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Thread: Pregnant 10wks with twins. Dh want divorce n abortion

  1. #1

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    Default Pregnant 10wks with twins. Dh want divorce n abortion

    I just need someone to talk to about my situation. My DH filing for divorce and since we have a prenup agreement , I will have to move out from the house within 30 days. Pregnant and no money, no place to live , no one to support me.

    He wanted me to do the abortion so I don't have to be a single mum with two babies to raise on my own but I can't do it. I must admit I have been thinking about it because I don't know if I'm able to raise twins by myself. No financial support or emotional support from anyone.
    My parent who live overseas want me to do abortion also. They think I'm only 25 and have so much future if I won't have these babies.


    I quit my job to ttc for a year now. I know centrelink will help me but if it will be enough to cover the rent n foods n all babies stuff. How am I gonna go do grocery shopping by myself with two babies when I have no car? How can i have enough money for two kids to have high education. All these questions keep popping in my head.

    Do you think raising two babies by myself will be hard? Will I be able to give them life quality they deserve? Will I bring them into this world n they have to struggle with their life?
    Please help me!! I'm so depressed and desperate.


  2. #2

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    There are other options like adoption you can think about. Maybe some counseling for yourself would be useful too. he will have to pay child support as well.
    Sorry you are going through this. But there is support out there you don't have to do this alone whatever decision you choose.

  3. #3

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    Please consider adoption before you terminate.

    And em... is right. He will have to pay child support.

  4. #4

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    Also just reading previous posts didn't you really want a baby? Did you end up going through IVF? Why TTC knowing that your husband or family wouldn't support you?
    Ultimately given how much you wanted it in the first place I wouldn't be having an abortion.

  5. #5

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    I think some serious counselling is something you should definitely do before considering termination/adoption/keeping the babies. But if YOU think that road will be best after everything, then do what you feel is right for you. Youare ultimately the one who will be dealing with it all.

    Get all of the facts about how life will be with yourself and two children first. Find out what you are entitled to from centrelink, housing ect, support off your ex husband and any other sort of support you can get. Could you go and live with/near your family for support again? Would they come to you to help support you, even for a little while? There are lots of options for you.

    It will not be easy, any path you take. I'm sorry you have to go through such a difficult thing

  6. #6

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    Default Re: Pregnant 10wks with twins. Dh want divorce n abortion

    I too suggest seeing centrelink as fast as possible. Once you have information you are in a better place to make up your mind.

    Your husband has put you in a horrible situation. Ivf increases the chance of twins etc, its something he should have thought about.

    try to separate yourself from the pressure of what other people think/want and work out what feels right for you. Yes twins are hard work but mothers cope and there is help available.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by em... View Post
    Also just reading previous posts didn't you really want a baby? Did you end up going through IVF? Why TTC knowing that your husband or family wouldn't support you?
    Ultimately given how much you wanted it in the first place I wouldn't be having an abortion.
    We get pregnant through FET cycle. I only have one egg left to put back in. One is FET and one is natural.
    DH was the one who really want baby but he said it hits him when he see the scan at 7 wks that he isn't ready to lose his single life. He didn't want to be waking up n have sleepless night or can't go anyway by himself.
    I was devastated. He put me in trapped situation. I know I will have child support from him but will thatbe enough? The thought of raising two babies on my own is scaring me.

  8. #8

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    Your H wont be able to file for divorce until you have been separated for 12 months.. and since if you decide to go ahead with this pg then you will also need parenting plans in place and child support in place.

    Good luck making your decision, its a very hard one

  9. #9

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    I'm so sorry you're in this situation. My children were IVF and the thought of putting yourself through it and to then be in this situation is heartbreaking.

    I fully agree with what the others have said - consider adoption before termination. If you are at all hesitant about termination then I don't think it is an option for you.

    Raising kids is hard enough with a loving committed partner, so you are right, it will be very difficult for you on your own. But that is not reason enough to not raise these babies. I'm sure every parent on these boards will tell you that they would never swap their role as parents, no matter how hard they may be.

    Your husband sounds like he's just freaked out, which is not unusual. Is there any chance of you getting counselling together so that he can get some help processing things?

  10. #10

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    I'm really sorry you are in this situation but your husbands reasons for not wanting the babies sound really selfish. Please seek some counselling before making your decision, there are many agencies that can provide support for you, maybe try first with your GP and he can provide some referals for you.

    Regards,
    Dianne

  11. #11

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    Default Pregnant 10wks with twins. Dh want divorce n abortion

    Mayby you should both go to a councillor if he is just freaked out he should talk to someone instead of just doing a runner

    I agree also if your at all hesitant about abortion then it might not be the right choice especially when these bubbas were so wanted , it will be tough but there are plenty of single mothers out there who are doing well and I take my hat off to them and there are heaps of services in place to help financially , but food from food parcel places mayby try breastfeed as much as possible to save money on formula , cheap nappies do just as good job , they can sleep in one cot together for a while, babies don't need alot, make their purées and freeze you save alot of money and its healthier there are heaps of things to make living cheaper and easier join a good supportive mothers group etc..

  12. #12

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    Been thinking of you .

    Regards,
    Dianne

  13. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by diannescruffy View Post
    Been thinking of you .

    Regards,
    Dianne
    Thanks hun. I have been crying all day. Ill go see counseling tomorrow

  14. #14

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    Good to hear, hope it helps once you've talked to your counsellor, let us know how you go.

