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Thread: Controversial thread : Sex after baby

  1. #109

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    I enjoy cake, I enjoy icing. I enjoy both together. I did not get married to only eat cake and my DH is the same.

    Sex is one of those weird things in a relationship. When it is going well, it seems like a small part of the relationship. When it is going bad, it seems like it is everything. I don't see sex and the relationship as being separate, like cake and icing. It is more like the flour or the eggs of a cake, an integral part of the structure. With no eggs, you don't get beautiful sponge cake


  2. #110

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    Quote Originally Posted by Astrid View Post
    I enjoy cake, I enjoy icing. I enjoy both together. I did not get married to only eat cake and my DH is the same.

    Sex is one of those weird things in a relationship. When it is going well, it seems like a small part of the relationship. When it is going bad, it seems like it is everything. I don't see sex and the relationship as being separate, like cake and icing. It is more like the flour or the eggs of a cake, an integral part of the structure. With no eggs, you don't get beautiful sponge cake

  3. #111

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    Reading this thread, I feel really bad. I worry about how a woman would feel reading the replies here about essentially not being selfish and taking one for the team. If only it really were that simple. Just what someone like me needs to see, heaped judgement on top of a low self esteem after a night of no sleep.

    I am a wife who rarely has sex with her husband and often I just end up letting him do it while I sleep. Its slowly gotten worse since we had our 3rd baby. Maybe I am just a selfish cow who thinks only of herself................

    We have 3 children aged 4,3 and 2 who dont sleep through the night and havent for years so I am TIRED, beyond tired even, I dont think there is a word to describe my state of exhaustion. I have very bad body image issues. My husband doesnt do much to help me out, which is a sore point because I work 2 days a week, currently studying my nursing degree by correspondence, 3 small children to run here there and everywhere, chores that are never ending, one of our children has special issues which are currently requiring alot of time for appointments, testing, therapies and extra help at home not to mention financial strain (hence the job for me). On top of that Dh goes away alot and will be very soon for a very long time. So Im often doing this all solo only for him to come back and want to jump on me at first chance. Because you know, I spent the whole time he was gone thinking about having sex with him

    He thinks Im a selfish cow. I think the fact that men have been programmed to think the world starts and ends with sex, without there being anything else - intimacy, respect, that life outside the bedroom directly influences life inside the bedroom - is whats affected this issue. I certainly am not receptive to Dhs advances when Ive had a bad day, no sleep, kids hanging off me; and then he whines like a baby at bed time because Im neglecting him. Or when he wakes me up after 2hrly waking overnight at 5:30am when the 5-7:15am period is the only time all 3 kids sleep soundly.

    I think Misty bought up a great point. Sex isnt 'just sex' in a marriage. Its connected to your entire life together. When you look at them as separate entities, thats when trouble starts. I also think that personal feelings come into play; if I dont especially like my husband because he is lazy and selfish and puts unrealistic pressure on me as a wife, then Im hardly going to feel like having sex with him. I dont have sex with people who dont care about MY needs or wants, I certainly dont have sex with people I dont like.

    Just a bit of food for thought from someone on the otherside of the debate.

    Another little bit of pondering for you all - I think its a little ironic that only those who are the "have sex with your husband no matter what, its your duty as a wife" members are the ones who've posted here, very few are from the opposite side. I bet there are alot of upset, frightened to post members just browsing this thread feeling like dog poo.

    ** Disclaimer: our marriage has certainly been rocky, we've split up, we're in counselling. Its certainly a little better than it was. Before anyone makes judgement calls on it, I will say that in our marriage his only issues IS me not having sex with him when he wants it. Whilst on the other hand my list is a mile long. Yet he seems to value his one issue over my many issues because its about sex. I cant even begin to state why this is 1000 kinds of wrong. And really makes me wonder why we stay married when obviously our priorities and value of the other person are so far apart and skewed. **
    Last edited by Freya; March 15th, 2011 at 07:22 AM.

  4. #112

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    freya

    I often tell DH that the biggest aphrodisiac for me is time...quality time with him.

    I think your post demonstrates how all of us fall on a spectrum, and how generalised advice doesn't really work in something as complicated and emotionally charged as sex.

    I hope you don't feel anyone was telling you to "take one for the team". I think most of us were just sharing our own experiences.


  5. #113

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    I totally agree Freya.

    I felt like I was unwelcome here for posting an opinion like yours. No doubt I'll be jumped on again just for poking my nose in again.

