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Thread: Single mum to be - 7 weeks pregnant

  1. #1
    alleykat1985 Guest

    Default Single mum to be - 7 weeks pregnant

    I found out i was pregnant nearly 2 weeks ago - i told the father 2 days later as we aren't on speaking terms as he told me he wanted a break. I was so scared because i had this funny feeling that he would take it as a negative thing so it took me 2 days to pluck up the courage to tell him. He was in shock and then told me he'd prefer if i 'got rid of it'. He rang me the next night and told me he wanted to talk so i went to his place and he broke up with me and also told me it was up to me what i did but he'd support me if i 'got rid of it'.
    So from our discussions, i have come to the conclusion that he'll support me to get rid of it but not if i keep it - which is what i have decided to do, even if he does want nothing to do with it.
    I sent him a text last night informing him of my decision and that i'm prepared to do it alone because i have the support i need (my mum and sister are going to help me out)


  2. #2

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    Hi Alley

    Sorry to hear about the situation with your baby's father. Just so you know - he is obligated to financially support this baby when it arrives and he won't be able to get out of that. I would seek some legal advice if you decide to go down that avenue.

    I'm glad you have the support of your mum and your sister and please know that all of the lovely women here at Belly Belly will support you too.

    Look forward to seeing you around the forums.

  3. #3

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    Sorry to be meeting you under such circumstances hun!

    He cannot opt not to support you if you have the baby - here in australia he will have to by law - and if you are going to be able to claim any assistance from centrelink you will have to allow the child support agenciy to collect money from him.

    Chin up hun and all the best with your decision, you have to do what is right for you, not what is right for a man who wants nothing to do with you.

    I actually think now that it would have been easier to go it alone when DD was born! ( i was 19 but stayed with her father for quite a while).

  4. #4
    SugarDust Guest

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    Congratulations on getting a :BFP:, things will work out in the end they always do and as you said if he won't support you or the baby you still have your mum and sis to help out where needed!

    Good luck with it all and keep us informed with how things go!

  5. #5

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    Hi. Welcome to BB. It's a great place for support & advice.
    Sorry about your situation with the father. I hope it gets better.
    Hope you have a very happy & healthy pregnancy!!

  6. #6
    Babushka Doll Guest

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    Hi Welcome!
    Im so sorry to hear about your predicament. I agree with the others, he is legally liable to support you. However, i would think about it before making a decision, reason being is that if you involve him ie. Child Support Payments, he/his parents (who will also have rights to the baby) may want to have time with the baby, this may involve a expensive court battle and may even entitle him to 50/50 custody of your baby. He may say he wants nothing to do with the baby now, but things can change and he can take you to court at anytime for custody. The Family courts view is that equal time with each parent is best for the child, that is as long as there is no violence/drug abuse etc on his part and the baby will be safe in his custody.
    Don't mean to upset you, but these are real possibilites and you should get some legal advise asap.
    Good Luck
    XX

  7. #7

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    Congratulations on your pregnancy.

    I'm sure you are stressed at the moment but you have made a decision that is right for you. It is wonderful that both your Mum and sister are supportive. It can be scary but I don't think you will regret it. My DS provides me with endless joy (except for the poopy nappies!) and I am sure your little bundle will do the same.

    The people on BB are fantastic. Very supportive and can answer any questions as many of them have been exactly where you are.

    I agree with the others that the father will have to support the child legally. He is obviously very shocked at your news (I am assuming he is young for some reason, maybe because he is acting a bit childishly IMO. Sorry if I am wrong!) and may come around to the idea of being a dad once he gets used to it. If you are not concerned about your safety etc around him (which it sounds like your not) then please give him a chance once he absorbs the news properly. He may turn out to be a good dad once given the chance. However, looking into your legal options is also a very good thing to do. Once you have the knowledge, you can apply it as needed.

    Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and hope to see you on here often.

