Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March 2009

erybery,

I was exactly were you are now two weeks ago.

Please be so careful about your mental health through this time, Traumatic Shock is how most of us react.

Not that it would of helped for me but self doubt and blame isn't the path to take,
but it is so so hard to feel anything but that during this time.

We had a four day lead into the termination and Im sure I was in 100% shock for the next 5 days and on the 6th day when I began to realise and acknowledge what had happened the drop was so fast balck and scary I didn't think I would ghet out of it.

If the only advice I can give you is to find a pre-post natal loss specialist and get you doctor to set up a medicare mental health thing and get into to see them as soon as you can.

Nothing anyone did or said helped and Im sure you are in the same condition.

Feeling like re-producing is the most 'natural' thing a women can do and when you feel like your body hates you and fails you isn't something that just goes away.

2 weeks later I still feel like Im in a numb state but the difference in just a few days is so big, just so much more to go.

All my thoughts and love is with you.

xxoo

boble - Sorry I can't answer your question. I would've BD'ed anyway, just in case. I hope you caught that egg.

mannie - I've got all 5 seasons of Angel on DVD and have just finished watching them all. Hence the quote. I agree, he is a hunk :wink:.

sally - I know what you mean. My mum kept apologising for not knowing what to say and I would just tell her I didn't know what I wanted her to say anyway. But that first day is behind you now. It will get easier :hug:.

mrzbaby - You are welcome to stick around for as long as you like. Just remember you don't have to figure out everything right this minute. Be kind to yourself and give it some time :hug:.

Mel - Glad the FS appointment went well. I'm praying you get a BFP real soon. :pink-babydust:

erybery - I can't imagine how scared you are right now :comfort:. Please don't google anymore, it'll only make the worry worse. Hydrops can be treated if they can figure out what caused it. I :pray: today's scan goes well and that your baby is fine. Will be thinking of you.

shortcake - :noaf:

fifi - :bellyrubs: I'm so glad everything still ticking along nicely. Its certainly not long until you meet your forever baby.

jen - Glad DS is feeling well enough to go back to school. Does this mean no more sleeping on the couch?

AFM - Am having yet another bad day today. I started temping this month and I take the thermometer into the bathroom so that I could read it before taking a shower without waking DH. When I picked it up to take it back to the bedroom after my shower, it slipped and broke spilling mercury all over the floor. It took us 2 hours to clean it all up. Plus I was wearing a brand new pair of pants (in which I felt fabulous by the way) which now have to be thrown out.

So this plus the issues with my car last week have really got me spinning. My car still isn't running properly. I won't go into it now, but getting a car was actually a huge step for me. Its starting to seem like every step I take to try to get myself out of this funk causes me to take ten steps backwards. Maybe I need to rethink this whole TTC thing. I'm not fit to be a parent right now as I'm barely able to look after myself. Then I can feel free to take the medication I fear I need. But if I give up now, I'll have no reason not to crawl into a hole and stay there.

So sorry to be so negative. Again! I just have to get it out.

1st ... :noaf::bluedust::pink-babydust::bfp::stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy: For the new thread ....

Welcome back Mannie :hug: & and Big Hello to Jen and everyone else ...

ATM: didn't like my Doc to much I'm thinking of calling my insurance co and getting a new one I got my throid tested and if they dont find anything wrong than I want every test for miscarriges done until they find out whats wrong I want so answers:wall:!!! I go back on the 25th and I got some med's for my panic attacks ...

Hi Ladies

I had an early misscarrage on Saturday and I'm a mess, up down, left right, hot cold and just plain tired. I'm so flat right now.

I know after only 1 ICSI and 1 FET I shouldn't have been holding my breath but I was. I got great news Last monday and couldn't believe our luck.

Then Saturday morning the spotts started and by Midnight Saturday holding my DP tightly in a hospital grievence room I knew our dream was gone if only for now.

This week I got a new job which has been a bit of a possitive distraction but I'm still sad.

I've been mega moody and feel like my hormones are screaming at me.

I'm already scared for my next FET (5 frosties to go)

I'm an action plan kind of girl and I'm just not sure how to action plan my way around this one. :rolleyes:

Hey all,

Sorry I haven't been around have being feeling crappy because of this cold I can;t seem to get rid of and dd's sleeping at night has been erratic. I've popped in a couple of times to see how everyone is doing but have had no time for personals.
I won't try to catch up now, but spreading the love and lots of baby dust around. Hopefully March is a lucky month and there will be lots of Xmas bubbas!

