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Thread: Questions for a friend

  1. #1

    Default Questions for a friend

    I am preg and not bfing atm but a friend of mine is and is stuggling to wean

    Her son is about 15 mths and is almost using her as a dummy
    He wont settle for anyone else if she is around and is very much a mummies boy (which is understandable) but its getting very hard on her to sit and feed for along time (she knows he's getting milk not just chewing) just to get him to sleep. Its hard and I think she is begining to resent it and we have talked of weaning and she really wants to she had had enough bfing
    She has tried giving him milk in a bottle but he wont take it, tired putting him down awake not working, tried a dummy but not talking that either
    So what I am after is any advice I can give her from u lovely ladies



    Plz any advice is more then welcome she is willing to try anything

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    Has she called the ABA for advice and support for weaning? they may ahve some good suggestions for her.
    At this age she doesn't need to replace the milk really, so it doesn't matter if he won't take it in a bottle. Does he eat well? Does he settle for daddy or others when she's not around? Can her partner take over bedtime/night-time settling for a while to give her a break?
    It's hard to find a compromise when young ones are so attached to their mummies for comfort. Does she get much time out without her baby? A bit more quality time for herself might make all the difference in how she copes.

  3. #3

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    No not much time without him and I dont think she has even been in contact with the ABA
    If she is anywhere near him he wont settle for anyone else even daddy
    He has his moments sometimes he can be distracted but it doesn't last long
    I think if she is not home he can be settled but I haven't seen him without her for along time
    I tried to settle him yesterday while she took a time out outside and he calmed down but as soon as I was out of sight he screamed (even with he fave cartoons on to distract him)
    Its just a bit worrying as I dont want to see her getting depressed or upset cos she cant have time out or down time from him

  4. #4

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    just wondering if anyone else has any different advice I can pass on to her

  5. #5

    Join Date
    May 2007
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    Warrnambool Vic
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    Hi,

    Your friend is doing an amazing job with her little one - and first and formost she needs to be told what a great job she is doing. It is hard to meet the needs of another little one when she is sick, tired and pregnant.
    Our culture seems to jump to the conclusion that this behaviour is a problem. In fact, what your friend has is a perfectly securely attached, normal 15 mnth old. He wants his mum - as is normal! This is not *caused* by breastfeeding.
    Breastfed children come back to the breast for comfort - it is normal, and when it all boils down, a lot easier to comfort them than if he were not breastfeeding. The dummy statement always gives me a giggle (in a wry sort of way) of course they really use the dummy (should they have one) as a substitute for the breast! It is common to see 15mnth olds with a dummy or bottle and that is apparently acceptable - they are really substituting this for the breast.
    What support does she have around the house? She badly needs some time out for herself, weaning or no weaning. Does she have a partner? He may have to step up and take a bigger role. Take the child out, distract him, play with him. This is all irrelevent to breastfeeding - this is just about sharing the parenting of a child.
    Despite current mythology, breastfeeding doesn't "take it out of you" either - it may help your friend to know that breastfeeding is easy on the mother's body, even during another pregnancy.
    In terms of weaning, one of the best reasons to wean is if the mum has really just had enough of it. Doesn't mean it will be easy if the child is unwilling. Daytime feeds are usually the easiest to cut out - and distraction is the key. Keep busy - don't sit down - they zone in on a mum sitting on the couch. Have lots of activities and health snacks on hand. Maybe try to limit the sucks to say, 10. Count them out (her child will learn to count really early too. The ABA has a fabulous booklet for only $5 called 'weaning". As others have suggested, a chat to the helpline counsellors would be worthwhile too.
    If weaning at this stage is just too hard - support your friend in continuing to breastfeed. It can be the easiest option!

  6. #6

    Default

    Oh I am happy to support her to keep going but she really has had enough
    her partner is great he tries to help but when it comes to feeding or getting him to sleep if she is there noone not even daddy can get in the way which is very hard on my friend.
    The biggest thing is she cant give him anything to substitute for the breast as he wont take anything else!!
    I feel her pain even though I haven't been through it because I can see the look on her face when she feeds, she really doesn't want to do it

  7. #7

    Default

    She might find it easier to cut back on his bfs rather than wean him cold turkey. For eg, if she's still bfing him during the night, cutting out those nights bfs can really put you in a whole different headspace during the day (not to mention you get a bit more rest if someone else takes over at night!). It isn't easy, but generally doesn't take very long. 'Bbs are asleep at night time' worked for us, replacing with a cup.

    If she hasn't night weaned, I'd suggest she try that first. Then she can see how she feels once she's getting a bit more rest (hopefully) or at least not feeling like she's feeding around the clock. It made a big difference to me (although I wasn't pg) and I was happy to keep bfing knowing I had that 'space'. There are some other threads on here about night weaning too, where you'll find some useful information.

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    I was going to say something along the same lines. She's probably still going to have the same issues whether she weans or not.
    What a good friend you are helping her out. She is doing a great job - it's hard I know. We've been through stages (some very looooong) where only mummy would do. Even after I night weaned it still had to be mummy at bed time and mummy during the night. The mummmy demands don't stop when you stop breastfeeding, regardless of how much of a boob-addict your child is, but if that helps her then fair enough.
    Again, I would suggest she contacts the ABA for a chat and some advice.

  9. #9

    Default

    thanks for the advice I will pass it along today

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