2yo - let her cry it out?

[PinkPalace]

Ever since DD went into a big bed (7 months ago). and could get out - sleep time had been A NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The day sleep dropped completely and night sleep was a struggle.


Nothing in her routine has changed except she can get out of the bed. we have used the same routine for 2 years!

Bath,dinner, quiet book time, teeth, nappy, tucked into bed - music (and i read a novel) then lights out.

I am TOTALLY exhausted (with a 9 month old too - i try not to wake in the hysterics).

SO... the past 2 nights i have been following the usual routine but at the end, i kiss her good night and i leave her door open, i let her know she needs to stay in her bed or i will have to close the door - then tell her i love her.


She ALWAYS comes out , so i have stuck to my guns, and i carry her back to bed, tuck her in, tell her i am closing the door now as she got out of bed, i love you and leave with the door closed behind me.

She screams out for 5- 10 minutes! (AT THIS POINT WE USUALLY GAVE IN _ DH especially and would go in and rub her back until she went to sleep - but this is what i am trying to eliminate).

When the crying stops - i go back in and she has put herself back into bed and is asleep - then i open the door so she can get out in the night or morning if she needs to.



What does everyone else do - i know i have only been STRICT for 2 nights and i need to hold out for a good couple of weeks to enforce - but will it work?

Sorry for the long winded story

[Pandora]

I think it would probably work, it all depends what you want to do. You need something thats workable for you as a family, and you and DH need to both be doing the same thing.
DS1 did that and is read or sing him to sleep or very close to it - BUT I didnt have another baby to contend with as well. Now that I do Im not sure how I'll handle it when it happens.

[bubno.3]

That doesn't sound BAD to me re the closing the door and letting her whinge a little!
If that doesnt work i would put her back in a porta cot (well she cant get out)! My son was 3yrs when he got his first big bed!

[PinkPalace]

We got in the bad habit was staying in her room until she fell asleep - and i am trying to stop doing this - i knew it was a bad habit and takes up to an hour out of our night.

So i am trying to make it clear what happens so she can know what comes next IYKWIM ...

Bub No3 -we thought about this but i thought it would just confuse her more - chopping and changing etc

[Lulu]

I'm pretty positive it will work (if you chop out the back rubbing, I had to do it too), keep going the way you are. In fact I don't think it will take weeks - I think another 5 days of this and you should be fine.

Doing a fine job, you are.

[Erin_25]

I was just wondering what you did when she was in a cot? Did you leave the door open then also? we have just put DS in a bed 2weeks ago & were discussing this today with friends. We always shut his door when in the cot, though first night in bed we left it open & he came out a couple times.....next night we shut it & haven't had a prob since. When he wakes he gets up & yells out "knock, knock...come in"he,he & we let him out.
I think all you can do is keep going & be consistent.

[Novella]

My dd started this 6months after going into her big bed. First 6 months were fine, then the day sleeps stopped and then she wouldnt go to bed, did our heads in and df and I kept snapping at each other. Sitting on her bed to settle didnt work as everytime we moved she jumped up and thought we were leaving. Letting her cry it out didnt work as it would wake dd2.

What worked for us was putting a chair in her room and sitting there watching her till she slept, no talking, just picking her up, putting her back to bed with a kiss if she got up. Slowly I moved the chair into the hallway, then further down until I was in the lounge, I did it over a number of nights. We couldnt see her in the lounge but she was happy knowing we were on the chair 'watching her'. Eventually I moved the chair next to the lounge and then got to finally sit on the lounge while she settled herself down. I think it took about 10 days for the whole process but after a month of hysterical bedtimes it was worth it. I don't know what caused it but I put it down to seperation anxiety even though she had never expressed any seperation anxiety before.

Good luck hun, it really takes it out of you

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

When DS fakes sleep then gets up and wanders over to us I say in a loud voice "I hope that isn't Liebling. He'll be back in bed in five... four... three" before I count down further I hear the patter of rather large feet and he puts himself back to bed - the countdown is my biggest threat and DS knows it. If he disobeys he's picked up and I do what I wanted with him anyway; this way he keeps some dignity.

