This is a tongue in cheek article from Doctor Andrew Orr, who is not only a doctor but a qualified nutritionist. Please don’t read it if you’re easily offended.
OK, grains and refined foods haven’t actually killed Kenny yet, but like many of us, he has lived his life eating far too many of them.
Tragically, his days are numbered, as his bad habits catch up with him. Here’s how:
#1: Grains and Refined Foods Made Kenny Overweight
Because Kenny eats too many grains and refined foods, he is becoming obese, so grains and refined foods will eventually kill Kenny… the Bastards!
We know that grains are used to fatten up cows and other animals so they are ready to be served on our plates.
What’s more, grains and refined foods also cause a spike in our blood sugars, which then raises our insulin levels.
Insulin then stops the burning of fats, and causes the body to store fats instead.
#2: Grains and Refined Foods Gave Kenny Diabetes
Because Kenny eats cereals for breakfast, and then lots of other refined sugars, as well as becoming obese he ends up with type 2 diabetes. Grains and refined foods strike again!
What you eat in the morning affects and regulates your blood sugar levels for the rest of the day.
Eventually, high sugar levels and high insulin levels can lead to insulin resistance, excess fat storage, and diabetes. Uncontrolled diabetes can also lead to other health complications.
Here are 13 filling and delicious healthy breakfast ideas.
#3: Grains and Refined Foods Led To Kenny Having Heart Disease
Now Kenny has diabetes, and he’s obese.
He can’t walk further than the kitchen table, so eventually, Kenny develops heart disease. This is all because he ate too many grains and refined foods. Yep, they will kill Kenny… Bastards!
Grains are also a major cause of excess fat storage, obesity, and diabetes, all of which greatly increases your risk of heart problems.
Being overweight also limits your body’s desire to exercise, which then puts you at further risk of heart failure and congestive heart disease.
#4: Grains and Refined Foods Slowly Cost Kenny His Limbs
Because Kenny is obese, has heart disease, and diabetes, he is now in serious danger of needing to have limbs amputated. Grains are slowly but steadily killing Kenny!
Among the complications of diabetes are sores that won’t heal, and poor blood circulation to the limbs.
This can result in the loss of limbs and body parts, which will tend to shorten the life span.
#5: Grains and Refined Foods Caused Kenny To Have Gynaecological Problems
Not many people know this, but Kenny is really a woman, and as a result of eating too many grains, refined foods, and phytoestrogens, she now has endometriosis and various other gynecological conditions. Kenny suffers seriously debilitating period pain and develops a huge pelvic mass that bursts. Grains are killing Kenny for sure… those Bastards!
Although grains won’t cause your gynecological condition to kill you, I have had many women tell me sometimes they wished they were dead when their periods hit. Or was it that they were going to kill their partners when they had PMS?!
Period pain and gynecological issues such as endometriosis are never a joke, but we do know that eating too many grains leads to high insulin levels, which then causes inflammation in the pelvis.
This results in fluctuations in estrogen levels which can lead to gynecological conditions such as endometriosis, ovarian cysts, PCOS, fibroids, and even cervical and ovarian cancer. These can kill you.
Don’t forget to have regular pap smears and breast examinations. Whether or not you have the HPV vaccination, the pap smear is the best method of detection we have. Sadly, in some countries, there has been a decline in pap smears because the vaccine is available.
#6: Grains and Refined Foods Gave Kenny Migraines
Thanks to high insulin levels, and sugar spikes followed by sugar lows, which are all caused by eating refined sugars and grains, Kenny ends up with crippling migraines, which cause a massive aneurysm. Even indirectly, grains and refined foods will kill Kenny.
I remember having migraines, years ago. I really wished I could die, because it felt quite literally like my head was going to explode. Not a nice feeling at all.
We commonly see people who get the 2-4 pm headaches and migraines. Then there are those who go to bed with low sugars and wake up with migraines and headaches.
It’s all the result of eating too many refined foods and grains, which cause fluctuating blood sugars. The levels rise, and spike, then fall dramatically. And this happens all throughout the day.
#7: Grains and Refined Foods Gave Kenny Cancer
Too many grains and refined foods have caused Kenny to get cancer. Game over! Finally, grains and refined foods have finally killed Kenny… the Bastards!
Numerous studies have linked refined foods and grains to cancer, and cancer rates are now at an all-time high.
Some interesting research showed that when some of the jungle tribes from the Amazon adopted grain into their diets, their cancer rates increased by as much as 50%. Remember those tribes had never eaten grains before being ‘civilized’ (if we can call it that).
Cancers feed off glucose and sugars (some types more than others).
Question: what does your body convert grains into?
You guessed it. Sugar!
Take away the sources of sugar from the host (the body) and the cancer can’t survive, or even begin to grow.
This is why anyone with a family history of cancer should look at eating a grain-free diet, and go back to eating clean, fresh foods. If you do have cancer then the same dietary principles apply.
This might be a somewhat humorous or morbid approach to grains and refined foods, and what they can do to us, but considering the conditions these food groups can cause in all of us, it’s no laughing matter.
Grains and refined foods are a major cause of obesity, heart disease, depression, gynecological conditions, migraines, chronic fatigue, PMS, asthma, cancers, and too many other conditions to list here.
I urge everyone to think about cutting out grains and refined foods, and getting back to fresh, clean foods from (ideally organic) paddocks and gardens. It’s a better alternative to something made in a factory and put into a packet with lots of other unhealthy additives.
By the way, I didn’t mean to offend anyone with my South Park theme. It’s a light-hearted approach to a very serious matter. After all, it’s important to have a laugh and look at the lighter side of life. R.I.P. Kenny.
Doctor Andrew Orr, a qualified nutritionist, recommends paleo, primal, or LCHF (low carb, high fat) types of diet. He has Master’s degree in Women’s Health and Reproductive Medicine. He also has a Bachelor of Health Science and is a qualified Doctor of Chinese medicine.
For help with weight loss or other issues, you can see Doctor Orr in his clinic in Brisbane, or via online consultations.
Articles posted on BellyBelly which are not written by Doctor Andrew Orr are the opinions of BellyBelly and not necessarily the opinion of Doctor Andrew Orr.