You dont have to do anything - its your body and your baby

[MeganH]

I dont know if its my hormones that is causing me to get a bit thingy about this but I just want to get this out. I really believe in womens choices and hate the fact that so many women feel they dont have a choice when it comes to their body, their baby and the birth of their baby.

There are so many pregnant girls here who have said things like this:

My Ob wont let me go over (so many) days
I really dont want to have an internal
My ob wants to induce me at (so many) weeks
I really didnt like the ob/midwife/Dr etc I saw
I hope they dont make me do (whatever it is)
I really want to be in the bath/shower/birth stool/standing up etc etc etc
I dont want to be induced

Well, I just want EVERYONE to know that if you yourself have said any of these, just know that if you are unhappy with anything or dont feel comfortable with anything that is happening, do your research, and change what is happening. You dont have to do anything you dont want to.

Obs, Drs and midwives dont always know what is best for YOU!

You should NEVER feel pressured, bossed around or uncomfortable with any of these people or how they are handling you, your pregnancy and your baby. Dont always just accept what they say, especially if you are not totally comfortable with it.

I TOTALLY understand whats its like to really want to meet your baby, when you are overdue or just had enough. I have been there twice before and am overdue again right now with baby number 3. I know that it would be nice to know when baby is going to arrive so you can plan things, time of for DH from work, going to a wedding or party, or having your own and all those things. I also understand that the are sometimes special circumstances where there's not much of a choice, but this RARELY happens.

Whichever way you decide to birth your baby whether it be totally natural, induced labour, c-section or whatever. Make sure you understand what is going to happen, any risks or consequences and above all make sure it is YOUR CHOICE and not anyone elses. Just because the Ob or Dr or Midwife says "they want to" or that "you should do" a particular thing, it doesnt mean you have to. Make sure you are well informed about everything, ask lots of question and do your own research.

Anyway, I think Im starting to repeat myself.

I hope this helps someone

[koru]

Well said Megan
(only just noticed this thread)

[star child]

agree with KORU
great thread

[MeganH]

Thank you, girls. This is something Im feeling soooo passionate about at the moment and am just hoping that someone reads it who it might help in some way. I just wish I could tell this to every pregnant woman in the world.

[ElleJay]

Very well said!

[SammyRo]

Hope you don't go too much longer Megan!

I'm with you in what you're saying.
I've said this before, but I think its sad that women choose to go private and with an ob simply because they've got the insurance, without considering the risks. Or because they think its the best option without looking into it - I read the analogy somewhere that you don't go to an oncologist for a cold, so why go to a specialist for a normal low risk birth.
I think it all comes down to education - I read everything I could get my hands on last time, and knew what I wanted - luckily I had chosen a birth care model that really suited this.

[Patooties]

We took out insurance for the sole purpose of going Private and using an Ob. I had 3 wonderful birthing experiences - so no real need to feel sad for me.

[Claire_midwifeVic]

totally agree ....welcome to the eternal battles that (some..) midwives have every day....

I do do hope that the tide will turn, and that maternity services are reflective of 'what women want'....but the change has to come from the ground up....and although we need to respect those who choose the private OB model of care....one cant help but wonder if they only choose it to enable a complete continuity of care...whether its a subconscious choice or not....
So when will it change..??women through wonderful forums like this....need to be informed and know what is happening to their own bodies, and ask lots and lots of questions. When I work with my women ( purely on a shift by shift basis ) I usually whip through a few suggestions for that womans 'plan of care'...but the overwhelming response is one of ??????.....like you simply come in to hospital...put on a gown, submit to the system. NO !

I know I should probably practise in a midwife model of care...but what about every womans right to have an empowered birth, in the full knowledge that that was the right decision fo them? please please dont stop communicating with your lead care giver in pregnancy. Scribble a few thoughts on to a bit of paper about what YOU want. Be fluid....dont set in stone.....but have a voice. As there are some who will take it away from you if you dont actively make yourself heard.
Now Im going back to bed....more night shift later..Boo !!

much love X Claire

[sneakysparkle]

good on you hun, I wish more people said this out loud IRL!

[Arimeh]

I think its sad that women choose to go private and with an ob simply because they've got the insurance, without considering the risks.

Gee thats a pretty generalised comment.

I have private health cover and an OB because I have done my research and I'm birthing at the best maternity hospital on the Sunshine Coast.

Of course if I wanted to feel like a piece of meat and not a human being, then I would go to the general hospital.


Megan - great thread mate. All the best xxxx

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Of course you don't have to do anything.

But try remembering that when you're pushing and surrounded by people that you only met a few hours ago who don't want what's best for you.

I went public and wouldn't recommend it.

[SammyRo]

Gee thats a pretty generalised comment.

I have private health cover and an OB because I have done my research and I'm birthing at the best maternity hospital on the Sunshine Coast.

Of course if I wanted to feel like a piece of meat and not a human being, then I would go to the general hospital.

Yeah, you're right, it was pretty generalised and I apology if it offended anyone. I know there are plenty of women who do do the research, and still choose to go private with an ob, because thats the best available option. I think what I meant to say (and I'm pretty lacking in the articulation dept, these days) is that its important to not choose any model of birth care blindly but to research before hand. I have a friend, who has already decided to go private and has taken out the extra cover in preparation, (she's not pg yet), she has clearly stated that she wants to avoid a c-sect, so I recommended what she could read and research so to ensure the obs she chooses is one that encourages natural or at least vaginal above intervention.

