teenager girl chat

Lulu we have tried that. Unfortunately she just wants to do what she wants to do. I have already sat down with her and we have worked out the finances and I think it freaked her out a little but now she wants to move in with the boyfriend and I think she thinks he will look after her but he is only 16 now and unemployed. Sometimes I just want to smack her up the head, especially now that 11y/o DS is trying it on to.

We are now actually thinking that it might be the best thing for everyone if she does. It will show her how hard life is when you're not prepared for it and it will give us some stress free time. I'm almost ashamed to admit how much I want a stress free home right now. I can feel myself withdrawing from everyone as I feel overloaded by everything. DF is ranting and raving about DS1 and his attitude while lavishing affection on his girls (older 3 aren't his). I'm stuck in the middle trying to smooth things over. I just feel I'm in a no win situation. DF thinks I should be siding with him no matter what and DS thinks it should be him. I need a holiday

I hear ya sista! Too tired to write more but totally understandable.

Kim, don't worry about talking her out of it. Just let her go, cos the crunch will come soon - it's likely that the BF's parents won't have a bar of it. Oh lordy we have had a few of those happen over the years, kids getting some big idea of who they are going to move in with.....and those people (or parents) are WTF? hahahahahaha!

Only problem Lulu is that the bf and his sister will be living in a house owned by their parents who aren't in the picture. At the moment the bf lives with his nan and pop until the tenants move out of the house. His sister is not much older than he is and she is pregnant so her bf will also be living in the house. I can see a disaster in the making here but yes I think I will need to let her go.

Kim i sympathise with you. i hope you find a solution, i am no help sorry.

We are having issues here at the moment, thankfully i had 5 days away in GC with Bb girls or i would be flipping it big time at the moment. DD is in year 8 and she does no homework, none at all, and when asked she always she has none, i checked her planner last night and its blank, she is suposed to fill it in after every class and we have had numerous meetings at the school with the co-ordinator of late to say she is going to fail maths and science as she has not handed in any homework for the year. The thing that frustrates me is her class work is very good, she gets 80 to 90% in most subjects but her overall marks are terribel as she doesnt submitt homework. I have tried the whole taking things off her (mobile, internet, ipod etc) but it doesnt seem to work. I am dumb founded at why she just wont do it, she wouldnt have more than half an hour a day of homework, i sat with her and worked out a timetable for the week, but when it comes to the time she says oh i dont have any.
I know this is probably a small issue compared to some of all your problems at them moment but she told me she is skipping 3rd and 4th period today as i received a call from the teacher yesterday saying she is giving her detention once again, she said well im just not going to that class anyway.

Oh Abb I so hate it when they hit year 8 as that is when it seems to start. I'm so sorry. My DD refused to do homework as well and most of her assignments and kept it up until the end of year 9. We ended up repeating her as we gave her sufficient time to improve and told her this is what we were going to do if she didn't. So far this year she seems to have done most of them. We now have the issue of her telling us that next year when she turns 16 she is leaving home and she has been offered a job so she is going to give up school. She thinks that she will do her year 10 at Tafe but I have my doubts. Oh well what can we do. Big hugs to everyone having the problems, good luck to us all

Abb: our DD was exactly the same. Sadly we found no solution. She just boycotted homework. Because i had my two younger boys to deal with i found it really hard to help her or to keep and eye on her to make sure she wasn't just in her room mucking around. Now she has two hours of SUPERVISED homework time in a library each day where she is not allowed to use or have a mobile phone etc. She has been doing every bit of homework. it's a shame her previous school didn't offer this service. it's so hard when you have younger kids at home to deal with... :hug:

Bath that is exactly it i am struggling to find the time to make sure she is doing it and we are considering having another baby but atm i dont think its a good idea. Dp keeps saying if we waited until things are sorted with DD it will be too late as i am almost 37, i am starting to think we shouldnt have anymore. DD keeps saying i hope your not planning on having more kids, as much as she loves DS, i think she is feeling left out. I was a single mum for 8 years and i think she misses all the attention. I always wondered if this is why she is acting up.

I gave up hassling about homework through sheer lack of time and energy. I did try to help with homework schedules at one point.

I would just tell her it was a waste since she was so bright, and gave a few anecdotes of friends that left it too late and couldn't get into the courses they wanted, nor get work without a passing year. I would say things like - you would be a terrific enviro scientist/band manager/Translator and left her to think about it. I played to her strengths, things she knew she was good at (biology, language), and let her know you can get paid for doing things you love and make HEAPS of $$$ (all teens love money).

After a while , even if we weren't talking, I'd get a random text telling me her scores on the latest test. Then I'd do a stupid mummy dance to embarrass her, which she secretly loved.

Bath, I told her how my GF went to boarding school and always had homework done when school was over and that thought appealed to her alot. Even in yr 9 she would stay in at lunch to finish off her work (and be RANCID when she got home lol).

At the end of the day, though EVERYTHING I always opened up the bigger picture to her, in the coolest way I could - in a way that she could picture her sucess on her own. I took my own expectations out of the picture because if she is going to rebel against ME that was fine Ijust didn't want her to cut her nose off just to spite me iykwim?

Abb, I don't know... so many kids act up at this age, I don't know that it's down to any one thing. I know DD made a few comments while I was PG 'this baby is ALREADY taking time away from me' - that kind of thing - but she adores her little sister now. I really think a lot of it is just the age :dunno:

WRT moving out, schoolwork etc....I think I have an advantage (if you want to call it that) of having been a teen mum... DD is pretty keen on NOT doing what I did.

I moved out of home at 16 (at the start of year12) and was pregnant a few months later (not because I moved out of home - it would most likely have happened anyway :p) - and there went my plans for uni & a brilliant career (of some sort).

DD has always kind of looked at me & thought 'no thanks'.... we had a discussion the other day about her moving out & she has said she wants to move out with a bunch of friends (they've been talking about it) AFTER she's finished school, and ONLY if she has a job. Phew.
She's a bit scatty & disorganised with her schoolwork & her time (she gets it from me I think) but she wants to do well, and that's a big part of it.

Speaking of work...she got her first job :dance: at a bakery across the road (which suits me awesomely :D)
...and I got a card in the mail the other day which read

:

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Just a short note to let you know that it is a pleasure teaching Panda! She is mature and intelligent and highly creative and has a positive influence on those around her.
(HOD Arts Dept)

---

which of course is awesome, and we had a big friendly argument over where to put it up on the wall, so everyone can see it :D

Sorry to toot my horn :) but I wanted to come in & post something positive. It's not all bad (phew, again)

Fleur great to hear she got the job at the bakery.
In a hurry as im suppose to be at work. oops
Im very annoyed at the school as they are quick to give out bad rep (demerits) but not so with communication, i have rang twice today and no one has returned my call. Think its time for a call to the vice principal as i dont seem to be getting anywhere.

I found with DD that in the end I did as Lulu did and said "well its your life" BUT still made her subtly aware of the benefits of education. She knows i earn a decent income cause i went to uni and did teaching and therefore could get a job I loved which also paid OK so she was aware of the advantages of study but really needed me to pull back a bit and leave it to her.

Its so hard cause you have all these young mums with stars in their eyes who are so idealistic about how they will parent their teen etc and the reality is so much bluddy harder than they can ever imagine sometimes!!

yeah cos we are all gonna be beeeesst friiieennnds :rofl:

and they will have deep meaningful conversations with their daughters hanging on their every word!!

and sort it all out at the dinner table just in time for the credits to roll.....

I don't spose having an 8 year old qualifies??
I doubt its hormones just yet, since there are no other signs, but one more comment about me not cleaning to HER standards (while her room is a brothel) & I'm gonna send her flying!!
I'm so glad she's not a teen yet, but I really don't think I'll be able to stand her at 13, let alone 15!

Clover, I saw the attitude starting up when DD was around the same age.
:hug: hugs to you...I guess you know it's no rosy road ahead :lol: but it's not forever.

At least, it better freakin not be!

Yeah, not forever.... just til they have kids... :lol: