TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after 1st Trimester July/Aug 07

howdy everyone. it is quiet in here.
Katti- it does help so much to be able to talk (write) about feelings and situations and pain and our babies here. i don't have to get that tight feeling that means i need to keep control of my emotions and get through the next few minutes of conversation without crying or saying something wrong. i'm just comfy here, and it does so make me feel better. i'm so glad it works for you too. i'll check out your ttc journal this weekend, good idea.

Hi all,

wow it's quiet in here!
How is everyone?
AF is finished for me for this month so here we go all over again!

morning ladies, its freezing here this morning, i wish i was still snuggled up in bed. i hope you all had a wonderful weekend. my massage etc was absolutely lovely, just what the body and mind needed. i didn't stay too relaxed for long, it was my nephews 1st birthday so craziness all around, and my phoebe necklace got tangled and untangling it took the better part of the evening. we went to visit mil and she basically told dp how fat he was getting, he's struggling with his confidence at the moment, so hearing that from his mother didn't really help the situation. we then got a puncture on the way home, a quarter of the way home and i was busting for the loo, nothing like a few toots of car horns to make you feel better about your backside! lol, anyway i'll do some personals later i just wanted to say goodmorning

hi jo, sorry we posted at the same time. are you and the family over your colds?
nat - i had a dream about you on saturday night

Hey Klee, it's freezing here this morning too, but it's supposed to be nice later. The family is all over their colds thankfully. Glad to hear the massage was so good, maybe I should try it!

Goodmorning Ladies!!
What a quiet weekend!! Usually when i get on here of a monday morning it takes me an hour to catch up!! I might actually get some work done today!!

Aunty M That is exactly how i feel in here!! I feel safe and if i get upset its only the computer who knows!!

Jo Good to see your still going for it!! Best of luck this month!!

Well i mentioned i had a little poem about angel babies playing in a castle. My friend was given this 20 years ago when her little boy died un explained 2 days after his birth. She passed it on to me and now i will pass it on to all of you.....

In a baby Castle
Just beyond my eyes
My baby plays with Angel toys
That money cannot buy
Who am I to wish her back
Into this world of strife
No play on my baby
Thou have eternal life
At night when all is silent
And sleep forsakes my eyes
I feel her little hands and feet
Caressing me so tenderly, and so sweet
I'll breathe in slowly and close my eyes
And embrace her in my sleep
Now i have a treasure
That i rate above all others

After all, i'm still, and always will be
A mother in her eyes

We had this read out at Zahra's funeral.
Well i might go to work and pop in a bit later.

Love to you all
Katxox

What a lovely poem Kat - just beautiful and of course it made me weep.

Klee - I hope today is a better day. People can be so rude can't they. I am sorry your MIL hurt your DP with her comments... :hug:

JO, I hope this is your month my love... Sending lots of :fertilise: vibes your way!

howdy everyone.
Kat, that's a great poem. thanks so for sharing it.
Klee, too bad the massage effect couldn't last longer. sounds like a pile of stuff to deal with at once. and like mil said exactly what was best not to say. hope dp bounces back.
jo- best of luck with this month's adventure.

Kat - that is beautiful poem - thank you for sharing with us.

Klee - too funny about your backside story! At least you got some toots! Your massage sounds wonderful, I'm glad you enjoyed it. How are you going? Some people just don't think before they speak do they!?!?!? I hope your DP is ok.

Jo - thank you so much for the bracelet and card. I echo the words back to you :hug: Good luck this month. I hope so much that this is your month. Sending you heaps and heaps of :bluedust: Happy 7 months Birthday Storm. Thinking of you Jo on Saturday :hug:

Auntie M - I feel the same way in here - safe. It is like you can say whatever you want and you know that everyone here understands. How are you going?

Hi to everyone else

Kat - that is a beautiful poem!

Lynn - Glad you got the bracelet & card alright, I wasn't sure how long it would take to get there! Wow your ticker seems to be moving so fast!

Auntie M - I feel the same way as well in here, because we all understand, I feel I can talk more openly! IYKWIM?

DH said something the other day which unsettled me a little bit, as some of you know DH has a few problems in the semen department (sorry TMI)
so anyway he got himself down the other day because of this problem and that we aren't getting pregnant & out of the blue he said perhaps losing Storm was a sign that we aren't meant to have another!
Honestly I nearly cracked him over the head, I told him that If we wern't meant to have another then we would never have gotten Storm in the first place! was I right to be upset by this?
The next day though it was like he had never even said anything, he was back to his normal ttc mode!
So anyway thats my rant for the day!

Hope everyone is well!

Hi JO, good to see you again!!

I will be honest, a part of me has thought the same thing as your DH. I have tried and tried and no matter how close i get, i still loose. Even my sister has said that if it was her, she would have probably given up trying by now becuase she would take it as the world trying to give her a message.

I did feel a bit like this for a while, but the way i ended up looking at it was a bit like what we talked about a few weeks ago, sitting there with our screaming kids running around us and us relishing in their delight rather than telling them to shut up - this journey though it might be hard is one we for some reason are meant to take. But we are meant to take it. And one day we will look back and be all the more grateful for it because it was so hard.
I beleive to experince the best of the best to its fullest, you need to have some idea of the worst to appreciate it. And we have definately felt the worst. It wont be easy, but i know this is what you and your DH want and you will have the strength to see it through together.
it sounds like he was just having a moment. We all have them. And you were right to feel abit put off, but im sure he was just feeling a little down on himself and was trying to justify his problems a little bit. He has done well to get over it so quickly!!

Take care

Jo - I think like us our DH have down days too and perhaps he was just feeling emotional and thought for a moment that it was too hard. By him going back to TTC mode the next day, I would say he was just having a bad day. In a way I sometimes think like your DH. I have been trying to have a baby for 3.5 years and sometimes I think that maybe I am just not meant to have one here with me. But then I think stuff that who is to tell me that I can't have a baby!!!! I will do anything it takes but some days it does seem so far away. I can understand you being upset. Perhaps your DH blames himself (although it is not his fault) for you not being pregnant. I know I blame myself because I am the one with fertility problems and I blame myself for losing Cooper. I even told my DH to leave me because my life is too hard and he could have a better life with someone else...................this was on a really bad day - DH just told me to shut up!

I know life was not meant to be easy but I didn't think it would be this hard either!

I didn't think so either Lynn! Any of it, but especially how hard it would be to do this.
As a kid, all my dolls were my babies etc, i just figured that having a baby would be so easy, and natural. I never for a second thought a life that i have now existed for me. Or that i would ever be faced with the possibility of not having a child. But such is life.

Hello ladies!!
You may have noticed my name changed.
I had a panic thought that my sister may come accross me in here (she is pregnant at the moment) and i dont want her finding out when i get pregnant before i am ready to tell people. Sorry if there is any confusion!! I am sure you all understand.

Love Me

Hi girls,

My angels girls are Sophie and Imogen - it still makes me teary eyed to say the names we choice for them. I miss them so much and can't stop thinking about what could have been if i'd realised sooner that i was in labour.. i keep re-playing in my mind what happened that day and leading up to it.. i feel as though i have nothing to look forward to at the moment as everything we were planing was a round the girls.. i hate not being able to look up things on the web to buy for the girls.. i still have the few cloths that my dad had brought for them still boxed up waiting for them to use.. i hurts so much that they won't ever be here.. but i'm sure that pain will pass. Hopefully when were blessed with a happy 9 months. Sorry to sound so sad but my DH has just gone back to work and i'm home alone thinking about them every minute.. All i want is to have that lovely warm feeling back inside me, knowing that were going to have a wonderful child, the excitment and planing for thier arrival..
Guessing that most of you feel the same and it is a help to know you guys are there to support others even whilst going through your own pain. i feel luckly in one way (i know this sounds bad) i really don't know how i would cope if they were still born at term, i hurt of them being 21 weeks and to young to surivive after birth is bad enough, any later would have completely shattered me - don't know how most of you do it.
Well sorry to be so low today - i'm going now to make a nice warm cuppa tea to cheer me up,
Laura xx
http://tac.families.com/cb/196415.png

howdy everyone.
Jo, yes, you have the right to be upset and your dh has the right to falter a step too. it is so difficult to imagine a positive future sometimes, and guilt is a constant companion. i am glad he is feeling more positive now.
Lynn, i agree, i always knew intellectually that life is so difficult, i guess i didn't think it would be so especially difficult for me. that guilt thing is a nasty thing, isn't it? i have the same feelings about Yeti, that i could have done something to save him, shouldn't i have known he was in distress. but i try to meditate on my total lack of control to try to counter it. i'm doing okay right now, which is good.
Starbright- i like your new pen name, and hope you still feel safe sharing here!
Laura- what beautiful names for your little girls. it is so painful to give up one's hopes for the future when one has spent so many months planning for nothing else. you are right, time is the only healer we can count on, but it just goes so slowly now. i hope you do get that lovely warm feeling back inside you, and that you will hold some of your babies in your arms rather than only in your heart. and i am sure your pain is no less because your girls were born at 21 weeks, they are your daughters no matter their age and your hopes of your future with them is just as broken. you are exhibiting just as much strength as anyone else by living through your pain and trying to make it through to a better day. hugs to you.

as for me, i'm doing okay today. just trying to make it to next week without seeing af. but also trying not to get my hopes up. hah. we are going on a week-long backpacking trip starting tomorrow, so i'll be away from belly belly for a whole week. yikes! i have become addicted to the support and understanding here on a daily basis, but i'll be too tired anyway. we thought this would be a good way to avoid me taking a hpt too early again. nothing like being deep in the woods to make me step outside of my own head. some of my family is coming along, so we should have some fun. i'll be thinking of you all and sending good thoughts for all of you. xxoom

Auntie M - have fun on your backpacking trip!!!

Laura - What beautiful names you have for you precious little ones. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Starbright - Love the new name!

Lynn - DH is blaming himself for me not getting pregnant, even though i keep telling him it is sure to happen eventually, It did with Storm! I keep telling him to be positive (need to tell myself that sometimes too) Anyway, how are you? 15 weeks, wow that went fast!

Hi everyone!!
I like my new name too!!

Auntie M Have a great week in the wild outdoors!! It must be beutiful wilderness around there! Watch out for the bears!!

Jo Hey darl, how r u feeling? I have a question, dont answer if you dont want to... is your DH the daddy to your other children? Or just Storm? Or have his troubles only started recently? Just curious.
:grouphug:
Laura Thank you for coming back and sharing a little bit more of your sad journey. Sophie and Imogen are gorgeous names for gorgeous angels.
It feels very empty doesn't it? I know i noticed a considerable difference loosing my son at 18 weeks compared to my daughter at 35weeks. I felt very ripped off having my pregnancy end so suddenly right in the middle. Like i never got to finish something i started. I dont know if it will help you, but i sort of felt the need to honor the rest of the time that i would have been pregnant. I remember his due date as much as the day he sadly died. And for me, i needed to use that time to grieve for him. For some reason until that due date came around, nothing felt right. My aunty tried to tell me to get pregnant right away and everything would be ok if i got pregnant by his due date, but i couldn't do it.
It may be all very different for you, this is just how i felt at the time.
just take each day as it comes and my biggest suggestion is have a big cry and let it all out, even if you need to do this everyday, or more than once, just let it out rather than try to hold it in and be ok.:hug:

How is everyone else? Those of us with Af looming on the near horizon lets hope she packs up and goes the other way!!
Tkae care everyone
Mexox

Starbright - My oldest 3 kids are from my previous marriage, and DH is daddy to Miss 3 & Storm. His troubles have only started since Miss 3 was born in 04, we had no trouble conceiving her, only trouble since!
The dr (who is useless) thinks it could be nerve damage from his diabeties (type 1)

Thanx Jo, i am hoping you will have some good fortune soon. Either with another doctor for DH or a BFP.
I was curious because my hubby has two kids from a previous relationship and we have pretty much assumed he is all good because of them. It goes to show that stuff can happen in between thou.
Our problems come after we concieve thou, so i take most of the blame for that on my shoulders.

