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Hi girls!
Oz: so cool to see you in here! I totally coo and cluck over your photo sessions on FB...no wonder you guys are TTC lol! I would have like 10 babies by now if i had your job :rofl:
What is pre-prep? is that like our 4 day kinder?
where are you going on holiday?
Arte: argh. that is a hard position to be in. I have to ask though, what would be the benefit in trying to clear the air? From what i have gathered there is no real air to clear so to speak? I guess my only advice is to prepare yourself, keep apologies to a minimum and set out clear rules of engagement with him. This is what has helped saved one of my relationships in my family that is marred at times by a chronic mental illness :hug: (i too appear to be the 'trigger'...joyful!).
AFM: jetlag sucks. DH, Miss L and I are fine, but poor Miss M for some reason is really not coping. I wonder if it is because she is used to sleeping in close vicinity to Miss L? and now she is in her own bed a little bit further away (like half a metre as opposed to abutting). DH had to sleep beside her on the floor for the first time ever last night and that is soooo not how we want to continue. i just want her to find her confidence again and feel safe :(
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Cass, could you just push the beds together so M and L are sleeping together? Or does L not like that?
Yeah, bit unsure what air I would be clearing lol, but don't want him to be thinking I am so horrible and against him that his life isn't worth living. I am fully aware that i am just a target/excuse, I have been for years and if it wasn't me it would be the next person. I really don't want my own paragraph of blame in a suicide note :(
Good idea to keep apologies to a minimum. I shall muse on how I want to direct the conversation. Should I do it while he is in crisis, or should I wait until he has leveled out a bit?
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Irrelevant now, looks like he is in the middle of a psychotic episode :( IL's went round this afternoon and he got very agitated and violent so they left and sent the police to get him. Waiting on the mental health team to assess and hopefully he is admitted until he isn't a danger to himself and everyone else.
One stupid split second mistake over a decade ago, and it has cost him his whole life :(
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Arte - :hug: What an awful time with your BIL. Yes mental illness sucks big time. I'm so glad he's safe. I know you know it has nothing to do with you, and if it wasn't you it would be someone else, but it's still heavy to be blamed that way.
Cass, I hope Miss M settles soon. I wonder if it's not just all the changes and people "disappearing" that's bothering her? Might be worth chatting about where X and Y people are and when she might see them again/talk on the phone/photos whatever?
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Turns out that BIL swallowed a bunch of pills last night after he posted those things on FB. Being blamed for someone's suicide is a new low for me. FML.
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Arte: :hugs: that is really tough. I hope that they were able to get him the critical care team in quick xx I guess now you would leave him to recover from this episode and then when you feel that he is as stable as he is going to get, gently bring the subject up. It probably won't be able to all be done in one sitting (and probably shouldnt). Let him know how worried you are and that you are scared for him. That is how i tend to open up dialogue (obviously i am abbreviating immensely here...simply a gist kinda thang).
MD: i think you might have something there with Miss M. she keeps asking to see Nonno etc. i might have to show her some photos and tee up a phone call. poor poppet.
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Cass - welcome back!! Caugh up with a mutual FB friend of ours today, her two woke up this morning at 3:30am ready to start the day with their jet lag!
Dancing was a huge success, no clinginess at all! She was obviously a bit shy as couldn't say her name during roll call, but got totally into it and then we had super cranks when it was over. So I think it will be a good thing for her to do.
Arte - hugs for all the stuff with BIL.
Oz - hello!! oooh, TTC again, good luck!
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Hi girls!!!! Been ages I have read and caught up from time t time but life sooooooo crazy it's hard to find time to update.
I did one a while back but the forum ate it and then no time to rewrite....
Cass - welcome back! Hope everyone settles soon. I am sometimes your way for work... ( one of my facilities is in Preston)
Arte - that's beyond awful. I know you know it isn't you... But just yuk. Thinking of you. E sounds so divine by the way, I love reading your updates about her.
Cally - so glad the class went well. We went back to swimming w both boys today and it was FANTASTIC, I am thrilled. Noah is able to keep his glasses on for the class... And I think that has been his major issue. I was so proud of them both.
Dh is away ATM, it's been crazy but had a great weekend w the boys. N has been a bit difficult (for him) behavior wise (think a combo of things) but we had a very grounding weekend together and I think he is doing a lot better.
I am off to gwinganna next weekend - dh got me weekend for my bday. I need it and can't wait.
Oz - good luck with the ttc. I keep changing my mind if I am done pr not. Hope it all happens quickly.
Best be off... Had my fam over for mums bday today and I need to clean up.. Then sleep as crazy few days f work and single parenting ahead of me.
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Arte: bah. That totally sucks that he took such a low blow to you :( More than ever you need to also take care of yourself and have a really good cry if you need to as well. I have been in that position before and it sucks balls :hug:
MP: How long is DH away again for?
I also think that if you EVER are in my area around lunch time and need a lunch break then you NEED to drop in :)
Cally: ooohh the dancing does sound promising! we have one girl in Miss Ls class that doesnt even participate...almost 2 years in lol! BUT she loves going and watching and every now and then will get up and have a go...so i reckon on the shyness stakes Miss K has done awesomely lol!
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Arte :hug: That's awful :hug:. That's totally the psychosis talking, no person would ever intentionally lay that on another person. That's such a heavy load of crap. How are you going? Good excuse for some self-pampering, I reckon. xxx
MP! My lovely, how are getting on with DH away? Enjoy your weekend away, sounds sumptuous!
Cass, how's miss M going now, is she settling back in again?
Cally, wow dancing sounds awesome, I can totally imagine miss K getting right into it!
As for us, Miss E is having her healthy 4 year old check tomorrow through the kindy. She is soooooo ready for school now. She brought home one of those old Digger the dog style readers (well, it was a photocopy) but she was fully reading some of those pages by herself, with a tiny bit of prompting. I had a bit of a nostalgic sigh as I read my first Digger the dog reader on my very first day of school. Realising that I could actually read was a peak life experience at the tender age of 5 LOL.
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Hanging in there. TBH I am so tired and drained from my pitiful sleep that I can't even deal with his **** atm. I am having enough trouble keeping my own head above water.
It has also caused problems between DH and I, apparently I am not supportive enough, too dismissive etc. But to his family they seem to think that he will be suicidal forever more, while I am seeing a bad reaction to a medication that he shouldn't have been on. I don't see it happening again (well, no more chance than there has always been).
Anyway, Yay for E's reading :) She starts at the start of next year?
MP, hope you have a great weekend at the spa!
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Arte: definitely time to look after yourself. Step away completely if you have to. He has his parents to do the immediate worrying for now. Sounds harsh, but there are times when it is best for all to get some distance and recovery time.
MD: i have no idea who digger the dog is lol! I need to get up to date! Leila is desperate to read but isnt there yet by a long shot.
AFM: all good here (Finally!). Miss M is starting to settle back in. she is still very needy but is getting used to Miss L being at 4 year old kinder and we have now got a mattress lying beside Miss Ls bed for her and that seems to be working. does make me think that a bunk bed might not work?? I might need to get a trundle bed instead????
I am also on orders to do no heavy lifting etc (bad prelabour on and off) but with Miss M the way she is, it is so hard to not pick her up...yep, she falls under the category of heavy lifting lol.
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Arte, that is really ****ful, but NONE of your fault. Seriously, what do his family expect you to do? Do they think he will magically get better if you leave? Sounds like the guy is a douche wrapped up in a parcel of mental illness and he sees you as an easy target to put all the blame on. It wouldn't matter what you do, I don't think anything will change. Honestly I think you would be wasting your time in trying to sort this out. I do agree with you that it's bad meds to blame.
Cally, I bet she looks so cute dancing around. Soon she will be waving you off at the door.
Oh I am totally seeing the readiness for school too. In our newsletter on Monday there was an expression of interest form for kindy students for next year and I filled it out, but A wanted to take it into the front office when we were there yesterday, so I gave it to him and he marched up to the counter, put it down and declared "I'm coming to school!" It was hilarious. The only worry I have with him is hoping that he doesn't swear or call some kid a jackass if they don't do what he wants.
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DD thinks she can read Hop on Pop, but she's just got a good memory after having it read night after night after night.... DH has some flash cards which she can read some of. She'd love to be starting school this term if she could rather than wait another 6 months.
Arte - hope you get some good sleep.
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Trill, LOL at A swearing and calling kids a jackass! Thankfully my kids haven't learned the art of swearing (yet!!).
Cass, hope the prelabour eases off.
I had yesterday afternoon off, bought myself a book I have been wanting for ages, did a bit of study at the library and then went out for a peaceful dinner and read my book. It was lovely :)
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Arte, more :hug: :hug: :hug: Sounds like you need them. Glad you a bit of time to yourself. What book did you get?
Arte, yep E starts at the end of next year. She had her 4 year old health check thingo the other day, it was quite funny actually. The nurse asked her to draw a picture and cut along a wavy line, and she sat down and did this fabulously ornate picture of a flower, with sun, sky, clouds overhead, all beautifully coloured in, outlined and decorated with patterns in contrasting colours. Then she cut the wavy line with absolute precision, which can't have been easy because the scissors were really
stiff. The nurse took one look and said, "she's quite the artist, isn't she?" PMSL cos that's what I've been saying since she was about 6 months old!
Trill, LOL at A slapping his kindy form down on the desk like that. I think there's probably plenty of swearing already going on at kindy/school, usually courtesy of kids with older siblings LOL. We get a bit of "poopoohead" and silly/rude songs coming home from FDC. She's not game to say it to an actual person, it's more the thrill of saying something naughty followed by giggles.
Cally, I was totes jeally of your FB status the other day that mentioned sunlight!!! We've had some gorgeous sunshine here... all on days when I'm working/required to be indoors. I've been a bit depressed lately and I think it might be a bit lack-of-sunshine-related.
Cass, it is with a heavy heart I say this, but I'm afraid you probably missed the Digger reference because I'm so ooooooold. :rofl: They are old phonetic readers from the 60s/70s with words like Pam Sam ran can and cat rat mat and, of course, Look! LOL.
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MD, I just got the new Dark Tower book. It is an extra inserted in the middle of a finished series, sooo good to see some old friends again :)
E sounds like a great artist!
Bit of excitement here in town today - one of the volcanos is erupting. It is not the one we live at the bottom of, but one about 10km as the crow flies (but 30min drive). It just went out of the blue! It has grumbled a bit lately but they didn't expect it to go off. The prevailing wind goes the other way so we probably won't be affected, but I might drive up some time later in the week to have a sticky beak - W will love to see the side blown off the mountain :)
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Arte, I heard about the NZ volcano, but I wasn't going to mention it here because of all the other times I've yabbered on about volcanos erupting when they haven't :rofl:. Then today it actually is going off! That is pretty exciting, did they have any warning it was gonna blow?
ETA - we want to see photos, please!
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holy cow Arte!! that is pretty exciting (especially where there is no risk to you and yours lol).
MD: yep. have NO idea on the digger thang...and i really tried to see if the memory was there, but nup :lol:
Miss L needs to learn some artistic finesse from Miss E...she is a total smash and slash kinda kid with the old scissors. i have fear for whatever it is she is cutting hahaha.
AFM: started looking for birthday pressies for the girls yesterday. Miss L will get a bike! pretty exciting now that she has taught herself to ride...and impressive considering she doesnt own a bike hahaha. and searching ebay for a cosy coupe for Miss M.
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In a burst of organisation, I have totally prepared for all the birthdays :)
MD, they knew it was grumbling a bit, but they do that now and then. They didn't know it was going to blow though. Now they have no idea if it was a once off or the start of something bigger or if it is just going to rumble away for the next year or twenty. Will post some pics if it is worthwhile, but from the news footage it was hard to see where the eruption actually happened.
W wrote a story about it at kindy today, complete with his booster pack to fly up over the ash lol
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Arte - I thought of you the moment I heard that a volcano had blown over there. Glad you're all OK at the moment and hope W enjoys seeing it.
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Anyone have any big plans for the weekend? W has been asking to play at the stockyards down the road from our old house - we just walk along the tops of the yards, sit in the stand etc, thrilling stuff lol but he has been asking for weeks.
Very exciting around here lol
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Arte it will be just about as thrilling here :lol:. We might go outside and pull some soursops out, before they take over the backyard, triffid-style. :lol: The stockyards do sound like exactly the kind of thing that appeals to kidlets. Did you daytrip over to the so-not-interesting volcano yet?
We have a new addition to the family. Her name is Zebbie, and she is E's imaginary (zebra) cousin. WTF? LOL She had a chair at the table tonight and got fed toy vegetables and everything.
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we have zero exciting plans :( I am as usual a soccer widow. so am car-less and feeling totally abandoned. not helped by cold, grey, rainy weather. ah well.
we went to the playground before, so the girls had a ball splashing in puddles, for them winter is a novelty hahaha.
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MD, W has a mummy (Egypt style) in his room that only he can see. I am thankful it doesn't come down for dinner though!
Cass, being left alone with the kids when pregnant sucks!
I put on my big girl knickers and went on a day trip with the kids to a town an hour away that has a toddler pool so I can manage them all by myself. We went past the volcano and there is a patch of about 1km where there was ash on the road (has been washed off) and that is it. Talk about the media over stating it!!
Having massive second thoughts about sending W to school next month. I was fine with it until they switched classes on us, now there are no kids he knows in his class. And they are all 6 or close to. The friends that he has have been hard earned and in the other class there would have been at least 2 kids he was friends with and others that he knew. I feel like now he is going to be thrown in the deep end. And it seems wrong to have him cooped up in a classroom when summer is rolling in and he could be outside playing and creating at kindy. Will do a school visit in the new class on Monday, but I think I may try to talk DH into leaving him at kindy until the end of the year. Although I have no idea if he would end up in a class with any friends next year either. Academics is never going to be a problem for him, I am more concerned that he does well socially. Kid is weird enough without more stress lol. Nothing is ever easy!
Open to any opinions, I am totally out of my depth here.
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I'd be inclined to wait...with it being so close to end of year wouldnt they want him to do it all again next year anyway?
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I am not sure what they have in mind Cass. It is a Year 1 class he would be going in to now, I am not sure if they would make him do Year 1 again or just shift him on to Year 2 next year. I suspect they would grade skip him to Year 2. That is something to ask.
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Here is my 2 cents worth Arte. There is no value in skipping him a grade and putting him in year 1 now, when it is likely that he will have to go into grade 2 next year. that will be too huge a jump for him emotionally and socially - you will have a 5 year old in a class of 7 year olds and that's not fair on him, especially when he already struggles with the social aspects. Even for how bright he is, it will not be worth it. He has some pretty huge anxiety issues as it is and I think it will make them worse. Not only that, he is 'ahead' of his peers atm, but what if he goes into this next class, which will essentially be year 2 and he can't cope with the work because it is just that bit further ahead than what he's ready for? I'm all for extending kids and challenging them, but that's just too much IMO. If you were still in Australia, not one single school in the country would do what that school is going to do. Even people with truly gifted children don't have their children accelerated straight into a grade 2 class when starting school. I looked up the school term dates for NZ and the last term is from October 15 to December 20 - which is 9 and a half weeks and then they will break for the summer holidays, so is it really worth it to send him? from where I'm sitting there is nothing to gain from this. if he were my child, I would keep him home till the start of next year, work on his anxiety problems (because can you imagine, if he's in a class of kids that are that much older than him, that they aren't going to pick up on the licking and tease him about it?) and then start him in grade 1 with the class that he was originally going to start with. By then, the kids in that class will be further ahead themselves and W will more than likely still be ahead of them, but maybe by not as much as he is now.
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Thanks Trill. I have just remembered the 30 June cut off thing, so he would end up doing Year 1 again. But even so, I also don't see the value of him going to school now for the last term and struggling socially when I could start him next year with kids he knows. I am converted, I just have to convince DH. I might have to use up my Finland points :)
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Finland points :rofl:
Totally.
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I had my gyno appointment on Wednesday. I haven't said anything till now because it's been quite a lot to process. I went in there thinking that he would just offer to do the Burch sling op for the prolapse. He instead tells me I *need* a hysterectomy. This is apparently because I have an enlarged uterus with 'so many' fibroids on it that my ONLY option is hysterectomy because it is pushing down on the bladder and that's causing all my problems. And besides, I wasn't having any more children so didn't NEED MY UTERUS anymore!!!! I told him NO. He was not taking my uterus. I felt like asking him if he was having any more children and if not could I take away his testicles. I was so ****ing ANGRY that he told me I needed a hysterectomy. I was angry because I'd watched this video months ago http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q80tlNKg3p4 and all he could say was how wonderful it was that I wouldn't have any more periods, or even any more papsmears if I let him take my cervix as well. he didn't say a single other thing that would give me informed consent. I will never see that doctor ever again. he wants to take away my uterus because it is convenient to HIM, not because I actually need one. He told me to go away for 6 months to think it over and come back. He even encouraged me to do some research on it. I watched that video again which led me to this site http://www.hersfoundation.com/ and I'm so glad I watched that video so I had the courage to say no. I have downloaded her book onto my kindle and it's brilliant. Its very chilling, but worth the read. I'm so angry for all the women who have had it done to them without informed consent.
So anyway, sorry for the mammoth post, but that's where I'm at. My headspace is ****ed and I even had to ask for an extension on a Uni assignment due last friday because I couldnt' even think straight. I'm going to put in a formal complaint about him when I have my head together a bit more. I have an appointment with a female gyno in canberra in december. It wont change things - if she said the same thing I would tell her no too. I mainly want to know more about the fibroids and even if I may have estrogen problems, as that can cause fibroids to grow too.
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Trill I was just thinking about you yesterday wondering if you'd been along to your appt yet. :hug: Massive hugs, what a shock that whole appt must have been. It sounds like he was very patronising, arrogant, and disrespectful. I can't believe he told you to go away and think about it for 6 months after you said NO! FFS!!! I think you're absolutely doing the right thing to get another opinion, and even another one after that if you still feel like your concerns have not been addressed. I don't think this first guy's opinion counts for much at all.
I haven't ever seen that video before, but have been aware of the issues surround hysterectomy for many years now, a friend of mine in Darwin worked in a path lab, checking all the 100% healthy, normal uteruses that had been removed from women. Christiane Northrup has been talking about the adverse side effects that can arise from it for years (she has some suggestions for treating fibroids, btw, you might find that useful to read). Having said all that, I would take the statistics from the Hers foundation with a grain of salt, because it's not a random sample nor is it a large sample and so cannot be taken as representative of the entire population of women having hysterectomies. But regardless of the %, the fact that some women do experience lasting problems is something that should be given much more thought when determining the necessity of surgery for each and every woman.
Even after my mast & recon, I have lingering problems, the skin is kinda too tight, my posture has changed, I have lymphodema on my arm now, etc... and yet that's considered to be a 100% successful surgical outcome. The rest of the stuff that I live with every day doesn't even get a mention in the drs heads. And that's not even an organ that sits right in the core of your entire torso & pelvis.
Anyway, I'm sorry that you've even had to be confronted by this :hug:. So not fair. xxx
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Interestingly though about the statistics, the HERS foundation actually has a broader range of data than most medical journals on the issue. Most of the data used by doctors over there comes from a selection of 20-30 women. I think considering that they counsel well over half a million women each year, the 1000 women they have data from is still significant. The medical establishment just doesn't care. Like you say MD, you had a successful surgical outcome and that's all they care about. Either way, if this Doctor ends up saying the same thing then I'm done with Doctors. I would rather cut my own throat than have it done. But I chose this doctor because she has a special interest in urogynaecology so maybe she might be more helpful and focus on the problem I have, which is the stress continence and not the problem I don't have, which are the fibroids. Since I've been paying attention to things I actually don't think it's that bad - I can hold on if I need to without leaking and I can go for hours without needing to go.
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holy crap Trill :o what a horrid, horrid person! I am so so sorry that you had to go through that :hug: i cannot believe that he wanted to take it because 'you dont need it anymore'!! as if it were there solely for the purpose of holding children!! the cervix comment was just way too out of line.
Thankfully you are able to get a second and hopefully more realistic opinion in Canberra. Big phat hugs xx I would be reeling too: that must of been very confronting.
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Confronting alright! I was a mess. What ****es me of the most though, is that he did not a single measurement of the fibroids. he said they were there, but he never did a detailed scan to find out how many there were, how big they were or even where they were located. there are so many things wrong with the way he treated me I don't even know where to start. Imagine how many other women would go there to see him who would just take his word as gospel and line up for the surgery? Every suggestion I offered he shut down and his only option was surgery. He even dismissed me seeing a physio as it would be pointless while I still had this gigantic uterus.
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yep, nup, not on...no way! I reckon he made the decision before he had actually even seen you TBH.
(Love your new boots BTW!)
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I thought that too Cass, especially when he asked me were we having more kids. Next Dr I'm not telling her about DH's vasectomy.
I love the new boots too. I was in temora on Friday and tried them on in the shoe shop there as he had 40% off, but he only had a 9 which was too big. When I was in town today I saw them in the shoe shop window and thought I'd see if she had them in an 8 and sure enough she did so I got them. She had 30% off which still made them $129, but cheaper than the $179 that they originally were. I have been after a pair of low-heeled boots for ages and couldn't find any - they all seem to have heels on them and I can't wear heels for too long. These ones are perfect. I just had to remember to hide the rather large box from DH before he got home :lol:
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Tell me about the heels on boots!!! I had such a hard time trying to replace my old fave pair! I mean, i finally did, but it took effort, and i am not used to that lol.
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Trill, I hope it goes much better with the next doctor. Can they remove the fibroids? A bit of scar tissue in your uterus would surely be a better option?
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The fibroids don't even need to be removed. They aren't causing me any problems so they can just stay where they are.