  6. #114

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    Quote Originally Posted by Arcadia View Post
    freya

    I often tell DH that the biggest aphrodisiac for me is time...quality time with him.

    I think your post demonstrates how all of us fall on a spectrum, and how generalised advice doesn't really work in something as complicated and emotionally charged as sex.

    I hope you don't feel anyone was telling you to "take one for the team". I think most of us were just sharing our own experiences.

    I know it probably wasnt intentional but that is the general vibe I get from this thread. I find it just a little condescending to have someone who has a life completely different to mine (one child, family help, whatever that might be) imply I should put out for Dh more and not use being tired or whatever as an excuse.

    We had sex plenty after our first baby, even after our second. By the third, I was wearing a little thin and I have only ever asked my Dh for understanding, patience and a bit of support in whatever way neccesary (just like you mentioned in your post!). Yet he STILL cant help himself and has to harrass me, touch me suggestively and bring it up every day. I cant even begin to tell you how upsetting that is for me. We've sought help overall with our marriage and its still the one bug bear for both of us (him that he doesnt get enough, me that he focuses to much on it when I feel it isnt really important in the grand scheme of things). I feel that if not having enough sex is the worst problem in your life then your doing pretty damn good and should take a long hard look at your priorities.

    I guess what Im trying to do is make sure everyone who is involved in this discussion understand the 'other side' of the coin. It isnt always just a case of cant be bothereds or the Im tireds or just simply 'being selfish'. Its not a black and white issue.

    One huge glaring facet of this issue for myself is that my Dh and I have very different idea's of whats enough and whats too little. He usually cant even remember when we've had sex so it turns into a fight with me declaring we had sex 2 weeks ago and him saying its been months To hear him he is hard done by but if you look at the bigger picture - we've been married 6 years, together 7. We had sex ALOT in those pre-kids days Ive been pregnant 7 times in 6 years with 3 live children and 5 losses. We TTC for 2yrs to conceive our first so there was alot of honky tonky happening. Most people dont just fall pregnant first time they try. So I think we have a pretty healthy sex life taking into account all my pregnancies and all the TTC we did. For people with 3 kids under 4 and busy lives. To DH, its not enough. By some of your standards, its not enough. So who is right and who is wrong???

    Quote Originally Posted by entreat View Post
    I totally agree Freya.
    I felt like I was unwelcome here for posting an opinion like yours. No doubt I'll be jumped on again just for poking my nose in again.
    Im sorry you felt that way Entreat. This is the exact reason why I posted. I dont usually share in depth personal details about my life but sometimes I think it helps others remembers that there is a person with feelings behind a username and we only ever see whats on the surface. Sex after kids, sex during marriage - they are emotive and personal issues, especially for women.

  7. #115

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    As someone who likes sex, I don't get much. DP would argue that it's my fault. I say it's kinda his. If he were actually sexy with me, he'd get tons more sex.
    No matter how many ways I say it, he doesn't get that sex starts well before we hit the hay! We co-sleep, and that's never been an impediment to sex. I've had plenty of "Oh, ok" sex, and it's not a great feeling, though for a few minutes it feels physically nice. It's just not very nourishing, the way it has been in the distant past, and pre-DP.
    He's a good looking man, he's just not that sexy, IYKWIM? Sometimes he'll touch me during the day, but it's so rare, and he NEVER speaks to me sexily, so yeah, if I'm not making more of an effort, then bite me. I make sure I look nice and well put together (I'm highly visual, so if my reflection irritates me, I make sure I make it better!) at home and when out and nada.
    Yet I have some sexy friends who flirt with me and then I feel SEXY. So, it's not me. It's in there. It just locks up with DP because he can't be bothered accessing that side of me.
    He's not an A-hole, he just doesn't bother, despite many conversations about it.
    As MR says, it's not 'sex', it's INTIMACY that needs nurturing in a relationship. Without intimacy you're in trouble. Without intimacy, there's little incentive, there's no recharge after the daily grind of child rearing.

  8. #116

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    freya and entreat. I don't know what to say, but I hear your points and apologize if my posts offended you.

    Sex is in no way simple.

