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Thread: TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after 1st Trimester July/Aug 07

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    Default TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after 1st Trimester July/Aug 07

    If you have found yourself in this forum you no doubt have had a painful journey. TTC after recurrent miscarriage/stillbirth or Late Loss takes special courage and support. The aim of this forum is to provide a place where women who have endured loss can share their stories, friendships, treatments and triumphs!

    My greatest wish is that you all leave this forum with nice big fat positives in the shortest possible time!!!

    I hope so much that this month is YOUR month for a



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  2. #2

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    Mel: Yay at beginning the clomid! It's a start and a shove in the right direction I am so glad. Does it feel good having that little start? I hope so...

    NAT:
    Woo hoo. I am so glad you have gone the ivf route. I really think this is the best move on many levels. The hormone level issue that we talked of AND the fact that you won't have to worry on holidays. You can eat whatever you want, drink whatever you want and just relax. Your body is going to be calm and cool by the time you get back ready for ivf action! Big hugs...

    Hi to everyone else... Big big hugs to you...

  3. #3

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    howdy everyone. i've decided to go for the full time, at least for a couple of months. mostly to save up some in case we are lucky on the pregnancy front. it is so difficult to give up those two days, though. (she says as she sits and types personal messages while at "work".)

    Bailey- yeah, it sounds strange, but i'd rather chop wood than do what i've been trained to do. but i can't chop all day long, and the pay isn't great. lol. i feel guilty taking two days off when the purpose of me going part time was to take care of Yeti. i guess he doesn't need me to do that now.

    Nat- good luck on the IVF. hopefully af doesn't show her face anymore.

    Klee- i am chopping wood because we don't have central heat and last winter we ran out of wood, and i was the first to complain. that makes it my job according to dh, lol. Mel is so right, it is difficult to communicate with people now. they seem to want something superficial, but it is just so impossible to forget pain so that one can make "small talk". good riddance, i say. you deserve to do whatever it is that makes life possible for you. friendships certainly aren't static, and the movement can't always be towards being closer. hugs to you.

    Jo- hope you and your kids feel better soon.

    Lynn- glad you are feeling a bit better. the lilies sound perfect. i don't know if it ever gets easier. i listened to a bluegrass song called "mamma cried" this weekend, and i understood it for the first time (i've had the album for years). it is about the singer's mamma, who worked farm chores all day and cried every evening "because her little boy was gone." it is a traditional bluegrass song, and i feel in my bones that it is based in truth. the pain we all share has been borne by so many others throughout time, and it doesn't appear to go away easily.

    Mel- good luck with the Clomid. and with the mind games of this monthly rollercoaster. i'm taking your advice today and getting a facial from a friend. maybe that will take my mind off of whether this will be the month. or not.

    Katti- i'm glad you brought up the thought that your angles may choose to be born to you again. i have thought the same thing, and then almost instantly that i am dishonoring Yeti by thinking that. i mean, what if i am wrong and he doesn't choose to be with me here again? i suppose it is natural to wonder things, and natural that we will never know the answers. perhaps it is enough that we want our angels back so badly that they can feel our love and that we miss them and it doesn't matter what form the thoughts are in. i'm also so sorry about your family troubles. it can be difficult for some folks to step outside their own points of view (heck, it can be difficult for us all) and to see and feel the pain that others are in. i've run into others who seem unable to accept my pain as a reason to not do exactly as they wish me to do (and as i may have done just 5 months ago), and i am shocked every darn time. then i remember that i too have at other times in my life exhibited ego rather than compassion. what a horrible lesson this has been to me. just do what you need to do to get through each day, and if that isn't acceptable to your sister, then deal with that after. it is so difficult to get through parties with children like you describe, and you two did just the right thing for you. that is enough. hugs.

  4. #4

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    Hi everyone!!

    Aunty M Thanks for your feedback!! And thank you for bothering to read through all the editing in my post!! I was thinking more last night about our angels coming back and i came up with this. I beleive in a mind, body, spirit idea. So when say Darren was concieved, his body wasn't the best, but i felt his spirit. So say the next time i concieve, i will hopefully create a more appropriate body for his spirit, however.... the mind which is like the combo of the two may be different because the genes, DNA etc that go into making the body may be different to who he might have been before. So in essence, their spritis may be the same, but the person they become will have his own path and his own identity. The same with Zahra. Her body was fine, but maybe next time some things may be different in the make up, combined with her spirit to create a new person. A bit deep and meaningful, but i like it. And then there is always the idea of a fresh new spirit all together.
    Do what you feel right doing as far as work goes (says me, typing away at work too, i think a few of us are guilty of that!!) Like you said, the money will help, and the distraction and the fact you have to get up and go can sometimes help. Sometimes. One thing i did was i got a few baby ducklings, some chickens and a new dog who needed my attention and care every morning as a way to help get me out of bed each day. The ducks are now nearly fully grown, the chickens are laying eggs and our new doggy has settled in nicely. I was trying to think of how to describe a pioncianna tree, it may be hard. They arn't too tall, but they grow wide with thick branches that just stretch out in every direction and they have a green foliage, but not like big leaves, like fragile bushes at the end of the branches. I can only imagine how you will take that, maybe one of the other aussie girls might do a better job. Mine isn't very big yet, and winter is taking it toll but the idea is that my kids will climb it one day, and their kids kids and so on. We planted it at my pub which has been in my bosses family for like 100 years and always will be, so i thought it was a safe spot. I dont own my own home yet, so i wasn't going to plant one where i rent, and im here most of the time anyway. How is your cherry tree growing?
    I was just re reading your post...you know even though Yeti may not need you to take care of him, i'm sure he would want you to take care of you. Like me, your time off is for grieving and those days that you put aside to care for Yeti, are now there for you to take care of your and you partners hurt and pain. That is how i look at it anyway.

