New to this and over it but hopeful!
Hello girls!
I have been reading different posts from time to time about PMP but found this one to be the most connected to my story.
Here is how it went (in brief) and it hurts to go back and recall this time.
June 08-Had my 29th and was so happy with my life, my marriage everything was ideal
June 08-Discovered I was pregnant (planned) and conceived on 1st go...
Soon after I had some minor spotting which the gyno and midwives said was a threatened M/c but after I had my 7 wk ultrasound and there was a healthy heartbeat I was told not to worry and everything was fine.
July 08 - My father in law gets diagnosed with cancer, our whole life turns upside down as it is a sever one. In the mean time I am worried like crazy about my spotting, feel really uncomfortable and have dreams of losing the baby. Deep inside me I know this will not go to term and that something is wrong although we had a good heartbeat.
Numerous calls to gyno and I am still told everything is fine.
September 1st 08-12 wk Ultrasound and I am feeling very nervous.
I am in the uoltrasound room and the baby does not look like a baby. I am being told it's heart stopped at 8wks and I had a missed m/c. I go in for a D&C the same day.
September 23rd (7wks post D&C) I visit my gyno for follow-up and she said that we need to make sure HCG is dropping. I ask what will happen if it drops slowly etc and she said casually "Chemo"! I freak out and ask questions...she mentions the word molar and that my placenta was examined and they found a partial molar.... My husband and I leave her office quite frightened... my father in law was across the street at the hospital having chemo, so you understand how we felt. I go straight away for a bloot test... 7wks post D&C it comes back at 10.
I have been having tests every two weeks and last fortnight I was down to 1.
It has been going down slowly but surely...
The day I discovered I had 10, with the shock of finding out about the partial molar, I stressed so much waiting for the results that I sweated all day, my legs were shaking and I got severe stomache cramps. Shortly after I think I got irritable bowel syndrome from the stress I went through.
Since then, we lost my father in law to cancer, a month a go... and two days ago my husbands grandma also passed away.
While I was pregnant I felt alone and confused... my husband had a lot on his shoulders and had to take care of his dad who was dying, so I felt more and more alone... I think he took it for granted that I was experiencing fears and complications with my pregnancy and when we reached wk 12 and D&C he broke down....
Our life changed from June onwards. Everything was so beautiful and good for us, then we had the partial molar, lost his dad and grandma and I am still waiting to get that ZERO test result. I am close, but we have endured massive amounts of stress in the mean time.
I have had two periods spot on on 28 day both times - these were real periods, not bleeding after D&C. This month (December) I was due on the 13th and I am now 3 days late.... should I be worried? My HCG was down to 1... is this hormonal? It could be stress related as my naturopath said I have had adrenal and exhaustion from the stress and events of this year....
Does it mean I did not ovulate this month and may miss a period?
I have had more questions answered by reading forums and going on google than speaking with gyno.
I dealth with the loss of the baby fairly fast, within 2 weeks my spirits were up as opposed to other women who mourn, I just dealt with it. I think I had to because we were losing my father in law and I had to keep it together... but lately I am finding that I am thinking about the time I was pregnant a few months ago and everything is going through my head again.
I have some left over anger inside me because my husband did not give me the attention a pregnant woman needed. He was 100% on his dad and I was second priority. He has apologised and I understand how he felt at the time, but I still have some left over resentment inside me.
Anyway, that is my story... one very difficult year for us....
This was going to be our first child... now we are left with a bunch of emotional mess and my husband is grieving the loss of his dad and grandma and is very silent, not him self... I doubt wether we will try for a baby for at least another 6 months. We need to get our life back on track again.
I have another blood test this week, hope it's zero....wondering where my period is...but will wait.
I pray to God that 2009 gives us double the hapinness we missed out on this year... because if you think about it, we experienced 3 losses! Not easy!!!
So when you think back on your situation, think of what we went through....
I saw death with my own eyes and was there when my hudbands family members passed away... very traumatic for someone who experienced their own loss let alone the scare and stress of a partial molar pregnancy!
Blessigns to all and keep positive!!!
P.S My nickname symbolises my vision for 2009. Me-with-baby. If I can see it maybe I can conceive it!!!!