Take care, I will try to pop back on the weekend. Am back at work tomorrow...

xx

so the scan didnt really tell me much more or anything I wanted to hear. The ultrasound lady went and got the doctor who did some more scanning. here is definetly fluid on the bay and near its brain. She said its just to early to know what we are dealing with and to early to do more testing. so I just have to wait and see what happens. Its just ironic - the baby looked so perfect otherwise! it was moving around and waving its little arms and legs at us and its heart beat was good. It was even 1 day ahead of dates! I have to go to my ob in a wek for a scan to check the well being, then go back to the ultrasound doctor who will do another ultrasound and the nuchal test. We have to decide if we do the cvs, which is what they are recommending. I just don't understand, Im 25 and healthy low risk for everything, I wasnt even going to have the 12 weeks scan because Id already decided I didnt want to know the results because I was a low risk and wouldnt terminate and now I dont know what to think!
The doc said she has seen babies with this fluid and they turn out fine but she said in my case she doesnt want to give false hope because it will probably end badly.
so now just waiting... for the next scan... for a miscarriage.. for a baby with disabilities... I don't know what to think.

Erybery - Nothing can be understood in situations like ours. Nothing makes sense and nothing at all seems far.

Greenslw - There is hope, sometimes its harder to have it then others but don't loss it.
Eventually you will see a tiny glimmer of light and that will help you work through what you are experiencing, the ladies on this site are so supportive and knowledgable you are in the right place.

Hannah - thanks again for the pick me up. Im a teacher and spoke to the Principal today who actually was so kind, its so hard with our days to get to any appointments and I seem to have so many and she has said what ever I need they will make it happen.

MUCH better day then yesterday but still a little flatter then I thought I would be.
I feel like I should feel so positive with what I have achieved but it hasn't really happened yet.....

erybery - I'm sorry you did not get definite answers today but it certainly sounds like there is still hope. I know a few people who have been told there was something wrong with their babies due to a abnormality on the scan but they have all gone on to have healthy children. A lady at work was told her baby had spina bifida and they chose to go ahead with the pg and she had a perfectly healthy little baby girl. It probably doesn't help but I wanted you to know that sometimes Dr's can get it wrong and I really hope this is one of those times. Thinking of you sweetie :hug:

HannahD - Oh sweetie, sorry you are feeling so down :comfort: Of course you are fit to be a parent and I am sure once you get your BFP a lot of these feelings will go away. I know there will still be anxiety (I think we will all suffer from that when the time comes) but there will also be hope and excitement. That's what you need to hold onto, it will happen. Don't get me wrong, having bad days and feeling depressed is still normal which is why this thread is great when we need to vent.
I am sorry your thermometer broke, I was a mean wife and used to turn the light on to record my temp :redface: I used to take it just before we both got up though. I have been thinking about starting it up again but DH doesn't want me to as I got so obsessed last time and he thinks we have a better chance if I am more relaxed (if there is such a thing?).
Must be the week for ruining good pants, my favourite work pants got scorched with the iron and are ruined as well :(
Not sure what else I can say, but please understand what you are feeling is completely normal emotions and does not mean you are not fit to be a parent at the moment. Big hugs to you.

Rhi - Hope you start to feel better soon!

Greenslw - I am so sorry for your loss :hug:. Everything you are feeling is completely normal and we have all been through it. It does get easier with time but you will still have bad days and good days (it takes time to get to the good days so be patient with yourself and let yourself grieve). The great thing about this thread is when I have my good days I can support all the lovely ladies here but when I am having a bad day I can vent and they will be here to support me. You could not have come to a better place for support. I am also an action girl and like to be in 'control' and have learnt this is something I have no control over. All I can suggest is to take one day at a time and only you will know when you are ready to try again. Best of luck :hug:

Toccara - Good for you for changing DR's if you are not happy. You need to have confidence in your DR and it is your body so you have a right to choose. I hope you get some answers soon so you can be one step closer to holding your forever baby.

Fifi - Not long to go now, very excited and happy for you!

Hi to Jen, boble, mrzbaby, shortcake, sally, mannie, megsmum, issy, indy, plc and everyone else I may have missed!

Mannie and Hannah - If you want to get more of an fix on the guy who plays Angel (David someone? - guess you girls would know :lol:) then you should watch Bones. He plays an FBI agent in that show.

AFM - Still no signs either way. I know in my heart it is very unlikely so don't want to test and see that one line again! FS said not to test too often as I will drive myself mad - that happened a long time ago :lol:

hi everyone.. and thank you so much for the replies regarding my question... i wish we could just bd away and not think about when but dh and I have a slight... ahhh ... issue.. DH doesn't always get to the end result.. iykwim :redface: very embarrassing for the both of us.. so we basically have fun when it doesn't matter.. and we have to really focus on it when it does iykwim... so yeah... hopefully thinks will happen soon because it really takes its toll.. and although atm I am ok taking the easy, relaxed approach - i'm not 100% sure how much longer i will be willing to do it that way. Ok.. enough ranting from me... onto everyone else :D oh... crap.. i seem to have missed some posts.. I'll go back and read them and then do persies :D

Ok, had a chance to read up :lol:

Mel.. lol.. I know what you mean about going mad - yep.. thats just ttc... your fs should know that :P

erybery - i'm so sorry to hear you are going through such a bad time! I hope that everything turns out perfect for you. geez.. seems so unfair - it sounds like you deserve a bit of a break. my fingers are crossed for you xx

Rhi - hoping you are feeling better soon.

