There are things pregnant women don’t have time to worry about. They are busy people.
It might look as though they’re just sitting down watching TV, but they’re actually really busy; they’re growing a brand new human being.
It might look as though they’re yawning through a work meeting, but they’re actually using all their energy to create tiny fingernails and hair follicles.
Not only are pregnant women busy making new life, they also have to tie up loose ends at work, decorate a nursery and become experts in hypnobirthing.
They spend their days rushing from midwife appointments to work meetings, and from the office to the prenatal yoga class.
Even when their bodies are still, the minds of pregnant women are still racing at about a million thoughts per second.
10 Things Pregnant Women Don’t Have Time To Worry About
They’re worrying about what contractions will feel like, whether they’ll be able to cope, and whether their partners will faint at the sight of the placenta.
They’re anxious about breastfeeding, about whether their babies will sleep, and about getting their babies into good schools.
Simply put, pregnant women are too busy to worry about nonsense.
They will worry about the pregnancy, the birth, the baby, and motherhood, all day and every day, but they will not waste their valuable worrying time on inconsequential things.
Here are 10 things pregnant women will not obsess over:
#1: How Hairy Their Toes Are
If you’re a man, your world probably just came crashing down around you. Yep, women have hairy toes, too – among other things. Most women shave or wax or do something else, to keep alive the myth that women are soft, hair-free goddesses who never poop.
If you’re a woman, you already know women have hairy toes; you shave yours when you have a bath. Until you get pregnant.
And when you are pregnant, why bother to shave your toes? You can’t reach them, or even see them, so the shaving stops and the toes are free to enjoy their natural Wookiee-like covering.
#2: Being Late
In preparation for motherhood, pregnant women stop worrying about being late.
Early pregnancy is spent being late for social occasions because you are too busy puking in the toilet to get to the bus stop on time. Even when you arrive at the party, you spend most of it chucking up in the loo, so there’s hardly any point in being there anyway.
And by late pregnancy, every task takes about 15 times longer than it should. Even just getting off the sofa can take five whole minutes. Then there are shoes to find, which is almost impossible when you can’t see anything below your waist. And trying to fasten shoes is a time-consuming comedy of errors.
Pregnant women don’t have time to worry about being late because they’re too busy trying to reach their own feet.
#3: Whether Anyone Heard Them Fart At Yoga
It doesn’t matter how many pelvic floor exercises you do, when you’re pregnant it’s inevitable you will fart during a yoga class. In fact, at every prenatal yoga class you attend, somebody will trump.
And it won’t be one of the silent type, like a tyre going down; nope, it’ll be a loud raspberry-style explosion.
Far from going red in the face though, pregnant yogis have excellent poker faces. Besides, there’s really no need to feel embarrassed when everyone else in the room trumped the week before, and the few who haven’t done it yet soon will.
#4: Whether They Are Being Unreasonable
When you’re pregnant you don’t have time to wonder whether or not you’re being unreasonable. You’re tired, you have haemorrhoids, and your pregnancy hormones are through the roof, so anyone who dares to ask whether you think you might be being a bit ‘hormonal’ probably deserves whatever hell you choose to throw at them.
If a non-pregnant woman threatened to divorce her partner because he bought the wrong laundry detergent, missed his train, or said something less than complimentary about her choice of movie, then yes, that would be unreasonable.
But you’re pregnant. Nothing you do is unreasonable. You are growing a human life; the least he can do is buy the right laundry liquid.
#5: Whether The Local Supermarket Is Open At 11 pm On A Sunday
Pregnant women who have cravings cannot be held responsible for the trading hours of nearby supermarkets. In an ideal world, every shop would be open all the time to allow pregnant women to eat their fill of whatever weird concoctions they happen to be craving at the time.
If you crave pickles, ice-cream and mustard at 11 pm on a Sunday, that is what you absolutely need to eat. Unfortunately, this isn’t an ideal world. But if your partner is foolish enough not to have predicted this craving, and hasn’t purchased the necessary supplies in advance, well, that’s hardly your fault, is it?
Don’t worry about which shops are open; just tell him what you want and let him deal with it. If he has to travel across the country to get hold of the thing you need to eat, then that’s just what he’s going to have to do.
#6: Living In Their Pyjamas
If you’re not pregnant, and home sick, you might feel the need to explain your attire to any delivery person who happens to knock at the door: “Oh, sorry, look at the state of me. I’m not well, so you shouldn’t come too close…”
It’s important the delivery person knows you really are an upstanding member of society, who simply happens to be unwell. You certainly don’t want the parcel bringer to think you are the type of person who just naps willy-nilly.
When you’re pregnant, you can drop the pretence. You can answer the door at 2 pm, with a mop of crazy bed hair, pyjamas stretched over your growing bump, and offer no explanation at all.
You can simply stare the delivery person out. You are pregnant, and you can nap whenever and wherever you want. No explanation necessary.
#7: Whether Their Bums Look Big
Before you are pregnant, you obsess over the size of your body. You think your butt is way too big, and you stare at it for hours in the mirror, wishing it would shrink. You grab your tummy fat in your hands and squeeze it, wishing it would disappear, too. Your breasts definitely aren’t big enough, and you frown, cupping them together and wishing your body was perfect.
Then you get pregnant and those breasts grow. And grow. So do your butt and your belly and just about every other part of you. And by the time your entire body has doubled in size, and your swollen stomach makes you look like a human beach ball, you no longer care about whether your bum looks big.
#8: Whether They Are Too Demanding
Women are taught not to demand too much. It’s the patriarchy.
You usually try to take up as little space as possible, ask for the bare minimum and don’t expect anything from anybody. You spend your life worrying about what everyone else thinks of you, and whether you are seen as bossy or demanding. You try to be pleasant and helpful and all the other words people labelled you with when you were a little girl.
And then you get pregnant and you no longer care about any of that. You don’t want to be seen as polite and friendly and good. Instead, you want to be comfortable. So you barge right over to the front of the bus and demand a seat for your big pregnant butt.
#9: Missing That Night Out
One of the rubbish things about being pregnant is you sometimes miss out on things. You’re too tired, or too sober, to enjoy the late night parties your friends are having. Even when you go, you usually miss the end of the night, because you leave early to escape to bed.
In the past, you’d have been devastated to miss out on all the fun, and you’d be suffering from major FOMO. But, luckily, pregnancy means you’re way too exhausted to worry about missing out. You don’t lie in bed thinking about everyone having fun without you, because you were asleep before your head even touched the pillow.
#10: Whether It’s Ok To Shout At Strangers
As a general rule, it’s really not ok to shout at strangers. When you’re pregnant, though, you are exempt from this rule.
If a stranger comes over and touches your bump or comments on the size of it, you are well within your right to shriek like a banshee. You don’t have to be polite or nod and smile; you can yell all you like, and scare the living daylights out of the well-intentioned pensioner who just encroached on your personal space.