    Hi to everyone!! I hope you are all doing ok. Has anyone gotten a positive since i've been away. i think it was britkane (sorry if it wasn't) who had slight line and an actual BFP. Do we have absolute confirmation yet? i hope so!!

    Goodnight all, have sweet dreams
    Katti xox

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    I am here, just been busy and pondering as well.. I'll be back at some stage when time permits to catch up on personals.
    Thinking of you all in the meantime
    hugs
    Judy

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    Katti- i love it that you have ducks and chickens! i've always wanted some, but i'm waiting until we have a compound safe from bears to raise them in. there always seems to be something else to do first. i like your theory on the mind, body & spirit. it is a good way to allow spirituality and science to coexist. i wonder if Yeti's spirit will want to try again . . . and if i'll be able to tell. the pioncianna tree sounds lovely, especially if kids can climb in it! we've got lots of pine trees that aren't so great for climbing, but we'll remedy that soon. the cherry tree is going well, good rain this summer and i've just put up a fence to keep the deer from eating it away.

    howdy to everyone else! m

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    morning ladies, evening auntie m. was a quiet day in here yesterday, had one of those "work" days where i actually had to do something, snickering as I type.
    auntie m - re the work front, i started at two days a week a month after phoebe and have now only just progressed up to 9 day fortnights, that way i still get a day off a fortnight for me time. my mum and sisters bought me a voucher for two and a half hours of pampering, so I have organised that for my next day off.
    the thought of bear and deer astounds me, the only animals I have to contend with where i live are stuffed and the odd occassion where i am lucky enough to see the dp mountain goat. lol, sorry dp does a great impression of a mountain goat on the side of our couch. mel thats another one you can rib him about.
    katti - there are a few of us around the same cycle day, i noticed in this forum when they fall they fall in groups, look at deb and tommysmum, and then lynn, bailey and tess. i hope it happens for us. love the idea of getting some pets to tend to, that would definitely give you a reason to get up in the morning. what kind of dog do you have? your mind, body and spirit belief has given me something to think about, on the idea of being able to tell, did zahra do anything in particular that you would know it was her spirit? and auntie m, how about yeti?
    mel - thanks for that info yesterday, going to start putting the plan in action.
    hi to everyone else, having a good day today,

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    Hey all,
    well finally the kids are all back at school, not 100 percent well but enought to go back, I'm still sick & now DH is sick as well !
    Dh has been back to the gp, who once again was not much help re.Dh's semen problem, so he thinks he may go & see someone else, at the moment though he is really getting himself depressed about it!

    How is everyone else?

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    Hey girls.

    Just a quickie from me. I am at work so have to make it quick. We have moved and the internet is not connected so I really wanted to pop in.

    Mel: going on Clomid sounds like a great idea. I'll have to catch up on all the details when we next talk.

    Nat: Huge congratulations on making the decision to start IVF. I hope the world for you and DH

    Sorry for the lack of personals, I just wanted to say hi to everyone and let you know I have been thinking of you.

    Big love to everyone and I promise to do personals once I have some more time.

    Lv Spring

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    Just a very quick one from me ladies...

    Mel - i am so glad that you are going on Clomid - things are going to be happening in your tummy very shortly !!!! Very exciting !

    Dream - excellent news on your decision for IVF - just have a relaxing holiday (not long now hey - i am sooooo jealous) and then get stuck into it !!!

    Hello to everyone else - hope you are doing well.

  11. #11

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    howdy everyone.
    Klee- the idea of acting like a mountain goat makes me smile. thanks. your dp sounds like fun. i hope we do all fall in one big group! i don't know if i'd recognize Yeti's spirit. he was quiet, calm, and peaceful. he felt like he had things more figured out than i did. fortunately, his peace rubbed off onto me when he was in my womb, so i guess if i feel peace i'll recognize him. i'm not expecting much peace if we are lucky enough to fall again, iykwim. how about Phoebe, what was she like?

