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Thread: So over weaning :(

  1. #1

    Default So over weaning :(

    I've been breast feeding since 2009, without a break. Not even one day.



    I've loved it but I must say now, honestly I am pretty over being pawed at on an hourly basis by my toddler.

    The over night feeds are killing me because she feeds all night long and at 2, has enough fight in her to make me saying no a very loud, long drawn out reaction, at all hours of the morning.

    I have tried to night wean for weeks now but in the early mornings, relent because I cannot face the lack of sleep it results in. I become very cranky and impatient but then I also become the same when feeding because I am getting my free nipple pinched and I'm feeling pretty used.

    This is kinda a vent, kinda a call for reassurance.

    I feel so overwhelmed. I feel like I want to dry up my milk artificially. I'm exhausted.

    For anyone out there that has fed for a long period of time - did you have any similar feelings? Were you over it at some point?

  2. #2

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Oh hun i have only been continuously breastfeeding dd2 for 19 months and i feel your pain (and youve done it for way longer than i have)

    I cosleep with dd2 and she basically is on my boob the whole night. When i need to go toilet and move my boob out she cries!

    I get so sick of it too.

    I have tried weaning her many times but she is a very stubborn toddler!

    Im wishing for the day she self weans to be honest. Sick of getting my shirt pulled down all the time and the fondling of my nipples

    Although i know i will miss her little face and her lovely eyes when she is content on the boob.

    Lots of hugs to you :hugs:

  3. #3

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    You have written the post I have wanted to write for ages.
    Yes I feel like that. So over it. So over my space being invaded continuously. So over a hand down my top. All. The. Time.
    So over it, that it's influencing whether to have another baby or not because I just don't think I can go another 2+ years.
    DS weaned because I was pregnant with dd2 at nearly 28 months, so I did have 6 months break, but I also used the Jay Gordon method to night wean before that. He seemed easier than a very aggressive dd2 though. She's not having a bar of it.
    chick.

  4. #4

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    My toddler has been going through the same thing. At first I let it go because of teething (4 eye teeth at once) but its run me absolutely ragged, and I am craving sugar and drinking caffeine like nobody's business to try and survive the minimal sleep I am getting, which is not healthy at all. I've become emotional and sensitive and I am sick of it, so reached out to a trusted friend who is experienced in healthcare. So for the last two nights I have changed things around and its working better than expected.

    As my friend explained, because the boob is just there, that is the preference - my bub was eating minimal food, refusing to eat most things and nothing substantial, so going to bed with an empty tummy trying to top up all the time. So what I have been doing is:

    * Getting out as much as I can - if shopping needs to be done etc, I go and baby stays with partner or babysitter (and then she'll eat the terror)
    * Stretching out feeds
    * Offering food before boob
    * Enlisted the whole family for distraction duty
    * Avoid sitting in the same spot too long (she'll jump on me for boob)
    * Trying to get her eating more protein (as well as fruit, yoghurt and veg) to help fill her belly. Loves chicken!

    The last two nights I have comforted her through the night without boob and it has not been easy, its made me even more tired and frustrated, but its working. I had to wear my hardest to get into jumper too, lol. I am also sick of the hand down the top, nipple tweaking, drives me NuUUuUUtttts.

    The first night I wanted to cry as she wanted boob, and I wasn't giving it to her. But she eventually fell asleep snuggled up on me, and I was able to transfer her into bed. She had a huge sleep and woke only once, I was stunned. She was very happy and looked refreshed when she woke, and my partner fed her oats for brekkie - then she had boob.

    I went out for a bit and when I got back she was so distracted she wasn't jumping all over me. Night is generally the worst - and her second night she was more unsettled, only wanting to sleep on my shoulder or on me, but still no boob. Got very little sleep myself, but she slept longer in the morning, and I fed her oats and chia seeds, drink from her sippy cup and she didn't get boob until about 12pm! I couldn't believe it. She's all over me again tonight when I sit down, but I have moved over to the kitchen table and she's watching something on the television with dad for a bit so I can have a break. It is SO hard. I went through this with my two and I feel that completely over it feeling. But I think tiredness led me here, letting her feed when she wanted it, which was more comfort than for food - or food snacking because it wasn't very filling in her belly.

