Ianto's story (extremely long, and may be distressing)

Tenibear,
Darling, I was having sort of a bad day today, so I logged on for a chat and a read and came across your story. I had trouble reading a lot of it from the tears rolling down my face. I just wanted to let you know that you are such an inspiration, such a strong woman to go through what you have.
I cannot even begin to imagine what you and DH have and are going through.
It has certainly made me pull my socks up, dust myself off to charge on through.
Thank you for giving me a wake up call XX

I sit here on my study floor crying with my DH holding me, you're story is so touching.

We are truly so sorry for you and your DH loss. I'm lost for words, I'm sorry. I think you are an amazing woman for being able to share your story with us.

with love and sympathy....
:comfort:

Thank you for sharing this with us. Words just aren't enough.

:hug: It sounds like Ianto was farewelled with much love. I was thinking of you yesterday as you said your goodbyes.

Hi

Teni - Thinking about you and your beautiful baby boy. I have complete empathy for the struggle you are going through at the moment.
I lost my daughter in Feb 2009 at 41 weeks at the end of labour, then an emergency section.
One year on, it is still a struggle, although the days do get easier.
If you ever need to talk please pm me.
Hugs Hun,
RIP sweet baby boy.

Oh babe. i just had a look at baby Ianto's photos. He looks like you. I shed a few tears for baby Ianto. May he rest in peace.
I wish i could bring him back for you and Scott. I just wish i could. I just wiiiiish and wish and wish and wish.
I am hurting for you. i wish i could give you a great big cuddle and cry with you.
xxoo

I am so very sorry that you had such a brief time with your little man.

I am so very sorry for your loss :hug:

Teni - Thank you for sharing your story. I have no words just tears and hugs. :hug:

Fly free little angel Lanto

Teni - Thankyou for sharing your story and so beautifully written..

Ianto is such a beautiful boy in his pictures and I'm sure he is in spirit as well.

Sending you and your family love, support and prayers xoxo

was thinking of you and your gorgeous boy today Teni... :hug: You are an amazing mummy to give your son such a beautiful farewell when you had to say goodbye to him so soon.
sending you love xx

Thank you for sharing your beautiful little boy with us. Such totally heartbreaking, yet beautiful moments. :hug:

Teni, I am so sorry that little Ianto left you too soon :hug: I feel so honoured that you have shared your precious photos of him with us. He was such a dear little boy and absolutely perfect in every way.

Tani and Scotty I am so sorry for your loss :heartbeat: I can not imagine how hard that would be :( I looked at your photos, he was a beautiful little angel :heartbeat:

Go slowly hun. I found this poem recently, thought it was beautiful and you might like to hear it.

What kind of place would heaven be with all its streets of gold,
if all the souls, that dwell up there like yours and mine, were old?
How strange would heaven’s music sound when harps begin to ring,
if children were not gathered ‘round to help the angels sing.

The children that God sends to us are only just a loan,
He knows we need their sunshine to make the house a home.
We need the inspiration of a baby’s blessed smile.
He doesn’t say they’ve come to stay, just lends them for a while.

Sometimes it takes them years to do the work for which they come.
Sometimes in just a month or two our Father calls them home.
I like to think some souls up there bear not one sinful scar.
I love to think of heaven as a place where children are.

Tenibear- i am so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby boy Ianto.

I'm lost for words. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I can't even begin to imagine what it was like for you and dh to have to leave that little angel there
:( My heart goes out to you both and pray that you can find the strength to get thru this in one piece.

Teni, I am sorry I hadn't caught up with this earlier. I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your precious Ianto. Thinking of you. xx

Tenibear - thanks so much for sharing about your beautiful Ianto. Your blog and pictures are just a wonderfully touching and beautiful and show so much love, and of course heartache.

Hope you're travelling ok today. One day at a time.

TeniBear - thank you for sharing the beautiful story of your precious baby boy. RIP little angel. You and your family are in my prayers. :hug:

so sorry for your loss. thank you so much for sharing your story, i have been in tears reading it. :hug:
floaty kisses for your angel
xx

Teni - I was just thinking about you today. Just like I have done ever since I read about Ianto. How are you doing?

I too am a big fan of the Australian Community of Child Photographers. They provide the most amazing and generous gift to bereaved parents and parents of sick children. I have the local coorindinators number in my mobile. I didn't get to use them but I decided that DH and I needed some nice photos taken of us, so used one of the ACCOP photographers for that.

:

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Teni - I was just thinking about you today. Just like I have done ever since I read about Ianto. How are you doing?

I too am a big fan of the Australian Community of Child Photographers. They provide the most amazing and generous gift to bereaved parents and parents of sick children. I have the local coorindinators number in my mobile. I didn't get to use them but I decided that DH and I needed some nice photos taken of us, so used one of the ACCOP photographers for that.

