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Summery... oh sweetie. I am so so sad that you get to join our special club. I am so sad that your daughter grew her wings. The first 6 months since she was born has passed already!! I am proud of you for having the courage to try again. I agree with Miss B, the support from the ladies in this thread was probably one of the things that helped me through the immediate times after my babies died. I have 5 children, three who grew their wings, and two who managed to stay here with me. My first daugther Amelia, was born alive in Feb 2009 at 22 weeks gest, my son Nicholas, was born alive at almost 15 weeks gest,in July 2009 and his twin sister, Sophie, was born alive at 20 weeks gest in August 2009. They all died from complications of prematurity. I went into spontaneous pre term labour for unknown reasons. I was then lucky enough to bring home my next daugther HB, born Sept 2010 and my next daughter RB born in June 2012. Interestingly for me, apart from the spontaneous pre term labours my angel prenancies were trouble free, but my subsequent ones weren't. Both my rainbows have been born by emergency caesarean at about term. Anyhoo, that's a little of my story.
I used to see other bereaved mummas signatures and think, wow, their child died "x" years ago, they must have their stuff together. In a way I do ( just having celerbrated our angels 4th birthdays) but I am forever changed, and there is always a little of me missing. There is hope for the future, in terms of you and DH getting your rainbow baby to take home. There is hope too for that overwhelming and all encompassing grief to change. The grief is always there, but it changes, in my experience. The grief moves from centre stage to a little let of centre ( or right depending on the day) but it's always there, and to be honest, there is often a curve ball when grief takes you by surprise.
I wish you all the sticky vibes in the world for your next cycle. Pity this one was so arduous. The thing that I have learnt, is to try and be gentle with myself in my grieving, and in my life beyond.
What is your daugther's name? If you're up to it, tell us a little more about her.
MISS B!!!!!! How are you? How is Cam? It's been ages since we've caught up. I miss the "good old days" ( in some ways) when we seemed to spend so much time with each other and our grief in here. I am coming to your area of the world again next month in mid October..... want to try and catch up?
AFM, I hope to be TTC soon..... I had day weaned RB in an attempt to entice AF back.... and after a couple of months of pregnancy symptoms, there is no AF, and no BFP's.... despite some POAS!!! So I think I will have to night wean too. Sounds so easy when I say it, but it's an emotional decision..... what if I can't fall pregnant this time, what if I lose this baby... I will have ended my BF journey early for heartache. It's hard too, for me the girls are getting to the age where a lot of things are fun, instead of really hard, and I don't want to spoil it. But I felt this way before. It's scary contemplating our baby dying, or having a fetal abnormality due to my age. It's scary contemplating not having more children, despite the risks. But DH thankfully is accepting unprotected BD'ing ( as he said he had reservatations about TTC because of the risks) so we might just get lucky, but unlikely.
Miss B - any news on your TTC? I haven't been keeping up at all. I keep in contact with Gigi1 sometimes and I know some of the other ladies that were once in here. Amazing isn't it. This forum changed me. Do you keep up with anyone?
Summery - I hope this forum thread can help you as much as it helped me. I won't always respond straight away to your posts.... those days are gone for me of having the luxury of time, but I will post when I can, and I look forward to sharing this journey with you.
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Thank you for such a warm welcome Dory ;) And for sharing your story.
You replied to me when I first lost my daughter, with such kind words back then too. I am so sorry that you have lost your babies. So sorry. Xxx
The six month mark has kind of surprised DH and I. We were feeling strong and much more positive, only to be hit with the grief stick out of the blue a few weeks ago! What a surprise that was. Just as harrowing as the first few weeks after Arla passed away! The journey continues...we are just waiting and anticipating really. I guess TTC brings up it's own emotional journey, starting from the moment you decide you are ready to embark on the journey again! It's a fluid, non lineal experience is loss, isn't it?
Lots of love and crossed fingers for all the mummies in this thread. No one is more excited than a mum who has lost a baby for another loss mum who is expecting! Xxx
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Hey Dory!!! So good to hear from you hun! Cam is doing well, he's now coming on in leaps and bounds with his speech, early intervention is really helping. He's now 3.5!! Can't believe how fast time flies. I'd love to catch up with you when you're in town, I'll PM you my number as my phone died a few months ago and I lost a lot of contacts. How is Hannah and Gemma doing? Would love to catch up :) As for TTC, I have my FET tomorrow :) Excited and scared at the same time. I also feel the pressure of the risks involved with age, sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing.....Oh well, too late if I get preggers! lol. Just hope all goes well. Would be awesome if we were in the same belly group together :) Yay to considering TTC! Very excited for you guys :) I also miss this thread, talking about Josh :( I don't keep in contact with anyone unfortunately...
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Finally I come back to reply. Summery.... I just read my first response to you. Wow. How are you doing?
Miss B - oh sweetie. how are you doing after your FET about 2 weeks ago? I have FX crossed. I will check my inbox. I miss talking about our first babies too. Cam sounds amazing. Can't wait to see him again. Glad the early intervention helped. Girls are great. Not looking forward to the flight with Gem, she is a live wire and screeches when she doesn't get her own way. Eep, I see lots of walking the aisle, and scowls from everyone around us..... oh well it's only 3 hours max.... LOL. Han is 3 now and loved to talk and speaks amazingly well. Gem just about to turn 16 months., and just starting a few words. They are awesome fun, hard work too. We all have colds at the mo, which I hope will clear up. You're a touch older than me, not much, and I know how you feel about "TTC" and the risks of age. It's scary thinking that if our kids have kids as late as we did, we'll be in our 80's as grandparents. I also hope that the heartache that visited us in TTC doesn't visit our kids. It's scary thinking that we hae to really look after ourselves so that we reduce the risks of age related illness on ourselves.
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Hey Dory et al,
I am doing ok - I had a positive test last month, only to result in a late period which was the heaviest period of my life. Left me feeling quite flat energy wise and then got the flu! Last month was kind of tough. So I am laying rather low, and about to hit a new "window of opportunity" much to DH's delight...we'll just see what happens...feeling much stronger mentally now, the six month was the hardest milestone.
I'm conscious my journey is current and this is an old thread, and most of you ladies have been through the journey - is there a better place for me to post my rants? :) I am conscious of breathing life into areas that you have all put to rest. If there are threads with current TTCers in there, let me know and I'll go and trouble them, hehe