Sally - glad today was better then yesterday... and I hope tomorrow is better then today ;)

greenslw - so so sorry to hear of your loss! thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs. Give yourself time to grieve this loss.. and know we are here for you. :hug:

oh, i have one more bit of news... you might remember i have booked in to see an obgyn/fs but couldn't get in until May. I asked for them to put me on a cancellation list. anyway, i got a call today and my appointment is now THIS coming Monday - i'm so excited and glad that maybe things will be happening soon... so, now to get all my info together to take along with me :D yay!

hi there to anyone i missed. I hope you are going well xx

[COLOR="Magenta" ]mrzbaby-I really hope things work out for you I wish you the best of luck with what you do decide I feel speechless I am sorry.

Well it's Thursday I can't wait until the weekend work seems to be too hard at the moment pregnant ppl everwhere still I guess I just notice more then I have my sister-inlaw driving my crazy telling me stories of ppl she knows and stories of there m/c's ,atleast you can fall pregnant blah blah blah (she tells me this every week) so yesturday I snapped and explained it took 2 1/2 years to fall pregnant and we were going to start IVF but I fell pregnant before my app lucky for me but I am scared I don't know when my AF will start again,If we will be able to fall pregnant again sometimes I wish ppl would keep their opinions to themselves it is the same in law that tole me not to travel to see family as i was having back pain at 8 weeks because I might m/c and 4 weeks after I did so I feel a little hostile about the whole thing sorry for the rant Just feeling sad and crappy.

So fustrated now...

My day at work was so much better then yesterday but i feel like rubbish!
I keep feeling like I should be taking steps forward and im just not feeling that, just a numbness.

Talked to my best friend who's due date was 5 days behind mine and she is trying to be supportive but i just feel this green hate come over me................

I hate feeling so helpless cruel and lost all at once!!

To all the beautiful BB girls who are going through hell right now my heart aches for you. Please stay strong, one day the sun will shine and the darkness will fall behind you. :grouphug:

I have to apologize I am still trying to catch up after spending so much time away from bb, so proper personals will come later as I get to know the newbies and catch up on news with the oldies(old as in long time BB-ers of course!)... but I am sending out stacks of :bluedust::pink-babydust: and :SAAF: vibes

Hoping to talk to my girls tomorrow night. - Love you guys and missing you xoxox

ATM still no af YAY still not feeling 100% YAY My hopes are up but at the moment I am enjoying the idea that I could actually be UTD not ready to burst that bubble and poas yet.

Thinking of you ALL with love xoxoxox:loveshower:

Hello ladies! Time for some persies!

Sally- Big :hug:! Its normal to feel jealousy towards other people that are pregnant. I can tell you I still feel that way sometimes but it does seem to get better in time. You will also have your good days and bad days and we are here for you anytime you need to rant, scream or cry we are here.


Charm- :hug: Sorry to hear that your going through such a hard time. My Dr said the same thing to me "at least you know you can get pregnant". But that still doesn't help because its not that simple to just get pregnant. I know people are only trying to help but its hard. We are here for you.



Boble- Yay for getting an earlier appointment with FS. Praying you get the answers you deserve.


Mel- Sending lots of :noaf: your way!


erybery- :comfort: Try to stay positive hun. Drs do make mistakes. I pray that this is your forever baby and that bub is healthy.


Rhi- Hope you feel better soon!


Greenslw- Welcome. I am very sorry you have to be here but you have came to a place full of understanding women who will support you and make this time so much easier than it is on your own. I hope you get your forever baby soon.


Toccara- I hope you find a good doctor that can give you the answers you deserve. Good luck!


HannahD- Sorry you broke your thermometer and your car still isn't running right! I hope things start to look up for you soon. You will be a great mother! I pray that soon you will be holding your forever baby.

AFM- Still no sign of AF and I gave in and tested yesterday BFN! I'm so over trying to figure things out right now. I'm just going to try to keep my mind off of things and work on packing things up at the house. Our settlement date for the new one is April 24th so its going to be soon.


Anyone I missed sending lots of :bluedust::pink-babydust: and :stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy:!!!

mummy of 3 boys- We must have been posting at the same time! Just wanted to send some :noaf: vibes your way!