It would be great if there was real choice available and not, as in some areas, the only choice being between private and a meat market (or public). I was very lucky with DD and had access to a mw caseload model - I had a wonderful experience going public. And I wish that more women had access to this - either in the private or public arena. So I'm probably very biased towards this.

As i said, I seem to have lost the power to explain myself clearly

[Inanna]

Megan - welcome to the world of empowerment for Women in their choices for Birth!

Sammi sometimes words don't come across quite as they are meant...

I've had a homebirth midwife, 2 birth centre births, a waterbirth in a private hospital, 3 sleeping babies & an emergency c/section at 27.5 weeks in a tertiary hospital...

It's not about public versus private - it's about safe individualised choices for Women. Not everyone feels safe at home. Not everyone feels safe at hospital. What feels right for one birth won't for the next... What we need is safety and informed choices.

When you trust your midwife or obstetrician BECAUSE you have a relationship that has developed because YOU have made informed decisions I think it's fair to say that it's a pretty good call to listen to that provider of care. Hear them. Talk to them and make an informed decision!

There are some (albeit very few) private hospitals that have a Woman centred approach. I might add there are very few prublic hospitals also that have a Woman centred approach.

I like Arimeh experienced the best of the best. I made an informed decision to birth my baby into the water at a hospital dedicated to Woman centred birth... I chose a Dr (who happened to be male & I really need Woman energy to birth well) who would agree to wait outside UNLESS I needed a Dr... It was all just how I wanted it.

Birth in a hospital can be different. It will only be different by consumers standing up and yelling loudly about what it is that they want as they birth their babies into this life... We don't get many chances to birth - it's up to us the consumers to become passionate, loud and above all else EDUCATED!!!!

I know some pretty amazing obstetricians so I can't be an obs basher. I count them as friends. Some I have crossed paths with I would not allow into my sacred birthing space... We as Women need to know ourselves well so we can choose well.

Birth is about a journey of growth - the growth of which is undefinable at times!

I wish you a beautiful birth Megan - the Wise Women will be around you as your birth your baby...

[principessa76]

Good thread.

I think also remember after the birth when you're in hosp to remember you're in control. Unless there have been serious complications you're not sick you're basically in there for a rest.

I had a great experience overall (FWIW I was at a private hosp) but a couple of days after DS's birth an awful MW (with a young student in tow) came in to check on me. She was very bossy and proceeded to roll me over as she had to "check my tail" after which she commented that I had a "massive haemorrhoid"..... of course I was well aware of that . I was however totally humiliated and was quite upset about the whole experience. Luckily I didn't see that woman again for the rest of my stay. When I was about to check out I had a final review with another MW. She wanted to check on my haemorroid. I told her that I'd prefer that she didn't..... so she didn't I'm a health care professional myself and I'm used to being assertive and in control but its so easy in the hospital environment to be pushed around and treated like a piece of meat. It was a great feeling being back in control. I totally recommend it.

[Inertia]

Good thread.

I think also remember after the birth when you're in hosp to remember you're in control. Unless there have been serious complications you're not sick you're basically in there for a rest.

I don't stay unless I absolutely have to. I stayed the full length twice - first time was after the hemorrhage, second time was while Sam was in NICU.

That was pretty much why I let them manage the third stage this time despite wanting to go natural at first. Not that they were all that willing to let me try natural, being on my case for the canula the second I walked in the labour room in transition! Thats probably the only bit that upset me. I told him No and to stuff off several times - the most forceful of which was after he failed to place the canula THREE TIMES! DH was freaking out by this point because he is expecting me to go catatonic from the syncope. So when I felt her head moving down I just kept pushing so he wouldn't have the time to try again in my other hand.

The unfortunate truth is, they are very good at making you feel like you don't have a choice - and when you are in labour its even worse. I actually forgot all this and actually resorted to begging the guy to leave me alone at first.

[dust]

i think its a bit generalised that if you go public you get treated like meat and somehow private would be different? of course ive only been thru public myself so have no clue on private care despite always hearing how much a higher c-section rate they have. Altho that is probably another big generalisation. I dont by any means think that one is necessarily better than the other and perhaps it just comes down to a individual case by case experience. However My experience in public isn't 100% awesome either. I recommend to everyone i know not to stay (if they can help it) the full time after birth in a public hospital. Not to let go of the full family medical history as it creates more of a bias towards those already at "high risk".
With DD1 i was sneered at by the midwife on night shift some 4hrs after giving birth (after bub managed to poo on her shoe! which she offered to change??!!) that my poor baby had to deal with my huge boobs. WTH! I was given conflicting advice, nipples/boobs pinched and pushed into bubs mouth with each shift change. Not fun! However i gave birth how i wanted and <3ed the midwife i had, she was lovely! Which i needed after 2 shift changes and them not believing that i was in labour and wanting to send me home.
With DD2 i had a birth the way i wanted, i powered thru it and was thoroughly complimented afterwards by the 2 midwifes and 1 student in the room. (which i felt kinda odd about, but was uplifted by their comments)

[Arimeh]

i think its a bit generalised that if you go public you get treated like meat and somehow private would be different?

My comment about being treated like a piece was meat was specifically directed towards the general hospital and their treatment of patients where I LIVE - not every general hospital.

[[M]umma[M]ia]

well said Megan