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Thread: Who would adopt?

  1. #1

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    Default Who would adopt?

    When we were having problems conceiving we discussed the possibility of adopting a baby. I would have been happy to do it as I just wanted a baby, but Aaron was apprehansive about the whole idea.



    So what I'm wondering is, money / legalities (ie age restricitons etc) aside, if you were unable to have your own children - would you adopt? Would you adopt a baby the same race as you or different? Would you try to get an Australian baby (or one from your own country)?

  2. #2

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    I would seriously have looked into adopting, Australian or overseas. I wouldn't have waited for an Australian baby (as these can be few and far between I believe) though in preference to going overseas (which I know has its own set of difficulties - but as you said putting those aside). I think my want to love and nuture a child would have seen me want to overcome the issues surrounding adoption

    Even now after having two of our own I would consider it (although DH would probably not be that keen now) maybe even older children than just babies although that brings in other difficulties I realise

  3. #3

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    I am actually considering this after i've had my own children and DF thinks it's a good idea too.

    Wouldn't matter what country they were from, if i can give just one child out there a better life, then i will.

  4. #4

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    I have definitely considered it as an option, although I haven't discussed it with DH yet, as he's still coming to terms with our fertility problems.

    It wouldn't matter to me what country they were from, however I have to admit that I'd be a little bit worried that if I adopted a child from another country, I wouldn't be able to offer them the cultural environment and community that they should be growing up in IYKWIM.

    My other concern would be for the child ... my Mum found out when she was in her mid-40's that she was adopted .. it has been a terribly difficult road for her, made much worse by the fact that Nana (mum's adoptive mother) had advanced alzheimers when Mum found out, so wasn't able to discuss the issue with Mum. So, from my rambling, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know that children who are adopted will probably eventually go through some pretty yucky soul searching times, and if I went into adoption, I'd need to be fully prepared to help them through that process.

  5. #5

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    I often thought about this before TTC & I have always thought that I would if I couldnt have my own. I believe that adopted children are always very much loved because their adoptive parents wanted them so badly! It would be very hard to adopt an Australian baby though, I imagine.

  6. #6

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    It's true Cherie, I'd be worried about adopting a baby from overseas because I wouldn't know how to teach them about their culture/background. I suppose though you'd have to learn if you really wanted to do it.

    I agree as well at the soul searching, it would be very tough to find out that you're biological parents had "given you away". But as Linda says the adoptive parents obviously loved them very very much to pick them out to call their own.

  7. #7

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    If I had exhausted all avenutes of trying to conceive and knew I couldn't have a child of my own then I would look into it. I would try for an Australian /English/American baby first if I could.

    Love

  8. #8

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    If I couldnt have had my own children for whatever reason, or if in the future my children are older, and my partner was willing as well, then I would also love to adopt. It wouldn't bother me what nationality my child was, although I know it may be an extra challenge to raise a baby who came from a very different culture and background... I would like to adopt where it is needed the most... the stories of the huge orphanages there are overseas (ie. russia or china) filled with kids that need parents just breaks my heart.

  9. #9

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    My Dh has an adopted brother & sister, as the mothers were pregnant in the village & had just been accepted to University.
    Actually we pay for both to continue schooling now as we can afford to help them. The boy is 13 now & girl is 9, they are very much loved & very much part of our family!
    I have no doubt in my mind that I could love anyone that needed/needs love!!!
    I could easily & willingly even today would adopt any child of any rade & any health issues into my family.
    I believe that when we return to Bali, we will probably look into either helping to raise a child or children from poorer villages & families...
    It's just something I know we could do. We have looked into the orphaned children in Aceh from the Tsunami & made our wishes known to various authorities, I guess as my Dh is Indonesian we could give a child from Indonesia the cultural aspects, but I believe Love is just as important.

  10. #10

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    I have always been prepared to adopt when we were TTC, but I think because I already have biological children and DH didn't that he was very reluctant. I guess, to him, he already loves and looks after 3 children that aren't his biological children, and now he wished to have one that was of his blood.

    Now with soon-to-be four children, another child seems a distant and unlikely undertaking. Though if money was no object and I could stay home to look after the children, I expect I would love to adopt a Chinese girl, as there are just so many out there that have been abandoned. And as our family is a race-blended family anyway, I am not too worried about the child being exposed to different cultures.

    love
    sushee

  11. #11

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    We'd like to adopt if all other avenues of having children was exhausted. Is it harder to adopt these days? My DH has 2 sisters and a brother that are all adopted and they all grew up knowing. His mum also had 4 boys of her own. DH's parents have been positive role models so I don't think it would be a hard decision for us.

  12. #12

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    hmmmm - adoption's kind of problematic in Muslim families because of the whole hijab thing. If we adopted a girl, when she hit puberty she would have to wear hijab in her home, and if we adopted a boy when he reached puberty I would have to cover in front of him - you can get around this by breastfeeding because if you breastfeed an adopted child (not nessescarily for ages - a few drops will do it) then they are considered to have a familial relationship to you so you don't need to worry about hijab.
    If DH and I were unable to have children and assisted conception hadn't worked for us then we probably would have considered adopting from Afghanistan.

  13. #13
    kirsty Guest

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    This is a topic that DH & I have never discussed, even when there was a time we weren't sure we'd be able to have kids of our own.

    But as for me I have often thought that if it were a possibility then I would love to follow that path. And to me it wouldn't matter where the baby came from either, as long as I was helping a child have a better life then that would be all that would matter to me.

  14. #14
    katherine Guest

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    Hi everyone, I've just posted our story in the 'introduce yourself' thread, so I won't go over that again, but in answer to the question 'who would adopt', we would and did.

    My husband and I adopted internationally from South Korea - what a journey that was! At the time it was all just doing what we had to do to get to our DS, but now looking back it's like, wow - we did that - what a buzz.

    We know that there will be hurdles in the future due to the difference in the appearance of our family, and the fact that our boy has a 'Korean family' too but hey, we will address these as they arise. All I can say is that it's the most momentous, wonderful, worthwhile and rewarding thing that we have ever done.

    Good luck to anyone considering adoption.

  15. #15

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    If we for some reason could not conceive our own child and assisted conception was not working, we would look into adoption.

  16. #16

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    We have an adopted Australian child ( with several adopted and older half siblings over 18 ) - we explained his mother didn't 'give him away' - she loved him so much she wanted to do the best for him because she couldn't look after him.

    He has had written contact with a few siblings and in future he may meet them -though his mother has never attempted any contact with any(even with older ones to our knowledge).

    I would have adopted another child.When he was three we went through the inital procedures/course but in the end I couldn't bear another childless couple missing out on our having two.

    Overseas adoption was considered but never pursued for same reasons. There are far more willing families than children available. Though in Australia a few years ago disabled children and children with challenges were always available to suitable parents but again more children than willing families.

  17. #17

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    Wow, Dach that's really interesting about the hijab issue. Is it possible to breastfeed if you haven't given birth I wonder?

    Wow Katherine, that's great. I'm off to read your intro thread now!

  18. #18

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    I never knew that Shannon.

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