Doing More Housework: Will It Get You More Sexy Time?

Doing More Housework: Will It Get You More Sexy Time?

Housework may not be the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word ‘sexy’.

However, a study has confirmed a link between how much men do around the house, and how often they have sex with their partner.

The study discovered that men who take on their fair share of the household chores and childcare enjoy a better sex life than those who leave these jobs to their partner.

So, partners, if you think your sex life has room for improvement, the things you do outside of the bedroom just might make the most difference.

Even if you think you have a pretty equal approach to household chores in your house, maybe it’s time to take a closer look.

Over the course of a week, pay attention to who does what around the house. It’s not about ‘keeping score’, but simply gaining awareness of what’s going on.

Who’s doing the most labour and taking responsibility for most of the jobs around the house?

If it turns out to be your partner, it may be time to up your game… then you might notice a big difference in ways you didn’t expect.

Will Doing More Housework Get You More Sex?

Below is a ‘she says’ versus ‘he says’ so you can find out what might be going through your partner’s head.

She Says…

“So women don’t find it arousing to be in charge of all the laundry, who knew?! And scrubbing the skirting boards while your partner watches television isn’t going to leave you weak at the knees? Groundbreaking.

Well, it seems pretty simple what needs to be done. It’s time to start helping out with the cleaning, not just for yourself and your sex life, but also for your relationship and your partner.

This doesn’t mean that putting on a load of laundry replaces romance, however, and doing the dishes certainly won’t count as foreplay – even though some mothers say this jokingly!

Taking on your fair share of the housework isn’t about romance or courtship, so it wont replace bringing home flowers every so often, or telling her she’s beautiful. You’ll still need to keep doing all of the other wonderful things you do to show her how much you love her. Only now she’ll actually believe you, because you treat her with a bit more respect.

And another thing, you shouldn’t be doing housework to get laid. You should be taking on your fair share of the household chores because it’s fair, and because you value equality. Watching you do the dishes in the hope of getting some action in the bedroom is unlikely to send your partner mad with desire.

Watching you do the dishes because you do your fair share of all the chores, because you value your partner’s downtime as much as your own, is likely to earn you a little bit of extra love and respect.

I might have been home all day, but trust me when I say it hasn’t been like a holiday. I’ve been pooped on, sneezed on, sobbed on and gummed on. So no, quite frankly, I haven’t had time to do the dishes.

I love you even more since we had a baby together. Seeing you as a father makes me realise just how lucky we are to have you. You are such a loving, gentle and wonderful father, and you take such amazing care of me so that I can take care of the baby.

But, you know what would deepen my love for you even more? If you put some washing on without me asking.

I really appreciate that you cleaned the kitchen, cooked me dinner, and changed some nappies. It gave me time to have a much-needed shower and have some time to myself for a moment. Thank you. But, it doesn’t mean I want to jump you now, I’m still exhausted. Just like one night of good sleep doesn’t fix months of bad sleep, I need your help regularly. But for now, let’s connect after I’ve had some me time and then you’ll have my attention.”

He Says…

Darren Mattock says:

“The drive home from work is my ‘get ready’ to be home. When I’m stressed and tired after a hard day, I look forward to walking into our home to be with you and baby, closing the door on the outside world and relaxing with you.

The reality is, often I walk in the door to some kind of chaos, you’re tired and emotional, and housework that needs doing. It can rattle my zen. It’s not that I don’t want to help or believe that it’s your job to do it all – I’m just feeling really stretched as well.

Before we had a baby, I never did too much of this stuff. I know you need help now that you’re a mother and we’re parents, but honestly, it feels a little edgy to just dive in. We’ve had our fair share of niggles over how to do things ‘right’ and even a few decent fights. I want to help, but I’m scared of pissing you off, so don’t. I can feel you beginning to resent that I don’t do more. We’re not having sex at all now.

Everything has changed since we became parents! I miss the sex life we had before. I get that it’s different now. Sometimes I argue with our reality. I know I do. And it’s not because I don’t love our baby and sharing this journey (more like radical adventure!) with you.

Deep down, I am a better man than expecting sex in return for housework. Yet, I know I have been guilty of giving you ‘that look’ after I have done a chore. You know, the one that seeks praise, affection and wants you to take me right there and then for being a thoughtful and giving partner.

But it’s not about the sex.

I need to feel wanted by you.

Sex is one big and important way that I experience connection with you. Sorry if it feels like that I’m being a d#ck and expecting sex in exchange for doing my fair share of the housework. I’ll never be that guy. Let’s never stop playing in the kitchen together ;)”

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Kelly Winder is the creator of, a writer, doula (trained in 2005), and a mother of three awesome children. She's passionate about informing and educating fellow thinking parents and parents-to-be, especially about all the things she wishes she knew before she had her firstborn. Kelly is also passionate about travel, tea, travel, and animal rights and welfare. And travel.

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