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Thread: Which one?

  1. #1

    Join Date
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    Default Which one?

    as some of you may have read, i've been asked to publish another poem. i have a couple that i am happy with, but not sure which one to submit! so, i'm going to share them with you and ask for opinions on which one you like better. any comments are welcome! i'm looking for which makes the most impact (or which makes more sense) - i won't give any context for them here because it's highly unlikely i'd put a context comment in the book...


    THE BIRTH OF HOPE

    Darkness engulfs me
    Invading my thoughts
    Altering my perceptions
    The room around me
    Disappears
    Nothing exists
    Just me
    My husbands hands holding me
    Giving me strength
    Nothing makes sense
    But that tiny blip of hope
    A dot on the screen
    Waiting to grow
    To infuse me with light
    Drive away the darkness
    New Life



    UNTITLED

    The road stretches before me
    Endless
    A long and tiring journey
    Getting harder every day

    Horizon looms ahead of me
    Distant
    A target I can hope for
    But fear I won't attain



    So many miles behind me
    Gone
    No momentos to remind me
    Of the journey I have made

    Targets needed to focus me
    Forward
    What's been is done
    Must keep moving

    Final destination before me
    Close
    Dreams will come true
    Just one more step...

  2. #2

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    Default

    BG I really like the second one - perhaps because I can identify with it.

    You're writing is really something special.

  3. #3

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    Default

    Hard to choose between the two. I definitely related to both of them too. If I had to choose, probably the second one. That one had the most impact on me, and I could imagine have many different meanings to many people.

  4. #4

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    Default

    i love both of them...
    but the first is my fav

  5. #5

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    I love both, but think the second would be best.

    We know your history as such, so the first makes sense to us, not sure if it would to the general public?

    I think everyone could find their own meaning in the second one, and thats the sort of poetry I enjoy. It has such emotions.... JMO....

    We'll done on both hon, good luck choosing!!!

  6. #6

    Default

    BG can you submit them both? They may publish both or choose the one that they like the best.

    I like the imagery in the first better, it is more specific and captures a moment. The second is more general and I always prefer a story that conjures up an event (whether it is something I relate to or not).

  7. #7

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    Default

    Totally agree with Purplemamma. They are both beautiful. Well done bg.

    Regards,
    Dianne

  8. #8

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    unfortunately they'll only take one!

    i figured people on BB would understand the imagery about the first one - just not sure if i could put an explanation (we have the option) for others... the second one was more generic for sure. Both were written in the middle of the night the day before our first FET when i couldn't sleep!

  9. #9

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    I love both of them .... but the first is my fave

  10. #10

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    They are great. The second is my fav tho.

  11. #11

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    I like the second one.
    It's well written and flows better.

  12. #12

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    I like the 2nd one- they are both heartfelt, but i agree with ll80- the second one flows really well and i like the way it is set out- well done on getting the opportunity to share your gift of words!!

  13. #13

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    Hey my super talented and clever friend... I am so very proud of you btw.

    I think the 2nd because it covers a much needed hole for people searching for their goals...
    Its when you are searching for the "thing" that you most want someone to relate to you, and Untitled does that I think. I feel its broad borders reaches to more people at this moment...

    Having said that, there is a place for the 1st one which is just beautiful hun.

  14. #14

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    ooh, I like the first one...but after what Sonya wrote about the 2nd one, I'm stuck between the two. So in conclusion, I'm no help at all!

    Nic

  15. #15

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    Both great. If i had to choose i would say the first. Seems to have a greater impact for me.

  16. #16

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    Number 1 is my favourite - you have a talent BG - well done!

  17. #17

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    Can you show them both? They may ask you if they can publish both then. you are a fantastic writer

  18. #18

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    Smile

    Bg, you have a wonderful talent,both your poems are beautiful. My favourite is the second one though. Thanks for sharing them,Susan.

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