  9. #117

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    Freya I totally agree hon Much of what you said was in a huge post I typed out the other day but didn't click submit as I've been on the 'other side' of topics like this too much in the recent past and have coped a caining for it Just beifly though it was the attitude of having to put out and that being the good wife thing to do that had me join the family crisis PSG not too long ago. Thankfully this type of attitude was all made up in MY head as that kind of idea is imposed from so much of the community and places like this thread. There are reasons our sex life is crap, 2009 was full of miscarriages and 3 x D&C, having ms, then physically recovering from the ops and all the emotional strain that goes along with it. 2010 was me being pregnant, again ms, then sciatic, headaches feeling and being huge! Then birth, waking all through the night for feeding and that brings me to 6 months later where I am FINALLY recovering. Thank God my husband loves me not just my vagina and all the stuff I made up about what 'should' be happening sex wise was just coming from main stream beliefs. Our marriage and our life together is deeper than that and intimacy can be found in other ways. At some stage a marriage needs to be richer than just sex and lets face it, what type of man wants to have sex with a woman who doesn't really want to be having it? Maybe all the woman who do that are just good at faking it I know my husband would know in a heartbeat if I wastn't 'there' either physically or emotionally. I can't think of anything worse that having sex with someone when I know they don't want to and I am so thankful that my beautiful supportive husband feels the same. I don't need to feel guilty for not putting out and yeah my health DOES come before any physical need my husband has for sex!

  10. #118

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    What I don't get, from having just found this thread, is how people feel they're in a position to judge why other women don't have sex with their partners after childbirth. Instead of asking 'why', we're told that if there isn't some pathology or family violence involved then it's because we are perversely 'holding out'.
    It assumes that many women are asexual, as another poster suggested, instead of experiencing some other compelling impediment to a healthy intimate life.
    In a relationship that's going down the tube and there has been very little sex after children, you'll probably find there are other reasons, far more damning than not having sex that the relationship is in dire straits.
    I think you'll also find that sex is one of the last things to suffer in a relationship - people continue to have sex with each other long after the functionality of the relationship is compromised. I can think of a few relationships where separated couples end up DTD - not a very good litmus test for relationship health!

  11. #119

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    I am LOVING this thread! I try and stay away from controversial topics like this one because im not really good at accepting ppls critisism if they dont agree with my POV (it makes me a bit scared and shy!) but i really think its great getting views from both sides, no-one shld be afraid of voicing their opinion.

    Quote Originally Posted by Roryrory View Post
    I just think that sometimes women are prone to being so closed to the very notion that they don't allow themselves to even consider getting near the mood.
    This has definitely got me thinking.. over the last few months I have been kinda joking/ kinda not that DH is going to have to go without sex for a long time once we have this baby..ive come up with reasons such as i'll need a lot of time to heal.. i will be bleeding for weeks and weeks..i dont want an infection.. and really whatever other reason I can come up with at the time! I have just realised there is no reason whatsoever to be saying this to him and im only doing it to 'scare' him i guess!
    I have no idea how im going to be after giving birth... who knows I might be able to dtd after only 3 weeks or something tho?! Its kinda like im only saying it because i know how important having sex is to him.. and being able to 'threaten' him with the whole no sex thing will make me feel as tho im one up on him.. like I control our sex life.. IYKWIM?!

    If I hadnt of read this thread I honestly believe that I wld have done exactly what u said Roryrory and closed myself off to the idea so much that I wldnt have even considered having sex with dh.. (maybe to try and prove some weird point??!) even if i was fighting fit and healthy! Thankyou for making me wake up to my pig-headedness!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamourcide View Post
    Orrr, from my POV - I can go to bed at midnight, have a quickie and be fast asleep by 12:20... or I can go to bed at midnight and argue for 45 minutes about how I'm really just too tired tonight, babe, can I please just go to sleep and we'll try again tomorrow? And then by the time he gives up, I feel like a cow for dragging it out for so long when I could have just told him, 'Okay, but don't expect fireworks tonight' and had it over with in 15 minutes!
    Again, that's just us DH has a habit of treating sex like a sleeping pill anyway so there are nights we DTD even when neither of us is particularly fussed about it - it just helps us both sleep better.
    I can understand why ppl might not understand this way of thinking but i cld have written this word for word!! This is so us!! Except when its a real quickie it can be over with in about 5 mins!! haha. Dh sometimes even says afterwards with a smile on his face.. 'now that wasnt that hard was it?!' (and yes i know there will be ppl reading this going WTF??!) But it is so true. Its only 5 mins out of my time.. maybe 10 including cleanup dh goes to sleep very very quickly (its definitely a sleeping pill for him! I find if we dont do it he tosses and turns for a good hour whilst going to sleep.. and no i dont believe this is to prove a point! haha) and i get to read my book feeling all warm and fuzzy with dh cuddling right up to me playing with my hair (which i LOVE!) til he falls asleep. Altho we have other ways of feeling close to each other, sex is most definitely the number 1 way for us.

