Always poos in undies - how can I get him to stop?

[Curly]

My DS is toilet/potty trained. He is 2.5 years and has been completely dry day and night for the past 3 months and is in undies full time.

However...he simply won't poo in the potty or toilet. Initially - he did poo in the potty, no problem.

Then he started pooing in his undies and I can't for the life of me work out why he suddenly stopped. He hasn't done a poo in the potty now for about 2 months. Every day, in the undies. We have always been careful not to scold him for accidents and we dont talk about poo in "dirty" or "stinky" type terms...it's just a natural bodily function. So it hasn't been that he has been made to feel ashamed or anything like that.

If we catch him in the act and put him on the potty he simply stops and waits for later. He always tells me as soon as he has done it and goes off to the toilet straight away to get cleaned up.

Ultimately I guess I would prefer this to him holding on and then getting constipated...but anyone got any ideas how I can get him pooing on the potty again?

[MantaRay]

This is quite normal actually, although definitely frustrating. Pooing in a sitting position can feel quite un-natural for little ones, so it can take a while to get used to it. TBH, I don't think there is anything we can do as parents to "get them to stop" pooing in their pants. One day, when they are ready, it clicks. Some learn the sensations of needing to go and feel comfortable doing it in the toilet earlier than others.

I have one DS who has only recently seemed to get the hang of not pooing in undies at age 4, (although like your DS, he was able to poo in the toilet and had been doing it for some time) and another DS (the same age as your DS actually) who toilet-trained himself day and night at the start of the year (age 2yrs 3months) and never has poo accidents). The difference between the two boys has really highlighted for me how individual each child is when it comes to toilet training. I know how frustrated you must be (imagine how I was feeling with a 4yo still doing it!). But I think all you can do is try to remain patience and wait for it to click. I hope it's soon for you!

[Rachel]

We have been going through the exact same thing lately only now my daughter has progressed to holding on...toilet or undies...and has caused herself some severe constipation and she is now needing parachoc to get her going. The poor thing has been beside herself...which is tearing my heart out...I have spoken to child health nurse and looked up childrens hospital websites and apparently 95% children will do this around toilet training...they get scared of the baring down feeling that they get now that they are aware of when they need to go. Because DD is now constipating herself we are currently treating with parachoc to ensure soft poo's so they don't hurt, a good diet (which she has always had), and distraction techniques whilst on the toilet...as soon as she sits on the toilet and gets that baring down feeling she tries to jump off..so we read books and anything I can think of to try to get her mind of the feeling and just let her do it. In a few days we will wean her off the parachoc and hope that she has gotten used to the feeling enough not to be so frightened of it. As you aren't at constipation stage possibly try distraction techniques. The children's hospital also recommends getting them to sit on the toilet frequently even if they haven't expressed that they want to go so that they get used to the idea of doing it all in the toilet. Good luck..hope this is of some help....don't know how effective it is as we are just starting is but knowing that it is absolutely normal was a huge relief to me...now we just need to coax her through it.

[Roryrory]

Pooing in a sitting position can feel quite un-natural for little ones, so it can take a while to get used to it.

MantaRay I had never thought of it that way.

Curly I think wierd pooing is just a fact of life with kids. Our oldest is three in 2 days time and is very good with wee on the loo but has only pooed twice on the potty/toilet. He is no way near dry at night. Like MaytaRay said I think it is just a matter of time. The way I see it, there are very few fully-functioning 18 year olds who still use nappies, and those that do....well hey, if it floats their boat then I don't care so long as its not me wiping up after them

[luna moth]

Funny as it is, you're right, rories. They do all grow out of it. What I've doen in some cases, is get them to take as much responsibility for it as is practical - take the undies off, put them in [insert place] get the cloth, get cleaned up, put new undies on (no help) put pants on (again no help).

In addition to this, you would give lots of support and make it super easy when wees are done ont he toilet, or at other change times. The idea is that it's a lot harder to poo in undies than it is in the toilet.
Generally I would do this for the child who is lazy and doesn't want to leave their play to toilet, which is probably not the case with you, but it's an idea you amy or may not wish to use.

