We now have an angel...

Sun, Mon & Tues this week we received 3 x faint pos hpt's along with pregnancy symptoms so we got excited and I went for a BT to confirm it before we announced it or got too excited.

BT result came back yesterday afternoon that showed only 3mIU hcg and the doctor told me that you are either a) about to have an early miscarriage / chemical pregnancy OR b) there is a very very slight chance the hcg could rise and become viable pregnancy. I knew what the outcome would be, there and then. I knew in my heart that we'd lost our angel. A day earlier i had done another hpt only to find it was extremely faint and barely readable but i ignored it as i didnt want to accept that i might have been losing the pregnancy.

I was only pregnant for 4.1wks.... OR you could say 2.1wks really but i only knew about the pregnancy for 5 days

I woke up today knowing AF was going to hit me and hit me hard she did. She came with revenge today and i had a pretty hard time of it dealing with the AF pain (was at work ).....



I know I wasn't pregnant for very long but it just hurts me to know that we were pregnant and didn't even have the chance to enjoy it, but i know that thats probably for the best that it was that way.....

I had pregnancy symptoms from very early on, and some people might say "don't test early because you may end up finding out something you didnt want to know re: chemical pregnancy" however I just KNEW I was pregnant so it was only normal for me to test with hpt to confirm it and i was right.

I just miscarried only 2hrs ago in the shower and i hadnt cried until just then. I felt bad because i hadnt cried at all today but to be honest, i was just numb from the whole experience... its all happened very fast. Reality hit me and it hurt me so much. I just started sobbing as I realised what was happening to me in the shower and as i saw things i've never seen before. It was extremely upsetting for me. You don't realise how much it's going to affect you until it happens. I just kept saying " i'm sorry, I'm sorry" because i feel like why couldn't i have kept it? i wanted this so very much then why couldnt we have this baby"? but i know its not our time yet....and i know its not our fault it happened either. just part of life...

I feel i have learnt so much in such a short amount of time this week and i feel i can draw from this sad experience, some positive things.... I now know that we can conceive again and that it is possible for us, and I know that there was nothing we could do to control this situation. And i hope i can give strength to others who read this that are going through the same thing (i know someone else on BB, who is going through this right now too with me) and that you can feel hopeful again after experiencing your loss.

I now have so much more respect and a greater understanding of miscarriages and i'm so sorry for anyone who has ever had one.

Thank you for reading my feelings.

i'm so sorry for your loss renstar

Renstar I am so so sorry to hear of your and your Dp's loss. we're all here for you when you need us. Sending lots of love and hugs

:hugs: So very, very sorry petal.
It's your right to be sad and to cry and to let your man just hold you. Take it easy over the weekend. It just was not meant to be right now.
Thinking of you!

My computer is acting up

ren - you know i'm always here for you

Sorry for your loss. It's not an easy thing to go through, even when it's really early. Take care.

Oh Renstar - Im so sorry to hear about your loss. It doesn't matter how long you were pregnant, or how long you knew about it. You have still lost something that is heartbreaking and takes time to heal.

Ren - im so very sorry hun .... sending you huge

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take it easy and be kind to your self.

Im so sorry for ur loss, take care of urself

I am so sorry to hear about your loss hun. It doesn't matter how long you knew about your pregnancy for or how long you were pg, it still hurts. Cry as much as you want and be kind to yourself. It all takes time to heal but you will get there hun

Im so sorry Ren....you are in my thoughts sweety..

hugs
treelo

Thank you for your support and kind words everyone.

*hugs* Hun. I'm sorry again. Just take it easy and take care of yourselves.

Renstar,

I'm really sorry to hear of your loss - no matter how earlier, or even if you were thinking you were going to m/c - it still hurts so very much.

Take care.

my sympathies renstar...your time will come

Renee, I am so sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter how early it happens, it is still very hard. But you do sound like you have the right attitude and will get through this. And your post was really lovely, thoughtful and well written. I am sure that others will be comforted by it. Big hugs to hun. As you know, this is just one bump on the road to parenthood - each one brings you closer!