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Thread: For those who have children of only one sex

  1. #1

    Default For those who have children of only one sex

    *This may be a little sensitive for some*
    Do you feel you have missed out by not having experienced a child of each sex? Do you get past it? Do you feel sad?



    I'm pretty sure I'm having another girl (our second) and not sure whether I would be prepared to try for a third. It's funny, cos I have actually really wanted a second girl the whole time, but it occurred to me tonight that if I don't have a boy, I may never, and that has made me feel, I dunno, a bit of a yearning to have a boy I guess?

  2. #2

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    Honestly, no I don't, but then, I have never yearned to have a boy. If we ever try for a third and we have another girl, it wouldn't upset me. Though I don't know how I would feel if I never had a girl.

  3. #3

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    No, I've never felt like I'm missing out by not having a girl - in fact, I'm perfectly happy about it. I don't mind if Stormageddon is a boy or a girl, when DH decides we're having another baby (if I haven't gotten bored with waiting and said no more by then). I'd be thrilled to have another little boy. Yes, some of the girl clothes are super cute, but then you have all the girl issues to deal with - I'm happy to stick with boys.

    But I wouldn't object to a girl any more - I would have been most upset if Liebling had been a girl.

  4. #4

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    I'm pregnant with my 3rd girl and couldn't be happier. DD1 and DD2 are completely different in every sense and I love the people they are, not the gender they are. When we were discussing whether or not to have a 3rd, it was never about trying for a boy but about having another child.

    I think its pretty natural to wonder "what if", but I'm not sure that you wouldn't have that feeling whatever gender IYKWIM.

    ETA: Just wanted to add that I have the most sporting husband around and when DD2 was born my only concern was that he would feel he had maybe missed out from not having a son to share that with. I'm sure things will change as they get older, but one of the girls in particular is pretty damn happy out there on the golf course with her daddy, and no father could adore his children more.
    Last edited by LuluHB; December 21st, 2011 at 09:23 PM.

  5. #5

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    I hoped DD1 was a boy, because I am the only girl with 6 younger brothers & I want a 'big brother' for any future kids.
    We wouldn't change her for the world, she protects her little sister and does all the 'boy' things a son would have done.

    We were quite disappointed DD2 was another girl but again now we wouldn't change her, she's just as much a tomboy (if not more) than her big sister.

    We don't want any more and while I'm sad we have no-one to pass on dp's family name I don't really yearn for a boy!


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  6. #6

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    It's only early days for me but I feel okay about having two little boys We found out at our 19 week scan that we were having another boy. Admittedly I have had the odd pang about never having a daughter, but that is usually prompted by something on TV or a cute girls outfit at the shops. But even then it's just a passing thought like "I would've done that with my daughter if I had one", hope that makes sense!

    Now that Buster is here I'm excited about my boys becoming great mates and sharing a room etc. Wanting a girl wouldn't be enough for me to go for a third as there is every chance I would have another boy! If anything I feel more sorry for my DH, I think a little girl would be the apple of his eye! Funnily enough he feels the same about me missing out.

    Best of luck with your pregnancy, I think it's great to ask these questions so you have time to process it all before bubs is here
    Last edited by ~Hestia~; December 21st, 2011 at 09:29 PM.

  7. #7

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    I'm really pleased for DD that she'll have a sister. I'm pleased that we'll more than likely be able to stick with similar activities throughout their childhoods. I imagine them being grown up together.

    I guess it's more of a thing for DP who feels that he won't get to share some of his interests with a child of ours, than for me.

    I think I looked for all of the positives in a second daughter and realised there were more than I'd expected. And that just having another child was such a gift, that gender wasn't as important as we first thought.

  8. #8

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    not really.

    I was positive that Ziggy was a girl, so I was surprised to see a penis on the ultrasound!! But not disappointed.

    I would love a girl of course, but boys are bliss too!

    I personally wouldn't be going for #3 in the specific hope of having a girl ... if we decide we're ready and willing to have a third, we'll go for it - and be happy with whatever comes out (unless it's a giraffe ... we don't want a giraffe ...)

    but there's loads of benefits of two boys ... they will be close in age, and we hope and pray that they're the very best of friends


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    i have an only, and yes, i do wish i could have had a boy as well.

    tiny family, older parents, wishing there was someone to look out for her, once i'm gone.

  10. #10

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    I have 2 girls, and no more in my foreseeable future, and yes, it does bother me.
    I have always wanted a boy, and whilst I love my girls to bits and wouldn't change them for the world, the thought of never doing some of those boy things upsets me.
    If I were to have another girl I know I would be devastated.
    I am working through it but yes, it still makes me very sad to think I will never have that very special mother/son bond in my life. Maybe it is because I have an older brother and know how fabulous it can be...?

  11. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by LimeSlice View Post
    I am working through it but yes, it still makes me very sad to think I will never have that very special mother/son bond in my life. Maybe it is because I have an older brother and know how fabulous it can be...?
    That's a really good point you make, Lime. I have two sisters and maybe that's why I'm so glad that DD will have a sister too. I love the relationships I have with each of them, especially now we're grown. I have no brother and no reference as to how I'd get along with one.

    We wanted a boy for ourselves, rather than DD. I guess I assumed a sibling of the same gender is preferred by our child (well, she did tell us how much she wanted a sister!).

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    the family of origin point is interesting ...

