A Dad for only a second..from the States.

Thank you all for the very kind and inspiring words. People, such as myself, are fortunate to have such a caring place such as this forum.

And thank you for showing such a great interest in my daughter, her name is Elise. Her due date was expected April 30, though she was born April 15, 2007 (delivering two weeks early seems to be the norm on my wife's side of the family)
Needless to say, she was just amazingly beautiful...obviously she got more of my wife's looks than mine.
Upon having to deal with the funeral home rubbish and the whole cremation thing, I made her a photo album with lots of pictures of family, where my wife and I got married, and of course, a picture of the dog (which is my screen name Hudson)! Also included was a baby blanket, and most importantly, a letter of which both my wife and I wrote saying that we were sorry we couldn't hang out with her longer. But promised that when we meet up again, it'll be as if we were never separated to begin with.
She was wonderfully cute.

Luckily for me, my wife has always been my best friend. I couldn't imagine going through this with anyone else. She's a wonderful wife and friend.

And our names are Liz and Todd. I apologize that some thought my name was Hudson...that's my dog!

Thanks again for the wonderful support, you people are very generous and caring.

Best regards,

Todd

Hi Todd,

I've only suffered 1st-tri losses, but i have one daughter and i can only imagine the agony you and your brave wife must be suffering. I'm so sorry your beautiful daughter Elise had to go so soon.

I wanted to say to you that you weren't a daddy for a moment, you're a daddy now and will be forever. Being parents to a child that had to leave early is probably one of the most difficult things anyone can have to endure. It sounds from your posts that everything the two of you have done so far for your daughter (including coming here and sharing her life with us all) shows what wonderful parents you both are.

I agree with what others have said about taking your time to grieve. So many people expect bereaved parents to be dusting themselves off as if it had been an elderly relative they lost.

When a new baby comes into the world the lives of its parents and immediate family change FOREVER. It doesn't matter if that baby stays here for 38 weeks or 98 years. The impact is and should be forever. Though the pain of loss eases in time, the memory of your precious child will stay and yes, i think she'll be waiting for you both.

There are so many quuestions i know, and i don't have any answers why this should happen to you and your wife. In times like this i guess we all wish there was something we could say.

I don't know if you are religious people, i'm not particularly, but think that "Elise" means "God is satisfaction" or "Oath to God". Perhaps when she was done growing in the womb she was simply perfect, an oath fulfilled.

You are, all three of you, in my thoughts.

With love.

Hana

Todd,
Elise is a beautiful name.
Thank you for sharing. My DH (DBT) also wrote a letter and I think that it helped him alot to put everything down.
Take care,

Hudson,
My heart just breaks for you and your wife. Please know you are in my thoughts and prays and I hope over time the pain eases and the memory and your beautiful daughter makes you smile.
Take care

Todd (& Liz),

I am so sorry to hear about little Elise, I know only too well what you are going through. My husband and I lost our son Nicholas in September 2006 and to this day the pain is still raw however, you learn to live with the pain and get through life - something which I remember seemed impossible in the beginning - but the memories and sadness will never go, how could they?. The things you have done to honour Elise sound so beautiful and they are memories and items you will treasure more and more as the years go by.

It is so beautiful to hear you say that your wife is your best friend, it shows an amazing bond to feel that way. Sadly I think experiencing the loss of our children makes that bond even greater. Since we lost Nicholas I have thought alot about how I feel about my husband and he is THE only person I would want by my side on this journey, and I feel he is my only link to Nicholas and everytime I look at him I think about how beautiful he was. I think about how much closer we are and how much our love for each other has grown and I wonder if that is Nicholas' gift to us and maybe Elise has given you both the same gift.

Please remember you are and always will be Elise's Mummy and Daddy and she knows who you are. Remember she could hear every word you said during those 8 and 1/2 months, and she was there when you happily set up her nursery and found the gorgeous little outfits you bought for her, she was there when you talked to each other about all the plans you had for her future and she will be there in spirit to experience this painful journey with you. I am sure Elise wished she could have stayed longer to hang out with you but now she is watching over you both, up there with all the other angels taking great care of her.

You are both in my thoughts, take care of each other and your love will keep you strong.

Love Mel :hug:

Todd, I, thankfully have never experienced a loss of a child. The way you speak of both your wife and your beautiful little girl Elise is so loving.

I don' t think that there is anything I can add that the other girls and Dave hasn't already said.

I wish you and Liz all the best. Take strength in knowing your baby girl knows how very much you both love her.

I found this poem this morning and thought that I would share it with you.


Dear Daddy

Don't cry for me Daddy
I am right here
Although you can't see me
I can see your tears.

I visit you often
Go to work with you each day
And when it's time to close your eyes
On your pillows where I lay

I hold your hand and stroke your hair
And whisper in your ear
If you're sad today Daddy
Remember I am here

God took me home
This we know is true
But you will always be my Daddy
Even though I'm not with you

I am Daddy's little girl
We will never be apart
For every time you think of me
Please know I'm in your heart.

I Love you Daddy!
You're Baby Girl
(Author Unknown)

Oh Trish, that brought a tear to my eye... what a beautiful poem :hugs:

Todd & Liz
I am sitting hear with a heavy heart after hearing of your baby girl Elise's short journey hear on earth.


Why are some angels given thier wings so soon.

Todd and Liz, just wanted to say congratulations on becoming parents. You are parents to the most special baby there is, an angel baby. Elise is such a beautiful name, I am sure she was a beautiful as her name.
I did not have exactly the same circumstances, and I am on recently on this journey myself so I am not sure if I will be much help, but if you or liz want to talk to someone one on one having been through something similar, please feel free to email me at kr1slee@hotmail.com. If not, I totally understand.

Todd and Liz, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter Elise. My thoughts are with you both and your families. Your pain feels so familiar. We lost our precious son Cooper last November at 37 weeks. Although it is nearly 5 months since our beautiful boy was born, it still feels very raw. You need to take one day at a time, some will be good, some will be bad. It is an emotional roller-coaster that you are on, but with lots of support you will get through.

Your title says "A Dad for only a second". Please know that you are a dad to Elise forever. Although your daughter grew her wings, she is still your daughter and you are still a dad.

Big hugs to you both, take care and best wishes.

luv & hugs
Lynn

You are more than welcome to write to us.
I am so very sorry for your tragic loss.
I am sending big hugs to you and your wife.
Australia, especially Adelaide is lovely. A holiday could be just what the doctor ordered.
:hug::heartbeat:

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby that is so sad. I will be thinking of you both as you grieve for your baby girl. Goodluck.

Im so sorry for the loss of your precious DD. Life is so heart breaking when we loose our loved ones. We are all here for you no matter where in the world u are. *hugs*

I'm very sorry to hear. I don't have any answers since I still have no answers for our loss. Not as long as you and your wife, but at three months the heart had stopped beating on our little baby. As I have recounted in other threads, it was hard enough to watch my wife go through everything and I guess I had to deal with it a bit but watching my youngest at the time, that crushed my heart more than anything I think. My wife typically has M/C prior to each successful PG. So on top of our 3 month loss, we have had at least 3 other M/C with some suspicion that the number may be higher still.

Anyhow, I am sorry for your family's loss. You are welcome and I would to and I would encourage you to continue visiting BellyBelly. Don't worry about being from the states (I am too), these folks are great and usually many have been through what ever it is you are going through as well.

Words can't express how you must be feeling.....sending you all our love

You get heaps of support from BB as everyone here is a fantastic supportive family.

That's really awful news...Please take care of yourselves during this hard time, and know that one day, the sun will shine again.

Hudson

i am so sorry to hear of the loss fo your beautiful baby girl the pain and hurt you must be going through is awful words cant describe it. i lost my beautiful baby girl at 23 weeks and me and my hubby were the same we thought why us its just not fair we fell pregnant on our wedding day so we were so happy we dont smoke or do drugs or drink that much either and it is hard. its almost a yr on for me and i am still griving now my hubby deals with it so different he finds it hard to let go and show his emotions thats why it was nice to read a mans point of veiw on things. i really hope you and your wife support one another and talk to each other about what you are feeling my heart goes out to you both and remember you are both still parents and dont let anyone else tell you otherwise. and as from being from the states that does not matter at all i am from england and everyone here is great take care of yourself and your wife :hugs: to you both.

Munchy xxx