Good luck!

[mumMegan]

I understand you frustrations completely. My DS is 3.3 and has been pooing in his undies for the past 8 months. Wee training only took 5 days, it was a breeze. But poo is a different story. DS has been chronically constipated as he will hold on for days. He has been on Parachoc for 4 weeks now (under GP suggestion) It certainly makes it harder for him to hold on but thus means that he has done up to 6 poos in his undies per day. I have tried everything, bribery, rewards, distraction, putting him on the toilet with a nappy on etc. Until today and he has now done 2 on the toilet. Over the last few days he has been telling me he needs to do a poo but when we get to the toilet he has already done it. He tells me it is an accident, I clean him up, he sits on the toilet for a few minutes, tells me there is nothing there, gets off and within minutes of putting his new undies on he has done another one. Well today I was so frustrated that I told him he wasnt allowed to get off the toilet until I said so. He whinged but stayed on and after 45 minutes he did a decent poo. He was so excited, as was I and I rewarded him with a Matchbox car, his choice. He is a very energetic boy and I feel that he is just not allowing himself enough time to do the poo, thinks it is going to come out almost immediately, like wee. Anyway about half an hour after lunch I asked him to go to the toilet before bed and gave him a fancy kitchen timer and set it for 15 minutes. I told him that he couldnt get off the toilet until the timer went off. He held the timer and after about 10 minutes did another poo. Again we were both so excited and he got another Matchbox car. I will try again after dinner tonight. I have read that it is best to put them on the toilet about half an hour after a meal as this is when the digestion process is starting. It has worked for us today.
I also have made up a special treat bag, that he helped do by selecting some of his favourite things and then he could have one when he did a poo. In the bag is Matchbox cars, tattoos, stickers, chocolate, Mr Men figurines. He can choose whatever he wants.
Dont know whether it will continue but it is the most progress he has made for months.
I'll keep you posted
Megan

[aussienic]

You know what I did with my kids is this. my 2 eldest refused to poo in the toilet/potty. So I said to them right.. You can wear a nappy but you have to ask for it. SO thats what we did. They would help me empty the poo into the toilet and flush it and wash their hands like they had used the toilet. Then we would say silly things about how it splashed into the toilet and what a cool sound it made. you know make it gross and funny lol..

Eventually they found it more fun to go to the toilet to do poos. It was much less tsressful on my and my Dh then fighting with them to go to the toilet. but if they pooed their pants they did get in trouble (not lots ) but they had to help clean it up ect..

HTH.

[Curly]

Hi girls

I've been meaning to come back in here for a while to say thank you so much for your ideas.

DS seems to be a combination of several of your stories LOL. We've tried the gross out fun plop sound to entice him onto the loo, no luck there.

He actually likes helping me clean himself up afterwards...in fact, just the other day I was on the phone to my sister and he very quietly did a poo, went to the toilet, took off his jeans and undies, tried to wipe his bottom with toilet paper and then went to the nappy bag and found a spare pair of undies and put them on all by himself.

He won't wear nappies at all so that is not an inducement.

I think it might be more along the lines of not liking to sit down to do a poo...so I think we will just gently keep reiterating that next time he can do a poo on the potty or toilet. We've promised him a pink icecream in a cone when he does (his choice - he has never wanted icecream before but saw a picture of a pink icecream and got interested).

Sigh...after reading these I have resigned myself to cleaning poo out of undies for some time yet.

[HotI]

Does he have somewhere he can rest his feet? Sort of so he is in a crouching position.. This can be better positioning than if his feet dangle whilst sitting on the loo.

[Curly]

Yes he does, he has his potty out all the time and he can choose potty or toilet, whatever he likes. He does tend to prefer the potty, which is fine by us. It's one of those armchair style ones. For some reason everybody gave me potties so he had 4 to choose from, that one is his favourite. And the toilet has one of the step seats with a foot rest.