    I'm one of 4 kids - 2 boys, 2 girls, so I have seen up close and personal brothers with brothers, sisters with sisters, and brothers and sisters together - and mums and dads interacting with both sons and daughters - and from what I've seen, it's all good, and from my personal experience, it's all based so much on individual personalities rather than gender.

    so while I'd quite like one of each, it doesn't actually bother me. two boys, three boys, two boys and one girl, it's all good ...


    but on the other hand, a very good friend on the other hand is one of 4 girls, and she very much wanted her first baby to be a girl - and he wasn't. He's beautiful, he is very loved and cherished, but make no mistake, my friend still wants a daughter. Her sister has recently had a girl, and that's hard for my friend, but because it feels "wrong" for her to feel that way, she hasn't really confided in anyone much about it ... I should tell her to come here to BB, and join in on the Gender Disappointment threads to see she's not alone ...

  13. #13

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    Definatly not
    I always thought i wanted a boy, and first time round i was dead set i was having a boy, and than when she was born and the midwife asked me what she was, i said a boy of course! and DH said ummm i think you might want to have another look and there she was.... My baby girl although i thought i wanted a boy i was so thrilled for a girl! and thought if i couldn't have any more bubs than i am happy with a girl, whereas if i had of had a boy first than i think things would of been different, im pretty sure i would of pinned for a girl.

    2nd time round i think i only wanted a boy for DH's sake, and we didn't find out until the day she was born and i scored another girl i felt bad for DH but he has reassured me so many times that he is more than happy with his 2 girls and has no desire for a boy!

    He even made comment the other day when he saw a dad with 3 girls he said i could really go for 3 girls so yep i guess that confirms it he is happy with the 2 girls!

    I see soooo many benifits of having 2 the same (as im sure those who have a pigeon pair see so many benifits for that).

    Not going to go for a 3rd because i like our family dynamics as it is, and having a boy would change that (not that i have anything against boys, i miss out on that mother and son bond) and im not guaranteed to have another girl.

    Plus boys and girls are so different, and the little boys we know as cute as they are, make it even more definate in our heads that no we are not missing out by having 2 girls! your family is what you make it

    we love it!

  14. #14

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    yeah I reckon I want a boy. I wanted DD to be a boy, mostly cos I had always had a fantasy about having an older brother to look out for me when I was younger. DD also scared me cos I have a negative relationship with my mum, and I was scared to mother a daughter, but now I just love it! It can be confronting at times. Especially since she is so much like me! ("OMG is that what that looks like from the outside" often goes thru my head). And whilst we don't know what sex this baby is I am not phased if we get another girl. It would seem right somehow.

    BUT! after we have this baby, if it isn't a boy I think I will really be hanging for a boy. Might even go to Thailand and get gender selection to make sure... not sure, but I wouldn't want to spend my life wishing. So I would just make sure

  15. #15

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    i am an only child so i didnt have any views about how siblings would interact (well nto from my own experiences)
    I have 2 boys.. and we are starting to think about a 3rd. I am expecting it will be a boy and i would love that but thetre is ap art of me that would like a girl now too! not enough to go the gender precition methods but it woud be sweet.
    i think i am jumping the gun thinking what it may be - we arent even ttc yet.
    fwiw i LOVE having 2 boys now and they are gorgeous together,

  16. #16

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    I wasn't planning in falling pregnant with DD so I'd never really thought about what I personality wanted before finding out I was pregnant. But I had such a strong feeling that I was having a girl that it wasn't really up for thought then either.

    I am glad I had a girl first - she is perfect and even though we clash sometimes, I know we'll have a fantastic relationship as she grows up.

    This time round I can't shake the feeling I'm having a boy - been dreaming about it every night for weeks now. The idea of a boy scares me a little - I have no idea how to raise a boy lol.

    I would be happy either way with this baby - although if it's a boy I think I like that it isn't going to be compared to DD all the time. I like the idea of a boy an a girl - although I would be more confident with 2 girls


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    I always wanted 1 of each, when DS1 was born I just imaginied that number 2 would be a girl, which of course he wasn't, for a split 2nd when DH told me sex at my CS I was disapointed but once I saw him I was ok. I do still have days of wanting a girl to go shopping with, dress in cute dresses, play dolls with etc but if I was to have a 3rd there is no gurantee it would be a girl. I have always wanted 3 children but DH does not he only wants 2. The boys as much as they fight are very cute together and I am sure will be close when they are older.

    I am 1 of 3 I have 2 brothers both younger than me. DH only has 1 sister.

  18. #18

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    I have two boys and quite honestly had slight gender disappointment when we found out at the 19wk scan that DS2 was a boy. DS1 I always new was a boy we didn't find out with him but in my heart new. I only ever gravitated to boys clothes, toys etc. The whole pregnancy was different with DS2 so in my heart I really thought he was a girl. I'm glad that I found out when I did because it gave me the time to adjust and I wouldn't change him for anything. There will be no more for us I find the first 12 months over whelming and only now DS2 has turned 17mths am I starting to feel a bit like my old self. No PND, but I just loose myself hard to put into words. The other side of the coin is my DH is from mainly boys, his father 1 of 4, DH 1 of 2 and DH's brother has 4. The thoughts that I am still working through are I will always be a MIL so not the first person they will turn to when they have partners/wives/children for motherly advice and the fact that I will never use the girl name I have had picked out since I was 12. I am not ready to get rid of any of the clothes or things that they used a lot as babies, but some of the bigger items I have started to give away or sell.

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