I usually sit with Liebs as he goes to sleep. Takes 10-15 minutes but it's time we have together. If he refuses to sleep, I tell him that Mammy needs a sit-down so he can play in his room alone or go to sleep, I don't mind. Here's a book to look at. Within 15 minutes he calls for me to put him to bed and he's asleep in 2 minutes. Sometimes he puts himself to sleep, but that's not usual.

We always shut DS's door, but that was more to minimise noise when he was a light sleeper as a tot.

[Janie]

I stay with my DS to go to sleep. We've always done this, so I feel it would be unfair to stop it now. However, if he mucks around, and won't settle then I tell him that he gets one more chance before mummy goes, and shuts the door. (He will also get out of bed, every single time, so I have to shut it). If he mucks up again, I say goodnight, kiss him etc etc, and leave, closing the door behind me. BUT - I only let him cry for 30 seconds or a minute. I ask him from outside his room if he is ready to get into bed and be a good boy, he always says yes and when I hear his little feet run back to his bed then I go in and lie down again. The first couple of nights I used this tactic I had to do it many times, but he knows now that I mean it when I say it, so if he doesn't want me to go he settles down. Occasionally we have a night where he plays up more than once, and if he does it too much I have let him cry for a few minutes. But I don't think it does much to help him, just gives me a breather so I don't lose my patience .

Oh, and don't stress about the 'bad habit', try to see it as a lovely thing you were doing for her . It's totally normal for toddlers and young children to need some help (and company) getting to sleep. I can really recommend reading the 'No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers', it is a fantastic book, with so many great ideas, and so much reassurance

[HotI]

What worked for us was putting a chair in her room and sitting there watching her till she slept, no talking, just picking her up, putting her back to bed with a kiss if she got up. Slowly I moved the chair into the hallway, then further down until I was in the lounge, I did it over a number of nights.

I have done a similar thing. Just sat on the floor next to the bed not reacting or looking at the little one. For us it worked cos she wasn't getting herself worked up, she felt safe and could then go to sleep. Just move further away each day until she was happy for us to leave and would go to sleep without us having to be there.

Good luck

[Michelle71]

I did a big post and lost it but - what Janie said

If you are happy with what you are doing then consistency and persistence (especially with DH ) will see it working.

We lie down with DS to sleep and it is now only taking 15 minutes most nights. His day sleep he mostly goes to sleep without us which is a big change!! You have to do what you feel comfortable with and what suits you and your family

[babywannabe]

OMG this is my DS totally. Everthing was going so well with his bedtime routine till i introduced the 'big bed'. It was a nightmare, DS would get out of bed countless times at bed time and throughout the night. I tried everything. I was also pg at the time and desparately wanted him in a bed b4 bubs2 arrived. In the end, bedtime was such a negative experiance i decided to put him back in his cot so I could get some much needed sleep. Everynight I would ask if he wanted to sleep in the 'big bed' or baby cot. I did explain to him if he did not stay in the bed he would be put back in the cot. This helped him get back into a routine and fall asleep on his own. One day he decided he wanted to sleep in the bed and stayed there. So what worked for me was the threat of going back into the cot. I wished that was the end of all the dramas, but then DD arrived; but that's another story all together and one i'm still working on
I think what you are doing sounds good. You do have to try to get DH to do the same as you as hard as it might be. Whatever you decide to do, both of you have to stick to it. I would give it at least 3 nights and assess the situation. Good luck.

[~Saram~]

I agree you have to do what works for you. I have always stayed in while they go off to sleep - I love the chance to stop for 15-20 min although it can be painful especially when I am uptight or have something else to do but on the flip side I try and use it as my quiet time too so I can relax etc. DS was 4 before he started putting himself to sleep and we would do our normal routine and then I would say I had to go tothe toilet. If he stayed in bed while I was gone then he would get a tick/sticker (this was on his door so I would tick off as I walked in and we would look at it in the morning and do the stickers then) after about 5-10 min I would go and get a drink same thing Gradually my toilet trips got longer and eventually he fell asleep without me in the room. We talked about it in the morning and then decided if he could start going to sleep without mummy and daddy he could get a budgie. It was a long drawn out process but left him feeling so proud and self confident that he could go to sleep by himself and he tells us he is ready to teach his sister this vital lesson so she can get a budgie too :-)

