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Thread: So over weaning :(

  1. #19

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    I work full time so she doesnt get milk and she is fine with it. When she sees me though she is stuck on boob non stop and this means sometimes i have to eat dinner with her still stuck on mu boob!!!

    We have tried dh settling her she cries blue murder!

    I think this is why i have left it so kong to wean her because everytime i try it just feels harder than just feeding her.

    I really hope she self weans soon!!!!!

  2. #20

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Ahhh have you been back to work long? It must be a huge comfort thing to see you and have her booby after a day without you. As soon as I get home from having the morning out, she'll change from being fine to sooky and clingy and want boob. But its probably been in our favour that she can have it at home during the day, then goes to bed with a full belly.

    I'd be focusing on trying to stretch out that dinner time feed and getting as much protein in her as much as you can. My daughter loves soups, maybe a chicken one. If you have something like a thermomix you can grind up almond and brown rice into a powder and use that in the soup to thicken it but also add invisible, tummy filling nutrition. Even egg or fish... fill that belly
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    In 2015 I went Around The World + Kids!
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  3. #21

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    I'm going to pop together an article about this, I don't think many mothers speak up about this and how they feel. Is everyone okay with their comments being used in the article? Anyone prefer not?
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    In 2015 I went Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team

  4. #22

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    How old is she sweet c?
    Sometimes the resistance is very strong, and it's simply that they're not ready. It comes and goes in cycles, too, and there are often peaks where kids are typically more demanding of parental attention. If they're breastfeeding, then this is the way it is expressed. If they're not, they demand other things - ups, cuddles, etc, etc. Roughly speaking, around about 14-20 months seems to be a common age for this.
    If she's eating well otherwise, it's probably less to do with nutrition and more to do with comfort and security. In a word, it's you that she needs. Many mums in this position find that if they can set some boundaries and reclaim some time to themselves, they're better able to ride out these high-demand periods. Once her needs abate a bit - and the best way to see them go is to meet them - then you may find the weaning process is a lot easier on the both of you.
    All the best - it is really hard to find that balance.

  5. #23

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Onthefly she is 19 months old.

    I am pretty sure its a security thing because at night she sometimes does not even suck but just wants the nipple in her mouth.

    We cosleep and love cuddling her to sleep anyway but just annoying when i need to go toilet she will wake.

    I do feel sorry for her also so it is that i am too weak to wean her. She is severely allergic (have been tested) to cows, goats milk and slightly for soy.

    How do i set boundaries? I have tried telling her to stop tweaking my nipples but she stops only for a bit and does it again.

    I have also tried to stretch her inbetween feeds when i come home from work by distraction but she will get distracted for just a bit and then want milk again.

    Problem is, as soon as she sees me my husband cannot comfort her. She will cry if i am not in her sight!

    I dont think she has seperation anxiety as she does not cry when i drop her off at my mums in the mornings.

    My mum also said she is totally fine when i am not there. She eats really well.

    But when i am there she refuses to eat and wants to be fed constantly.

  6. #24

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Quote Originally Posted by BellyBelly View Post
    I'm going to pop together an article about this, I don't think many mothers speak up about this and how they feel. Is everyone okay with their comments being used in the article? Anyone prefer not?
    Kelly i agree with you and it is hard apart from bellybelly to find people who understands.

    I personally feel i cant complain to anyone IRL because they all think I should have weaned her 9 months ago!

  7. #25

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    I think thats everyone's frustration in this position who is feeding a toddler hun. Attitudes of society that they're way past "needing" breastmilk usually result in some pretty awful responses and no support.

    Btw, we've gone a little backwards because I have had surgery and can't lift her for a week, and my partner is not getting sleep for work. So after a little while of her not settling overnight (she'll sleep on him but not when put down) I tell him to put her in bed with me. I am confident when I am better I can get back on it though, just need the time to sleep to catch up. Sucks that its all up to me, but, part of the job.
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    In 2015 I went Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team

  8. #26

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Get well soon Kelly! Weaning can wait. Your health and recovery is more important at this stage. x

  9. #27

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Mum2SweetCs View Post
    How do i set boundaries? I have tried telling her to stop tweaking my nipples but she stops only for a bit and does it again.
    I had breastfeeding aversion, and so some things i just had to shut down or i wouldn't have been able to continue. Nipple tweaking for them can be a nervous/bored reaction, its not neccessarily a deliberate act, and so i couldn't leave it to my kids to stop. I had to physically protect the non-feeding nipple by covering it with my hand or arm and then keep the child's hand busy. I often played finger games with them or massaged their hand or gave them something like a beaded necklace to play with, and often we both played with it.

    When cutting down DDs feeds, (or more feeling like i was more in control of them) i moved from 'demand feeding' to set times for feeds. i could prepare myself for the feed at x time, and didn't feel like i was constantly at her beck and call. I was also able to stop feeling like i was saying no all the time, i could say "yep, let s have a feed after lunch". It took a little while for both of us to get used to it, but so much better when we did. If it wasn't time for a feed, i had to keep myself busy and not sit in our main feeding spot. Deciding on a plan and when to have feeds was probably the trickiest bit. I probably scheduled more feeds than needed, but if we were busy and missed one, i didn't make it up, just moved to the next one.

    Over time, DD then began to drop them one at a time. e.g. we often headed out or were busy in the morning and so that one got missed more and more and then dropped.

  10. #28

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Just because she's ok when you leave her doesn't mean it isn't separation anxiety - I'd say that's precisely what it is, only manifesting later on in her absolutely jo and relief to see you again and her anger at any suggestion that she should not have you at those times. It sounds hard for you, you're doing a lot working and meeting her needs - her response is natural and understandable, but so is yours. It's really hard to find a good place of give and take.

    With boundaries it may be necessary to be absolute. And this (probably) means finding resolve in yourself to accept some distress and crying on her part. You first have to get yourself to a point where you are ready for this.

    Try, also, to think of it like any other boundary that you set for her. There are safety things, obviously, where you will brook no debate. She must wear a seatbelt, for example. She might hate it, but it has to happen. Then there are other things on which you won't compromise, for your own reasons. Maybe there's a particular 'thing' that she wants, but which she cannot have because she might break it. If you say no, you remove her, you take it from her, she might be angry, she might be aggrieved, but you stick to it anyway, because it's the boundary that you've decided on.

    Sometimes it helps to think of the breastfeeding relationship in these terms, also. She can have milk, but no twiddling (if she twiddles, the milk stops. She'll need reminding for a while). Some kids like an alternative, something else to twiddle, or maybe just being able to touch mum's chest as they feed. She can have x number of feeds and no more. or at x time, but not at y time. you explain it to her, you ready yourself, and then you stick to it (allowing for some flexibility for illness or ****ful days, or whatever).



    Be kind and patient with yourself. You're doing a great job of meeting her needs. She obviously sees you as a very important and necessary source of comfort. that's a good sign. It will get easier with time, even if nothing else works. Remember the ABA if you need to talk to someone. You will find the counsellors on the helpline a great source of suggestions and support 1800-686-268. It doesn't matter if you've called them before, you can call again and talk to someone different and get a different perspective.

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