    The worst thing is my bub is also going through a no clothes or nappy stage and I have to stay awake until she's asleep to put a nappy on her, and she wont have a blanket either, wakes right up when I put it on So I end up cold, tired and grumpy. Toddler bed arrived, just need a mattress now!

    Witholding is so against what I wanted and believed, but she's nearly two and needs more food in her belly. I am too close to getting sick again from exhaustion and then I am doing her no favours at all. A depleted mother isn't a happy or healthy mother - and thats so important. Good luck, the first few nights suck, but they are quick learners as to how things go.
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    In 2015 I went Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team

  5. #5

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Update for my third night... going to bed I was able to get her falling asleep on me by walking the floor and patting her bum. She transferred well, and woke a few times in the night, but such an improvement has occurred that I didn't need to get up out of bed to settle her. A couple of times she fell asleep quickly on top of me, and another I was able to pat her bum to sleep. Such a massive breakthrough. No boobs until after breakfast again. It is such a HUGE relief not to have her clutching at me and constantly wanting boob. It was tough, but its been worth it. Now to keep the consistency and I am sure we'll be sleeping through the night in no time. I wouldn't have believed it if you told me a week ago. Two feeds in total today. Yay. Feel much more human, a little tired, but personal space is much less of an issue.
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    In 2015 I went Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team

  6. #6

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Hey
    It's a really, really tough time.
    It is certainly possible to night wean once toddlers are a bit older and don't necessarily *need* the milk overnight. There are some more ideas here.
    Having night weaned both my kids at 14 months and 18 months respectively, I have to be a real downer and point out that they may not sleep any better just because they're not feeding back to sleep. Very often breastfeeding gets the 'blame' for babies and toddlers waking frequently, but it's usually not the source of the problem, but rather a useful tool for getting back to sleep.
    Obviously it's up to each mum to figure out the right balance, it all has to work for you too, so setting boundaries is really important, just like any other aspect of parenting. And of course they will protest, because they love the comfort and security they get from the breast. There's nothing wrong with that, and it's not wrong to give it to them, either, unless that doesn't work for you.
    Mother-led weaning generally does involve some crying and even screaming. But so does saying no more lollies or put your seatbelt on, sometimes.
    Many mothers find that once they get a bit of space and put some boundaries in place (no tweaking!), then they feel a lot better about things and actually are happy to continue feeding.
    Good luck.

  7. #7

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    HI,
    Congrats on keeping it going so long!!
    My DS has been down to one morning feed for about 6 months but WOW it's hard to talk him out of that one 'specially 'cause it's at around 5-7 in the morning when I am generally at my lowest ebb and it's just easier to snuggle under the covers with him and feed him.
    I found cutting out night feeds worked for me by offering cuddles and a sippy cup with water. He rejected this or had a small drink and yelled at me for about 10 mins then went back to sleep. I then found his one night feed just gradually got later and later until it was the morning one.
    We don't co-sleep so I could pop him into his cot (which is in our room) and not be "attacked".
    One thing I found helped create a longer gap between his evening feed and the one he thought he needed during the night was a very active afternoon then a big dinner of favourite type food and a good milk drink.
    DS is now 2yr 8m and I am 3 days into weaning him off his morning feed. I tried bribing him with flavoured milk. This was an epic fail 'cause he just had the milk then screamed for "boobie juice". The next day I thought I'd try the milk mid-feed and he happily drank it ...........then had more "boobie juice!"
    I went away for one night and he happily had flavoured milk for DH but then happily went back to bb's with me the next day!
    I have found distraction is my friend and pj's with very little front access (hehehe). I have listened to some light protests but offered a milk drink or "lets get up" or a cuddle in mummy's bed.
    I have no idea how long he'll take to just accept it's all over and I'm willing to accept we might have the odd feed if things go "bust" over the next week or so.
    I wish you luck 'cause it's tough to keep feeding but it's really worth it............
    This seems to be working but I'll let you know................

