setteling trouble & dummy with my 6 weeks old son

[NewMummyCas]

i am a new mum & am having so much trouble setteling my 6week old, its running me down & im begining to feel like such a failure as a mother. his signs are changing its making it hard to read him at times. i gave him a dummy 4 weeks ago (he's very much a comfort sucker) but now feel it was the worst thing i ever did. he will not go without it and after approx an hour max of waking in the morning he's screaming for it, i have tried everything else before giving it to him to make sure that is what he's after so its not like he's crying for food,nappy change, cuddles, bordem, tired or sickness. He wont half settle without it he'l start to fall asleep but as soon as it drops from his mouth he's wide awake again & takes me about another hour or so to get him to sleep- during this time we play the dummy game (as soon as it drops from his mouth mummy runs in to put it back in again & again & again) he's absolutly hooked on it. the only way i can get him off to sleep easily is if im holding him the whole time (2-3hours) ive stopped this scince last week as it got tireing physically & dont want it to be a constant routine for the both of us. i've tried getting him in a routine that failed, ive tried many setteling tatics routine bath bottle then bed, music, massage but he hates it, rocking he's ok if im holding him till he wakes in his cot screaming how'd i get here wheres my mummy" ive tried everything that i know, or have been advised on & im soooo lost i feel exausted, fraggled mindfully, tired, i feel sad & hurt i cant get him to self settle or settle him myself properly- im his mum i should know how or be able to should'nt i, i feel alone.

[tenar]

Oh you poor thing. You must be exhausted! No wonder you are getting so frustrated and upset about it.

There is no reason in the world why you should automatically know how to settle your baby. It is a learned skill, and if this is your first, you haven't learned it yet. That's all there is. And given that it's different with every baby, and that some babies are harder than others to settle down anyway, it really is nothing wrong that you are doing in your efforts. Just a tough situation to deal with. *hugs*.

At 6 weeks old, he's young to be really able to self-settle. I think many babies can't do that at all at this stage. He's also probably too young to have a routine, so it's no wonder it hasn't worked out when you tried to get him into a routine.

I don't think it's a bad thing for a baby to have a dummy a lot at this stage. It won't harm his speaking or anything yet, so no worries about that kind of thing. It seems like the problem is him waking when it falls out, and I can understand you must be exhausted having to wake all the time to put it back in.

One thing I've noticed about DD's dummies is that some of them stay in better than others. We have a couple that are shaped so the guard part moulds around her face a little, and those ones stay in much better than the ones with a round guard shape that pulls back from her mouth. I think the ones that stay in better are a tommee tippee brand, but not certain, because I didn't buy them and I didn't keep the packaging. We also noticed that dummies with smaller teats fall out more easily, which makes sense, as there is less for her to hang onto in her mouth. Anyway, it might be worth trying some different dummy shapes and sizes to see if different ones stay in better.

I wonder whether you are waiting a little too long before putting your son back to sleep after he wakes in the morning or after a nap. At nearly 9 weeks old, I rarely get an hour awake out of my daughter, and that's including a feed, change, etc. That's not unusual. If we miss the time when she's tired but not overtired, it then does take much longer to get her to sleep again. I wonder whether you might do better trying to just feed him, change him, play with him for 5 minutes or less if he shows any tired signs, and then put him down again to sleep.

(I assume you know about tired signs: yawning, jerky movements, rubbing eyes, arching back, crying).

Anyway, I don't know any more ideas to offer, sorry, but I'm sure others here will have some great ideas for you to try. Good luck with it!

[NewMummyCas]

Awe... thankyou so much for your reply you have made me feel a lil better its just nice to hear im not doing anything wrong. i will definatly try differant dummy's i cant beleive i didnt think of that i wasnt sure as to what age i should be trying to get him into a routine i have had so many people tell me the earlier the better but i agree with you it is a little early i guess, as tried & tested i dont think 6 weeks is advisable as it failed and i just felt missrable for it. as for his signs i was so in touch with them but seems as tho there now changing now i think about it he is becomming more alert to his suroundings & forming his own little personality more so, so i guess we'l just have to ride it out together & relearn his new body language & signs. Once again THANKYOU so much for the advice

Cass

[Arcadia]

Routine at 6 weeks???? Pffft!

My DD got herself into a great routine at around 5.5 months!!!!!

At 6 weeks, I just sat on the couch with DVD's and held DD while she slept. The crap thing is, I often felt guilty doing it. I could even picture my MCHN's face saying "if you always hold her to sleep then she expects it..." blah blah blah.

*Sigh* It is terrible how people undermine new mummies by telling them all the things they SHOULDN'T be doing!

The first 3 months is about survival. pure and simple. Just do whatever works for you.

Do you have a sling? I found DD would sleep for hours in the sling and then I could get some things done.

Hang in there. if you really want to implement a routine then I would wait until 12 weeks. Babies are so much more responsive at that age and you will be such an expert by then!!!

Hugs to you!

[MummyNaomi]

Cass - sounds like you are doing a great job!! I have a 9 week old and it sure is a tough gig and can be very lonely at times - HUGS

I know babies have a 'wonder week' about 5-6 weeks too, so that might be adding to the problem, they are generally more unsettled and more high maintenance (if thats possible LOL) Google 'Wonder Weeks' for more info, really interesting stuff.

Also, once Bailey hit 6 weeks he started having troubles with wind, so this made him hard to settle, could that be a possibility with your little one? Maybe try to get a bit of wind out of him, if bubs is more comfortable they will likely settle heaps easier and stay asleep, there are lots of wind remedies you can get from the chemist to help if this is an issue, or do the bicycle legs with bubs to help move the wind from the belly

Good point from Tenar re trying a different (maybe bigger) dummy - Woolworths sell lots of different Tommee Tippee ones if heaps of different shaped teats

Hang in there mate, every day gets a little easier!!

[jamakin]

Newmummycas, you have already got so much good advice i'm not sure there is much more i can add.. i just wanted to tell you that you are not alone, i think alot of babies go through an unsettled period around six weeks, your baby just needs you to be there for him and feel loved he dosen't know if your doing anything 'wrong' - there is no such thing, just do what feels right. there are no hard and fast rules. just think of it this way if you wern't giving him the dummy to soothe him what would you be doing?? i think dummies are great, my ds has had one since that age also. personally i would rather be popping the dumy back in his mouth a few times a night than be up with a screaming baby.
i started a bedtime routine at around 4 weeks - now i'm talking basic.. the rest of the day could be all over the place and be absolute *#@* but when 6 o'clock rolled around he was in that bath, dressed (forget massage and all that) taken into the quiet dark room, feed, wrapped, and put into bed. at that age he still woke 2/3 hours later to be feed but at least i knew i could have dinner and it gave me some tiny structure to the day it also helped him know it was 'bedtime' and learn day from night. we still do the same thing now.
just set yourself small goals, don't get too overwhelmed by a 'daily routine' eventually he may put himself into one anyhow, just follow his lead and watch out for those ever changing signs. 1 hour is probably long enough for him to be awake at this age anyhow. and you might find during the day if you get him to sleep 'by any means' (pram, car, with you, sling etc) it will help him to sleep more.. does that make sense?? sleep promotes more good sleep iykwim?
i hope i just didnt make you even more confused... pm me if you have any questions.
i can be such a difficult age, but it really does sound like you are doing a wonderful job.
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