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Thread: what do i do? feeling so down

  1. #1

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    Default what do i do? feeling so down

    i don't really know what to do right now
    i am feeling so down
    im so sick and tired of life being so hard...
    the last week has been total ****
    i was at the local store with my daughter
    who was being so horrible.. screaming, laying on the floor kicking
    throwing things around
    i talked to her and tried to get her off the floor.. but she wouldnt budge.
    this guy.. who must have been around 18 started hurling abuse at me
    oh what a f9cking wonderful mother you are.. cant even control your own kid
    she is just a toddler
    let me guess you a re a single mother
    infront of everyone
    have never felt so humilated
    i went to see my mother this afternoon
    who asked me about my best friend.. she is having her first child in a few weeks.
    and she started to tell me how she thought
    i should try to make friends more on my level
    that althought my friend and i get along
    we live in different worlds.
    she has is married.. i am single
    her child will have a loving dad.. mine has never met hers.
    i am uneducated.. my friend is highly educated
    my friend owns her own home with her husband and they are quite well off
    and i am dirt poor and rent
    that her child will have a much better life than mine will
    and she hopes my kid will not be like me
    that i should find friends i have more in common with
    ie my friend is too good for me.
    and i should find single mothers who are low like me.
    she always knows what to say to make me feel like the most useless piece of garbage alive.
    and to top it all off
    i recieved an email today from my ex sister in law.
    she is married to the brother of my daughters father.
    saying she is sorry for how she has behaved and would like another chance to get to know my child.
    when my ex left me while i was pregnant he told all his family that if they had anything to do with my daughter or i
    he wouldnt see them anymore
    so they all sided with him
    except for the brother and sister in law
    they would ask me how she was.. ask to see pics of her.
    i really thought they cared.
    my daughters father became really abusive and threatened to kill my daughter if i took him for child support.
    i told them this
    and they completely cut off all contact with me
    they live overseas and came to my city twice last year
    but did not ask to meet my daughter.
    i emailed them giving them my contact numbers everything
    but they just ignored me
    no word from them for over a year
    and now she out of the blue wants contact
    what for?
    she hurt me so badly
    i knew her for 7 years.. i trusted her
    and she did that
    i feel like saying go to hell
    i dont know what to do anymore
    all i want to do is just sleep


  2. #2

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    Cmama, I see you're in a very hard place at the moment. Relationships with our parents can be difficult at the best of times.

    You are the best Mumma for your little girl - she chose you for a reason. The fact that her father chooses not to have anything to do with her is HIS loss, not hers.

    I think talking to a professional about how you are feeling is the best. If you need to chat right now, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

    They have people available 24 hrs a day, trained people, who can talk to you about how you are feeling, and perhaps refer you on to someone else.

    Good luck and thinking of you.

  3. #3

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    Cmama - you sound like you are really tired and worn out.

    Relationships with parents can often be a source of difficulty... It sounds like she is not aware of how damaging her words can sound & feel...

    I think you need to find your centre my love. This is a painful & difficult time & out of hardship often we grow beautiful wings. Have you had some counselling? I think that would help - help you to find you again, nurture your inner beauty.

    In life we all have different friends. Some are financially richer, poorer. Some are less intelligent, more intelligent. Have a great job, have no job... It matters not when we know who we are ourselves. When we can find a contentment inside.

    I hope you find this & the beauty that is yours alone. We're here to support you along your journey my love. xxx

  4. #4

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    cmama - just wanted to send you a
    Please take care of yourself - concentrate on yourself and your daughter. xxxx

  5. #5

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    first of all to you
    sounds like everything hurts right now. I second the girls saying it would be good if you could talk to someone.... sometimes people with an outside perspective can see things more clearly than people we know... and sometimes just having them acknowledge that you're going through something really difficult and still coping and looking after your DD can be just what we need. And if there is something more they can do, like referring you to services or stuff that can help, that is even better.
    About your friend, she is your friend because your hearts are on the same level, not because of money, or marriage, or babies, or any of that. As Deb said friendships of all kinds flourish, because people's hearts are in tune. And everyone has seasons in their life, sometimes they face hardships, other times they enjoy success. Friendships are there for all those things.
    Take care of yourself, thinking of you xxx

  6. #6

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    oh gosh hun! definitely have a chat to a counsellor as it sounds like life is throwing you a bunch of hurdles. Might help to get some positive suggestions on where to go from here as it sounds like from your statement "I just want to sleep" that you're depressed ..and if you don't find you're getting the help you need from the first counsellor (if you decide to talk to one) then talk to someone else until you find you're being heard...and BB is also a great place to vent as you will always find support here. Take care of yourself FOR yourself and your beautiful baby.

    May I also say that by the sounds of things you are one very strong mumma for being able to reach out.