I have heard the moving the chair idea before and we did this when we moved from lying down beside them to just being in the room (probabaly around 2-3yrs old)

Ultimately you want to ignore the behaviour you don't want repeated - even getting angry can be taken as a form of reward as it is getting your attention. So anytime you put her back to bed it needs to be without giving her attention. I always go by the old adage don't give them the chance to do the undesirable - so if it takes 5 min to get out of bed, pop in at 4 min and pre-empt the bed hopping, reassure her that your are still there - sit and stroke her hair whatever, then get up again and say you'll be back to check on her - again pre-empt the getting out - even if you have to stand at her door and listen for the momvement - be there before she gets out.

Hope somewhere in all this rambling there is something resembling a helpful comment. Good luck

[Gigi]

Pink

i have a 2.5yo and what we do is (after months of bedtime being a nightmare), now when all the bedtime rituals are over, if she hasn't fallen asleep by then, bilby is told

you have a choice

lamp on and you read books in bed, under the quilt
or
if you come out, back to bed with no lamp on
which one do you want?

she chooses lamp on, and to read until she falls asleep.

bilby is not very verbal at all, but she seems to understand the two options. (she mimes most of her communication, so well, that she gets her point across very well, most of the time).

She wakes up around midnight - 2am, and walks to my room, climbs into bed for a feed.

It must be an entirely new dynamic, when you have two close together. So i have only my own experience to share (solo child).

[PinkPalace]

I was just wondering what you did when she was in a cot? Did you leave the door open then also?

Erin - when she was in the cot - the door was always shut. :

Sararose - we have been doing this the past 6 months - but it takes an hour out of my night as when she knows i am near she is just so happy and excited (bless her). i guess this is how we ended up - having the door open when we left with the night light in the hall. but trying to cut all this out is a nightmare.

after i cook dinner, clean up, get DS to bed then get DD to bed - if i kept doing this (wait until she fell asleep) - it would be 830 + and then i get ZERO me time. Selfish i know - but DH works Monday -friday and i work sat -sun and i need that 1 hour at night.

LaDYz - I DONT get it - if i am in her room it takes her ages to go to sleep - if DH is in here she will fall asleep in 15 mins.....

Saram - thanks hun - i would have to walk straight back in after i walked out pmsl!!!!!!!!! but yes it makes sense

To everyone else - thank you so much - she fell asleep after 15 mins of screaming (on the floor next to the door). but she sleeps through till 530 .

Gigi - i try to give options - i say i will leave the door open with the light but if you hop out of bed i will close the door.... i am hoping a few more nights and she will get that i am serious thanks hun!

[Doing my best]

[QUOTE=PinkPalace;1872818]LaDYz - I DONT get it - if i am in her room it takes her ages to go to sleep - if DH is in here she will fall asleep in 15 mins.....

My DD will go to sleep for DH and plays me as she knows I am soft and give in..

But we have recently been seeking help with some sleep matters cause I don't think I am going to cope on my own when the new baby comes along (DH is a shift worker and not always at home when it is bedtime).

We were told to sit with her and every time she lifted her head in an attempt to get up, push her back down (not roughly or anything, but strong enought that she can't fight it) while sternly saying 'lie down'.. This has been working and has reduced our settling time from an hour plus to no more than 15 mins in the past week (so far so good, ).. I just sit beside the bed cause I don't want to pat her to sleep as that just adds another sleep association to break and she feels reassured that I am there, and she goes to sleep.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Get your DH to sit with her then!

DS goes down easier for DH than for me too. But DH doesn't get the giggles when DS does, which doesn't help me. He's gotten better with me since I started explaining that Mammy is too tired for this, either DS goes to sleep or I get cross.

[PinkPalace]

hi girls - 3 nights on and i thought i would do an update.

The first night - finished routing - yes she cried it out and screamed and fell asleep behind the door

2nd night - finished routine -she layed in her bed quietly , didnt come out and i left the door open, (DH came home and she heard him and came out - but that was ok i didnt expect any less - and he put her to bed and left her door open and went to sleep without tears

3rd night - was asleep before i finished reading....

so fingers crossed.... we are turning a new leaf..............