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Thread: where does the nastiness come from???

  1. #1

    Angry where does the nastiness come from???

    well, think i have opened a can of worms. coz ex had threatened to stop paying mortgage/blls if i didnt dance to his tune i started action with csa. they contacted him yesterday....then he contacted me.
    basically he tried to call my bluff and tell me that his 'lawyer' has told him if he can prove that he has paid the bills then he can get me out. i got advice and told him to tell his 'lawyer' that he needed a reality check. anyway....i am going to get out, but not coz he wants me out....but i am emotionally better when i am not here and surrounded by 'him' iykwim.
    then he goes on a tirade about how he is going to go for full custody of the kids and he will get them becoz he is going to use the time i ended up in hospital with a breakdown/suicidal thoughts against me to prove i am an unfit mother. and laughingly brags how he is going to earn $160000 this year [which he prob will coz he does have a good job] and that he wll get maitnenance of me and i will be left with kids and no money.
    then he starts talking about the divorce and how its a shame you have to wait a year coz he cant wait to be rid of me. to which i said yeah, thats coz im too good for you. and he replies back with - not for sex you werent, my new woman sucks my $%^ and she sucks it good!!! WHAT THE HELL??????? why on earth would he feel the need to say that?
    then he goes on to say that i shouldnt have been let out of the nut house bcoz that is where i belong and that the last 4 years with me have been the most miserable years of his life.
    i sent him a txt that said that from now on all communication is to be by txt or email and that i will not be answering any of his phone calls, and the only time that my phone should ring with his number is when my son is trying to contact me, and that is only until he gets his own ph.
    im trying not to let it get to me, but it has.
    i am totally gobsmacked that someone who i used to love can be so hurtful. surely not all couples go thru separation/divorce like ths. or is my ex just particularly bitter, hateful and vengeful.
    how can i deal with mnd games for another year and stay sane???? please help

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    in the Capital


    Where does the nastiness come from? Both of you are hurting, that's where. You both need time to heal.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Recently treechanged to Woodend, VIC


    Hugs to you, that's just horrible but I hope at least some of it makes you think that if a person can be that nasty that you're better off without him. The sexual details are just infantile.

    Lawyers will look at who put what into the relationship and what you brought into the relationship. Not just money - if you were a SAHM that counts too because you contributed to the relationship in terms of caring for the kids and running the household.

    You've done the right thing in putting boundaries around phone calls.

    The best advice a lawyer ever gave me was to work out what you'd be happy with in terms of the financial split and try to sort it out amicably. That may be a long way off if he's going to be a dill but at least you can do your bit and figure out what you'd be happy with.

    At the end of the day, you can psychoanalyse him all day and try to work out why he's being like this. You may or may not come up with an answer. But what you can do is look after yourself and slowly work through the financials/custody.

    More hugs xx

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Eastern Surburbs, Melbourne


    If you do nothing else keep a record of all texts & emails. Do not answer your phone & hang up if he does contact you. Do not reply with nasty comments as he might be keeping your replies. Keep a diary of visits and even non visits, phone calls and even communication from the new "lady" if she contacts you.

    Get legal help now as they will be able to advise you of what you need to do. Once you have got a lawyer tell him all communication is to go through them.

    If he is going to get nasty, nothing you do will change that. His true colours are starting to show so getting away from him is a good move.

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