At 32 weeks along, I have been happily picking names, writing lists, sticking them on the fridge, studying the list fastidiously, revising and re-posting on the fridge for months now. During this time I have driven DH crazy asking him what he thinks and trying to get him involved. He has been saying we have heaps of time and he will think about it later, or cracks jokes, if he really hates my suggestion he says no straightaway or he says what about Frank, Fred or Graham - he just wont be serious about it!!
Then he complains to me on the weekend that I am not giving him a fair go when it comes to choosing things for the baby, such as furniture and names! I was devastated!! I certainly dont want to feel like I have pushed my decisions on him. So a few days later I told him what was I meant to do when he wont participate! So off he goes and reads through a whole baby name book in about 40 minutes and comes back with a list of names.... 3 girls and 3 boys. Obviously as I have been daydreaming about names for months, I have got the most perfect names selected for a boy and a girl and I have been telling DH about them for months (and there are ones that he didnt say he hated like most of my other suggestions!)
So, whilst I am delighted that DH has finally come to the party... I really dont like his suggestions.... isnt that awful! I just cant get my head around how after all this time I have to consider calling this baby a name that I dont love for the rest of my life!!
Have any of you ladies been in a similar position? How did you resolve it?? I really dont want to pull the old I carried it and gave birth to it card on DH, I really want him to be a part of it 100%. I guess my only options are we try to incorporate both our choices by using middle names (although I have my heart set on those too.. hee hee) or I name the first child and he names the second or visa versa.
How about using one of the names as a middle name?
Or.. scrapping both your names and choosing one together. Or try and combine the 2 names to make one name. Be creative with the letters and see what you some up with
I feel your pain! Just this morning DH and I were discussing baby names while getting ready for work and yet again, he suggested a list of completely ridiculous names. Today's theme was 'rocks' as he has a background in geology. 'Limestone' was at the top of his list this morning - delightful. I did actually have a good giggle today but I have lost my cool with him in the past when he does it. So you're not alone.
I actually came up with a list of about 20 names for each sex a couple of months back and made DH go through them and let me know which ones he didn't like and for what reason. That system worked really well. I also got him to tell me his faves in each list so then we had our shortlists - his favourites and my favourites minus the ones he absolutely detested. We now have about 6 girls names and 3 boys names. We're getting there...
I like aussienic's suggestions. Try using one of his choices and one of yours but suggest to use his choice as the middle name.
My DH had a tradition that the fathers first name becomes the DS middle name. If you DH does not have a tradition like that, maybe you could start one. Then you can get dibs on the first name. Guess that will only work if you have a boy.
Or, he gets to choose the middle name, you get to choose the first, you have to compromise a little. You have to agree to the other persons choice, but it may not be from your list of favs. Then when you have the next child DH gets dibs on first and you on 2nd.
You could do the same as above, but you get first choice if it is a girl, DH gets first choice if it is a boy. Or vice versa.
My DH and I had the 1st tradition/option above but we also came up with our 2 favs each and just continually discussed them, we made these choices at about 20 weeks though. We made our final choice the night before our DS was born. It was one of my selection, but DH didn't complain.
When we were pg we could never agree on a name. So I started to refer to my belly as the name I wanted and it grew on dh. If it was a girl he wanted Emily and I wanted Shadan. So I kept refering to the baby as Shady and now he wont settle til we have a girl.
Maybe your dh hasnt clicked yet. There's a baby in there and its going to need a name. So start calling it by a name and he'll get used to it.
Oh Golly- like Taurean said, 'I feel your pain!' My DH is a pain in the neck with names. especially for boys..... He was a teacher so every name I suggest I get, "No - I taught a twat with that name....."
Our poor DS1 was not named until he was 2 and a half weeks old!! In order to avoid this occuring again, I brought up the dreaded name topic the other night. I said I preferred a strong, 2 syllable name. He replied smugly, "how about Satan?" He thinks its all a big laugh.....!!!
Do you find your DH is more picky with boys names than girls? Perhaps if its a girl he can let you choose and visa versa?
I wish I had more advice to offer. Instead I offer my empathy!!
Oh Taurean!! That is exactly what happens in our house!!! Its all a big laugh! Well time is a tickin my friend! I also did the list of names and got DH to rank them in order of which ones he preferred (I did it whilst on a plane so he couldnt wriggle out of it!). And we actually agreed on the top three for each gender. But now this new list has appeared... Ah well, I am sure it will all work out on the day...........!! xx
Thanks Jelly Bean, sorry to hear you are having the same issue! Wow 2 weeks with no name... I imagine that would have been quite stressful, all your family and friends hassling you then the pressure to finally pick one, goodness!
I have to admit DH is slightly more picky about the boys names. If he doesnt mind them he doesnt say much but if he hates it he is very vocal about it. I wish he would have the same passion about the names he does like!
I tell ya, its lucky DH is a hunk a spunk sometimes!
Thanks for all your suggestions ladies, I will probably end up attempting them all!
Boy name was easy - I had a list of 10 names, DH liked one of them. I gave him a choice of 2 for the first middle name (my family name) and DH got the third middle name with no say from me (DH's family name) Family name not last name here. Just a name passed down the family.
Girl name. I think we went through 100s. We wouldn't stop until we found one with BOTH liked. I loved some beautiful names but DH didn't. He liked Sophie and Tamzin. I didn't. We both liked Ellie, but DH wanted "something long for Ellie" and hated all the "long for Ellie" names I found. Oddly enough, we now call DS "Wellie" - we got our Ellie after all! We did eventually find a name we both liked and after a month we both loved it - middle names were both for my family as DH didn't have any girl family names. Although we were still tossing around the third name until the birth.
But you don't have to compromise, just keep on going until you find a name you both like. Yes, you do have to give up the names you love but I had to give up names I loved too and now think the names we did pick together are perfect. Even if "my" names were just as good, DH didn't think so!
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Compromising on baby's name... How?
naming a baby is hard because it is for life
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