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Thread: Week on/week off shared care with older child - anyone done it?

  1. #1

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    Nov 2010
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    Default Week on/week off shared care with older child - anyone done it?

    So my ex and I are talking about doing week about shared care with DD aged 9. She's currently at a school near her dad's place as she's lived with him since we split when she was 2. She's sooo unhappy there, the school isn't supporting her or dealing effectively with the bullying etc - so we've been talking about her coming to live with me next year while I'm on maternity leave and after. But tonight the subject of shared care came up, as it's something DD asked about and suggested.



    We think we can make it work. We both get along quite well, we disagree now and then but negotiate settlements and organise our own stuff (no court orders etc). DD would essentially be at school near us (much nicer area) and live one week with Dad, one week with DH and I.

    But has anyone done this? What are the advantages, how do the kids adjust to different rules in each house and anything I'd need to watch out for?

  2. #2

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    Unfortunately I can't speak from personal experience, but around the same age as your DD I had a friend in my class who had a weekly swap with her parents. She would change over on Sunday afternoons from one parent's house to the other, and she liked it - although it could become a hassle at times when she would leave important schoolwork etc at one parent's house and had to get things dropped off, itms. (From what I could tell at that age, the relationship between her parents wasn't very good and they could barely get through seeing each other for 15 minutes on Sundays!) I do recall that she had two sets of just about everything to save everything getting lugged back and forth, but she and her little sister (who was about 6, I think?) always seemed well-adjusted to the situation and I guess for them, it was - they didn't know any different because that's just how their family worked. When they were a bit older, their dad remarried and things got sticky for a little while as they adjusted to having a new stepmum and then half-sibling in their home, but they worked it out

    I would say that if you think it sounds like a good solution for your DD, then give it a shot and just see how it goes. Of course there will be pros and cons to either situation, and a period of adjustment will be needed to get used to any new arrangements, but I think it's a good thing for your DD to have equal time with both parents, the same as she would if you were still living together (but different, obviously!). I know it's not always possible to do so, but if it is, it's worth a try imo. Good luck, I hope you and her dad can get her school situation sorted, bullying sucks and it's awful that the school isn't being supportive

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Nov 2010
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    Heheh, forgotten homework isn't something that would've occurred to me, will file that away for something to keep an eye on.

    She already has 2 of nearly everything and we're gradually getting her to take responsibility for ensuring she has the things she wants/needs at each house whenever she's there. Though she does at this point in time have a nasty habit of growing out of stuff in about 2 seconds flat!

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