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Thread: When do you know it's time to walk away?

  1. #1

    Default When do you know it's time to walk away?

    Ladies, I know I haven't really spoken to many of you yet, but I need some help!

    I am currently in a relationship, and as much as I really love him, I get hurt so much emotionally. I think if it wasn't for the fact that I was 11weeks pregnant, I would have walked away by now.

    He is British and I met him in the UK, but I have since come back to Oz because I am pregnant, so the relationship was to be long distance until his visa gets approved (5 months-ish).

    When things are good between us, we have a really good laugh, and he does make me feel like a princess a lot of the time, I know I am loved. BUT, he also has a lying problem, and whilst it's usually only little things (which he says he doesn't tell me so I wont worry), it's making me question whether I trust him.



    Also, he has some jealousy issues which were quite bad in the beginning, but he has since shown me that he is working on this problem so that it doesn't come between us.

    I spent 3 weeks putting together his visa application (because I am good with paperwork and he is not), but I posted a nearly complete application express-post to him, and he hasn't done any of his share of it yet. I was really hoping to have it submitted by this week so that we are sure he will be here in time for the birth.

    He says he loves me and the baby more than anything in the world and that I am the love of his life, but I am sick of the lying, jealousy and the fact that I have to constantly nag him about getting the visa stuff done.

    I want to make this relationship work because I love him, and also, I am scared of having this baby alone. If we break up and he doesn't come here, the chances of my child ever knowing their father are very small.

    I am so confused, but I just don't know how much more my heart can take.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
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    In a cloud of madness.
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    Lots here to say...i'll be back later to post...
    Sending you lots of though
    x

  3. #3

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    Thanks for your opinion and advice mis_tree, and no you're not out of line at all. It's good to get other perspectives.

    To answer a few of your questions, I do have a great, supportive family, but not so many friends here anymore, as I have spent the last few years traveling and lost touch with most of them. I don't think I know any new mothers at all that are local. He has had the application for about a week, but has been working long hours due to lack of staff for the past few days.

    I know it seems stupid that I would stay with him after everything that I have explained, and I have always thought I was stronger than that and would never put up with any guy's crap, but after the last time he lied (told me he was working a different shift to what he was-such a stupid thing to lie about!) I told him it was over.

    After that I layed on my bed and was in such excrutiating agony at the idea of being without him and doing this alone that I decided that maybe being with him even when he hurts me sometimes is better than not being with him and going all this alone.

    I know having this baby will be so worth it and I will probably be ok eventually, but the past year has already been so hard for me that I just don't know how much more I can take. Atleast if I stay with him, I don't have to feel that pain and worry just now.

    He has never been abroad before, so coming here and leaving his old life, family and friends is a massive decision. I think that's the only reason he is nervous about doing the visa....I hope. He assures me every day that he will be here. It's all just so confusing. I'm such a mess right now, but trying to be strong in front of my family. Just need to vent this somewhere and I figure you guys will understand the best!
    Last edited by newmummy85; June 24th, 2009 at 05:06 PM.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    oh hun sending you massive hugs. What a tough situation to be put in. I haven't been where you are so I don't really know what advice I can give. I was alone in my pregnancy with my son Ashton from about the 3rd-4th month, it was hard at first, I was so hurt and upset and angry that I was put in this position, having another child on my own but I dealt with it after a couple of months and started to get very excited. I know it's not the same thing but it's about all I can relate too.

    All I do know is that it's not so bad doing it on your own, if it ever came to that. It's hard in the beginning, it's upsetting when you don't have support from a partner, but you learn ways to get around that and cope with the downs. I love that I get to spend all my time with my boys, watching them learn and grow and flourish into loving little people. Sometimes it's hard not having someone there to see the new things they do, and I often feel a pang of sadness when Ashton said his first word and noone was there to share it. Those times I would pick up the phone and call my mum or a friend and share it with them. So if you end up on your own, just remember it gets easier.

  5. #5

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    Big for what you are going through...

    I just wanted to add that babies make tricky relationships just that much trickier..

    I wish you all the luck in the world and hope everything works out for you.

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