    If you are interested, you might want to join your Belly Buddies group. They are ladies who are all due around the same time as you so can provide extra support if needed.
    Last edited by Chocaholic; July 29th, 2008 at 02:13 PM. Reason: missed a word

  8. #8
    alleykat1985 Guest

    Default Thanks


    Just want to say thanks for all the advice - i know he has legal obligations toward the child, i just haven't decided yet whether i want that from him especially if he decides he doesn't want anything to do with me or the child. I mean if he wants to be as childish and self centred as he is at the moment, i don't know whether i want him involved. Since i told him about the pregnancy, all he has been doing is raving on about his feelings, he doesn't seem to care about how i feel or even want to listen to my feelings. I know that this will be hard and i may change my mind further on during the pregnancy but at the moment while trying to keep the stress levels low - i have to take a non caring attitude.
    BTW, he's 42 and i'm nearly 23 so it's probably his one and only chance to have a kid.
    Once again, thanks

  9. #9

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    Hey alleykat1985,

    it sounds like you have a good support system and a good head on your shoulders.

  10. #10

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    Hi alleykat and welcome to BB!! I'm sure you'll find a lot of help and advice here. Congratulations on your precious baby!! I'm sorry about the situation with the father but in the end he is the one who is losing out. As the other's have said he has to support you financially and it is also a baby's right to be supported financially by both parents I think so don't feel bad if you decide to make sure he does that

  11. #11
    alleykat1985 Guest

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    I hope so - it's just tough at the moment trying to get my head around the fact that i'm raising a kid alone - my mum raised myself and my 2 sisters alone cause my dad died when i was 9 but at least he was there for the beginning. i'm just so scared and confused - i don't want to say anything to him that i may regret and i don't want him to regret his decision but the way he is acting at the moment is really driving me bonkers - he is totally thinking of himself not anyone else or their feelings.

  12. #12

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    Talking Cheer up

    hi alleykat,
    i've just joined BB and was browsing thru the forums n noticed ur preggers with no man on ur side... and as a single mother of a beautiful 2 month old boy, I'm telling you that you don't need the stress while you're pregnant, and even more after the birth, your emotions are going to be uncontrollable for the next year (at least) so the less stress the better.
    As for the father, well, I'm a bit biased when I say get rid of the a-hole, but seriously, for now, you really need to focus on yourself, you can't let him get to you because it will cause emotional problems for you later on after bubs is born, if he doesnt want anything to do with you or the baby then let him be an ass, first reactions are always true reactions so if he's 42 and still doesn't want to be a father then somehow I don't think he's going to change, and you also don't want him to be in and out of this childs life neither, trust me, you and bubs are MUCH better off without this guy.

    But you know being a single mum isn't so bad hey... especially if you have the support of you're mum and sister, I moved back with my parents after I broke up with my ex and they've supported me throughout the whole thing, if it wasn't for my family I wouldn't have been able to do it so you're very lucky, also there's nothing better than having your own mother on call 24/7 to help you with your little one in the middle of the night!
    Anywho I'm sure I've babbled on enough.
    Ciao
    Melissa

  13. #13

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    Welcome to bellybelly! And congratulations on your pregnancy.

    I'm so sorry for what happened with bubs father. He's being a total jerk, not to mention selfish! He might come to his senses at a later date. In the mean time, focus on YOU and your growing baby. If you want, you could stop talking to him completely, at least for a while.

    In regards to child support etc. If you want, you can put "father unknown" on the birth certificate and still collect the maximum centrelink payments (which is parenting payment single, family tax benefit a & b and a few other allowances and possibly rent assistance). They can't deny you your payments just because you (theoretically) don't know who the father is.

  14. #14

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    hi hun,
    can't really offer anything else more than the wonderful women already have.
    just wanted to give you and to let you know whatever choice you make all us her on bb will support you and be there.
    just remember this is YOUR BODY and YOUR BABY = YOUR DECISION.
    take care huni and let us know how you go.
    rach xxxx
    Last edited by Footsteps; August 11th, 2008 at 07:07 AM. Reason: missed words

  15. #15

    Default

    yeah, i second that!

    i've been on a similar journey, bit further down the track as youll see below, if you ever want to vent or ask silly questions, jest send message direct, during day i type with one hand coz i have bubs, but i reply proper in ervening when he gone to bed. Chin up, bringing new life into the world is an honor and privelidge, it's . . . . unforgettable, priceless, meaningful (cheer)

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