Keep positive and i am sure it will happen again for you ! Like you said, it's happened twice before!!

B]StarBright[/B] - I thought we had a new friend! Hello Starbright! I can totally understand you wanting to keep it a secret. And just remember you will have baby - stay positive and it will come. Where are you in your cycle? I think you are similar to Mel and Klee aren't you? You girls are all going to graduate this month - I can feel it! Sending you heaps and heaps of :bluedust:

Laura - don't ever say sorry in this thread. You can say and feel whatever you want. I am just so sorry for the loss of your angels. They are beautiful names and I am sure they are just as beautiful as their names. What you are feeling is so normal. I couldn't look at baby clothes for ages and I still don't look at babies. Just take one day at a time that is all you can do and gain strength each day with the support of the loving people around you :hug: It is so hard when we lose all the hopes and dreams that we had for our babies, but I hope one day very soon that you feel the warmth within you.

Auntie M - your trip sounds wonderful! I want to visit you - you are always doing something exciting! I have everything crossed for you for next week and I hope so much that you get that bfp! :pray: We will definitely miss you around :hug:

Jo - It is so hard not to blame ourselves when things go wrong and yes you are right - it will happen eventually! Keep up those positive thoughts. I'm sending you heaps and heaps of positive thoughts as well as heaps of :bluedust: I'm going ok thanks for asking. I had a scan today and *Hope* is all good! Sometimes I think 15 weeks - wow! Then other times I think - is that it! Just taking one week at a time at the moment.

Hi to Mel and Klee and everyone else :grouphug:[

howdy everyone. just popped in quickly before i run off to a day seminar and then vacation. yippee for you, Lynn and Hope! those scans must be stressful and yet so soothing after. i am so happy and relieved each time i hear that you two are doing well. what a roller coaster you get to ride.
lots of love to everyone, and luck! xxoom

Morning ladies, just a quick one from me, suffering from a head cold at the moment, so I'm a bit whingy, hmmn when aren't I whingy, lol
starbright - love the new name it suits you
auntie m - have a fantastic time backpacking, will be wishing no af for you
lynn - so glad to hear you and hope are doing well
mel - WHERE ARE YOU??????????????
Laui59 - such beautiful names for such beautiful girls, hopefully phoebes has taken them under her wing ;)
jlk - sorry dh blaming himself, give him a big hug from us

Hi all!!

Lyn I am about the same day as klee and mel. We are in the last week of our TWW. I am trying to positive thinking approach - convincing myself i am pregnant.
Yay for Hope!! I think if your little Hope is Pink that you should consider keeping Hope as a name. Have you thought about that? It would be cute.

Hey did anyone catch this show on the ABC last night, it was about a lady who made statue like doll things? It was her art work. It was a bit of a story on her and what she does with these amazing peices of art - the bit that struck a chord with me was that she started doing it because she had tried to have children, and without going into details she explained that she had had troubles and it had been difficult and heartbreaking, so she decided to stop trying and she now has her dolls instead. I guess it hit me because she obviously had never really gotten over the fact that she never had children, and this was the way she dealt with that. She gets very attatched to her creations and she has thousands of them around her home. They are her children. i did think it was a bit sad, but i guess it is her way of dealing with it. Just thought id share!

k

Hi Girls,

Just a reeeeeeally quick one from me, sorry we still dont have internet at home (probably wont for a week or 2 more - long story :rolleyes:). Only have about 2 mins on here cause people were using it when I started my break... how rude!

But wanted to give everyone a huge hi and say I have been thinking about you all. I had a great weekend away and now back to crappy old life LOL.

Anyway, I dont have time to read personals cause of the rude person using the comp but hopefully will be back on my arvo break.