    Jo- sorry to hear about your dh and the gp's lack of guidance. is there someone else he could see?

    a bit down today, i feel trapped already by the extra work hours, but i know it is just in my head. dh doesn't want to look at our photos of Yeti, and i really want to now. i don't want to push him, but feel like i need some more connection to Yeti than the ephemeral. maybe soon.

  12. #12

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    auntie m - yeti sounds the total opposite of phoebe, she was pretty active, however i must say i had that peace too, dp told me that he'd never seen me so happy and serene. maybe there's something in that? any of the other ladies have that?
    your connection with yeti is eternal, although he was only here momentarily, he will be with you forever, look for the little things that remind you of him, each are there own little sign, at least thats what i beleive.
    mel - how you doing hon? you going okay?
    hi to everyone else, hope you are all well

  13. #13

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    Hello beautiful ladies!!
    I have a broken finger at the moment so i am typing very slowly. I broke it at netball, Makes me reconsider playing while TTC, just in case something more damaging can happen. Its casual in door, but some girls still get fiesty.
    Aunty M netball an aussie game, it is kinda like basketball mainly a girls game, its supposed to be a non contact sport, but some girls can get rough!!!

    Aunty M.... my DH is a bit the same re your photos. He didn't even want to see or hold Zahra. He did in the end very quickly, but it was myself and the midwife who dressed her and cuddled her every night. I know it hurts our partners in a lot of different ways, but for me its the internal thing.... we carried the little ones we felt them grow and move and live inside us, so we notice considerably when they are gone, and we need to see and recognise and acknowledge that yes our angels did exist. We can do that by looking at our photos and our mementos.
    For the guys though i think instead of helping them feel better it brings the reality back to them. And invokes the general male rule... they cant fix it (the pain, loss, hurt) so they dont even want to go there. After re reading that i sound abit harsh towards the men. I dont mean to. And i am one for standing up and saying it all DOES effect them too, just in different ways. And they will handle it differently. Just as two women may handle it differently.
    Have you looked at your photos at all? Are you waiting until you are both ready? If thats the case and you feel ready but he's not, maybe ask if he minds if you have a look with out him. It may be what he needs to hear to look at them with you. Im sure he would hate to feel like he is hampering you in any way.
    My grandmother painted a picture of one of our photos of Zahra so we could look at her everyday without the harshness of death in the actual photo. Its a nice idea, i was lucky that my grandmother is an artist, i dont know how you would go finding a painter to just do one. It would take a big heart. Shane can look at that, but not the actual photo.

    To answer Klee about whether i could recognise Zahra.. well she would move around ALOT when ever sports were on, and i mean to the detail of a team scoring a try, she would flip around like crazy. Plus, when i was in the pub, when things would get loud and people were laughing she would flip around. When Shane played the playstation she would flip around. She would kick me in the one spot over and over and over like she was practicing kicking a goal or something. I joked she had her daddies precision. She would hit that same exact spot day after day. And one other thing... she would never ever not once move for my sisters. Either of them.For My mum she would wiggle and kick, for all my friends, but she would never move for my big sister. Not once. So from that, i took that she was perhaps going to be daddies little tom boy. (a bit like her mum) I pictured her as someone who would have determination and strength. The week after she died, i watched the Ashes test where Australia won the series 5 nil for the first time in Ashes History, i imagined Zahra up there cheering on her Aussie cricket team!!
    As for Darren, i felt protected. I felt safe. Honestly it was like a constant cuddle from behind. I felt strength in myself that i'd never felt before. Part of that could have been the feeling of a first time mum, thinking her world is falling into place, but i associate it with him because it remained abit, even after i lost him. I think it was because of him that i made it through loosing him. I wanted to believe that it was Darren back when i was preg with Zahra, and by the end i knew it wasn't because it did feel very different. I felt darren around me, like physically surrounding me, whereas i felt Zahra as someone inside me. Sorry if that is abit out there, but its the only way i can think to describe it. And yes maybe my crazy thoughts are weird, but they help me though each day.

    Klee you asked what sort of dog i have, well here is my entire minagerie
    2 dogs Karma(girl) a roman nosed bull terrior, Zane (our new boy) a napolian bull mastif ( he is a huge sook)
    2 cats Gizmo (boy, looks like a small dog) and Bullet (girl, grey like a silver bullet)
    2 fish (they're fish)
    1 silky rooster, 1 silky chicken, 2 silky chicklings (they have like long hair and they are funny looking, hair on their feet too, chicklings are like 4 weeks old)
    1 normal rooster, 3 black chickens (currently laying lovely eggs, waiting for chickens to go clucky and sit on eggs)
    2 peking ducks nearly full grown, not sure if they are boys or girls or one of each
    16 animals needing loads of love and attention.
    Do you think we might be trying to fill a void in our lives much??????? It seems to work most days!!