    Regards,
    Dianne

  15. #15

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    this is just heartbreaking. i'm so sorry you're going through this. sending you much love and hugs xxx

  16. #16

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    Oh i'm so sorry for the situation he's put you in. It must be pretty scary for you right now.

    I know quite a few single mums in the town that I live in and yep, it can be tough doing it on your own and also financially, however, there is lots of support around. Definately talk to Centrelink about your entitlements and you should be able to get a Health Care Card. Things such as child care when they're older (if you're still a single parent) will be subsidised by Govt and things like 3 yr old kinder are covered (well in Vic, anyway) if you're on a health care card. It must be hard to make a decision when those around you are pushing for one thing. Hopefully the counsellor can go through a lot of things with you and help you clarify what YOU really want to do.

    If you're worried about 'quality' of life - kids need to feel loved, nurtured and supported. If you can sort out the basics like a roof/rental assistance, money for bills and food (get DH to pay $), then they don't 'need' anything else. Education and health care (as much as we run them down) are pretty good in this country. You can always return to p/t work or study when they're a little older and in child care or school.

    You can get groceries delivered to your front door or take the kids with you - supermarkets have baby trolleys (even twin ones) and/or you can pick up a second hand baby carrier and wear one/have one in the trolley while you shop. I take our 3 kids each week (4, 3 and 6 months) and it's a fricking nightmare, but we get through it. Aldi nappies are much cheaper than other brands and I mix them up with cloth nappies to last longer between shops. You can get baby stuff second hand or given to you. There's loads of people who pass their baby gear on and if you put your name on a noticeboard at your local playgroup, I'm sure you'd get given some baby items for free. I guess I'm just trying to give you some ideas of how you could manage on your own with your twins b/c it sounds from your original post that abortion isn't something you're keen on (?)

    Every parent struggles when they first become a parent and I'm pretty sure it's doubly hard with twins and lack of support. I'm not sure if there is a local BB Perth group of mums that you can link in with? Also, a new mum's gp (and local twins groups) can be invaluable support when you've just become a parent, who you can see each week/develop a support network and friends who will know your kids and can help with babysitting each other's kids when they're a bit older. My mum's gp was a godsend.
    There's lots of support on here too and I'm pretty sure people who have finished their families can also help you out with practical items (myself included).

    I'm really sorry that what should have been a joyous and exciting time for you, has turned out to be so incredibly stressful. Sending you lots of love while you sort through what to do next.

  17. #17

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    Oh i'm so sorry for the situation he's put you in. It must be pretty scary for you right now.

    I know quite a few single mums in the town that I live in and yep, it can be tough doing it on your own and also financially, however, there is lots of support around. Definately talk to Centrelink about your entitlements and you should be able to get a Health Care Card. Things such as child care when they're older (if you're still a single parent) will be subsidised by Govt and things like 3 yr old kinder are covered (well in Vic, anyway) if you're on a health care card. It must be hard to make a decision when those around you are pushing for one thing. Hopefully the counsellor can go through a lot of things with you and help you clarify what YOU really want to do.

    If you're worried about 'quality' of life - kids need to feel loved, nurtured and supported. If you can sort out the basics like a roof/rental assistance, money for bills and food (get DH to pay $), then they don't 'need' anything else. Education and health care (as much as we run them down) are pretty good in this country. You can always return to p/t work or study when they're a little older and in child care or school.

    You can get groceries delivered to your front door or take the kids with you - supermarkets have baby trolleys (even twin ones) and/or you can pick up a second hand baby carrier and wear one/have one in the trolley while you shop. I take our 3 kids each week (4, 3 and 6 months) and it's a fricking nightmare, but we get through it. Aldi nappies are much cheaper than other brands and I mix them up with cloth nappies to last longer between shops. You can get baby stuff second hand or given to you. There's loads of people who pass their baby gear on and if you put your name on a noticeboard at your local playgroup, I'm sure you'd get given some baby items for free. I guess I'm just trying to give you some ideas of how you could manage on your own with your twins b/c it sounds from your original post that abortion isn't something you're keen on (?)

    Every parent struggles when they first become a parent and I'm pretty sure it's doubly hard with twins and lack of support. I'm not sure if there is a local BB Perth group of mums that you can link in with? Also, a new mum's gp (and local twins groups) can be invaluable support when you've just become a parent, who you can see each week/develop a support network and friends who will know your kids and can help with babysitting each other's kids when they're a bit older. My mum's gp was a godsend.
    There's lots of support on here too and I'm pretty sure people who have finished their families can also help you out with practical items (myself included).

    I'm really sorry that what should have been a joyous and exciting time for you, has turned out to be so incredibly stressful. Sending you lots of love while you sort through what to do next.

  18. #18

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    What a horrible situation for you to be in.

    I'm sure you would have done counselling before you started IVF, so maybe your DH has just started to freak out. But if he continues to proceed with divorce then it is his loss, yes having twins is hard work but they are will also provide you with such joy as well.

    I would also recommend you make contact with your local Multiple Birth Association in your area, each one offers different services and you might find some extra support. Plus they may also be able to help you with being able to get items for your babies as parents of older twins always have lots of stuff to get rid of. Once your twins are born you may also be able to get support services through your local council to help you get over the initial period of getting them home and into a routine, the support services can offer things like general housework or even respite care to look after the babies so you can get out and do shopping ect.

    Also once they arrive if you struggle to breastfeed then one of the formula companies offers a substantial discount on formula as well (almost 50% off) so there are a lot of options available to you.

    I hope things start to look more positive for you soon.

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