    It has definitely been hard for us at times.. DH is someone that needs sex very regularly, whereas i have no sex drive whatsoever most of the time! (i really really wish i did tho!) Ofcourse this has started a few arguments in the 6 years we have been together but in the last few years i have really come to love our daily love making sessions and if we go to sleep without dtd it feels a bit weird...kinda like we are arguing even tho we're not! Does that make sense??! We both understand each other.. dh knows i dont have the highest sex drive but really does appreciate the effort i put in.. and i understand that he needs sex in our relationship! I really do love the intimacy that it brings and i make sure i remind dh of this regularly so therefore he doesnt feel as tho hes forcing me to make love with him! I guess i have come to 'need it' just as much as he does..just for different reasons!
    Its not only sex he needs tho, he craves lots of cuddles and kisses! He is a very affectionate person (which having grown up in a non-affectionate family im not used too) and has shown me its a very important part of a relationship.

    Im really hoping once this baby arrives things dont change between us... I wld hate for our relationship to lose the intimacy we have now. Ofcourse we both realise having sex wont be a daily thing anymore for a while, but hopefully it can still be a weekly thing once im all healed!

    Im sure there are a lot of ppl who are reading this that cant understand the ins and outs of our relationship and wld disagree with everything i have said but I am so happy i have found someone like my dh to have children with. He has taught me so much in regards to physical intimacy. And I wld love to bring our kids up in a household like this...
    Quote Originally Posted by ausgirl View Post
    My parents have always (slightly cringe haha) had a healthy sex life that I was aware of and have always been very affectionate couple. I grew up understanding that sex is enjoyable in the relationship.
    It was completely the opposite to this when i was growing up.. there was no 'love' at all between my parents.

    Anyway i have rambled enough! Well done if you have gotten thru this!

  12. #120

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    i know when we were trying to fall pregnant we both had sex even though somedays we didnt really feel like it, i bet most people have done the exact same thing when ttc, so whats the difference after the baby is born?
    to me i sometimes look at SOME women and think did you just have sex to have kids or what?
    dh and i have always had a healthy sex life, and ive found ive been more sexually aggressive than he has, there is sometimes when im not totally in the mood and vice versa but we still do it, imagine if you said no everytime each one was tired, when would you ever be intimate?
    i know so many women that knock back their husbands and really, i wouldnt blame them if they strayed.. sex is so important to stay connected to your partner

    great thread!!

    p.s i havent had a baby yet but ive been through a couple of things that took me a while to heal

  13. #121

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    Quote Originally Posted by alish View Post
    ... i bet most people have done the exact same thing when ttc, so whats the difference after the baby is born?
    to me i sometimes look at SOME women and think did you just have sex to have kids or what?
    That's actually a really good point. I would be fairly confident that some women have asked for sex when he didn't really feel like it but they've done it because they "HAD to" in order catch the right time, but then once the bub has come along have not made concessions when they haven't really felt like it? Sounds like a bit of a double standard...

  14. #122

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    Quote Originally Posted by alish View Post
    i know when we were trying to fall pregnant we both had sex even though somedays we didnt really feel like it, i bet most people have done the exact same thing when ttc, so whats the difference after the baby is born?
    to me i sometimes look at SOME women and think did you just have sex to have kids or what?

    i know so many women that knock back their husbands and really, i wouldnt blame them if they strayed.. sex is so important to stay connected to your partner

    great thread!!

    p.s i havent had a baby yet but ive been through a couple of things that took me a while to heal
    I was scared to DTD after my first baby and it took a while for me to be ready and longer again for things to go back to normal ... healing from a birth can be very different to healing from other kinds of injury. Having people poke and prod you down there and having second, third or fourth degree tears can leave you feeling very vulnerable. Birth shouldn't be like that, but for a lot of women it is and it takes time to recover, not just physically but emotionally and mentally. Even if the physical scars are healed, the memory of pain can still be there too which can cause all kinds of problems.

    I don't think that not having sex is an excuse for a partner to stray. Every relationship is obviously different and each couple has to set their own boundaries, but in my relationship, we take each other as we are, where we are at. We are committed to each other as people not just to each other as sexual objects. I don't see sex as a need that absolutely has to be filled ... it is enjoyable certainly, but not essential or a god given right. Many relationships exist without sex because people are connected and committed to their partner's mind, heart, the substance of who they are as a human being, not just their body.

