Feeding other peoples Children????

[Erin_25]

Ok so not sure if this has been discussed before...didn't really know what to look up.

So

Just wanted to open up a discussion, see what people feel, think etc in regards to giving food to other peoples Children. And I don't mean feeding them lunch when they come to stay. I'm talking about those who just up & give a lollie or a biscuit without a thought first as to if they child can have it....or without asking!

It's something that is starting to get on my nerves & my sister even mentioned she never noticed how much people just "give food" to a baby no thought at all & her little girl is not yet 1!!!!

I understand if you were at a childs party for ex & some kids were getting an adult to pass them something you may just hand to all of the kids. This I would expect. But I'm getting a bit annoyed with people giving things to my DS that he's never had before & he doesn't need.

My DS often goes into DH place of work as he works away from home a lot & when he is home he will go in & out of the office to pick things up. He'll take DS with him to give me some "me time". The other day he comes home with a new word "yollies"...I'm thinking WTF. Yeah ok, it's good at 2.5 he didn't know what they were but thats how I liked it!!! And it's worked for us. Then DH explains how the office lady gave him a "BAG" of jelly beans. He gave DS some & then threw the bag away, but now we have him asking for lollies grrrrr & why is it men don't just say "thanks but no thanks"

Then on Sat night at the local outdoor movie thing we went to DH took DS with him to get some popcorn & comes back asking for wipes. Yeah ok, "what for" ...."oh the lady gave him a red frog" - arrrgggghhhhhh, not only a lollie but a red one at 7.30pm eeeeekkkk.

Ok so am I going over the top?? I just get so annoyed that people think it's ok to do this. I like that I've been able to keep DS away from certain things & I don't need to be trying to fix up things others do & what about allergies etc.

Does it bother you? Do you do it? hmmmm just wondering on other peoples thoughts or what you do.

[shellbell3]

Most people I know do ask is it ok for her to have whatever it is, DD1 now at 3 she just grabs it anyway but yes it did drive me nuts when people didn't ask.
Esp junk food. Or when she wasn't even on solids yet and MIL would give her tatses of things.
I always ask, you don't know what allergys kids may have or for example one of the mums in my mums group has changed her kids diets, gluten free, avoiding certain additives etc so you can't just pass something over.

[black_rose]

I find it annoying even at parties! DD1 was lactose intolerant and I didn't want her eating junk so she isn't too interested apart from chocolate she prefers fruit over lollies thank goodness but people just hand over food without checking. She can eat dairy now but I still don't want people handing her anything.

[beckoes]

I hate this aswell, but i normally just say ''thanks, but il keep it till later , its bed time soon and the suger sends her crazy'' then normally eat it myself....mwahahaha
I have told DH SO many times NO LOLLIES. he gets it i think but will still slip her the odd thing and some good friends of ours always say i mean not giving her crisps and lollies...and they wonder why i never ask them to babysit!!!!
An older friend of ours give DD a cashew nut the other day...a sugered one too...and when i said NO she asked ''oh, hasnt she had nuts yet'' dont you think thats something you asked first!! what if she hadnt and was alergic!! and not to mention she is only 15 months and shouldnt have nuts. grrrrrrr

[misty]

I find this annoying too. I am actually pretty lax about what my kids eat, but I simply must draw the line at strangers in the street deciding to feed my children Macca's fries and donuts without even saying a word to me! yes that has happened! Try taking that out of a not yet two year olds mouth after some stranger decided to just feed it to him because 'he looked like he wanted it'.

[Gigi]

Unless the people around you and your child (her dad, her grandparents, her childcare workers etc) know what you want, respect your reasons and follow through with your wishes, you are pretty stuck with whatever happens.

i am like a broken record with this. Her father knows it inside out, i have been VERY clear with childcare workers (DD has NEVER had chocolate for example and i avoid high sugar foods for her). SHe has no grandparents to give her lollies, and the one relative i have, always checks with me first. My friends check with me first too.

It would be nice if it was AUTOMATIC that everyone checked with the parents first, but many people either don't think it matters "just this once", or think they are being cute. I even had a GP offer my child a lollipop after a consult. i was horrified. You'd think a GP would know about high sugar foods and kids, but no, even there, i had to be the big bad ogre to say "no, i don't give those to my child".

you just have to be super vigilant all the time, it's very wearing.

very important to get your dh on "the same page". very hard to do that.

the only person who really understands what i'm doing, is DD's dentist. He is very pleased with what we are doing re no choc, limiting sugary foods. The amount of very young kids with dental cavities is amazing. No way do i want to put my DD through "the drill" at a young age, when it can be prevented. She only EATS the toothpaste right now, so i'll keep to my ways to helping her for now. I fully realise that peer group pressure will kick in at school age, but we have two years until then.

[Glamourcide]

I always check with a child's parent before offering the child food. For all I know the kid is deathly allergic to any manner of substances or has never tasted sugar in his/her life and their mother would be absolutely mortified if I got the little tyke hooked on the stuff

But as for people giving DD1 food... I suppose I'm pretty blase. She has no allergies that we know of (and she's tried just about everything) and loves her junk as much as the next person, so I don't mind if someone offers her a lollipop or whatever if we're visiting... candy from friends/acquaintances makes up like 0.0002% of her diet so I don't give a rat's if it's junk, plenty more opportunity to eat some fruit later
I find most people say, 'Oh, is it okay if she has x?' as kind of an afterthought (as in, they're already handing it to her lol), but like I said, I don't worry as I'm pretty casual about what she eats. I can definitely understand the risk of allergies and that different parents have different ideas on what constitutes 'decent' food, so I always try to remember to ask beforehand.

