unrepresented; I think we don't show enough for you blokes.

    All the very best.

  4. #4

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    Hey,

    I didn't want a huge age gap either...but it ended up being 12 years! As my little one got older I had more time to get out there and do things, build a career, get a nice car, savings etc.
    I had a few different relationships but none of them were right for children in the end and I am thankful I didn't end up tied to an ex through their child - the bunfights, the access visits, the arguments.
    You will meet someone but you know you can't force it, and you know whats at stake by rushing into having a child.

    So - I ended up waiting 12 years (my choice though, lets get that clear!), and had two more. In fact my eldest was there when her brother was born and it had such a positive effect she wants to be a midwife
    I'm single again, but again my choice and the ex is someone like me who puts the kids welfare first, sees them whenever he likes and supports me to stay home with them (as much as he can) - so it's the next best thing to a 'proper' marriage/relationship...and actually far better than a lot of marriages I know.

    So the upshot - it works out ok in the end. Life can be messy no matter what you do but it's lots less messy when kids are born into a happy home.

    xoxoxoxo

  5. #5
    georgiegrl Guest

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    Wow congrats on being there for your Son and being the kind of dad I wish my son had...

    Although a female I know EXACTLY how you feel... I grew up as a only child and while it was ok at the time as mum was a single mum.. she re married when I was 8 and had 2 other kids 3 years apart.... they are now 17 and 14 and I really wish I had a sibling around my age.. I often dont feel totally apart of the family when im around them.. i feel like the odd one out... and I dont want to have that feeling passed onto my son should I find someone down the tract.

    I never really wanted kids but now that I have my son a family is just what I want, although I would like to have another before im 30.. im 26 now so that doesn't leave me a whole lot of time.. ha ha

    I think that if you dont stress out about it something good will happen.. your only 22 you have PLENTY of time.. for now you just have to be the best dad you can be for your little boy...

  6. #6
    rhyb Guest

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    Hi Im a single mum of one and I tried dating and got pregnant again. By the end of this year Ill be a single mum of 4. Age was never a factor cz you never know your son could cope better as a big brother with a bit of an age gap. Im worried cz my DS is so young lol
    I understand what you mean with regards to having a new relationship as DS' father has very little to do with him using the excuse hes only 24 and shouldnt be tied down with kids and the triplets father is a very violent and controlling person I dont want near me and my kids.
    Sorry for the ramble but chin up darl. If things are going to happen theyll happen and worrying will do you no good

  7. #7

    Join Date
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    hi and welcome, sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with your little boy, well done!

    I have similar felings to you about more children. My DS turned 3 in May and like you I am very clucky and would love more babies one day, but I do worry that if i ever find someone good enough to have babies with, there will be such an age gap that DS will feel the odd one out. I think the best thing we can do is concentrate on our DS' and take life as it comes. I am certainly not looking for another partner, but I am open to another relationship in the future if it comes my way. For now we need to do the best we can with what we have

  8. #8
    feeb's Avatar
    feeb is offline Thankful for the kindness of my 2012 RAK making me Life member

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    Hi and welcome to BB.

    Well done on being a young single male and being an amazing father to your son.

    I hope BB is what you are looking for.

  9. #9

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    HI.
    Dont worry about the age gap, you cant do much about it now. As you said, its already there because its unlikely you`ll be in the situation to change this within the next year or 2.
    I did not want a big age gap, but there is 6 years between my kids and thats with them having the same father - my husband. So even if you were in a stable relationship with someone and you were both ready to have kids, you cant tell what would happen. It may not be that you could have them all closer in age anyway for one reason or another.

    At 22, you know you have alot of time ahead of you. I`m sure when the time is right you will meet someone lovely and hopefully you`ll be able to make babies together
    But that could be a year from now or 15 years from now.

    YOu sound like a really loving dad.

  10. #10

    Join Date
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    I just wanted to pop in and congratulate you on being such a strong and supportive Dad to your DS....
    You've done such an amazing job and at such a young age!

    I wouldn' worry about the age gap too much - there is 8 years between my bro and me and we're really close

  11. #11

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    welcome.

    well my now hubby had a child and gained sole custordy of him 5 years ago now, he is now 9.
    he doesnt see or speak to his mother much maybe twice a eyar if he is lucky.

    he was 7 when our first little girl came along, and he will be 9 when the next bundle arrives.

    he loves being a big brother, even though he has 5 other brothers and another sister from his mum but once again never sees them.

    the age was big and not planned by hubby, he was very similar to you decided one was enough as the age gap would be to much and so forth, then he met me and things changed lol..

    so there is hope and it can turn out great.

    dont give up just yet your still young and you have a great outlook on life and positive influence on your son.

  12. #12

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    My first thought was that I hoped you found someone around your age in a similar situation who already has a child LOL. Create a blended family while the kids are still little and you get a sibling for your child as well as a loving partner. Well..that would be the dream situation maybe!

    I'm 31 about to be a single mum and have never wanted an only child. So I reckon when I start dating again I'll be open to dating other people with kids! I don't fancy being pregnant a second time at this stage.

    Best of luck!

  13. #13

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    Just wanted to say thanks for all the nice comments and good advice. Has made me a little more open minded on the topic


    Been looking at getting back into the dating game, but I'm so out dated in that department, so kind of gave up Seem most girls my age have completely different interests and stuff. Plus when a lot of them find out I have a child, it scares them off, or they get sick of it once they find out I can't come out every weekend and drink all night with them. So I just take things as they come. But after just moving to Cairns (use to live in Melbourne) and knowing no one, you kind of miss that adult conversation and company.

    I start my new job up here next week so looking forward to hopefully making some new friends.

  14. #14

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    yeh its a tough age
    i find my friends i went to school with are like that so we dont socialise much any more i ahev kids and a husband and they have their nightclubsa nd booze.

    hopefully you will meet some great people with your new job and maybe even meet some people through play groups or the like.

  15. #15

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    Welcome to BellyBelly. Hopefully, you can enjoy a bit of interaction around here

    Good luck for the new job!

    ETA: I can understand feeling a bit disconnected from people your age. I'm 21 and most of my friends are long off having children so don't really understand where I am coming from most of the time.

  16. #16

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    hey single dad its lovely to see that you have taken on the role of sole carer of your adorable son... whats his name?
    i think you are one great guy, i am 21 and about to give birth to my first son and i know exactly how you feel about being so young and the change in interests. i take my hat off to you for taking responsibility and do believe you will find that dream girl, and if shes scared off with the fact of your son then both of you dont need her live for eachother
    there is plenty of lovely ladies around here that im sure would be willing to lend advice and a shoulder to lean on when needed, if you need someone to chat to feel free.

    good luck with everything

  17. #17

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    Thanks, his name is Tyler. And best wishes for your new little boy

  18. #18

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    Just wanted to pop in and say wow your amazing!
    And as far as age gaps there is 10 year between me and my little brother who is 14 so age isnt that much of an issue
    anyways i look foward to seeing you around

    btw: your son is adorable!

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