I find that the issue of sex is often of concern for both males and females. Both commonly feel a sense of loss about sex after the birth of a baby and it is also common for the males to be more interested in sex than the females at this stage.
A few things many women have said to me that you might find interesting to think about are as follows:
- They miss your sexual relationship just as much as you do.
- They can often feel as though having sex is just providing another nurturing service – that is, catering for the needs of another person, when all they want is to have some time just for themselves.
If you are able to provide some nurturing for her then she will feel loved and appreciated. One woman I spoke to once said “It you’ve had somebody on you all day, you don’t want somebody on you at night as well.”
They may feel that your need for sex is more important for you than their need for a close loving and nurturing relationship and they feel disappointed and deprived as a result.
This is most likely to occur if you make advances that are clearly sexual in nature when they in need a close loving and nurturing relationship. For example, is it possible for you to hug and kiss her without it necessary leading to sex? She needs to feel loved and appreciated rather than simply some sexual object.
They may feel disinclined to have a sexual relationship with a “car thief,” that is, “gone in seven seconds.” There is very little by way of sexual satisfaction for them in that, and your sexual needs may become regarded as essentially selfish, that is, without concern for their satisfaction. (If you don’t understand the differences between the sexual process in males and females you need to find out. One analogy that may be helpful is that for women sexuality is like a slow combustion stove, while for men sexuality is like a gas burner).
They may have felt hurt by you not displaying any sexual interest in them while they were pregnant and/or they may feel inhibited if they are carrying some additional weight (which is par for the course at this stage of the process of having a family) and may be sensitive to any negative/critical statements to that effect that you might make.
They may feel resentful if they feel that you have taken a position that allocates everything to do with looking after the baby and running the house to them rather than a position that is essentially fair (See Daniel Chable’s other topic “That’s Not Fair”).
If you are sensitive, caring and loving, your sexual relationship will return to what it had previously been, usually even better.
Spot on.