parent led weaning of a child while tandem feeding

[trishalishous]

Im ready for my nearly 3yo to wean, but Im tandem feeding, so I cant say theres no milk left etc.
Any ideas?

[Arcadia]

I had thrush when ds was 8weeks old and told dd 2.5 yrs it was too painful to feed. I'm not sure how you feel about deceiving your child, but could you start saying it hurts to feed her? I found dd had so much empathy and weaned in two days. I would let her latch and then cry out in pain (real pain) so she came off and then stopped asking. A few weeks later she asked how the boobies were going and wanted to try feeding again, but then changed her mind, and that was it.

[HotI]

Does your DD like reading? You could make a book with photos or pics of her as a baby feeding and then growing bigger and stronger with mummys milk, and then all the cool things she can now do as a big kid, and all the things she can eat and drink and ..... and then end it with her not feeding - with the explanation that works best for you.

I have an almost 3 year old who is down to one feed a day, but i'm not sure how to drop the last one. i am also feeding her 13 month old brother. I have started to talk about one day she won't have mummy milk anymore but she just laughs at me. I'm not really sure what explanation i want to go with, big girls don't need milk doesn't really work for me, but i'm not sure what to go with instead. it has to be something i believe, or i won't be able to pull it off.

good luck.

[trishalishous]

shes very empathetic, and sometimes has trouble latching, and will try again to not hurt me.
We talk about her being too big to nurse, (shes off to kindy in a year and Id love for her to be weaned by 3.5) and she just said "I wont go to school. Ill stay home and have Bees (boobies)"

[RoyaUK]

I staggered the weaning until down to just the bedtime feed (for the older one) and tried my best at distraction and being out of the house (a lot of time in the park!) for all the other feeds. I think I made a big fuss of the older child being 'a big girl' and it coincided with getting them into a big bed, wearing undies not nappies and going to kinder. I tried to boost their self esteem about being ready for the next (independent) phase for them.

I tandem fed twice and with child #1 it was 3 days of struggle and I offered many other things instead, yoghurt covered sultanas worked as her treat! Keeping really busy for a week helped too. Second time round, i thought my booby addict girl would be tricky to stop and she surprised me by stopping on the day i set (she was nearly 3yrs) as she really loved the idea of being a 'big girl'.

Good luck!

[HotI]

Maybe work with her empathy, and let her know how much you have loved feeding her but how it also uses up lots of energy and makes you tired making milk for 2 people. If you had more energy then you could do other things with her like x,y,z

My DD will now accept if i am too tired to breastfeed her. I have to introduce an idea, and then talk about it a few times before she understands, or accepts it...but i know that she is thinkig through the idea herself in between us talking about it cos she will bring up a new thought on in the next conversation.

[trishalishous]

we've been talking about her being a big girl, and not nursing anymore, and its worked against us. She doesnt want to be a big girl, and has stopped using the toilet, because she wants to stay a baby!

[Kmn]

Sometimes "not nursing anymore" is too definite. Can you try for "E's turn is after dinner" or something similar - so she still has her special time, but is not feeding frequently and is not feeding when she would otherwise be at kindy.

[HotI]

Yeah, i have had to tread carefully with the big girl thing too. I don't use it when talking about stopping feeds for the same reason.

How often does she feed now? Maybe work on cutting down to specific feeds, like Kmn suggested. After that, i don't know cos that's where we are now.

[trishalishous]

shes only having the one feed now, before bed (unless she gets hurt or sick, then will have one as a comfort thing) I just cant seem to cut out that feed

[HotI]

ahh, i think we are at the same point then. DD pretty much just has one feed before bed too. Some nights she will go to sleep without it, but it is usually a much more drawn out occurrence.

If i am not around, she is ok. DD stayed away from home for the first time for 2 nights and went well, but was keen for a feed the next night.

i would love some ideas too. DO you have any other ideas you have thought about trying Trish?

[trishalishous]

HOTI, yeah we are on the same page
Im just trying to hope she forgets, we go tv, (boob) book bed, and I try to distract her after tv, but 90% of the time, she remembers.
Im havin my hernia fixed next month, so cant have her laying on me.

[Kmn]

I think you might want to tell her now - in a month Mum will have a sore tummy. And you are not going to be allowed to squash it so we need to practise.

You may find that she works out how to feed upside down or something similar - but at least you're not going to be trying to teach her when you really have a sore tum.

I wasn't tandem feeding, but found that even when he tried to be gentle DS hurt - so I told him so, and that it wasn't his fault, but his mouth had got too big and strong for my boobs, so he wouldn't be able to feed any more. He accepted that pretty easily - there were a few weeks of wanting to pat them and make sure they were OK, but no attempts to feed.

[OceanPrincess]

I think you might want to tell her now - in a month Mum will have a sore tummy. And you are not going to be allowed to squash it so we need to practise.

You may find that she works out how to feed upside down or something similar - but at least you're not going to be trying to teach her when you really have a sore tum.

I'd go with that - work with her empathy.

[HotI]

we got into a bit of a rhythm of one feed every two days for a little while. dd instigated it, and i kept it going. last night was night two, but as ds is quite leech-ful at the moment and i am tired and touched out, i said no when DD asked for a feed and we had a cuppa and cuddles instead. Not sure whether to go for a one feed every 3 days, or to use this opportunity to try to wean.

i know i am still a bit undecided, i would be comfortable if it happened, but not so comfortable with pushing it, and also losing breastfeeding as a useful tool in my parenting toolbox.

[Kmn]

Kate - at the moment you are managing to teach DD that she needs to ask and that she won't always get what she wants. And she's weaning herself gradually.
I would be really wary with replacing that with "Mum says no more". If it does feel all too much then say so at the time - it seems as though she understands.

[HotI]

Thanks Kmn.

Do kids go through a physical withdrawal of some of the hormones (oxytocin?) if they wean suddenly, or don't feed when they are used to doing so?

In the past, DD has got quite antsy/uptight if for some reason she hasn't had many feeds. I think it is more than just a habit/comfort thing, but haven't read anything that supports my belief.

[Kmn]

My experience was that I got a very clingy DS for a couple of weeks - although he was at 10 sucks every few days when we stopped. And my supply was such that that might of been 10ml - I wasn't tandem feeding...

He went back to fondling me in public for a few weeks too - especially in the supermarket when he was sitting in the trolley and they were "there".

My feeling is the oxytocin is also as much from skin-to-skin as it is from actual milk at this point - but if you are "all touched out" then you probably aren't going to feel like that either.

Thinking a bit more, I feel that with an older child it is incredibly important not to send a mixed message - so if you say "no more" then it really really has to be no more. It can't be "unless you skin your knee and scream lots". This is such an important thing to the kid that if they learn that they can make Mum back down here then they will assume that they can make you back on anything. But if you don't say "no more", you just say "Mum's exhausted, can we do this when we wake up" then you're not taking that risk.