    I think it is healthy to encourage a healthy sex life in a relationship - but the definition of healthy is very subjective. What is healthy for one couple could be very different for another couple. Things like life experience, past abuses, children, length of relationship, type of relationship, personal sense of worth, personal happiness, connectedness, general health and wellbeing etc all play a part in what would define healthy for relationship as well as the personality of the each partner.

    TTC is a very different story to sex after a baby. I am incredibly stretched after I have a baby - I have a baby and toddlers touching me all day long - and sometimes I just want my personal bubble, my boobs leak at random intervals, physically I feel different about myself, I am physically exhausted from being up all hours of the night and then not able to sleep during the day. My DH is incredibly supportive and I do value our sex life but everyone's priorities are different.

    I don't think there is anything wrong with a thread that encourages women to feel empowered to have sex for themselves and make an effort if they will benefit from it emotionally and physically. I do think that it is wrong to say that women should be having sex with their partners because their partners NEED sex or because they might stray or because there is a suggestion of a double standard. I don't think it is right to tell anyone else what they should and shouldn't do in their relationship. Telling women to do something for themselves is very different to instilling fear and guilt and passing judgement. I don't know about anyone else's relationship or situation so it is best to leave these things up to each individual couple to decide for themselves.

    I do partly wonder, why does it matter how much sex other people are having? It is not really a social issue with consequences for wider society. I really don't believe that relationships break up because there isn't much sex going on usually it is because of other issues (which in some cases may lead to the lack of sexual activity not vise versa).

    I posted a link on another thread about enthusiastic consent ... I reckon it is worth a read - The (Nonexistent) Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Consequences of Enthusiastic Consent

  15. #123

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    Quote Originally Posted by alish View Post
    i know when we were trying to fall pregnant we both had sex even though somedays we didnt really feel like it, i bet most people have done the exact same thing when ttc, so whats the difference after the baby is born?
    The difference is the sheer exhaustion. The complete fatigue. The huge emotional shift. The pain. The memory of pain. The support (or lack thereof) from your partner through all this.


    Quote Originally Posted by alish View Post
    dh and i have always had a healthy sex life, and ive found ive been more sexually aggressive than he has, there is sometimes when im not totally in the mood and vice versa but we still do it, imagine if you said no everytime each one was tired, when would you ever be intimate?
    Being 'tired' and being completely and untter exhausted are too very different experiences IMO. Generally, if someone is just 'tired' but still interested in sex, then sex wins. The problems arise when the interest level isn't there, and then 'tired' becomes the 'excuse' not nessecarily the reality - they may actually be feeling unloved, unsupported, uncared for, angry, scared, hurt or any other range of emotions. Exhaustion on the other hand is real. And I know that I am often so exhausted when I get to bed time, that I fall alseep as soon as my head hits the pillow or I have just burst into tears at absolutely nothing.


    Quote Originally Posted by alish View Post
    i know so many women that knock back their husbands and really, i wouldnt blame them if they strayed..
    Completely disagree. NOTHING justifies cheating. All the excuses in the world (no matter how valid they may be) excuses being unfaithful to your spouse and betraying their trust like that. If there is no sex is a marriage, I think it is generally the final straw, it is certainly an indication that the marriage has bigger problems then just sex.

    Quote Originally Posted by alish View Post
    sex is so important to stay connected to your partner
    I would suggest that is not the case, rather 'staying connected to your partner is so important to maintain sex'.

    I have been with my DH for 12.5 yrs, living together for 10yrs, married for 6yrs. In my experience, if your relationship cannot survive for periods of time without sex, it will not survive. All relationships have their sexual peaks and troughs. Of course if it is lacking from your marriage you should try to address the issue (or more likely underlying 'issues'), but if sex it the thing to break a relationship 'in and of itself' then that was a pretty crappy relationship to start with.

  16. #124

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    i know youre all tired, im not saying youre not, do you not think youre husbands are tired after they get home after a massive day at work? then they are expected to play with the kids etc etc, its the same thing! they work just as hard too and get in trouble when they just want to sit down and have a beer and relax for 5 after work!

    how can you sit there and say your partner gives you no support? if he didnt want a child, he would have participated in getting you pregnant! he works all day to bring you and your child money home so you can all survive, how is that not support? just because he dosent make a fuss over how youre feeling? most men arent programmed that way.

    no one in this thread is taking away the fact that having a baby is hard on a woman physically and mentally and that looking after the child isnt hard work, i just think that SOME women need to think about their partner also, who said anywhere about having sex a day after the baby was born? everyone knows it takes people different amounts of time to heal, i know after my ectopic & losing another one i couldnt have sex for 2 months, and thats not my fault! my dh knew that, that didnt mean he went without though, i did things for him. whats the harm in it?