Big :hug: to everyone - Mel

yay mels back

WOOOHOOOOOOO mel's back

Hi everyone,
Its been ages since I posted in here, firstly because my puter crashed early June and I had to wait to be able to get a new one which I finally have now YAY and then becuase I had my darling little girl on the 26th of July,

you know I dont think reality had still hit me untill my OB handed her to me and I had her in my arms I think I was in a little bit of shock that I had a healthy little girl in my tummy all that time and now she was finally here.

I wanted to thankyou all for your support it was invaluable to me during the rough times you helped me through some tough days just knowing you were there and that you understood my fears so a huge big monsterous thankyou.

I wanted to wish you all the very best I will be thinking of you and will be popping in and checking on you.

thanks again you sweet sweet ladies

all my love
Amy xxoo

Huge congrats Amy! Welcome to the world Lucy Ann!


Yay Mels back!!!


Klee - hope you feel better soon!!

You must all think me terribly rude, I came in, posted a few times then went quiet lol. I just keep going thru cycles and sometimes I am up and other times really down. I don't know wher I stand with TTC any more, this is my 10th cycle since the last m/c and now 2 3/4 yrs since we began TTC a last child.

Jo I can see where your DH was coming from. I often wonder if losing Annabelle then since samuel all I have to show is m/c's.. is tha a messgae to say I am done? I keep getting told it is a message to me that I should stop. Part of me though still yearns so much to hold a baby of my own one last time. To go through a pregnancy and labour/delivery. I have age against me though now so maybe mydream has run out. When I was your age I was active and aprt of a bowling team. Having another baby wasn't on my mind as DH had a vasectomy. I hope you do get a BFP for #6 soon hun.
Just read back up a bit and yes diabetes can affect sperm production but it is once again different for everyone as to ho wmuch it will affect everything.

Laura you have chosen lovely names for your girls. It must be so hard being so close to viability yet in a way so far. These early days are so ahrd but this group of ladies is so wonderful and supportive and understanding.

AuntyM you are a country girl like me lol. I was out splitting wood the other week but since then it has been too wet. We also have chooks (hens) and agist a pony (fence breaker more an accurate name for her). Can you email me judy3264@hotmail.com with info to put with Yetis name on the Sand Angels Page. I started updating the pages today but other than his name Yeti and his birthdate I don't have yours or DHs name to put in.

Lynn you know I can recall the week to week stages I went thru when I was pg with Samuel. It is so strange to be pg again and to be filled with hope and excitement but also such wariness and fear.

Starbright is a lovely username :) You did well to think it up.

Klee I hope you are over your cold pretty quick. Did you know that colds in women last for less time than men with colds? Men are generally sicker for longer.. or is it just seems like it as they always seem so much worse than us when we are sick.

Hi to everyone.. I'll try and be more regular posting here lol.
Like I said above I am updating the Angels in the sand pages. If you want your Angel added pease let me know. I will need their name, date and if possible the week they became an angel and yours and Dhs name and any brothers sisters or short message. If you go to my name and click on webpage link it takes you to a index page and SandAngels is listed in there. I am up to page 8.
I have an RE appt on Sept 26th although last time he said other than being fertile I have old eggs so to just keep trying. Trying is time running out. My last Cd3 results were good with FSH-6 and LH-3 and cd21 (7DPO) progesterone was 17... so why aren't I getting pg????

hugs
Judy

Sorry still havent had time to read up but wanted to say:

Amy - :happyforyou: Congratulations on the safe arrival of your precious little girl Lucy (beautiful name too). Wishing you all the best for lots of sleepless nights and pooey nappies, to most it probably sounds horrible to us it sounds like bliss :hug:

Love Mel

Thankyou and yeah it is funny, the things others think are the bad bits of parenthood we all look forward to LOL people look at me stranglely when I say I have been looking forward to the sleepless nights etc,
Thanks again you are very sweet

Wow Amy, that is just wonderful news :happyforyou: And welcome to the world Lucy that is just the sweetest name.