ETA: I did get a bit at someone handing my (at the time) 3-month-old baby a lollipop while she was in her sling... I'm like, 'Uh, I know you have a 2-year-old... was she eating anything other than breastmilk or formula at that age?' and he was like, 'Oh. Yeah. My bad.' I laughed, but was like wtf?? She's a BABY, babies don't eat food period, let alone lollies!

[Laranna]

Erin, no I don't think you're being over the top! I see the same thing happen all the time in playgroup, etc. My family are actually quite good and will always ask me first. In playgroup, we tend to have healthy food like cut fruit so I don't mind if the other mums give DS that. On occasion, people offer him biscuits and sweets and I just stop them and say no. It bothers me more that DS is a seagull and if there's food, he'll be there at your feet! So people automatically give him what they are eating, so I'm always watching and butting in if I don't agree with it.

[~clover~]

Hmm...with lollies I think I'd usually check, but I don't buy lollies. If I get something for my kids that will be eaten in front of other kids I'll usually get the other kids one too so they aren't left out, like a lollipop (rare occasions), but i know my friends do allow this on occasion.

My friends sometimes check with me if they feel the need, but they are usually handing DS a stick of cucumber or something, so I'm not going to say no to that.

I don't think I'd mind them being given something on occasion though. They don't get it from me, so I personally think the odd treat is ok. They know its not an every day thing. They still ask for apples & water for snacks & drinks. They know what is in the house & that that sort of stuff is not & never will be. Its special occasion stuff, I'm ok with that.

ETA - I would not hand a child I didn't know anything without asking. I am aware of allergies & know that my friends little boy will break out with severe eczema just from a chip, a piece of cake, or a bikkie.

[alioops]

I have always asked whether the child can have whatever it is. I am even more aware of it now after having had a child with severe lactose intolerance. I have got a food allergy bracelet for her which does help, and in kids church she wears a food allergy sticker with dairy written on it. Most people are becoming more aware in the circles I am in of allergies and making sure that nothing is given to the kids without their parents approval. Fruit has been put out for coffee time after church recently because it can be hard to find dairy and gluten free products.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

The only other parent who understands I'm not mean is a dietician and her husband I met recently! Even my mum thinks I'm mean for no lollies. She gave my friend's boy a lolly (with her blessing) and "felt mean" that I didn't want DS to have one! DS is on a no-cows-milk-products diet so he always asks before having food, and if I tell him it is a "cow food" thing he won't eat it.

BUT if someone buys him something to eat, I just thank them. Then eat it myself when DS is in bed. It's a nice thought. If they want to give DS it there and then I explain he can't have it because of his allergy, but then will give them a dairy-free alternative to give DS.

[Nai]

DD1 now will ask "does it have peanuts?" if she is offered anything but she is 3.5yo. Prior to that I was paranoid about her being given food. I always ask if I am going to give food to other people's children - I think it is just common sense as so many kids have allergies.

[Jac]

My biggest 'pet hate' with regard to other people giving my kids food is when it's given around meal times as I know they won't eat their dinner/lunch if they have just had a sweet. So the treat itself doesn't actually worry me that much (provided it's seen as a special thing, not an everyday thing) but god it annoys me if it's given before healthy food! My kids aren't particularly food orientated so I find they need to be peckish to eat their main meals so we limit snacks during the day. Hard work when some random person offers them an ice-cream at 4pm!

[Fleur]

As Nai said... I would think it should be common sense to ask first... but you can't always count on common sense
It's funny how many people don't get it, a couple of years ago my boss wanted to give a lolly to every child that came in, & we had to tell him you can't do that! - then he wanted to know why? - best of intentions, mind you, but clueless anyway

[fionas]

Yep, I think people should check first but it kind of depends who it is as to how 'offended' I am.

There's a woman in the milk bar who always gives DD something when we go in. Sometimes it's junk like a mini bag of lollies and sometimes it's healthy like an apple. Now, I don't mind really because she obviously enjoys seeing DD and I think she grabs the first thing that comes to mind.

On the other hand, with friends I do mind. I had one who said, "what she's not allowed to have biscuits yet," when DD was only one. I think she wanted to use it as an opportunity to make a point that I'm an over-protective parent. I did mind that because she should have known better and when I said no, not questioned it. If it had been the other way around, I would have apologised for offering something that someone else's child wasn't allowed, not got huffy about it.

[Astrid]

This all depends on the situation and who is doing it.

Frankly there is no point getting upset when an 80+ old lady offers a homemade biscuit. Have btdt trying to get them to understand it is not the done thing these days, but they are of the generation where additives etc were not an issue and for some reason they did not seem to have to deal with allergies. They think offering something homemade is a good thing and in basic sense, they are right, better than a lot the rubbish out there.

I have gone off before when we were at a Home Expo. DD1 had wandered to a nearby stand and had come back with lollies. Initially I had no idea where the lollies had come from, they could have come from a stange man in the crowd or she could have picked them up off the ground. So I started yelling at her "where did you get those lollies?" Finally a bloke at one of the stands admitted to giving them to her and I just yelled at him that he should have asked first. Had I known where they came from I would not have gotten angry.

[SammyRo]

I think it's a common courtesy to ask first, but there are plenty of people out there who don't! I often get odd looks if I don't let DD have certain foods - there's plenty of stuff she's not had yet which people think is common place to give to kids (lollies, cordial, soft drink, etc!). I am getting a bit more lax now.

I get annoyed with MIL occasionally (although not so much now) - at prob 4 months, she gave DD a choc hedgehog to have a suck on, and has let DD finish the dregs of her coffee! The worst thing she has done in regards to food wasn't to DD luckily - at a school fair, she gave a stanger's toddler sausage rolls and kransky's - the mother had to come up and ask her to stop giving her toddler food! That was a bit too far!