    Well i best get back to work.

    To all us ladies preparing for another month.........

    Love and best wishes
    Kat xox

  14. #14

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    Hi girls,

    Spring - Hope your move went well and you are settling in, its a PITA isnt it!

    Auntie M - Im sorry you are feeling down today, as much as work does give a distraction it is really hard knowing we HAVE to do it, it does get easier with time though. Thank you for your lovely message in Nicholas' guestbook

    Klee - I cannot believe you had a work day where you had to do something, that is so wrong and not on! How is your fertility stuff going?

    Lynn - Glad to hear Hope is going so well, thanks for all your help this week.

    Kat - Hope you are good, I sent you an email.

    Jo - Hope DH gets someone to help him, how frustrating are drs sometimes!

    Tommysmum, Bailey & Deb - Hope your little bubbas are doing great.

    Hi to everyone else, stay well.

    I am sorry I havent been around, we are moving on Sunday and have been really busy packing and organising - and I am soooo not a good organiser so of course leave everything to the last few days Anyway, I wont have internet access after Saturday for a week or so, so I wont be around much. Will try to check in on my breaks at work and at least read up and make sure everyone is ok. The next couple of weeks are just so busy, when it rains it pours! But its probably good cause I am really starting to stress about Nicholas' 1st birthday so hopefully I will be kept distracted.

    So to update you all - IVF appointment was fine, not as expensive as we thought but still need to put it off a few months. Wow its a complicated process and my god what it must do to your hormones, if Iwe do it watch out DH!

    So for now Clomid it is, I started taking it on Monday night and have remembered to take it every night at 8pm which is really good for me cause I am hopeless at remembering medication (no wonder I fell pregnant with Nicholas on the pill LOL). And so far I feel nothing, I feel no different. I only have one more night of taking it and I am thinking maybe it isnt doing anything at all for me cause I have no moodiness (although DH may disagree ), no cramping, no extra weeing, nothing. So I dont know what to expect - then while I was googling at work today (oopsie hehe) I found something that said the use of Clomid on women without ovulatory problems can hinder conception, GREAT! I dunno, you cant believe everything you read on the internet LOL.

    Anyway, that is it from me - look after yourselves and hopefully I will be able to check in here and there.

    Big :hugs: to all, Mel

    HAHA making up for the lack of posts in the 1 email - yep back to true form

  15. #15

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    howdy everyone.
    Klee- you are right, there are signs from Yeti i am sure, but i need to open my mind to be able to see them. maybe the peace is just part of pregnancy?

    Katti- yes, dh would probably not want to stand between me and the photos. i just know he'll look too (they are on his computer) and it will be so sad. the painted picture idea is so amazing, what a wonderful way to see Zahra every day! i'll be looking into that idea. i'm so glad you shared how you felt with Zahra & Darren - that you knew they were different. it goes to the heart of my fear that i don't want to replace Yeti but i want a live baby too.

    Mel- moving is so stressful - good luck. i hope you are moving somewhere you like so unpacking is more fun. fingers crossed on the clomid.

    i'm less down today, i'd like to say it is because i got used to working full time, but in reality it is because i got yesterday off as a "rain day". our mountain valley got 6 inches of rain in 8 hours, and the only paved road into the valley was washed out, and the phones and internet with it. so no one did any work other than stuff around home, which was so nice. gotta love when mother nature pulls off a good one that doesn't hurt anyone!

  16. #16

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    Mel - hope the move is going ok. Good luck with the Clomid. I have everything crossed for you this month

    Auntie M - I'm glad that you are ok and didn't get washed away............and you got a day off work! It is also good to hear that you are feeling less down today

  17. #17

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    Happy 11 month Birthday Nicholas Thinking of you today Mel - big big big hugs

    Happy 9 month Birthday Asha Bailey I hope your little girl brought a little smile to your face today. Hope you are feeling better soon :hugs:

  18. #18
    Laui59 Guest

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    Hi girls,
    i sure that there are many of you on here that have been through hard times but are still trying for a prefect little one to hold in your arms, well thats why i'm on here.
    I nhave just lost my two little angels at 21 weeks and it seems like it was a lifetime ago already.. i have pictures to remind my self of there sweet little faces when they begin to fade as it is only 1 week ans a day since they decide to come early.. However being my first long preganacy (6 week miscarrage in 2001 being the only other time i was pregnant) i am now 100% sure i have enough love to give a little one and the same with my DH.
    We feel ready so soon to try again, but have to wait for the after effects of birth to ware of first.. all we want to do is start straight away..
    i'm hoping the next will be good but looking for reasurance that it can happen quickly i suppose..
    Anyways Baby dust to all of you girls that have been through the worst pain in the world..
    Laura xx

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