  8. #8

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    I started to really push the point with night weaning my second son when he was two and I was exhausted. It was a long drawn out process and I celebrated those early morning feeds as at least not being middle of the night feeds as he slowly stretched out the feeds. We found making sure he had STACKS of protien before bed really helped him sleep longer too.

    One thing that helped us was the book "Nursies when the sun shines". I highly recommend it. We would read it every day and use the lines from it during the night to help remind him to wait for morning.

  9. #9

    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Mum2SweetCs View Post
    Oh hun i have only been continuously breastfeeding dd2 for 19 months and i feel your pain (and youve done it for way longer than i have)

    I cosleep with dd2 and she basically is on my boob the whole night. When i need to go toilet and move my boob out she cries!

    I get so sick of it too.

    I have tried weaning her many times but she is a very stubborn toddler!

    Im wishing for the day she self weans to be honest. Sick of getting my shirt pulled down all the time and the fondling of my nipples

    Although i know i will miss her little face and her lovely eyes when she is content on the boob.

    Lots of hugs to you :hugs:
    Thanks Mum2SweetCs.

    The same thing happens to me, when I get up to go to the loo, DD2 wakes up. The thing is my girls share a room and any crying wakes up DD1. It feels like a nightmare all around at times.

    I used to wonder how women felt about babies that self weaned - did they feel hurt? Happy? Some of my friends had babies that all self weaned before 1. I just couldn't fathom it! Now, I long for a self weaner

    Hugs back. I hope that with your next effort you have more luck

  10. #10

    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Quote Originally Posted by ~Kim~ View Post
    You have written the post I have wanted to write for ages.
    Yes I feel like that. So over it. So over my space being invaded continuously. So over a hand down my top. All. The. Time.
    So over it, that it's influencing whether to have another baby or not because I just don't think I can go another 2+ years.
    DS weaned because I was pregnant with dd2 at nearly 28 months, so I did have 6 months break, but I also used the Jay Gordon method to night wean before that. He seemed easier than a very aggressive dd2 though. She's not having a bar of it.
    chick.
    Thanks for sharing that you are in the same place Kim! I feel like I'm alone, cause I have no breast feeding friends left! lol

    I feel like my personal space is just being...abused? If that word (as aggressive as it sounds) makes sense? I feel pretty resentful of her attempts to have milk every time I sit down, lie down or carry her in the ergo. It's like every time I'm near her, it's all she wants! I can't even have a nice moment without it turning into attempting to have milk. Sigh. I'm going to have to re-read the Jay Gordon method.

  11. #11

    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Quote Originally Posted by BellyBelly View Post
    My toddler has been going through the same thing. At first I let it go because of teething (4 eye teeth at once) but its run me absolutely ragged, and I am craving sugar and drinking caffeine like nobody's business to try and survive the minimal sleep I am getting, which is not healthy at all. I've become emotional and sensitive and I am sick of it, so reached out to a trusted friend who is experienced in healthcare. So for the last two nights I have changed things around and its working better than expected.

    As my friend explained, because the boob is just there, that is the preference - my bub was eating minimal food, refusing to eat most things and nothing substantial, so going to bed with an empty tummy trying to top up all the time. So what I have been doing is:

    * Getting out as much as I can - if shopping needs to be done etc, I go and baby stays with partner or babysitter (and then she'll eat the terror)
    * Stretching out feeds
    * Offering food before boob
    * Enlisted the whole family for distraction duty
    * Avoid sitting in the same spot too long (she'll jump on me for boob)
    * Trying to get her eating more protein (as well as fruit, yoghurt and veg) to help fill her belly. Loves chicken!

    The last two nights I have comforted her through the night without boob and it has not been easy, its made me even more tired and frustrated, but its working. I had to wear my hardest to get into jumper too, lol. I am also sick of the hand down the top, nipple tweaking, drives me NuUUuUUtttts.

    The first night I wanted to cry as she wanted boob, and I wasn't giving it to her. But she eventually fell asleep snuggled up on me, and I was able to transfer her into bed. She had a huge sleep and woke only once, I was stunned. She was very happy and looked refreshed when she woke, and my partner fed her oats for brekkie - then she had boob.

