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Thread: What would you do in this situation?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Default What would you do in this situation?

    I'll very briefly explain the situation.

    Ex saw DD 2 or 3 times from 2002-2009. His choice. He left town and moved around and when he returned he didn't bother to see her even when he drove right past our house. Anyway he refused to pay maintenence which over the years clocked up to a large amount of money. This led to his eventual return late 2009 after I refused to drop the arrears. When he returned determine to make life hell for me as he put it I got legal advice who recommended allowing ex to have DD when he asked as if I fought it despite the $$ owing and his lack of relationship with DD he was still entitled to her x amount of hours and what he asked for was about the amount he would be entitled to anyway.

    So he started seeing DD in May 2010 regularly (after spending a few months grooming her with gifts first) The first time he had her over night only 2days later child support called to say my maintanence was substaintially reduced as he now had her every 2nd weekend. Fine at that stage I was yet to receive more the $200 in 9years anyway. But it did confirm why he wanted her anyway.

    So by the 2nd overnight visit DD decided she didn't want to go there anyway. She told him this which caused WW3 and started DDs fear of him. Now I know she loves him also but she is also scared of him. When she said she didn't want to see him he flipped out with the poor Daddy this and ***** mum etc. So ever since this has been ongoing with mediation trying to get something firm for DD.
    Problem is he hasn't turned up tp mediation again.

    So again now I told him this weekend been that DD didn't want to see him. Id already gone to mediation knowing he would flip out who said if DD doesn't want to see him don't send her. Mediation is hoping this will make him come to the joint session. So now ex's (his 30) girlfriend (18) sends DD messages on FB to say why wont mum let you come see Dad. DD says back she didn't want to come and the the gf says well Daddy misses you so much bla bla bla. Now the gf obviously has no idea what has happened in the past. Part of me is saying who cares, she is obviously blinded by her love for the drop kick just delete DDs profile (which I told he Dad I'd do if he didn't stop using it inappropriately) then another part wants to tell her my story. That he isn't the man he tells her he is. I so want to say well actually I have evidence to prove he is only in her life to cause trouble after threatening me if I didn't srop the $$ he would do this to me and her (come back into her life) I want to outline that the love of her life only gets her to dump her with anyone that will have her so how can he miss her etc. I actually wrote a letter then deleted it as it just seems so stupid. I want nothing to do with any of them but obviously thats not an option. Exs status is going on about me and I want to backfire and give it to him. I feel like telling his gf the truth which she doesn't have a clue about but honestly that wouldn't do anything right? I put myself back when I was 18 and how stupid I was so I'm best to not say anything right?



    Just wondering who actually would write their side of the story? It peaves me that we (DD and I) are the victims in this. Part of me is hoping she gets pregnant as I know he will do the same to her and any child he has. How nasty is that? I know I shouldn't say anything and I wont but gee I want her to know the truth. She is from a really lovely family who are very unhappy about her choice in boyfriend. I couldn't care who he is with but if she is running me down (she has never seen me or met me etc) to my DD should I atleast tell her the facts? They are that obvious when on paper.

  2. #2

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    Firstly, what a jerk. Secondly, I know from past experience that trying to convince someone and/or get them to change their feelings is futile and you have no need to justify yourself to her - whether it's for your benefit or hers.

    I would keep your thoughts on the big picture which is sorting out maintenance/access and don't get distracted by her because her thoughts/feelings are immaterial to that situation.

    If you can't help yourself (I mean that in a nice way), I just wouldn't spend time outlining all the whys and wherefores but just send a really, really simple one-liner along the lines of, "just remember that in life there are two sides to every story and you're only hearing one."

  3. #3

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    May 2005
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    Canberra
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    Completly agree with fionas. Further to this I would also suggest you take note (and perhaps screen shots of this misuse of fb and then delete the girlfriend from the friends list. It may be you never need to use this screenshot, but it may also be that you do need to actually provide evidence of this kind of behaviour at some point in the future if things keep going downhill.

  4. #4

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    Put your DD first and if he is going to get to either of you through FB then delete him and tell him if he wants to contact either of you it's to be done through the mediator.

    As for the gf, the saying is 'love is blind' so no matter what you say you will always be in the wrong. Let's just hope she wakes up to herself and sees him for who he really is

  5. #5

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    Mar 2008
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    I agree with Misty. Start documenting all the things that they are writing in a public space. Don't write to her, it's up to her to figure him out and they may even be a perfect match - you'll simply be seen as a jealous ex who is trying to keep your daughter away to hurt him. Your daughter is obviously old enough to make her decision, the fact that he isn't turning up to mediation is silly on his part, as is openly defaming you. Don't buy into it, continue to be the good role model for your daughter and let it play out.

  6. #6

    Join Date
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    DO NOT REPLY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

    Not at all. Don't. Just print it all out for later on. And don't worry about the girlfriend - she'll be gone in six months anyway.

    If the ex doesn't go to mediation - it's HIS problem. Not yours.

    Don't stress. It will all work out in the end...

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