    dont get on the defense immediatly like youre being attacked, everyone is allowed to have a point of view, this thread is controversial, dont get so upset about it, no offense to anyone, but if youre going to attack someone about their comments, maybe you shouldnt have taken part in this thread.

    misty - just because i havent had a child, you think i havent been "utterley exhausted" (as you put it) after what ive been through?
    everyone can be so tired that they can burst into tears or fall asleep as soon as their head hits the pillow, i still found the time to be intimate with my husband, even if i was emotional or "exhausted".

    motherhood is a wonderful thing and i cannot wait to go through it for myself, the good things and the bad, i just know that I PERSONALLY will find the time to still be intimate with my dh, because i love him and without him i wouldnt have the beautiful life growing inside me that i do.

  17. #125

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    Quote Originally Posted by alish View Post
    i know when we were trying to fall pregnant we both had sex even though somedays we didnt really feel like it, i bet most people have done the exact same thing when ttc, so whats the difference after the baby is born?
    to me i sometimes look at SOME women and think did you just have sex to have kids or what?
    dh and i have always had a healthy sex life, and ive found ive been more sexually aggressive than he has, there is sometimes when im not totally in the mood and vice versa but we still do it, imagine if you said no everytime each one was tired, when would you ever be intimate?
    i know so many women that knock back their husbands and really, i wouldnt blame them if they strayed.. sex is so important to stay connected to your partner

    great thread!!

    p.s i havent had a baby yet but ive been through a couple of things that took me a while to heal
    I will be very interested to see your revised reply 6mths after you've had your baby. The tone of your post and your viewpoints make it quite obvious you dont realise the full extent of being a stay at home mother with a child (or two or four or six) every single day, year after year. But thats lack of experience. Sure, my husband works 5 days a week from 6:30-4:30. Unlike alot of other men my Dh's job is our LIFE, we never leave it at the door, it dictates everything we do. Ive had to birth babies and go through all kinds of hell without any support but Dh, and he's been pretty crap at it. But he will be the first to tell you MY job looking after the kids 24/7, and studying, and working two nights a week, and dealing with military life, is INFINITELY harder than anything he'll ever have to do. He's realised that now, esp after I give him a good dose of my reality by going away for a long weekend. By the time I get back he is champing at the bit to go back to that tiring work he does. And as for exhaustion; motherhood exhaustion is an entirely different breed to non-motherhood exhaustion. Ive been beyond tired too, pre kids, but I can tell you the one difference thats made it endurable - I could sleep whenever I wanted. I could sleep in, sleep 12 hours uninterupted overnight, have a nap. Im lucky to get 3hrs of decent sleep a night and have done for the last 5 years. I dont get to nap because my 4yo doesnt nap anymore. So essentially my brain is working 21hrs of 24hrs in a day. Humans arent meant to run like that. The only job I can think of that compares to that is someone working in a hospital/emergency services, but even then there are workplace regulations that enforce only a certain amount of hours being worked before rest must be taken. Not so with mothers.

    And I think allowing an unhappy sex life to be an excuse to cheat is just a cop out for being a loser. If sex is the only reason you stray then your an idiot. Why? Because if sex if the only reason your unhappy then your relationship and life mustnt be that bad to start with. Well apart from the obvious selfishness of the person cheating.

    The ONE thing my Dh will admit to is that if his only problem with our marriage is the discrepancy in what our idea's of 'enough sex' is, then our relationship must be better than we realise. He would NEVER cheat. Ever. Not even because of the not enough sex thing. And Ive told him many a time to feel free to do it if he's that hard done by. If ruining a marriage is worth it for something as unimportant as sex in the overall picture of things; then I am better rid of him. He's never gone anywhere!
    Last edited by Freya; March 17th, 2011 at 06:24 AM.

  18. #126

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    my husband would never cheat either, but ive seen what a sexless marriage is like with my friends and family. and i know whats happened.

    when did i ever say in any of my posts that i wouldnt have a hard time coping etc when i have a baby? i know i will, and you know what? i look forward to everything that motherhood throws at me.

    when was i ever attacking anyone? im allowed to have a point of view, its your choice if you choose to get offended, obviously ive hit a nerve, and im NOT apologising for having an opinion!

    my husband works those exact same hours as well so i too will be on my own!!

    motherhood isnt a 24/7 job, its a PRIVLEDGE!!!! some people dont get that blessing in their life!

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