Good morning girls! Sorry for being so slack :redface: With DS going back to school yesterday, it put me right back in the swing of things at school--I think they missed having me around, as I seem to be the only one incapable of telling them "No!" lol.... I made the mistake of telling them that I have a hard time saying 'no', and they've never forgotten it! :doh: I really need to learn to just keep my mouth shut!

OMG, so much to catch up on, and not so much time, so will do my best!



Mannie--Welcome back! Thanks for the belated b-day wishes! Sending you some early ones! Glad to hear your thyroid is now in the normal range, hoping you get your b-day BFP! *hugs*



Hannah--Aww, honey, of course you're fit to be a parent! If anything, you've proven how dedicated you are to becoming a mom and holding your forever baby! I'm the biggest clutz in the world--and if I based my parenting privilege on gracefulness alone, I'd never have a child! lol... Car troubles, broken thermometers, it's as if every day is a test of the strength of your will--but you will endure and prosper--you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for! Super big :hug: for you! And, Yes! *jumping up and down* , I got to sleep in my own bed last night!



sally--Sorry to hear your first day back was rough, the first day always is! :hug: However, you've made it past that first big step, and it will get easier with each day! Hang in there, you're a trooper! *hugs*



mrzbaby--I'm glad you'll be hanging around while you sort your mind. :hug: It's so easy to think we know what we want when we're under such dire circumstances, and sometimes we're incapable of making life-changing decisions when we're not thinking clearly. You're under an enormous amount of pressure right now, so be kind to yourself!



Mel--Sorry about your BFN... those damn faulty one-line pee sticks! :comfort: I know you've put a lot of pressure on yourself, probably even more so after you feel like you've done everything possible to get to this point! Keep that chin up--you'll get there, I just know it! Had to :rofl: btw, about taking time out for myself... you're getting to know me too well!



Ok, have to get DS to school in 20 mins! :o Promise this time I'll be back to finish persies!

erybery--I'm so sorry to hear about your u/s, and the roller coaster of emotions that you're going through! I can only imagine how scared you are right now! :comfort: Try to remain positive--I know it's hard, and I feel stupid for even saying it--because, of course, it's so hard to remain positive when you hear news like that.... but there's still hope--there's always hope! Saying lots of prayers for you and your little one! :stickyvibesgirl:



Shortcake--Not sure if I said this before, but Congrats on the new house! I hope all the packing/moving prep helps keep your mind distracted! *hugs*



fifi--Hey girl! Glad to hear your 34 week appt went well! Can you believe it--34 weeks?!?! OMG, you're almost there! :dance:



Toccara--Good luck with your search for a new dr. It's important to have a good rapport with your dr, and to have one you're comfortable with--and that makes you feel important as a patient--especially since we have to put our lives in their hands! Been thinking of you a lot lately--and hey, our cycles are only 4 days apart--looks like we're cycle buds! :)



Greenslw--Welcome. :comfort: I'm sorry we're meeting under such sad circumstances The myriad of emotions that we go through after a m/c can seem daunting and never-ending... it's such a lonely experience, but even more so when you're surrounded by people that are incapable of understanding! When you're able to share your heartache with others that have felt that same loss and ache... it's not that it makes you feel better--it just makes you feel less alone! It's ok to feel angry, sad, bitter, lonely, moody... whatever you feel is not only ok, but a normal part of the grieving process--it's hugely important to get all that out! I hope that you find comfort and support here among us--and, when you're ready, I wish you the very best on your next FET! *hugs*



Rhi--Hope you lose that cold and feel better soon! Also hope that you and DD get some much needed sleep! *hugs*



boble--Best of luck for your appt on Mon! Yay for cancellations! :dance: Hope you get some answers!



charm--Sounds like you could use a :hug: Good for you for standing up for yourself with your SIL! People should just learn to keep their opinions to themselves... I know sometimes they think they're being helpful, but sometimes it's better to just listen and not say anything at all! I hope today is a better day for you! *hugs*



MO3B--Hey girl, what happened with fb? You vanished without a trace from my friend list! *pouting* Missing you back, and ready for Fri. chat! Glad to hear you aren't feeling better--IYKWIM! Sending lotsa love and some extra :noaf: vibes your way! xoxoxoxo

Thank you all for the warm welcome.
I feel much better reading your stories and knowing i'm not alone.

Today is a much better day. My class is busy working on assignments so I've snuck out. Lots of plans for the weekend and I'm feeling loved today :)

Mummy of 3 Boys fingers crossed

Sallyk61 I know the feeling I hate being stuck or moving backwards :hugs: hopefully the weekend will be easier than work

Charm I'm seeing babies everywere too, glad for them but it's kinda sad too :hug: do something nice for yourself

Boble good luck for monday gota love waiting lists

erybery, my thoughts and :goodluck:

I hope everyone is having a good friday definatily need to go and do some work now :rolleyes: Thanks again for all your kind words