    I went out for a bit and when I got back she was so distracted she wasn't jumping all over me. Night is generally the worst - and her second night she was more unsettled, only wanting to sleep on my shoulder or on me, but still no boob. Got very little sleep myself, but she slept longer in the morning, and I fed her oats and chia seeds, drink from her sippy cup and she didn't get boob until about 12pm! I couldn't believe it. She's all over me again tonight when I sit down, but I have moved over to the kitchen table and she's watching something on the television with dad for a bit so I can have a break. It is SO hard. I went through this with my two and I feel that completely over it feeling. But I think tiredness led me here, letting her feed when she wanted it, which was more comfort than for food - or food snacking because it wasn't very filling in her belly.

    The worst thing is my bub is also going through a no clothes or nappy stage and I have to stay awake until she's asleep to put a nappy on her, and she wont have a blanket either, wakes right up when I put it on So I end up cold, tired and grumpy. Toddler bed arrived, just need a mattress now!

    Witholding is so against what I wanted and believed, but she's nearly two and needs more food in her belly. I am too close to getting sick again from exhaustion and then I am doing her no favours at all. A depleted mother isn't a happy or healthy mother - and thats so important. Good luck, the first few nights suck, but they are quick learners as to how things go.
    Quote Originally Posted by BellyBelly View Post
    Update for my third night... going to bed I was able to get her falling asleep on me by walking the floor and patting her bum. She transferred well, and woke a few times in the night, but such an improvement has occurred that I didn't need to get up out of bed to settle her. A couple of times she fell asleep quickly on top of me, and another I was able to pat her bum to sleep. Such a massive breakthrough. No boobs until after breakfast again. It is such a HUGE relief not to have her clutching at me and constantly wanting boob. It was tough, but its been worth it. Now to keep the consistency and I am sure we'll be sleeping through the night in no time. I wouldn't have believed it if you told me a week ago. Two feeds in total today. Yay. Feel much more human, a little tired, but personal space is much less of an issue.
    BellyBelly - thanks for sharing your journey! How did today go?

    I was like you, I supplemented my exhaustion with sugar, processed foods and no exercise. Coupled with stress, I actually burned out and had a nervous breakdown & suffered from depression. The sleep deprivation just about sent me over the edge. I'm much better now, but it affected me so much emotionally, my ability to parent well was compromised. Such a terrible period, I'm so keen to move on to a new phase and leave those memories behind.

    At 2, I've also moved pass the don't offer but don't withhold stage, and I'm trying to load her up with more food during the day and before bed.

    These last few days since I've posted, she's only had milk for the daytime nap and nothing then till bedtime which is sooooooo good! But then, this morning she was attached from 4-7am. Urgh.

  12. #12

    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Quote Originally Posted by onthefly View Post
    Hey
    It's a really, really tough time.
    It is certainly possible to night wean once toddlers are a bit older and don't necessarily *need* the milk overnight. There are some more ideas here.
    Having night weaned both my kids at 14 months and 18 months respectively, I have to be a real downer and point out that they may not sleep any better just because they're not feeding back to sleep. Very often breastfeeding gets the 'blame' for babies and toddlers waking frequently, but it's usually not the source of the problem, but rather a useful tool for getting back to sleep.
    Obviously it's up to each mum to figure out the right balance, it all has to work for you too, so setting boundaries is really important, just like any other aspect of parenting. And of course they will protest, because they love the comfort and security they get from the breast. There's nothing wrong with that, and it's not wrong to give it to them, either, unless that doesn't work for you.
    Mother-led weaning generally does involve some crying and even screaming. But so does saying no more lollies or put your seatbelt on, sometimes.
    Many mothers find that once they get a bit of space and put some boundaries in place (no tweaking!), then they feel a lot better about things and actually are happy to continue feeding.
    Good luck.
    Thank you for that link. I read it while lying down, feeding to sleep (lol as you do ) and I got up pretty quick when I read that part about the long feeds. I tend to let it go on for longer than it needs to because getting up and rocking her to sleep is tiring as she's not a little bitty baby..but she went off without protest, so FX she may do the same at her first waking. So thanks for that prompt.

