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Thread: Is this the end... help me prepare for the end of this emotional BF rollercoaster?

  1. #1

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    Unhappy Is this the end... help me prepare for the end of this emotional BF rollercoaster?

    We made it to 12 months, after the most difficult turbulent experience I have her been through, we got back to BF'ing with weight gains at 6 1/2 months, I did everything I could to BF my most precious baby girl, but now I sit in with tears running down my cheeks , I noticed a week or so ago that DD had been getting very upset coming off after a feed, I just thought it was wind. Until I borrowed a serve of formula one evening from a friend who was staying with us and at her evening feed offered her a "top up" and she took 150ml and probably would have taken more, if there was more in the bottle.

    So after a lot of thought I decided to replace the middle of the day feed with a bottle, as I was still expressing this feed while at work and after 12 months of pumping I felt I had done enough, and she seemed a lot happier, and offered her a "top up" after the evening feed, where she might take 60ml-150ml depending on the day. I thought ok I can continue with two feeds (morning and night) and supp the third/middle of the day feed. At the moment DD wouldn't take any yogurt, cheese or other forms of calcium at the moment so milk has to still be there.

    Now that she has four chompers she has started nipping me a lot, I am trying to work out if it is a game, breast refusal or discovering her new teeth and what they can do, or the milk is dissappearing! So we now stop feeding say no and that is it, to try to teach her to not bite. She is also now getting a bit upset after other feeds, the hunger type of cry (the two I have left).

    I have been slowly weaning the Motilium (due to a lack of research beyond 12 months), I am down to 2 a day, at our peak I was on 8 a day, but have managed to sit between 2-4 a day.

    But I feel that it might be all coming to an end.

    I love Breast Feeding, I love that my body has sustained my daughter, my next aim was August... but I fear that it might end all too soon, I am not ready but maybe she is... I don't want this to end, I know I will get my body back, but I am losing the most precious bond that we have had for so very long.

    I am not ready for her to be on cows milk, I wish she would prefer me, I am sad that I feel this is becoming more about me than her.

    I have four pots of EBM in the freezer, I was planing to save them for when she was sick.

    I feel jealous of a friend who has a bountiful supply and is tandem feeding her 2 1/2 year old and 6 month old.... I wanted to continue a bit longer but fear the end is nigh...



    How do I prepare myself to say goodbye to BF'ing my baby girl

  2. #2

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    iv got no advice huni just huge hugs xxx

  3. #3

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    Oh Beema, I absolutely dread the day I stop BF my DS. I'm sorry I don't have any advice but just a big hug. Are you a member of your local ABA group? They may be able to offer some advice & support to help you continue to BF (or even just call the help line). Or your Dr who prescribed the motilium, perhaps they may be able to offer advice.

    Good luck & once again big big hugs. BF is a very special bond and I can relate to your feelings/emotions.

  4. #4

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    Hun, I am in a very big rush, so I apologise for my seeming lack of sympathy

    Firstly, the end may not be here yet, so hang on in there .

    Secondly, can I suggest, that if you feel the need to give her a top up of some kind, that you don't give it to her in a bottle? The ease of drinking milk from a bottle, which is somewhat similar to a breast (although not really, if that makes sense) may be contributing to her fussiness at the breast.

    I think at Nakita's age you don't need to be thinking so much in terms of feeds - when she has them, how much, replacing them if she's not near your breasts etc etc. She is more than capable of telling you what she wants now, and it needn't necessarily be feeds at the same time each day. Of course, it might be, she might just want a feed at night, and a feed in the morning, plenty of toddlers do that. I understand you still want to give milk as well as BM, but you don't have to be too strict about when IYKWIM? (Also, have you looked into other calcium rich foods other than dairy? You might feel better if you know she's getting it from a variety of sources). When she's cried after a feed can you give her something to eat? Or something small beforehand? TBH, at her age, I don't think she really *needs* to be 'topped up' with milk. Of course, if you want to, and she's happy with it then that's fine . Just offering an alternative.

    I know it's a really hard transition to make. We're so used to being more in control when they're babies, but as our kids get older and more active, they are BUSY! And so much more independent . This might just be an adjustment period for you two, I don't necessarily think it's the end of breastfeeding for you hun

  5. #5

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    Hi,

    There is no doubt you are well within your rights to stop breastfeeding if you want to - you have breastfed long and well, and have worked hard to overcome the challenges you faced. But, it's not necessarily over! Your baby really doesn't need formula at this age. She needs good wholesome food and your milk. At this age many babies quite enjoy a cup of cow's milk before bed. If you introduce/get too reliant on bottles you just need to wean them off that in the future - and sooner rather than later - so you get to do double the weaning. Bitig is difficult - but usually a very shortlived problem, once they realise it's not a joke and mum is serious when she says "no'
    Many mothers find their babies are a little unsettled with feeding around 12mnths - hang in there - it changes! You could have many more months of the breastfeeding roller-coaster - btw, the ride doesn't stop when you stop breastfeeding! Breast or bottlefeeding, there are always ups and downs - it's just life with young children!

  6. #6

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    babe
    Hope you can find some happy medium there so you don't have to stop yet.

  7. #7

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    i've got no advice hunni, sending you a big though.

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    hun, I second Barb's post. She could be having a fussy time for any number of reasons and often if you just keep offering the breast as much as you and your DD want to it will usually pass. Let us know how you go.

  9. #9

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    It needn't be over yet
    You've done so wonderfully to get here! Whether this is the end or not, you should feel proud of yourself.

    Oh, and for what it's worth, I think it was around the same age that DS started eating significantly more food. so maybe that's your answer.

  10. #10

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    Thankyou for all of your posts, I will try to respond to them all

    AJC, I am not a member of the ABA, DD has an appointment with one of our Dr's on Friday (who has given me additional prescriptions of Motilium) so I might have a chat to her.

    Janie, Thankyou I have tried a few cups, will have to try some more, I am trying to teach her to drink froma straw... but had had no success there if anyone has any suggestions I am more than happy to try them! She has had a bottle or two of EBM at CC since she started there, so I need to speak with them about introducing a cup, and I need to try giving her Cows Milk, haven't tried it yet. She has been going from bottle to breast from the start using the NUK and TTCN bottles, I use the slow teats so she still has to work for the milk, but haven't had a problem with offering the breast except when they are empty and she knows it and I haven't realised, she is not a really comfort sucker, much prefers a dummy when she wants to suck. She also will spit out a dummy/boob when she is really thirsty and will only take a sip of water then gets hysterical if she doesn't get milk. I have offered her food and she spits it out or throws it

    I didn't want to really "top her up" as such, but when I did she was genuinely after more milk than I had, so I will have to try offering her milk in a cup after her evening BF.

    I hope we can continue, I am looking to drop another Motilium soon just debating whether to drop the morning one of evening one first.

    Thankyou Barb, we might be getting somewhere with the biting, we were very stern "No" with her, and stopped feeding stright away. I am also playging close attention to when she is finishing or getting close to finishing a feed, and taking her off before she clamps down. I am hoping we can continue, I guess the test will come when I ahve fully weaned off the Motilium to see if there is anything left. If not then I will have to look back and be happy with my achievements and go forward

    Thankyou Pixie, Missy and Rach :hugs:

    Jennifer, I have tried offering BF at other times but she doesn't really go for it or has a suck or two and then just plays.

    Marcellus, I have been trying to up her solids, she is pretty sporadic with them, and I would be happier if she would fill up on them rather than milk

    I hope we get through these next few weeks and things turn around a bit.
    Thankyou for you messages of support and guidances, I will keep you posted how I go.
    xxoo

  11. #11

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    Beema, you really sound like you know what you're doing hun, I hope you know that .

    I know what it's like to want to continue breastfeeding, so much, but to be scared that your baby wants to stop. It's hard when you feel that it's so much out of your control. If you can stay positive about it, offer her the breast as often as you're comfortable with, and don't refuse her if she asks for it, there's every chance Nakita will keep on feeding.

    I have a feeling you will find that as long as she is feeding regularly, not taking the Motilium won't make much difference . Trust me when I say, no one felt more dependent on Motilium than I did, it was my crutch - but amazingly enough, when I finally weaned off it (at 10 months) things kept on going as they had been! If you are feeling that your supply is a bit on the low side while you are weaning off it, you can always offer N a couple of extra feeds for a week or so (or express) to boost your supply. But (and I mean this very kindly, as I was in the same boat) I think that the Motilium is possibly doing more for your confidence than your supply at this point. As for which tab to drop next, I personally would drop the evening one, as prolactin levels are naturally higher during the night. I'm not basing that decision on any scientific evidence BTW!!! LOL. Just what I would do.

    Do you have much understanding of supply=demand, and how Motilium works? What it does to help milk supply? If you want more info I'm happy to expand .

    As for the biting, keep persisting with what you're doing if it's working. We went through a similar stage, it wasn't much fun, drawing blood and all . But I did what you have been, paying particular attention to ending the feed when he seemed to have had enough, before he bit me, and before I knew it that stage had passed! It will for you guys too

    You sound like a very confident mummy, keep it up hun!

  12. #12

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    You sound really positive now and seem to have a good plan - good luck!

  13. #13

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    So DD is now 13 1/2 months and is STILL BF'ing

    I have sucessfully weaned off the Motilium, and managing a full morning feed and a feed in the evening, followed by a bit extra milk as DD is demanding more but there isn't enough there.

    I love that we are still going and I hope that it is DD who choses when she wants to wean, not my supply.

    I love our morning feed, it is just a real special time for us, and a lovely way to wake up.

    We are almost at our next BF'ing goal of 12 months corrected, and I know we will romp that one in easily. Following that I am aiming for 2 years - as per WHO, DH is fully supportive and is very proud.

    Everyday I am reminded who far we have both come in this BF'ing challenge, through ALL the ups and downs, and countless times when you just want to give up, in the end it has been worth every second.
    Thankyou for all of your support

  14. #14

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    So lovely to read - what an inspiration. It makes you feel all gooey inside doesn't it!

    These little people do go off feeding from time to time due to various reasons - they are very hard times indeed.

    I hope to join you soon at that 12 months mark - surprising myself too!!

  15. #15

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    Congratulations to you both!

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    Congrats Beema!!

  17. #17

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    Congratulations Beema!

  18. #18

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    Congrats Beema, great stuff!!!

    Totally understand the worries you have about supply, but, in the short term, if you offer the breast lots during the day as well, you'll find that your supply will soon be rocking! If you have the opportunity to offer a few more feeds over 24 hours for a week or so, I think you'll be surprised at how much milk your body can produce . It doesn't matter if they're only quick feeds, it's just triggering the let down, and removing whatever milk is there, that will help.

    Even if you're not keen on that, I'm sure that keeping on the way you are will be fine . Enjoy!!!

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