50 Signs You’re A Sleep Deprived Parent

Sign #31: Your internal monologue is a continuous scream of I AM SO TIRED.

Sign #32: And your Facebook status updates are equally as exciting.

Sign #33: You fall asleep and miss your stop on the bus and end up in the next town. This happens so regularly that someone has set up an Instagram hashtag for local people to share pictures of you asleep on the bus.

Sign #34: Your deepest, most desired fantasy is a hotel room with a huge comfy bed and a Do not disturb sign superglued to the door. Only you are allowed in there, and there’s no phone.

Sign #35: You genuinely believe that your death certificate will list extreme sleep deprivation as the cause of death.

Sign #36: The line between fact and fiction is thinner and fainter than ever. Was that a dream, something from a television show or a thing that really happened to you? Who knows?!

Sign #37: It takes every ounce of strength and self-control you have not to punch your child-free friends when they moan about how knackered they are.

Sign #38: Your mother has stopped telling you that you look tired, because now it’s just a given.

Sign #39: Your baby’s vest is on back to front.

Sign #40: And so is yours.

Sign #41: Thanks to your constant autopilot mode, you just reached across and wiped your friend’s nose with a tissue.

Sign #42: You have read the first chapter of your new book no fewer than fifteen times. And still have no idea what it’s about.

Sign #43: If you wake up in the night needing a wee, you spend at least five seconds weighing up the pros and cons of just wetting yourself and the extra sleep that time-saving might buy you.

Sign #44: You can’t find your house keys in the morning because they’ve been in the front door all night.

Sign #45: You have violent fantasies about what you will do to the next stranger who asks you how your baby sleeps.

Sign #46: If you had the energy to apply makeup, you’d probably get through a lot of concealer.

Sign #47: This morning you poured orange juice on your bowl of cereal. And then ate it because you were too fatigued to make yourself another bowl.

Sign #48: No matter how exhausted your best friend is, she won’t tell you. Because of fear.

Sign #49: You use this list as a guide to help you spot future best friends, because you only want friends who know exactly what it’s like to feel your eyelashes ache from exhaustion.

Sign #50: You have no idea what this article was about because you’re too tired to focus. You may or may not have slept through it.

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