Are we doing it wrong or are our friends just being idiots!!! need some advice

I agree that is really rude and selfish on his behalf. Just to make you feel better re your wedding plans. My BIL & SIL did exactly what you are planning. They married on the family property in the woolshed, the only people who witnessed the ceremony was immediate family and a couple of their very very close friends. We then went to a hall and again just these people had a meal and they had some speeches. Then at 8.00pm the rest of the guests arrived, they had finger food, a band, did the bridal waltz then and also had some more speeches and cutting of the cake.
It worked for them, it was what they wanted, they didn't want to stand up in from of 100 people and say their vows, and I think people resepcted their choice. The rest of the guests still got to see them in their wedding clothes and help them celebrate.
Good Luck I hope the rest of your plans run smoothly

If it were me I'd be telling them straight off to get stuffed lol, that's just rude. Geez, I'd hate to hear what they would say if you were to run away and get married somewhere, then have a party back home with family and friends to show them the video of you getting married.
Like everyone has said, it's your wedding, not theirs. Besides, there is no book saying exactly how you "have" to have a wedding.

My DH and I eloped. You shouldn't be questioned on your choices for your wedding, or have to justify it to anyone. IMO, it sounds lovely.

Your "friend" sounds like a wenker.

Good luck with the plans - I hope this guy doesn't upset you any further.

When it comes to weddings so many people have varying opinions and it wouldn't be difficult not to offend someone or have someone find something 'weird'. BUT at the end of the day it is YOUR wedding. Do what you want do not organise your wedding to please everyone else.

Your friend is entitled to his opinion but how dare he make you feel so sad and intimidated about a day that is supposed to be so special to you and your partner. I'm sorry you received such a message. It seems all he wanted to do was insult you and your decisions rather than really explain how upset he was that he couldn't be there.

As you have i would reply that they were invited to your wedding because you'd truely love them to be there. It's as simple as that. If they aren't happy with it then do not come.

Not that i am saying you need to change things in any way but is it possible to do the big screen and record the ceremony for people to watch as it happens or after?

Good luck for the rest of the preperation and make sure you continue to focus on making your wedding day special to the both of you oxoxox

in my personal opinion, wedding vows are so intimate that I would feel weird watching them if I was not particularly close to the bride or groom. Your wedding sounds beautiful and I wish you every happiness on your special day and beyond. Ignore this muppet if he finds it weird.

I agree he is rude and selfish and to drag his dd into just to make you feel bad! It's a pet hate of mine when people do that, trying to make you say he can come too is not on. I would want to tell him where to go too! Weddings bring out the worst in people and that is what turns the bride into bridezilla when family or friends give you a hard time over what you want to do. I love the idea, you get the best of both worlds. If your friend is like that then he's probably better off staying at home. Have a beautiful wedding day!

I think it is totally up to you to decide what you want for you wedding. I am still flabberghasted that people think they have the right to tell you that they don't like your choices (even if they feel that way, why do they think they get to tell you?). We went through this at work recently, one girl made a huge deal about not being invited over certain other people to someones wedding - and actually told her to her face that she should be invited before xyz. Just wrong.

I think your response was pretty perfect actually, and very gracious.

How incredibly rude of him!!! I wouldnt want him there either after that response, it really is none of his business how you and your DP choose where to marry!

Wow! What a rude message. Your reply was much more controlled that what I could have done!! LOL
I agree with everyone else... YOUR WEDDING, YOUR DECISION!
I hope your day is what you hope for. xxx

so its still going on from yesterday, still sending messages. i tried to ring him but he didnt answer, so just emails so far. He finally sent a message that explained that he just really wanted to be there to witness the vows as he has been friends with DP for a long time. but he also said i had created an A and B list and he was annoyed that he was on the B list. child!!!
Anyway, to keep the peace we have said that he and his family can come to the chapel, i just cant deal with him being ****ty the whole reception and for the next 20 years if we dont have them there. but im just waiting for the next message from the next friend asking how come x and y are going the chapel and they arnt...
I really dislike his wife but they come as a package so the way i have have come to peace with it in my head is, they have a terrible relationship/marriage, unfaithfull, almost divorced a few years ago, im sure they hate each other and just stay together for the kids, so if they are so desperate to come to the ceremony and see what a real, loving, trusting relationship is, im more than happy to show them. and when im stressing about them being there, judging, il just remind myself of that! :)
thanks again all!!!!!! you ladies rock :)

Yep. My first thought was "oooooo, sounds like someone's jealous of those who were invited" And of the flowergirl! Child. For sure!

Scroo them. "Weird" weddings are the best - everyone thought ours sounded werid, then everyone ended up loving it, and I went to an awesome one in a cinema that I thought would be weird, but it was ace. Do what you want. Please don't let anyone boss you around.

Your wedding sounds wonderful. I hope it all goes well for you.

Your wedding sweetie so stick to your guns! The ceremony is a personal thing that you share with those that are close to you as a couple and have an important part in your life
I admit it is a little different to invite everyone to the reception and not the ceremony, as the reception is the expensive part... however if the chapel can only hold so many people then you don't want people complaining they can't fit. Plus, they are still getting an invitation to celebrate with you so it isn't like you have left them out all together (although maybe you wish you had :dunno:)
Honestly, they would probably have been more p155ed off if you'd invited them to the ceremony and not the reception afterward... some people just can't be pleased

I am astounded that someone (being a 'friend') would be calling your proposed wedding day 'weird'. That just seems so selfish and rude. I figure she is upset at not being able to see you get married....?

I hope she comes to respect you and your DF's plans really soon - it'd be a shame to upset the apple cart on one of the most important days in your life - which is, all about love.

OMG, how totally rude of your friends! I would never tell someone how to have their own wedding... that is a totally personal thing and it comes down the the couples wants. Surely they can see that they would be going their to celebrate the fact that you & your DH made the commitment of marriage to each other - who cares if they weren't there to witness it!

FWIW, my Aunt & Uncle had only their parents & siblings attend their reception but everyone attended their ceremony. That is what worked for them and everyone understood too.

I am sure your day will be perfect.

I to agree its your day so do it your way. Im to planning my wedding now its in Aug as well. And not everyone like what we are doing either but they can all bite me!! No one has a right to tell you what to do its up to you and your partner no one else make it a day you both will remember if others dont like thats fine let them stay home