  7. #7

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    Can you see the early childhood family nurses in your area. They usually have a great support group. I had a mental health nurse take such good care of me and put me in with a group of mums in the same boat as me and I would be lost without them. Sometimes being in a miss matched group can make you feel worse so stay away from them. Its not their fault nore is it yours. But I have to admit I dont know where I would be without my mums group!
    Good luck and a huge hug! Think of it this way, would you rather be having to bring up a child in a loveless, possibly abusive relationship or on your own where you can control your life and your childs life. Its just you and your child and you dont have to worry about trying to please a demanding man aswell. Sometimes I have to say I envy the single mums... Embrace the good things in your life and know that you have the love of your amazing child and you dont have to share it with anyone!

  8. #8

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    It sounds like you feel really alone. What an awfully stressful ordeal you have been through. To lose all contact with your XPs family after knowing them so long, and to have him threaten your child's life, that is absoutely awful. Did you go to the police?

    Maybe your SiL cut off contact after you told them about his threats because she was worried that contact would enrage him? Perhaps they thought that would be best for you and your little one?

    You know, I too was at the shops last week, arms full of bags of groceries with a screaming toddler who decided to hit the floor. I was also approached, but rather than by a loser 18 year old being rude and unhelpful, I was fortunate that it was a grandfather who offered to take my groceries to my car so I could pick my child up. It happens to us all at some point (toddler tantrum in public), and it's no reflection on you as a mother; it's just what happens when toddlers are tired/hungry/frustrated & can't communicate with us... but the last thing any mother needs is someone making rude and unhelpful comments. What a loser that guy must have been! His behaviour in that situation is something *he* should be humiliated about. You have nothing to be ashamed of... you were just being a mumma in a difficult situation.

    You need a huge pat on the back for what you're doing. Being a mumma is the toughest job on earth. Doing it alone is even tougher. Doing it alone with little support even tougher.. and doing it alone with little support and an XP who threatens your child's life... my God, you deserve so much respect and admiration.. and SUPPORT!

    Don't let your mum put you down. Take those comments and stomp on them. Friendship isn't about having identicle lives.

    And there is NOTHING shameful about being a single mum. Or about renting. Or about being uneducated. Be careful about putting meaning onto other people's words (eg your mum's). It sounds like you need to build up your self esteem so that other people's comments don't make you feel like the "most useless piece of garbage alive". You are so much more than that. To your little girl, you are the world, and you have cared for her and nurtured her for 2 1/2 years.. without anyone nurturing and caring for YOU (it sounds like). Give yourself some credit for the amazing job you're doing.

    I think the advice you've had to access couselling is good. There's so much going on for you, having someone to talk to will help you sort through it.
    Last edited by skeetaboat; January 27th, 2010 at 09:47 PM.

  9. #9

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    I'd catch up for a coffee with you mate, you sound like an awesome chic and mum! Think positive and remove yourself from negative people. As for the nutter in the shops. He is just a dumb Y Generation bum and should spend more time educating himself than txt his other dumb Y generation friends... Ok so I get a bit fired up and nasty people like that.

    Other option: SHOP ONLINE and they will deliver to your door. its great, saves the tanties!

  10. #10

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    I couldn't read this and offer you a
    I agree with everything everyone else has said. xxx

  11. #11

    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    Hey Cmama
    I've been doing lots of reading lately that says that all the myths about children from single parent families are not true.
    Your baby has a mummy who loves her and cares for her the bonus is you dont have to fight with anyone about how to raise her. Children from single parent families often grow up and flourish as they learn to be strong and independant.
    You might not have much of an income or education now but there is loads of opportunity out there to change that. Theres tonnes of help from the government to maybe put your baby into daycare a couple of days a week to make it a lot cheaper if you wanted to study at uni or tafe. This would give you the opportunity to gain extra qualifications to give you more of a chance in the workforce.
    Your friends are your friends because they want to be. They dont have to be and even if your best friend is married so what?!... you'll both have babies that can grow up to be buddies together.
    As for the 18 year old at the supermarket what would he know?!. ALL 2 year olds chuck tantrums in the supermarket. one of the best things you can do is either walk away or what I tend to do now is try and avoid the toys and choccies as thats what its over. Another thing I do is get my little one to grab the basket and he goes through and does the shopping with me and it makes it a fun trip.
    As for your ex and his threats he has no right to do that, You have a baby to support. I strongly suggest you make an appointment with your nearest family relationship centre as they will help to provide you with support with what to do, they can offer mediation and it is something you have to do precourt. If he threatens to harm your baby particularly in that situation then it could give you grounds for an AVO. There is so much help out there for you. Theres a thing called the family relationship advice line which will also provide you with plenty of useful advice in this situation.
    Best of luck.
    We're all here thinking of you
    Mel
    xox

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