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Hi All,
I just wanted to say thanks to Caro for your post!
DH & I recently applied to adopt, and we have been thinking about all the ethical implications...are we really doing the best thing for the child (and not just the selfish thing for us!). So it is very reassuring to know that you would consider adopting, having been through that experience yourself.
Also thanks for the reminder to read Primal Wound, I have been meaning to grab a copy!
Cheers,
RG
If I couldn't have my own I think I would. Not sure if I'd try from here or over seas though.
I am also considering fostering. A few people I know do it or have done it & alot of them have mentioned that now that there is all the extra money recieved for having a baby there are going to be alot more babies out there born just for that reason. It's a horrible thing to think about, but I think they will be getting desperate for foster parents soon. There are some selfish people out there.
I also would try to adopt a child no matter what if something happened to someone I know & their child/ren were left orphaned. eg. If something happened to my brother & his fiance I would fight to the end for their daughter even though she is not biologically his as I know that where they come from in New Zealand & all the childs family including her father are dangerous people & thats why they came to Australia.
I just thought I would join in as an adopted child myself. As with all adoptions there are so many reasons to adopt and to adopt out your child. Equally there are many different experiences of the adopted child. This is my personal experience.
Both my brother (not biological) and I were adopted in the 70s as babies and we both have very different views on our adoption. My mother had severe endometriosis and in that day and age the only cure was a full hysterectomy at the age of 24. So having children of her own was not an option. We were told right from the start, before we even had comprehension of adoption and so we grew up feeling 'normal'.
My brother couldn't care less about the adoption - 'whatever' is his response. In fact, I believe that he doesn't think of himself as adopted at all. Kind of weird to me, but I also understand due to our upbringing. I also have a friend who was adopted as well as her brother, and he is quite similar to mine - although I think he has a bit more anger towards his biological mother. This may or may not be more of a 'boy thing'!!
Myself, I don't think my adoption is any big deal. I don't feel like I am missing a part of me or there is a gap or anything. I was brought up in a normal family environment and although I was told I was adopted I never thought of myself as any more special than the next kid. As I have grown up, and particularly now as I start TTC, I do find a certain curiosity creeping in. Genetics, medical history, background history - these are the only things missing in my life. I have made certain moves to try and find out a little more, but the QLD govt was very secretive in the 70s and so all I have is a name for now and the rest can wait until I can be bothered!!
So I guess, if you do decide to adopt, my only advice would be - be upfront from the word go. Don't think about waiting until they are old enough to understand to tell them - introduce it as normal! It will save heartbreak all round!
We were looking at options. But as DH has already had kids, we were ineligible - also our ages were against us. AND the Qld list is currently closed.
We have looked at overseas adoption - maybe if IVF doesn't work for us, then we'll move to Kenya and adopt (DH is Kenyan) or see if we can adopt as Zulu baby (I'm part Zulu).