Goodbye miracle baby Hope

Possums i am so sorry for you loss, my thoughts are with you and DH

XX

Oh Possums I'm so very sorry that this has happened tou you and DH once again. I want you to know the you are in my thoughts hun. Please take care of yourself and DH.Also you both are allowed to feel sad,angry,frustrated and however else you feel at the time. Allow yourself to yell,cry, scream,hug someone, throw something or punch a pillow if that helps you hun :hug:

Thanks. Today is really hard as DH has gone back to work. I am home as I am just not together enough to deal with people yet. I plan to go back on wednesday. I wish I could drop out for longer to be honest, yet I am worried being home alone might not be the best thing either.

As for whether we are going to have further tests, I am not sure yet. The material collected in the D&C has been sent away for testing. My Ob says he doesnt recommend further tests for us yet, as this was only (Only!) our second miscarriage, the first onebeing the ectopic doesn't count as a miscarriage. He says it's not 'recurrent' until 3 or more, then they do tests. Sounds scary if/when we manage to be pregnant again, the threat of losing another will loom large.

We also have to decide whether to try naturally, or go straight to IVF. We don't know if this natural conception was a miracle, a fluke chance....or a sign that things maybe arent as bad with my remaining tube as they thought. There is also the high risk of an ectopic in that tube.
Then again, IVF is an emotional, draining, expensive experience, and we don't relish the thought of facing that again.
Maybe we'll have a few natural cycles, then IVF. I dont know. I guess even though my grief is so raw I am already trying to forumlate a way forward, so I have something to hold on to, to pull me out of this hole I am in.
We are also arranging a holiday.
Thanks again everyone.

oh possums i am so sorry for you. i am glad you are organising some time for you though. sending you some big hugs and some love for you too. xxooxxoo

Oh Possums, I am so very sorry to hear this.
I do not know you but I read your announcement and was so excited that this had happened for you, now I shed tears for you. This is not fair and you shouldn't have to go through this.
My heart truly goes out to you.
Please take care of yourself.
xxx

Possums - this is just so not fair that you and your DH are having to go through this again. In regards to your OB - I would start pushing for the extra testing. I can't believe that they "don't count" the ectopic as a miscarriage. If your OB won't do it, then get a second opinion. I don't think that you should have to wait any longer.

Know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers... I am here if you need me.

Janie xxx

I am so sorry for your loss.

Thanks everyone. Have now arranged for further tests through my fertility specialist, as opposed to my private OB (who referredme to IVF in the first place). The FS thinks further testing is warranted at this stage, as with the ectopic, I also had one in my uterus, so it really was a miscarriage as well. So in for some blood tests soon. I am thankful for that. Even if they dont find any problems, at least then we'll know we are in with the same chance as anyone else my age. I cant imagine losing another, then finding out later, there was something we could have done to prevent it.

Oh Possums,
I only just found your thread...I'm so sorry for you and your DH. My heart goes out to you both.:cry: Your precious Hope will live forever in your hearts and in the hearts of all the people who shared your joy in your pregnancy.
I'm glad that your FS is ready to do further tests. I believe knowledge is power ~ hang in there. Take care of yourself and take as much time out from the world as you need. When we lost newbie I found it really difficult to get back out and about. Some days are still a struggle. I hope that you have friends and family around you that can give you support at this time. We're all here for you too.
Take care,
M

OH possoms,
I have only just seen this thread.
I am in tears for you... I am so so sorry to hear of your loss.
It's just so unfair.

Big hugs

Take care hun.

xxxoo

Hi Gorgeous,
I'm so sorry for your terrible loss - I had my fingers crossed for you :(
Look after yourself, I pray your time for motherhood will come soon :pray:
Lots of love,
Allyce :hug:

So sorry to hear your news

Oh no, possums I'm so sorry to read this! My heart breaks for you & your DH.

Baby Hope is with your other angel babies now, watching over you

Wishing you all the love & strength you need right now

xxx

Im so sorry for your loss :hug:

Sending you all the strength you need right now.

Thanks so much ladies. The days are a struggle right now...so flat and empty and sad, and also angry! I know,from my past experiences getting through, that it WILL get better..it just is very bleak right now. Trying to focus on a plan for the future, and planning a holiday, just to have some things to hang on to.

I am so glad I have this site to come to when it all feels a bit overwhelming (having one of those moments :cry:)

oh sweetie

so sorry your having a tough day, but like you said having something to focus on like a holiday sounds like a great plan

so do you know where you are going to go for a holiday? and for how long? i think it will be the best thing for you and dh

how are you going back at work?? its very hard to go back isnt it?? i am still struggling being at work and i have been back for nearly 3 wks, i have good days but then i have really low days, cos i work in a retail shop all i see is new born babies and pregnant women, it takes its toll

do you know when or if you will need any testing done? i know you said it may be in a few weeks if there is testing that needs to be done. hopefully you will be able to get some answers. do you know when you will be getting your results back from the d&c?

i hope you start to feel a little better soon, just know that we are all here holding your hand.

take care my sweet

Thanks M2C- I hope you are doing OK...I know it does stay hard for quite a while.
As for holidays, $$ and annual leave mean we cant do anything too extravagant (I'd love to spend a while in Europe for example!), so prob south pacific somewhere for a couple of weeks.

As for tests, get the results from testing on material taken in the D&C on Tuesday, when I next see my OB. If those results reveal no obvious problem, I'll have blood tests through my FS (tests via my nurse/midwife locally) the next day..results then back in 3-4 weeks (cant recall the range of tests they ran through on the phone with me, but will see the forms for the tests soon as they've already been posted to me apparently, in readiness). So at least some kind of plan in place. It has been suggested by one FS, not my normal one, that we could try naturally for a while, as we now know it's possible. Just anxious about a repeat ectopic, or just wasting time/cycles/eggs.

It must be so hard for you working in retail and seeing babies and pregnant women- I have enough trouble walking through the shopping centre on my lunch break!

yeah it does get VERY hard, thats why i chose not to go back to work until 2 wks after my last d&c, some people thought i was carrying on a little for taking that long off work but i just knew that if i had seen a new born baby or a pregnant women i would of burst into tears

wow it sounds like there is a good plan in place which is awesome, cos either way hun your going to get some answers. i hear you about trying it naturally on your own for a while but i have the same thought about waisting time, eggs, cycles and all of that. its a toughie to decide what to do, but at the end of the day it comes down to what you and dh want. maybe give it say 3-4 mths of trying natural, at least this will give you a little more time to heal after losing "hope" and your still doing it naturally. if it doesnt happen after the 3/4mths then try doing ivf again, 3/4 mths isnt alot of time, eggs, cycles waisted iykwim and in that time doing it naturally, your going to give yourself sometime to heal phsyically and mentally cos you dont want to go into a round of ivf heartbroken, cos ivf can be very hard on a normal cycle but in a cycle when your already sad, the drugs are going to be hell on you if you know what i mean?? so at least the few months of trying by yourselfs will give you the time you guys need

i think your holiday sounds awesome, can i come?? how big is your suitcase lol