If and when you are up to it, I would love to hear about how you are coping with the day to day of having a newborn. I only have 3 1/2 weeks so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

DH and I were at doctors last week and this little tiny baby was absolutely cracking it. DH said, that noise is so cool, I can't wait. I think most people would think we were nuts.

Enjoy every moment with your precious little lady.

Lv Spring

Hi girls,
Had a real good weep yesterday so today feeling abit better..
Thanks for all the kind words, wish i could remmeber al your names so i could reply to everyone seperately.
Has anyone else her had troubles afterswards getting hcg levels back down, i really want to get on with trying but thibk u can't o' again until there back down,
Think it will help me loads if i coudl start trying asap.. desperate to be pregnant again sounds strange but there are only 2 things i think about at the mo and ones my twins and the other is trying again..

Loads of baby dust and sticky vides to everyone..

Laura xx
http://tac.families.com/cb/196415.png

Hey all,

Just popping in to say hello, feeling a bit low at the moment, DH is getting even more down about things, I don't know what to say to him, plus one of his relatives has just had a leg amputaed because of diabeties, so now he's thinking of all the horrible things that could happen to him down the track!

That was my whinge for the day! lol! sorry!

How is everyone else doing?

Hi everyone! I have been sick in bed since Tuesday but thought I should crawl out and see how you are all doing.

Mel - I'm so glad you enjoyed your weekend! Me too! :hug: I hope you get your computer back very very soon otherwise my mobile bill will be huge! I hope everything is going ok - speak soon.

Jo - I'm sorry you are feeling down at the moment. This roller-coaster ride is so hard and unpredictable isn't it.

Amy - I posted to you in your birth annoucement but again CONGRATS!! It is such wonderful news and I hope you are enjoying every minute of it. People probably do think we are nuts because I can't wait for the beautiful sound of a baby crying.................I hate this silence :cry: I hope everything is going well with Lucy and you have settled into a nice routine. Take care :hugs:

Laura - it is so normal for your mind to be consumed with your angels but also about TTC. That is all I thought about for months and I still think about Cooper every single day now. I hope your hcg levels come down soon and you can start on your TTC journey.

Judy - we don't think you are rude at all. We are all here when you need us to be and if you need some alone time then that is ok too. Sending you heaps and heaps of :bluedust:

Starbright - I thought you were around the same as Mel and Klee. Well hopefully next week girls you will all be graduating from here :pray:

Klee - the head cold sucks doesn't it! It has knocked me about all week. I'm just resting and drinking heaps. I hope you feel better soon :hug:

Auntie M - you have probably left for your trip but I just wanted to wish you a great (& safe) trip. Take care. Happy 5 month Birthday Yeti.

Hi everyone!!

Still waiting. Not feeling so many little wishfull feelings so much, but not feeling impending AF feelings either. i am in no mans land. I think i may have to take a HPT. Only one week to go. IS it too early? I guess it wont hurt will it? Except i haven't got one at home yet ( i have restrained from buying them or else i test compulsivly even when there is no chance!!)
It may have to wait til tomorrow.
I am feeling too blah for personals.
Take care everyone, have a good weekend!

I will come back if i decide to go to the shops for YKW and get a YKW.

Me xox

Hey everyone, how are we?

Well DH has an appointment with a different dr next week, so hopefully we can get a few more answers, or options if thats whats needed!

Well I'm off to the big smoke (well as big as it gets round here! LOL) to buy Miss 11 her 12th b'day pressie, so i'll be back later!

morning ladies, will do catch ups later. I'm feeling quite good today apart from the headcold, its a bit of a strange feeling, trying to convince myself that the headcold may be a sign of something else lol, isn't it funny, well not really, what we can convince ourselves of to think we are pg
aunty m - i know your away but just wanted to wish yeti a happy 5 months. i hope you and yuor husband are doing as well as you can
mel - i was starting to get worried that those sydney girls had kept you for themselves lol

Happy 6 months Birthday Phoebe
Thinking of you and your DH today Klee