That sounds fair enough for the pressure anyway.
I don't want to feel the pressure of having to plan something for my baby girl.
But my candle circle on the beach at night sounds nice.
I'm just wanting a lot of candles anyway and I don't know.
Might make a memory box thing for myself when I can't sleep late at night ya'h know.
I hate the pain and I wish it would go away.
Grr
Bree-Anna, I've very sorry for your loss, especially as it doesn't sound like you have much support arounds you. Big hugs hun. When I lost Joshua, I had a candle lit all the time, every day for months. I thought if it isn't lit, I wasn't thinking of him and I felt guilty. Eventually, I only lit one a day and then one a week and now I light one when I feel the need. I have a beautiful teaddy bear blue box full of Joshua's things, photo album, his birth book from the hospital, little teddies, christmas tree decorations, his birth certificate etc, and every now and then I pull it out and look through everything remembering my little angel.
rbradford08 & tillygrace, I'm so sorry for your losses also, sending you big hugs
Bree-ana-I think the memory box is a great idea ,i have one,also have just ordered a 'reconition of life certificate' since we didn't get a official birth certificate as the loss was before 20 weeks.
Yeah, I light a candle when I also feel the need but sometimes I'm afraid to starting thinking about her.
I write in a journal of how I'm feeling as well but I find when I do that I start to break down and then I feel like I can't handle it.
I can then feel the pain, every time I let loose and then it just like encourages me to bottle it up again.
I prefer to do a memory box.
I think it will suite me well with the locked away sort of thing happening.
I'm more tempted to just go out and buy the thing I would have gotten for her when she was born and whatnot and just create a little memory box I can keep by my bed like I have now but a better one so to speak.
Either way, I don't want the pain anymore but I know it will always be with me and that's what scares me the most sometimes.
What I have done for my little Nikita was to buy a charm bracelet. I keep it in her Urn and every year for her birthday I plan on buying a charm. It has an ID plate on it so I had her name on one side and on the underside I did her birth date and angel date (she was 8 days old when she died).
I don't wear the bracelet, it is not on display, its just a little something to commemorate her birth and is something just from mother to daughter.
Well guys, tomorrow is the day I was hoping would never come.
October 15th.
The day my daughter would have been to me safely in my arms.
Tomorrow's going to be even harder with having to see the baby's father at school as well.
*sigh* it just isn't fair.
How do I cope well?!
Hi breeana,you'll cope as best as you can,that's all any of us grieving &missing our babies can do ,they're so wonderful to think about but so hard not to have them in our arms,thinking of you & your precious little one.I find comfort in the fact that i believe death ends a life not a relationship.hugs.
Thank you.
I know I've had a few friends come up to me and give me some hugs.
Which is nice but it also just makes me want to break down and cry.
Its hard knowing that the father is right in front of me and everything, knowing that my daughter would have had his eyes, it makes me want to look at him and at his eyes. Even though I know it will make me cry.
I think he knows what today is but I don't think he wants to acknowledge it all that much really cause I know he was afraid during the time I was pregnant.
But yeah, its hard.
I empathize with all women that have lost a daughter or a son.
I hate the pain and the memories and also the "what ifs" thoughts.
Those are what gets me the most sometimes aye.
HI Breeana,sometimes i think we need to cry,I have' what if' thoughts as well,i've been told that is vey common after a loss,Ithink we just wish so much that things could be different,hope your feeling a bit better today.
Yeah that's pretty much how I feel really.
Like yesterday and today that's all I could really think about.
Its even harder when I want the father to say something to me but he never did.
I still haven't really cried since the day I found out and I went to tell the baby's grandfather.
But i can still feel my heart being broken.
Breeana,i've found my dh deals with our loss differently to me,he doesn't say much to me about Matthew,i don't think he knows what to say,might be the same with Eleana's dad .Did you end up deciding on the memorial ideas ,we have the 1st anniversary coming up and my 4 year old told me'Matthew needs balloons on his birthday',so it looks like we'll be doing a balloon release on the day.
No, I didn't end up doing anything that I wanted to because of the crappy weather that day but I did light candles and everything for her and I think so did a few friends on behalf of me but I'm not too sure if they did or not.
But Elena's dad hasn't actually talked to me for a while because of the drama that happened when I was pregnant. But yeah. Its hard seeing him though, we catch each others eyes and it does just stink and won't stop really.
I don't want the hurt anymore really.
And its okay if you spelled it wrong, some people have trouble saying it the right way cause its a Spanish name =)
Bree-ana-How have you been?Lighting candles was a lovely thing to do for your little girl..my first anniversary of my loss is tomorrow,it shouldn't be this way.
To anyone, hope this helps.
We had a funeral for DD a week or so after she was born. I was obsessed, wanted to do everything under the sun for her. I worked out that my theory was, this experience was still related to her life. I wasn't going to get the life with her that i dreamed, so this was all i could do. SO i wanted to do everythign i could. I still do things to remember her, sometimes i tell people and sometimes i don't. I sleep with her ashes often as it calms me, I have made her a play mat, bought her gifts, released butterflies, bought a lamington to eat with her, painted a wall pink for her, light candles for her, write to her. And one of the biggest things, I found a good medium to speak to a couple of times a year. This has given me immense healing. We have found certain songs make us think of her and stop us in our tracks and we feel she is communicating with us.
Her funeral, i originally wanted to be small and personal and then the day before i desperately wanted it bigger than ben hur (sp). I felt like i wanted her significant to others as much as she was to us. She was born just over 28weeks in April 09. We had it at the rememberance garden. I hung white paper butterflies from the gazebo, and white flowers. We scattered flowers and petals everywhere. We wrote about her life, spoke about her life. I did a memory board of herlife, my belly, her birth. People sent messages to go with her, children drew pictures of butterflies for her. We set butterflies free and toasted her life with a glass of champagne.
As i mentioned, I was obsessed and kept it together the whole way through. I have absolutely no idea how. I knew that i wanted no regrets. Painful for me or not. I will never get the time back. It was all i had of her, and i wanted it all.
For some people this is a very private experience and i wanted that too. You just have to follow your heart and do what you feel is best for you. But try not to have regrets and be at peace with whatever you do. It is never too late to do as little or as much as you see fit.
Each and everyday i still do thing for her, be with her things and think of her. MY dh and I bought her a story book each and we wrote a message to her in it. We sent a copy of each book with her and we kept a copy for us to read to her from this earth.
I hope these ideas help someone. At the end of the day, only you know what will be best to do for your child. You are their mother or father and you will always know best.
Love and sincere thoughts to you all enduring loss of a child.
HM xoxo
Hi everyone,dory-thanks for asking,the day i found hard,we had a memory cake around Matthew's grave,i donated teddy bears back to the hospital to give to other greiving families,did some journalling,kids did some pictures for his memory box.I agree with you that everyday is hard to live with our loss,i read the other day 'death ends a life but not a relationship',the love we have for them continues doesn't it,we need to hang on to that.How are you?...Gigi-It sounds like you've found lovely ways to remember your Daughter.What did you name her?
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks