heartbreaking decision

I have no advice for you. I cannot fathom what you and your husband must be experiencing.
I just wanted to give you some more :hug:s. You and your precious boy will be in my thoughts, I will light him a candle.
x

:hug:I have been there sweetie

in sept 03 I had to make the heartbreaking decision to induce my little girl as she was not meant for this earth

if you want to chat please feel free to PM me for my email or msn details

:hug::hug:

Braveheart,
I am so very sorry. I am thinking of you at this difficult time.

I had an induced labour at 16 weeks when my son Luke was stillborn due to a cord accident. It was an awful thing to have to do, but for me, it was the best way.

Take care my love,
Debbie

Braveheart,

All i can offer you are great big hugs and that you and your family are in my thoughts. I wish you all the strength to pass through this very very tough period.

xxoxx

Oh hun, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Noone should ever have to feel these emotions. I try to look at it that we got to meet our daughter Ava. If it was a few weeks earlier we would never have met her. My waters broke at 17 1/2 weeks and nature was supposed to take its course. 10 days later we had a scan which showed there was not a drop of fluid and also that she was still alive. My heart broke. We then had to make the decision to carry on or terminate. (She may have made it to full term but her lungs would be 17 weeks still) It is the worse decision to ever have to make and I am so so sorry you have to make it. Do what is right for you both. As someone else said, she waited till the 20 week mark so her bub was registered. We were 10 days away from 20 weeks and she was only recognised as a feotus. Luckily for us the funeral director saw her as a baby and we were able to have a cremation for her. Had I knwon this, things may have been different.

It is completely your decision as to whether you want to see your baby or not. Do not let anyone force you either way. We had both sets of parents, my sis and one very close friend hold her also. I felt that if I needed to talk to someone other than family, my friend is able to share that memory with me. We also took a blanket to wrap her in that I still snuggle with every morning. Anything that you would like as a memory, a teddy, foot and hand prints, photos, weight, height. Take your time in deciding to see your baby or not. I too was unsure how she would look. I can't describe the emotions that overtook me when Ava was born. I think almost like a mother with a healthy newborn. (I think, as Ava was our first). I had an ENORMOUS amount of love for her and just wanted to hold her close. The saddness kicked in a few minutes later but I treasure those feelings I first had.
You are both in my thoughts. Do what is best for the 3 of you.
:hug: Stanas

Thankyou for all kind words/stories/support. i have made the dreadful decision to stop the pregnancy (appt in a few days). I still have no idea how i am going to cope with the emotional pain. Is the physically pain the same as a normal labour? I also still dont know if i can deal with seeing/holding my baby at the end. I feel terrible and gulity that i cant deal with having that connection as it will make it too real. Will I regret it? I have the scanned picture in my head that wont go away (i dont see what the docs see) and i am happy to hold onto this image.

sweetie labour side I can't tell you mine was very easy ....the connection will be there, as hard as it wil be hold your baby spend time with him...trust me you will cope with the emotional pain yes there will be days when you say why should I go on, why not me, these are all perfectly normal I still 5 years down the track have days where I can't stop crying, but these are few and far between now...I made a promise to my Katy to live everyday for her, to experience the unknown to enjoy life for her, to take time to smell the roses or look for animals in the clouds.

I know it sounds cliche but these are the things that got me thru my darkest hours, another thing talk to your partner talk to your family talk to your friends talk to the girls here, you have a son unfortunatly the angel in the book of life is going to write to perfect for this earth..he will alwasy watch over you live your life for him...:hug:

the one thing I can't say enough take pictures if you and your partner can't ask the nursing staff, when we had Katy I was in a state of shock as I imagine you are and we didn't take any pics nor were we asked if we wanted any, to this day it is something I regret, I have her hand and footprints and a picture in my mind of what she looked like but no pictures

I personally don't know if you will regret not seeing the baby, I don't think anyone can tell you that for sure, they are not you. But my friend hasn't regretted it.
They tried to make her look at her son(sb 25 weeks), but she refused & she doesn't think she could've coped if she did see him.
As I said before, 20 years later she doesn't regret that decision. I don't think she named him either. Although if its past 20 weeks you are supposed to as they need a death certificate. I'll have to ask her if she had to or not.
If you choose not to see your baby, thats your choice & don't let anyone make you feel bad or guilty for that decision.

Braveheart.
I agree with Rach, if you do decide to see your baby, take some photos. This is the one huge regret I have in regards to Noah. I couldn't bring myself to take photo's of him because I was still in denial that everything had happened (Found out about his abnormalities and delivered him in a week total)... so I got the midwives to take photo's of him. I kept the disposable camera here until I felt ready to see his pics. On what should have been his 2nd birthday, I got his photos developed, and I was so saddened that they only took 2 photos of him... I wish I had more. I wish I had some of me and my DH holding our precious son.
I can fully understand the apprehension in not knowing if you want to see your baby or not, I was very similar... I was worried that Noah would be freaky, alien looking... but he was beautiful... in every way he was gorgeous... I could see many similarities between him and my older children, and he had a lot of mine and my husband's features. When Harrison was born, it was very much like looking at a full term version of Noah. I am so glad I got past my apprehension and held my baby... though I totally understand why some people don't. A friend of mine didn't, and as much as she felt it was right for her, she does regret it now, although she does have pictures of her baby girl.
Only you can know what is right for you.
Thinking of you sweetie. I will keep you in my thoughts and in my heart. :hug:


Skye - I think it may have been different 20ish years ago in regards to registering the birth... my friend had a SB at 21 weeks and she only had to register her birth because her baby took a breath, which then made her a baby, not a foetus back then.

I too recently went through something very similar and i feel for you so much. I had my 12 week scan and all looked great the guy said and then the following day my OB called to ask me to come in,well i knew then something was wrong. I had tested 1 in 27 for chromosones 18 & 13, i was so scared but part of me believed all would be ok. Well the next week i was booked in for a CVS, as the Dr started to do the US i myself could see there was no heartbeat,i was shattered.I had a D&C that day,that was 3 weeks ago and im still a mess.

What im trying to say is that i also had a week where all i thought about was having to decide if the test came back positive would i terminate and my answer was yes.I couldnt do that to the baby, my family and my 1 yr old DD. But i suppose God stepped in and took that decsion out of my hands and part me is thankful he did! We have had genetic testing done on our baby to see if it was positive....

My heart and thoughts are with you and im sending you huge hugs xxx