    I felt the same about the prospect of my DD1 sleeping better when she stopped feeding - I doubted it. But seriously, the first night she didn't feed to sleep, she did not wake up screaming for me after her first sleep cycle. She slept 5 hours straight! I just about died with shock. My very frequent night waker was sleeping through!!!!

    I didn't think I would see an obvious connection between the two events, but it was there! I would like to think it would happen again for me, but only time will tell.

  13. #13

    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Kateo - lol 5-7 is my worst time too! But because I co-sleep, I tend to give in at 5am because for some bizarre reason, when I do, we both get our best sleep and when I let it happen, I actually can wake up and not feel dead! Happened to me today and I didn't even need my coffee until 11:30! Record for me lol

    I try the bra and tight fitting bed shirt, but I just don't know how - dd still manages to crack in lol I probably open it in my sleep!

    I hope it continues to go well for you in the next couple of weeks!


    Meow - thanks so much for the book recommendation, I will have a look into it!



    Thanks so much lovely mamas for your kind words and experiences. I feel so less overwhelmed today.

  14. #14

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    There is hope. We are going well and so far no relapses.
    Yeah we've been getting up early but I'm enjoying having my BB's to myself.
    I am also getting heaps done before 9am

  15. #15

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    I was right there 18 months ago.

    I fed DS for 2 years, weaned him to have DD 7 months later. Then fed her for 2 years. I felt after 5 years that I needed my body back.

    After 8 weeks of dd going cold turkey, I couldn't do the screaming anymore. I put her on a bottle :/

    I pretended to forget so often. Every night, all day. Up until about 3 months ago, if she got worked up the only thing that settled her was a bottle (it was always a sippy cup rather than a bottle, but no different).

    It is only in the last 3/4 months she's finally given up. She still has a hand down my shirt all the bloody time! But, at 3.5 we're getting there!

  16. #16

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Oh forgot to mention too Pinky McKay has recently released an ebook, weaning with love. I was thinking of getting it!

    I've been going well, we had a rough night and a great night. Night before we stayed at a hotel in the city prior to surgery, and I was so exhausted I let her feed, but then felt sore so got my butt out of bed and had to jiggle her for ages, lost my nut But I couldn't have her screaming the place down at 3am. A few times I noticed she woke right before she peed too, so maybe thats been waking her. But last night I was SO nervous, I am very sore from surgery and it is dad or nothing over night. We were dreading it badly, but she actually ended up sleeping in her toddler bed next to our bed (just set it up) and she woke at 3am! Despite being on Endone for the pain, I was wide awake until just now (starting to feel foggy), I think because I am not used to sleeping that long or unbroken! My partner tried settling her when she woke and did really well, she fell asleep on him fairly quickly and without screaming (its a VERY rare thing, yippee)!, but we couldn't get her back into bed, would try to get out after a couple of mins down. So we're up with her now, I am having a cuppa and a bit of PC time before crashing again and feeling really happy about what we've accomplished overnight. The surgery might have been just what was needed to really break through.
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    In 2015 I went Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team

  17. #17

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Last night i tried this.

    Got dd2 ready for bed. Fed her downstairs until she was full.

    Came up bed, washed, read book.

    She wanted boob. I explained shes a big girl now.

    Meltdown ... Cried and made vomitting noises! Was hugging and consoling her. Wouldnt stop. Then vomitted a bit!

    She does this when she doesnt get her way.

    So back on boob

    And she falls asleep

    How do i wean a vomitting toddler!!!

  18. #18

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    Default Re: So over weaning :(

    Oh no My first born did that, when she wanted to eat what she couldn't have before bed. It was heartbreaking.

    Its much harder when its you doing it yourself, can your partner do it? Can you leave and go for a walk or drive so bub can settle with someone else? My daughter will eat when I am not around, the bugger...

    The hardest thing is being strong and pushing on when they're so upset about it. I guess I have been lucky that she's taken to it fairly quickly but we did have our fair share of rough nights. Can you prepare her during the day by talking to her about the new way to do things now? Say the new routine will be shower, bed, book, sleep? Or that you'll take turns with daddy to do bed time?
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    In 2015 I went Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team

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