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Thread: Things are going down hill..

  1. #1

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    Unhappy Things are going down hill..

    Ok so i thought i was kinda getting past everything and moving on from xp and what he put me through but it just keeps flairing up.. everytime he's too busy to come over to see dd, even when he does come over, his cluelessness as to what ive been through and continue to go through aggravates me and hurts so much. he couldnt come last week cuz he had to finish an assignment for tafe ..hello an hour or so of one day a week you see her you cant even do that..arghh vent i mean if he knew he had to have it done y dont you get it done b4 hand grr

    Ive been feeling selfish that i cant stand him being around even though i always invite him to see her and come around and visit dd. i feel like its taking me over im sick of feeling like this. i cant stand it know one understands. i feel bad for even talking about it because apparently i shouldnt feel this way i should just be the perfect mum who has no feelings and just 'get over it' trust me i wish i could.

    I was having such a great week last week, ive started up at the gym, doing things for me etc, but i dont know its just al gone donehill today..i just feel really down
    my friends have asked me to come out next weekend for a bday but im really not ready for the whole party/club scene nor do i feel i ever will etc. i have guilt at leaving DD at all . nor do i really want to, i feel like just running away with my little girl somewhere far away..

    (sorry for my rant.. needed to get it off my chest)


  2. #2

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    I'm sorry you are having a hard time - No pearls of wisdom from me just MASSIVE for you

  3. #3

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    Angry Reply

    Hello

    I can relate to how you feel about your XP's lack of motivation with your DD and how much it impacts on you but I am only 30 weeks pregnant with DS but I can understand that it may be worse. The important thing is to put yourself and DD first as not put energy in pursuing him to create a relationship with DD as it seems that only you are suffering but from what you say you encourage and try to facilitate a relationship between XP and DD so at least there is the opportunity to XP to do this. Please do not focus so much of your attention on XP (this is hard) but do things from yourself and if possible even seek counselling because it is not your responsibility to create a relationship between XP and DD, it is his responsibility and in the end he will have to answer questions from DD about his lack of involvement. You are not perfect and it is okay to have these feelings and vent them cause I understand you are acting out of love for DD, you sound like a wonderful and strong mother who DD will look up and aspire to be like. Did not like XP affect you, make it clear to him that he is welcome to see DD but you will not be pursuing it and please look after yourself and DD. Your XP sounds just as lovely as my XP xoxoxo

  4. #4

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    Hey gorgeous Emma,
    Poor darling. Its just been one of those days hasn't it!!
    Don't put so much pressure on yourself honey, if XH wants to be a **** and not come and see his daughter, let him!!! Like Cobaltblue said, he's the one who will have to answer for his slackness in the future. Also, don't expect yourself to be completely detatched from him, you have emotions, you were with him and you loved him enough to keep your gorgeous little girl, so there will always be love there somewhere, I think the more you try to push your emotions aside the more they will rear their head. Just accept how you are feeling and maybe get some counselling to find some ways to deal with it???

    You don't need to go out for this birthday next week if you don't want to, I completely lost interest in parties and going out to pubs and what not when I had bubba, I guess it's just something you can't explain to friends who don't have kids. Having a baby give you such a reality check about what's important in life, that going out and drinking doesn't really seem to make sense anymore...

    When you are having a bad day, text me or call me, I'm always here if you need a mummy friend shoulder to cry on. Plus there's always MSN!

    Ella
    xoxo

  5. #5

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    Oh hun, I didn't realise you were going through so much. I agree that if your XP thinks an hour a week is too much for him, then so be it. It's his loss and you shouldn't blame yourself for his short comings. You have your beautiful girl who will look back one day and thank you for being such a wonderful, strong mummy and an inspiration to her.

    In regards to your friends, they really won't know what it's like to have a baby until they are in this situation. I'm the same when it comes to going out, it's just not my thing anymore and I'd spend the whole time thinking of DD instead of enjoying myself. But I do try to make an effort to see them when it's a daytime activity, maybe you can try to catch up with them for a lunch or something instead?

    Hugs hun, I'm here if you need to chat

  6. #6

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    Please dont be sorry for the rant, thats what we are all here for x

    I know on my journey of single parenthood I can have a week of joyfulness then the littlest thing can happen concerning XH and I feel so down. But thankfully everyone here lifts me up again. I dont think anyone would expect you to be some kind of 'perfect mother' who doesnt ever feel upset toward her childs father, goodness, of course there are going to be emotional times and many of them, we all need a place to vent about it! You are a wonderful mum and Im sure both you and I will get through all this and come out the other side very happy women with our lives ahead of us x

  7. #7

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    Default Oh

    It is not good thing you're experiencing this but try to de-attach yourself from him and remember that his actions are his own actions and do not say anything about your DD. Sorry if I am being too forward but it seems that he is differs so much from you, your DD is your world but he does not see DD as his world yet and allows other factors to take a place over DD. One day he will realise how your DD is the most incredible being cause he helped create her. . . I feel for you cause I am hurting cause of XP and DS is not yet born so I imagine that it is so much more difficult. for you cause you are a strong mother

  8. #8

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    Thanks everyone for your replies.. im feeling a bit better, just not liking the guilt that gets you, when you feel like you can't give your child the world. i wish there was an instruction manual for being a good single parent i just want to do the right thing but i hate when emotions get in the way..lol

    cobaltblue- Thanks hun means alot, if you ever need anyone to talk to hun im always here too i know what its like to go through a pregnancy by yourself, its a hard thing to go through but its pretty amazing enjoy your pregnancy its such a beautiful special time,

    widdly- oH widdly thank you so much seriously made me feel that much better, we are strong and things will get better for us thanks for reminding me!

    Claire_A- Thanks hunny, i just wish i could do more, i wish i could provide more, i wish i could be more to make up for the fact she hasnt got the whole happy family situation we all wish for. means alot your reply. I agree about the whole going out thing i dont think i will ever be back there it just doesnt interest me anymore.

    Ella, Thanks for the kind words ive been seeing a couselor but the one i am seeing is grear but its not really helping so imight have to see someone else, thanks for being a great friend ill be talking to you on msn soon xx

    Ella_Bear- Thanks for the hugs hun i needed them

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