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Meredith - big hugs as you have had such a rough and difficult path to walk. I don't know why people feel it at all useful to think you take comfort in the fact you can fall pregnant - it doesn't lessen the pain of having to say goodbye to a desperately loved and wanted baby/babies. I am also a believer in intuition - I feel confident that I always knew something wasn't right with Nathaniel. I was also worried (this is part of my personality but looking back i think it was more than just that) and by 17-18 weeks I am certain I knew he was gone. I even had a dream at 18 weeks and I woke up suddenly and thought I wasn't pregnant - 2 weeks later I found out that our baby boy had passed at 15 weeks. Knowing all this, it has meant that I have really been able to look beyong my anxiety this time around and listen to my body and you know - it feels different this time...
Listen to your heart and your intuition. Express how you feel and don't worry if people don't understand...we are all here for you to hold your hand and help ease your pain just a little.
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Hi Meredith,
Just wanted to say that I totally get you!!! I know exactly how you are feeling. With 3 m/c in a row, it is so frustrating. They keep on telling me that nothing is wrong, I and DH have had so many tests and they all come back OK.
I want to know what is going on??? why this keeps on happening!!! Don't they understand the pain we all go through and your hopes and dreams die everytime this happens.
I also don't get pregnant easily and have been doing IVF. In 3 years of trying I have had a miscarriage every year.
I wish you all the best in your TTC and If you ever want to talk. I am here.
xxx Sue xxx
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Thanks Sue.
I am so, so sorry about your losses. The heartbreak is just awful, especially when you have worked so hard to get that BFP. The joy and elation so quickly turns to tragedy. You can't even just "try again" in a month or two becuase it's all so medically controlled
Have you got any "plan" for future pg attempts. ie different medication protocol, PGD etc?
I am praying you get that baby in your arms very soon. No one needs to go through this agony any more times
Me - still plodding through each day. Not really "living", just wanting each day to end so maybe i'm a step closer to starting again and feeling better. I don't want to live like this but I can't do much else. Its just so hard to put up the "normal" face when i go out, when really I am dying inside. This is a deep, dark pit and I truly do not have the energy to try and crawl out.
I want my babies back, I want that joy of new life back, I want my hopes and dreams back!
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Thank you Meredith,
Yes we are going to go through the IVF track again in October. We tried to put in a frozen embryo in this cycle, but unfortunately the little thing didnt come through the unfreezing :(.
I am on some medication of metformin (as my insulin resistant is a little high), thyroxine (which is being monitored).
I am so sorry you are feeling like so down. I can understand. People who havent been through it, dont understand how you are feeling and when you hear of somebody getting pregnant, you are happy for them, but are devastated because it is not you.....
I also understand about trying to put up a "normal" face. When I lost my 2nd angel and was in hospital have a D&C, my SIL was in hospital giving birth to her son and I had to go a couple of days later and see them (as they didnt know). It was so hard and it broke my heart.
I wish you all the best and please keep in touch.
Come and join us (when you are ready) in the TTC after Lateloss, Stillborn & Recurrent Miscarriages section, we have a lovely group and they are so supportive.
xxx Sue xxx
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oh meredith, i do hear you, girl! the most frustrating part for me is having no answers, and having to struggle to even get follow-up treatment in this town!!! anytime you need to vent, i'm here.
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Big big hugs my loves. :hug: This is such a hard hard journey - there seems at times to be more pain each day. I just want you to know that I am here and I wish I could hug each and every one of you. :comfort:
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I know your pain, I suffered in that place of no answers for a very long time.
After 13 years of going through pregnancy losses with no answers I forced myself to sit down and list the reasons I wanted to be a mother. It didn't take away from my longing for it happen. Or the pain of doctors telling me there are no answers for the reasons we lost our babies, or why i had sooo much trouble falling pregnant, only to lose a baby around 12 weeks. But writing the list did one thing for me. I discovered "genetically related" wasn't on my list of reasons for wanting to be a mother. My child would be loved even if they didn't look like me or my husband one bit.
So my husband and I decided to look into local adoption, because he realized that was a minor thing to him too when it came to being a parent. I had people say "why would you do that? if you can't conceive just accept your lot in life. " to us in the early days, but lucky I didn't listen to them. (thye had kids, easy for them to say that. ) We are now the parents of a beautiful little girl own came into our lives when she was 6 months old. She now 17 months and keeping us busy. Everyday I look at her and know this is how it was meant to be for us, we feel so fortunate to her parents and you know the people who questioned us about adopting a child are the ones that dote on her the most. (They couldn't see us with any other child and neither can we.)
Don't give up hope of becoming a mother, I hope for you it happens the way you want it too. But don't let others make your choices for you, follow your heart *hugs* I pray you will have success soon.
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Dear Princess Swan
I would just like to thank you for your entry. I totally understand your statement about whether the baby is genetically related. I congratulate you on giving your little one a warm and welcoming home.
After three losses DH and I have been contemplating adoption. We have an empty room in our house waiting to be filled with a child to love. We are going to try IVF first, but I do not want to put all my eggs in one basket. In fact, even if that works we would still consider adoption as well. I have looked up some guidelines an apparently we cannot list with an adoption agency if we are trying IVF. This will take me into my early 40's. But I am having trouble finding info about the acceptable age of parents. Do you mind my asking if you know about that?
Hugs to your little one
WTH
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Dear Hope,
I don't blame you for trying IVF first, we did too and its something you have to do before you do something like apply for adoption. You go through assessments and they do ask if you tried IVF first. Its not to say adoption is second best, they just like to make sure your ready for it and your hearts in it.) Thats why i like the way we do it in Australia, they look out for ALL parties involved. People give DOCs a hard time, but since I had dealings with them I have found they care a great deal about the kids they place.
When it comes to age it depends. International it varies. I think in local its more flexiable depending on how many are in the pool. Its something that you will have look into when its time for you to explore that area. We are going into the pool again....but I'm in my mid 30's, most of the women at playgroup are 40+ if that helps and they have young children.
Good luck with IVF I hope your prays are answered and it is successful for you. *hugs* Princess Swan.
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Hi Princess Swan
Thanks for your reply. It is good to know they are flexible with ages of adoptive parents in Australia. We're counting on it! I hope you did not have to wait long. You mention you are going "in the pool again". How long did the process take for you the first time?
Good luck to you in finding a sibling for your little girl, and another child for you to hold and love :)
WTH