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I'm doing alright today (to clarify - Monday, since it's just past midnight). Had you asked yesterday though... Very different story. I spent most of the day crying, or just walking around in a daze. It really hit home that I'd never get to hold him again, or see him grow up... I went a bit weird at one point and made up my mind that I was going to go to the cemetery and insist they dig up his grave so I could take him home. Needless to say, that didn't happen and I'm quite embarrassed that I thought it to begin with. I didn't sleep or eat all day or night, and when it came time for Scott to leave for work, I completely broke down and started howling hysterically that he couldn't leave me. I couldn't breathe for ages, I was crying so hard. Sleep ended up hitting me out of nowhere - one second I was crying, the next I was dreaming about visiting Ianto's grave (it was very nice, and some new "neighbours" were being lowered in - but they were adults. So, strange.)

Today, on the other hand, I've been okay. Aside from sleeping most of the day to make up for not sleeping :redface: I've been packing up the "house" and watching DVDs.

On your other point, I think for any other babies we have, we'll be using an ACOCP photographer for their newborn photos too. Jessie (the President and the one who came out to us) was great, and has the same sense of humour as we do, so I think we'll be using her... I can't say how much I love that organisation right now. I just wish we'd known about them beforehand. Or maybe not - strange as it sounds, the room we were in at the funeral home did look fantastic in the photos :lol: Especially the black-and-white ones, very gothic looking.

PS - I think this may be the most-read thread on BB lately, it seems I can't come on without seeing it ;)

Big hugs Teni :hug:. I'm glad you were able to sleep and dream. Just keep taking each day at a time.

You are in my thoughts and prayers :hug:.

:hug: Teni. I think of you, Scott and Ianto often. I think it's completely understandable to want to have Ianto home with you and you should certainly not be embarrassed. How did Scott go back at work?

Teni - glad you're feeling a bit better, but just take each day as it comes.

None of what you've said is strange or weird, actually it sounds all quite normal to me This is all a part of the very hard journey, called grief and being a bereaved parent that you are now on.

I know it sounds like a useless platitude, but time does help.

I have many times wanted to get off this journey and be on a different journey, but then again, I don't want to get off either? Maybe its more just to have some respite from the challenges of putting one foot in front of the other and living each day with such a heavy heart and broken spirit?

One of the biggest challenges for me was when DH went back to work, after Sophie, so I can totally empathise with you there. It was truly one the loneliest times of my life. I hope its not that way for you.

Isn't it nice to know that so many people care about you and are interested in how you are doing? Sometimes it's enough to make all the difference to your day.

Hope today is a good day.

Hi Teni,

I have been thinking of you and your family and little Ianto often. I have been following your blog as well which is so beautifully written :hug: Your love just jumps off the screen. :hug:

I continue to pray for strength for you and Scott :hug:

TeniBear I tried to reply to your post through my thread, but I wasn't sure how to work it as a reply. I wanted to tell you that you are in my thoughts alot and I feel for you. I have just been reading your blog and I am so so sad that you are going through that with your landlord. I find it hard to believe that there are people out there so disrespectful. Sending you many hugs and praying for you that things work out for you and Scott. Don't feel embarrassed about the things you said regarding bringing Ianto home from the cemetry, I had exactly the same thoughts running through my mind. I also didn't say it earlier in my previous post, but, I am so so sorry for your loss. I hope Ianto and Jayden will play happily together.
I also know to well about the feeling of wanting to be pregnant again. My doctor is telling me now is not the time, but refuses to give me a script for the pill. I'm confused.
Take care Teni, and you too Scott.
Danni.

Thankyou so very much for sharing your story - I am so sorry for the loss of your little angel..

Sleep sweet Ianto.

Teni, I am so sorry for the loss of your little man. Thank-you for sharing your story, and I wish you and Scott much peace, and that Ianto is proud to have had you for his parents.

Hey Teni.... just dropping in to say I'm thinking of you and to give you some of these :hug: :hug: :hug:

Tenibear - i have just been strong/brave enough to read Ianto's story. I had tears streaming down my face and still well up when I think of you, Scott and Ianto. As I only know from my only experience there are just no words. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and I send you massive amounts of :hug::hug::hug:

Thanyou so much for sharing such a personal part of your life with us. Im sorry for your family's loss Ianto is so lucky to have such a strong amazing mummy. much love to you hugs

I am sorry i am so late in reading this, i am so sorry for your loss but can i say i think your an amazing person and thank you for sharing your incredibly sad journey.
I also noticed you are expecting again congratulations! It must be a real mix of emotions but i am sure baby Ianto will be keeping this baby safe in your belly and watching you from above through this pregnancy. I read through the whole story and did not stop, i have tears streaming down my face and i cant even imagine the pain that youve gone through. I hope time can help heal some of the pain.

Such a heartbreaking journey Tenibear :(

Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful memories of your darling little boy :hug: