My little angel *Story added*

thinking and :pray: for you while you honour this angel with birth

Tan - when I read the news, I asked my soul sisters to send you strength, strength to get through this and strength to birth your angel, we are still sending you this strength and love.

My thoughts and love are with you.
Punks

The day light stings after a night like you have had - my love... :comfort:

My candle has not been allowed to burn out - it still burns brightly for you and your Angel. This Soul has come to you for a reason - his leaving is for a reason we can't understand yet. But if nothing else to show you you are held high by all of us Women who love and support you. You are courageous, strong and beautiful. Think of us all as a warm fluffy blanket wrapping you up and keepig you warm and loved.

I hope you are resting - drink lots of water. Dark grapejuice is also good. I hope you have been able to get herbs - sending you all my loving support. :hug:

So sorry to hear of your loss

R.I.P little one

I sent you a message on FB hun. There are no words to really say enough, but you know we love you and are grieving the loss of this precious bundle with you. :hug:

Thinking of you and your angel baby, Tan. :hug: With you in spirit as you make this journey.

Tanya - so sorry to hear of your loss. I can't imagine what you must be going through.
Pls take care.

Oh Tanya...I wish I had the right words. I am so so sorry, my heart aches for you.

So sorry to hear you lost your baby. :hug:

Oh Tanya, I am so so sorry for your loss. Take good care of yourself.

All my love
Nae x

Tanya, I am so sorry to hear about your loss.
We are all thinking of you.

Sossi.
xx

Tanya, there are no words to express my feelings during this time... please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and I have a candle burning brightly for you and your angel.

Tanya, im so sorry for your loss...my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family :hug:

Tanya I'm so very sorry to learn of your loss. I too have my candle lit for your precious little baby angel. Please be gentle on yourself and know that you are surrounded by so many people here who love and care about you :hug:

Oh Tanya, I am so sorry to hear of your loss :hug:.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

So so sorry to hear this :hug:

Tanya I am so so sorry sweetie.

I am thinking of you.

Tanya, I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

Tanya, I am so saddened to read your heartbreaking news. So sorry for what you are going through. I hope each day becomes a little brighter and easier for you. Please look after yourself :comfort:

Justs checkin in to let you know im thinking of you and your precious bubba xoxoxoxox

Girls..............

PM me for secret squirel

Tanya, I am so, so sorry to hear of your late loss :(
I hope you don't have to endure too much more anguish with the release of your little one.
Take care of yourself sweetheart.
BIG :hug:

Tanya, I felt so sad to read your devastating news. I am so sorry

I'm so sorry

Oh Tanya, I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say :hug:

Tanya,

Very sorry to hear of your loss. That's so sad :grouphug:

I'm so so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
:hug: :hug:

xox

Tanya I am so sorry to hear this news. Massive hugs sweets

Tan,

just checking to see how you are & to let you know our thoughts are with you in this time of sadness, but I know your will come through it as you are one hell of a strong women & you've only got to look at how beautiful your girls are to know your a fantastic mum

:angel: bye bye little angel you will always be remembered & loved

:heartbeat:K,P,M & J

Oh Tanya, I've only just found out - Hun, I'm so sorry.. I honestly have a few tears running down my cheek :cry: :hug: If you need anything, feel free to message me on here

:hug: Tanya I'm so sorry to hear your sad news.

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious baby :( Nothing we can say can take the pain you are feeling away but I wanted to send you some huge :hug: :hug:

Tanya I am so sorry to hear of your very sad news :hug: Sending you lots of love and support. xx

I am so sorry for your loss Tanya, your thought and prayers are in my heart for you and your family x

I'm so sorry to hear this Tanya - please take care of yourself :hug:

Tanya, I don't know what to say, I'm in shock as I'm sure you are too.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your baby, it's just not fair..
xxx

I thought I would share this story... I keep thinking that this type of thing is not shared often enough, I had no idea what to expect and owe many thanks to one particular person who told me what to expect. I hope this will help anyone who may experience a loss in the 2nd tri and must go through labour to birth their tiny baby but not get to hold them the way you would a bigger bub.

ok... here goes...

On the Saturday the 11th we had friends over and I decided I would sit down and finish off a cord tie that I was knotting. I sat on the couch and I noticed some cramping like period pain. I almost said something to one of our visitors but decided against it. When I finished the cord tie I pinned it to the pin board and sat at the computer to check my email. While I was sitting there I noticed a leak in my knickers and thought it felt a bit weird and thought I had better just check to see all was ok, but one of our visitors need to use the loo so I waited, then Alecia needed to go so I waited again. When I finally go to the toilet I pulled down my pants and as soon as I saw what I had leaked I knew it wasn't good! I did a wee and when I wiped there was more fluid with a bit of blood in it.

I went straight out to tell DP who was out in the shed, he looked horrified! The girls heard me say I was bleeding and they wanted to see... I didn't know what to say to them and just told them I couldn't show them. We packed up and went straight down to the ED. We got straight in and after waiting half an hour of so a Dr came to see us.

He felt my belly and wanted to do an internal exam to see what the cervix was doing. After that he explained to me that there was a bit of fluid and he wanted to make sure what it was. So he went up to the maternity ward to get a amniotic fluid test. After getting what he needed from me the test quickly turned positive... I knew it would be. He went on to explain to me that the outlook was not good, and that if the baby was in fact still alive the chances of infection were very high.

He went away and called the Ob team. Soon afterwards a resident Ob came and saw me and told me that his boss would be there soon and we would do an u/s to check exactly what was going on. He also went on to tell me the possible outcomes.

When the head ob came she brought in the portable u/s machine and proceeded to tell me all the things that could be happening before feeling my tum and doing the scan. When she put the probe on my belly she immediately noted that my bladder was full then we saw our little bub sitting right at the bottom of my uterus not moving. I asked just to make sure, but I knew, "that's not a live baby, is it?" The poor little bub had been gone for a few weeks but my body just wanted to keep hold of him a little longer... and so did the rest of me :(

We did a few measurements and he measured about 13 weeks... right when I stopped hearing him on my doppler. Not finding a heartbeat on the doppler always played on my mind, but I thought I had come too far passed that point for it to matter anymore. After the scan I bawled and bawled. They had to leave the room to let me be for a few minutes. After a couple of minutes I went to the toilet and the ob team came back in to tell me that they would like to send me for another u/s just to be sure and they wrote out a letter for my GP to let him know what was going on if I hadn't miscarried in a few days. I wanted to know if bub was a boy or a girl and what had happened so the head Ob talked to me about genetic testing. She checked the fluid around bub and said she could do an amnio to get some fluid which is more likely to grow cells from than the placenta after I miscarry.

I went away that night devastated and decide that I did want to have the amnio, I didn't want to think back and wonder... I wanted to know that I had done everything I could to know. I was (and still am) paranoid that I may not be able to carry boy babies and I wanted a definite answer.

So after no sleep all night and hours of contractions I call the hospital in the morning and tell them I wanted the amnio. The head Ob told me to come in at about 11am. We get there and they were ready for me. We check bub again and there is definitely no sign of life... I could see the contractions I had been having all night were having an affect on the sac and baby.

The amnio was painful! The ob said that because my uterus is so small now and the fluid level had dropped it was going to be difficult... it was unsuccessful. I went away feeling a little sore but ok. I wasn't disappointed, and glad that I had tried. It was Easter Sunday and MIL had offered to take the kids. DP took them over and spent some time there with family, I wasn't going anywhere. When he got home I was still having contractions and was feeling uncomfortable. At about 7pm I decided I needed more support, DP was a bit panicked about what was going to happen and even grossed out at the thought of birthing such a small bub. I knew we both needed help so I called my sister and she came over about an hour later I felt fluid in my knickers again and decided I needed to go to the bathroom to check. I took my pants off and blood just dripped out. I hopped into the shower too scared to turn it on just in case I missed something in amongst the clots. Blood just started to pour our and huge clots. My cramps were getting bad and I was beginning to feel sick. My sister (being a nurse) started to worry asking if I thought I would like to go to the hospital and making sure my pulse was ok. Being in the shower was awful I wanted to sit but it hurt, I commented that I don't know how anyone could labour on their backsides. I stood wanting to wash away some of the blood so I turn the water on and the heat was making me sick. So I put on a towel and sat on a chair which hurt outside the shower and got DP to get me a cold water. I rubbed my lower tum and my sister decided she would quickly race up to the supermarket to get some nappies for me to sit on to catch the blood.

A few minutes after she left I gave birth to baby, intact sac and placenta. It was such a relief. The bleeding slowed and we called my sister to tell her not to worry about the nappies and it was over. I didn't want to open the sac just in case they wanted to collect some fluid for cell growth .

I had a wash and we went up the hospital to make sure there was nothing retained and for them to get a sample to get tested. The Obs were STILL there, they did the amnio on the intact sac then opened it to check baby they also took a few small pieces of placenta. The dr noted that it did look like a boy and that there was nothing obvious seen to make her conclude what may have caused him to stop living.

After I was checked and had a shower I went and picked up my wee little babe. He was all slippery and oh so tiny and he did look like a boy. He was white and I could see his little bones through his fine skin. He look just like a tiny baby :( It was here that DP suggested the name Banjo. I Thought about it and over night I agreed that it was just perfect.

We went to bunnigs the next day to get a pot and a plant to bury him in. DP made him a little coffin and I prepared him. I made little prints of his tiny hands and feet and wrapped him. I tied his wrap closed with the cord tie I had finished only hours before I discovered he as not ready to meet us. I carried him around for a couple of hrs while DP finished his little burial box. I didn't want him to leave me :(

When DP finished he fitted perfectly into his little box and we buried him under his tree. It was so sad, looking at his tiny box in the pot and then covering it.

Tan :hug:

No words I can say that will help......Im looking forward to saturday were we celebrate his birth..even if he was only here for a short time.....he's one little boy thats touched so many.

Oh tiny boy.:crying:

Tan I'm so sorry this happened. I can't think of anything to say right now but I'm crying for you, your family and little Banjo xoxoxoxo

Oh Tanya... tears are flowing for you honey. Thank you for sharing the story of your beautiful & precious angel Banjo. :comfort:
Thinking of you. xxx